Reasons to Live For
by TheLightIsMine
Summary: As Ordo lies in a coma, his family come together to help him get through it alive. New romances form between a few, such as Corr and Jilka and Jaing and a nurse. But with Besany pregnant, will it be as easy as it sounds? Meanwhile, Maze finds love in a Kiffar bounty hunter who, consequentially, hates him. Besany/Ordo, Jaing/OC, Fi/Parja, Corr/Jilka, Maze/OC, others. COMPLETE!
1. PROLOGUE: Going Under

_Hello all!_

_I planned this a long time ago but never got around to actually writing it. Now I have some spare time on my hands, I think I'll start this new multi-chapter._

_I think the summary is pretty self-explanatory. I'll let you read on. :)_

_I think this fic is definitely AU. I thought maybe it could fit in the one-year gap between _True Colours_ and _Order 66_, but now it's all messed up…so it's AU._

_Ohhhhh how I hate messing with canon. :P Oh well. It's my head. Deal with it._

_Also, as this goes on I may take ideas for future chapters, things you'd like to see and so on._

_Enjoy._

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><p><strong>~* Reasons to Live For *~<strong>

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><p><strong>Prologue - Going Under<strong>

The LAAT/i shook violently as it was peppered with blaster-fire, the bulkhead creaking worryingly as it descended through the atmosphere of Brentaal IV. One of the troopers sitting across from Ordo swallowed nervously, audible over helmet comlinks if not over the deafening sounds of battle all around them. The other one tightened his restraints.

A particularly loud missile hit nearby was so loud that Ordo's helmet sensors cut off the outside link momentarily to stop his eardrums from bursting. He chuckled grimly to himself. His ears would be the last thing he needed to worry about today.

He cut into the pilots' comlink and heard the calm, organised panic that consisted of level voices reporting numerous problems with the LAAT/i, exchanging codes and call signs. His head buzzed with the many voices, some of them louder than others, each calling out for assistance and locations and cover. Listening to it did nothing to calm Ordo's apprehension.

_This was supposed to be a simple assignment. Get in, get the prisoners, get out._

Apparently, Republic Intel had forgotten to mention that Brentaal was currently fighting the Seps in an all-guns-blazing, bloody, ferocious battle, and had been for several weeks.

"Funny how they forgot to mention this," One of the troopers gestured around him, indicating the anti-armour rounds exploding with worrying proximity to the larty. The other one gave a small, sarcastic laugh.

Ordo just grunted. He didn't see anything funny about it. He just wanted to get the Sep prisoners that they were here to extract from Brentaal out safely and back to Coruscant in time to meet Besany for a late breakfast.

He blushed under his helmet at the thought of his last meeting with his girlfriend – he could call her that now, he supposed, his cheeks getting hotter as, unbidden, more memories rose to the surface, ones that he _really _didn't need right now, ones that made him realise just how much he _hated _the…_restrictions_ of armour - and immediately reprimanded himself for getting so distracted and not being able to focus on the task at hand. He couldn't allow that. Not now.

_Prisoners. Larty. Being shot at. Focus, soldier._

The larty shook again. He patched back into the pilots' comlink.

"…multiple hits…engine failure…deflector shields to maximum…"

The ship gave a lurch and the nervous trooper who had previously pulled his restraints tighter around him clutched the belts with an iron grip. Ordo couldn't see through helmets, but he imagined his eyes were very tightly closed.

He hoped that once they had the prisoners they could actually get off-planet again.

The pilots' voices in his comlink got louder, but it was all so jumbled and the larty was shaking so violently that he couldn't concentrate on single voices. He did, however manage to pick out one phrase that didn't improve his state of mind.

"Deflector shields are failing…no power…"

Before Ordo could even process this information, a massive explosion hit the left engine and the larty reeled, throwing Ordo and the two troopers hard against their restraints and the bulkhead.

The rushing sound of wind tearing through the hold nearly drowned out the sound of the pilots' panicked voices. Adrenaline instantly flooded Ordo's body as his heart pounded in his ears, the cold, trickling feeling of fear overtaking his senses. All he could do was focus, and try damn hard not to let the feeling engulf him completely. The first lesson _Kal'buir _had taught him as a small child, sitting scared and alone and terrified of the thunderstorms on Kamino, was that his fear was his warning system, that it would keep him alive. That he should use it.

And for the first time in his life, he hadn't felt so helpless.

He hung onto that feeling now, trying to place his trust in the pilots. He knew that, by nature, he was not the most trusting of people. He hated this feeling of not being in control, of placing his life in the hands of someone else, because the only person he trusted to keep him safe was himself, his _vode_, and _Kal'buir_.

"We're going down!"

_Yeah. We noticed. Thanks._

The ship suddenly took a massive nose-dive, falling at a near-vertical angle. Ordo noticed that the trooper who had previously been grasping his restraints for dear life was now no longer holding on, his head lolling to the side. Ordo had the odd, disconnected thought that he had probably fainted. The sound of their descent was deafening; if any of them had been screaming, no one would have heard. Ordo's stomach went over at the weightless feeling that accompanied falling. The last thing he saw before he gripped his belts hard and closed his eyes was the raging battle taking place below, the people rushing towards them at high speed.

"_Brace for impact!_"

Death had never worried Ordo before. Probably because he'd never been close enough to it for it to worry him. But now some part of him had accepted that it was imminent, he was suddenly overwhelmed with fear, not for himself, but for those he was leaving behind. _Kal'buir _would be a wreck, his _vode_ would be missing a brother, a leader, and Besany…she had trusted him to come back to her alive every time he left. He would have broken her trust, her everything.

He had been pleasantly surprised to find that Besany was so trusting of him, the first time they met. Because if she could trust him, he could trust her. And, he admitted to himself, the realisation suddenly hitting him with a pang in his chest, a pang that hit harder than the stomach turning free-fall he was now enduring, he was probably in love with her.

The last few moments of the fall seemed to be caught in slow motion. He was suddenly so aware of every vivid colour, every distant sound audible over his hammering heart, every breath that filled his lungs. The fire that consumed the left wing was a glorious mix of orange, yellow and amber swirls that curled and licked at the air, dying out only to be replaced by another, more ferocious tongue. All he could hear was his heartbeat, his breathing; the sheer sense that he was for now truly more _alive _than he'd ever been in his relatively short life for these last seconds overwhelmed him completely and the truth hit him hard in the gut.

He had to tell her. He couldn't die without telling her.

He blinked rapidly, bringing up the comm in his HUD and was about to select Besany's number, when the larty hit solid earth in an explosion of blood and fire and anguish.

His last coherent thought before everything went black was that he never told Besany that he loved her.

**...**

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><p><em>And so it begins.<em>

_Stay tuned for chapter one, and subscribe to the story or to the author to get the latest chapters sent straight to your inbox. :)_

_And please, click the smexy review button below to make the next chapter arrive faster. :) Think of it as a boost button._

_Please let me know what you thought, and, as always, thank you for reading!_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	2. CHAPTER 1:  News

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 - News<strong>

Besany sat leaning on her elbows, absent-mindedly twirling her comlink in her slender hands.

Ordo hadn't turned up for breakfast yesterday or today, which was unlike him, however she knew his job often kept him detained for longer than he could predict at times. Her main reason for meeting up with him, though, had not been simply to have breakfast, and now she was teetering on the edge of calling him.

She really hadn't wanted to do this by comlink, of course. It was most inappropriate, and normally she didn't call him when he was away and waited for him to call her, on the off chance he was dismantling a bomb when she called.

She took a deep breath. Usually this calmed her, but today her stomach was fluttering in tense anticipation too tight to be relieved by simply breathing.

She had to tell him. She couldn't live without telling him.

Subconsciously, as it had been doing for many weeks now, her hand drifted towards her stomach and rested there for a moment, as though trying to detect signs of life inside her. And as usual, there was no sign. No subtle heartbeat, no kicking, not even a slight bump.

But she knew better.

The problem was, Ordo didn't. Not yet. She hadn't even known until after his last departure just under a month ago. That was when the nausea had started. And then she'd figured it out.

The tension in her gut didn't help the sickness. She drummed her fingernails along her kitchen table, warring with herself about whether or not to call Ordo and just tell him.

It felt wrong to just tell him over the comms. She wanted to be with him, to read his emotions off his face and body language so she could tell if he was happy or shocked or unprepared or...dare she say scared and disappointed? She really hoped he wouldn't be. She loved him. She knew that now. And as long as he was happy, she'd be happy.

Her stomach turned as a cold wave of paranoia washed over her. What if he didn't want the baby? What if he didn't love her as much as she thought? Part of her knew she was being an idiot, that her brain was scrambled from missing breakfast, but he had never explicitly said he loved her. It had always been implied. Did that mean something? Was he too shy to tell her? Or did he really not feel the same way?

Besany knew their time together was limited, the few days a month they got together a blessing. But every rose had its thorn. What if the fact that they hadn't spent as much time together as a normal couple in their position would have had in fact hidden the things they wanted kept hidden? Maybe their limited time meant they saw what they wanted to see in each other. She hoped that wasn't the case. She needed him to love her. To love this baby.

_This wasn't planned. That's what's getting to me._

As an organised individual, Besany had been shocked to find out she was pregnant. She had always envisioned a future, with a husband and child and a nice, family home. A future that was almost so far from what she'd ended up with that it was just a speck in the distance.

Somehow, some part of her didn't want it any other way.

She had a boyfriend that loved her. She was sure of that. She had to be, for the baby's sake. And she had a family now. A family that had welcomed her with warm arms and smiles, and that would do anything to protect her. Ordo would do anything to protect her.

She remembered being told how Etain hadn't told Darman about their child to protect him. And how badly that had turned out. A child wasn't something you protected someone from, it was a joy to be spread and cherished.

With this thought foremost in her mind, she knew she had to tell him before it was too late. They could figure out the rest when he got back.

She was about to dial his number, when the comlink buzzed violently in her hands.

In retrospect, she should have known that someone with that kind of sixth sense would be bringing bad news.

She stared at the flashing screen for a few moments before answering. She couldn't have described it to anyone who had asked about it, but something in her gut, her instincts, was telling her that something was wrong. If Ordo didn't turn up he called. He let her know where he was, if he could, and how much longer he'd be. He _called_. She'd been so preoccupied with thoughts of their unborn child that she'd barely paid any heed to the fact that Ordo was unusually silent. And now, somehow, she knew that something was very, very wrong.

She clicked 'accept' and put the comlink to her ear.

"Bez?"

At first her heart jumped in her chest; it was Ordo, it was _Ordo _and he was calling and it would be okay, she shouldn't have worried. But even in that one syllable she could detect the subtle differences in tone, accent and pitch. It wasn't Ordo. Her stomach plummeted again. It was someone who was very close to Ordo.

"Mereel," Besany breathed down the receiver, her head swimming with possibilities as to why he'd called her, each one more horrifying than the next. Trying to stop her train of thought from shooting into regions that she _really _didn't want to go to, she forced herself to _slow down _and _breathe_.

"Bez," he repeated again. He sounded…distraught? Was that what she was detecting? It did nothing to calm her, whatever it was. "Bez, it's Ordo, something's…something…"

He trailed off. Besany didn't like it. Mereel was never one to draw out the inevitable; always quick and straight to then point in his own, charming way. And if Mereel was calling and not Ordo, then that must mean either Ordo was preoccupied and sent his love, or he was…

Her heart made it to the conclusion before her head did. The whole room seemed to blur and swim, and Besany was suddenly glad that she had been sitting down, her legs suddenly numb beneath her. She clutched the tabletop for support, just in case. Her chest hurt. Hells, her whole _everything _hurt.

She forced herself not to sob or scream. Instead she put her hand to her stomach again and said, "He's hurt."

It wasn't a question. But Mereel answered it for her anyway.

"Yes." His voice was gravelly, as though he was holding back his emotions. She wished he wouldn't. That just made it harder.

"Where is he?" she could barely manage a whisper.

"Republic Central Medcentre," he cleared his throat. "It's about a half-hour drive from where you are."

_It's where Fi was. _The sentiment seemed to hang in the air before her.

"I'll be there in fifteen."

She closed the link. She thought she could feel the baby's heartbeat on her clammy hand, but she knew it was just her own heart, now so fraught with anxiety that it now felt like lead in her chest, sunken and resting somewhere over her stomach.

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><p>The family waiting room was, now, completely swamped by her family.<p>

_Ordo's family. They're here for Ordo._

Between them, Kal and Mereel had managed to call back all of the Nulls that were on duty and get them to Coruscant before Mereel had called her. She never ceased to be amazed by how fast they responded when one of them was in trouble. Should she have been upset that they called them first and not her? _No, they're his brothers. They had the right to know before anyone else_.

Omega were sitting nervously in the uncomfortable chairs, not speaking, simply staring into space and swallowing a few times, their fatigues askew as if they had hurried over. They probably had. Kom'rk and Prudii were also sitting, but they were still in armour and looked very tired. A'den was on his comlink, talking very fast to someone on the other end, occasionally running a hand through his hair. Jaing was standing by Kal, who looked at though he might pass out any second, and Mereel was pacing next to them, eyes red-rimmed and downcast, an uncharacteristic frown on his face.

Kal shot up out of his seat as she approached. At the look on his face she had to hold back tears; he looked so worried and scared. He held his arms open, and she embraced him, breathing in the smell of him that reminded her, oddly, of her real father. It had a calming effect. The tears that had been ready to fall down her cheeks dried and her racing heart slowed, almost imperceptibly. Once he let her go, Corr was standing nearby, looking worried for her more than for Ordo. She hugged him too. All she could do was cling on to what she knew and hold on tight. Letting go meant breaking down. She couldn't break down. Not yet. Ordo was still alive. Only when he was dead, and she had seen it for herself, would she let herself get so out of control.

"How are you holding up, _Bes'ika_?" Kal patted the seat next to him and she sank into it, her legs shaking.

She sighed and shrugged, biting her lip. She didn't want to cry. Not yet. Forcing herself to calm down, she said, quietly, "What happened?"

Kal looked sad. "He was on Brentaal. He was sent with a couple of troopers to get some Sep prisoners from a Republic camp. Totally safe, they said it would be. Totally safe. Huh. Anyway, Intel conveniently forgot to mention the _shabla _battle that's going on there right now. Seps shot the larty down before they could get to safety."

Besany had seen the news clips of the battle. It hadn't looked so serious from the coverage they'd given it.

Looking at Corr, a sudden thought struck her. "What about the pilots? The other two troopers?"

Kal and Mereel shared a look. Her heart sank. "No?"

Mereel shook his head. He was strangely silent. Maybe he didn't trust himself not to open his mouth, in case everything fell out. Besany felt the same way.

Should she tell them about the baby? No. Now was not the time. It just meant more complications if…if…

"Where is he now?"

A'den closed his comlink. "Surgery. Started three hours ago," He sighed and looked off into the distance. "Now we wait."

Corr gave her a weak smile. She returned it, trying to stop herself from bursting into tears.

Besany lost track of time. Minutes, hours slipped away. All she could do was sit there and hope and pray for the best and try to hold back her growing fear. She felt sick. What time was it? This couldn't be good for the baby…

Eventually they all ended up on a chair, sitting quietly and drumming their fingers. Omega tried to get some laughs, but it was obvious nobody was in the mood and they too fell silent. Besany wondered if Fi knew. He should know, if he didn't. Ordo was his friend and his brother. He and Ordo had a special bond.

So many questions swam through her mind, some only half formed as the anxiety wore at her, exhausting her. She thought of the last time she had seen Ordo. It had been a sunny morning, quite late rising for them, but the image of the late morning sunlight playing off his naked chest and shoulders, the giddy smile on his face as he leaned in for another kiss…it was almost too much. What had been the last thing she'd said to him? She couldn't remember. She hoped it had been 'I love you'.

After what felt like an eternity and a half, a medical droid whirred up to them.

"ARC Captain N-11's surgery has been completed. Several complications mean he is heavily anaesthetised and is not expected to wake for another twelve to eighteen hours, and may even be unresponsive to stimuli following stated period. Head trauma has been treated along with multiple fractures to arms, ribs and legs. Bacta shots have been administered, and the patient is currently on floor 74 in IC ward-"

"Ward 2, bay A/6," Jaing read off his datapad, fingers moving fast over the screen. The lighting made his face look even more gaunt than it did from lack of sleep. "Thanks."

The droid whirred away. The group shared a look.

Then one by one, they got up and headed for the turbolifts.

Besany didn't know what to expect. She put her hands over her midriff. There was still no sign of life inside her. But she knew better.

She hoped with all her soul that there would still be life in Ordo.

**…**

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><p><em>It is SO hard to write driod-speak.<em>

_This chapter involved some very confusing maths on my part, more for future reference than anything else. :P Thanks to Rhiannon and the girls over at TCWWU for helping! xxx_

_Sorry it's sort of a filler chapter…they may all be, for a while… :P Thank you all so much for reviewing the prologue! I was overjoyed. :)_

_I had originally intended not to have Besany pregnant, however Rhiannon said she'd like to see the look on Ordo's face upon waking up and seeing a baby bump…and I couldn't resist. :P_

_If you like RepCom fic, please, please go check out Rhiannon's FF.N profile (**Epona's Chosen**). Recently she's written some RepCom and it's amazing! Go let her know that you love it so that she'll stop complaining to me that she gets no reviews. :P_

_**Subscribe to author or story (if you haven't done so already) to get the latest chapters straight to your inbox. And please take the time to review, it really does make my day.**_

_Think I might do weekly updates, every Friday, but in the case of some chapters taking less time to write, that may change._

_Chapter 2, coming right up._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	3. CHAPTER 2: Waiting, Watching, Hoping

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 – Waiting, Watching, Hoping<strong>

Twelve hours.

Twelve hours they'd been sitting silently in intensive care ward 2, bay A/6, waiting, watching, hoping. The sun had set and was starting to rise again, bathing the room in an ethereal orange glow.

Ordo was laying still, his chest rising and falling evenly as the tube down his throat pushed air into his lungs and forced it out again. Monitors beeped around Besany's throbbing temples, the eventual rhythm being a robotic mix of hissing, beeping and sighing that both disturbed and lulled her into a restless sleep for a couple of hours, her hand in Ordo's, afraid to let go.

She was woken by the smell of caf wafting under her nose, and for a brief moment she thought she was back at her apartment, and she had fallen asleep on the sofa again and Ordo was making caf before he left. But reality hit too soon. The feeling in her chest made it hard to breathe.

She sat up and accepted the cup from Mereel's hands. He looked on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion. The sparkle in his eyes was nearly gone.

Looking around, she couldn't say that many of them were in any better state. Despite the dim morning sun, most of the Nulls were half-asleep on chairs, and Kal was standing by the door, looking as though he hadn't slept at all. He probably hadn't. There was no sign of Omega, but one look at her chrono told her that it was likely they had gone to get something to eat; it was about time for breakfast.

She tried to sip the caf, but her stomach was so knotted that even the smell made her want to gag. She put down the cup and sat staring at Ordo, waiting for telltale signs of life. The droid had said twelve to eighteen hours. It had been twelve. She had to keep watch from now on, in case he woke up.

He had to wake up now. He could never sleep with light in the room. He needed darkness to sleep, he always had. She'd had to put up blackout curtains when he moved in, so that he would sleep next to her. Light disturbed him. But nothing would now, it seemed. It broke her heart.

Mereel grabbed an empty chair from the crowded room and sat down on it next to her. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"We wait, then."

All she could do was nod. It was sweet, now Ordo was temporarily out, Mereel had stepped up as the Alpha-male of the family, sending people to get food and caf, offering his seat to anybody who needed it, constantly checking up on everyone, especially her. She knew from the close bond that the Nulls had that it was probably even harder on them than it was on her, so it was considerable for them to act so concerned. But she felt sometimes as though she should be the one comforting them. They all of them had that boyish innocence about them, some more than others, and it made her want to cry. Boys forced to grow up too fast.

Mereel sighed and ran his hands through his hair. His eyes were fixed on Ordo's face. Besany could only guess what was running through his mind.

"You should have something to eat or drink," he said at last, pointing at her still full caf cup. She grimaced.

"I don't think I could manage it," she swallowed, her mouth suddenly full of saliva that preceded her morning sickness. She had a sudden qualm of conscience. She didn't like hiding the fact that she was pregnant from him when Mereel was doing everything and more for her. "My stomach's in knots."

Mereel gave a weak smile. "I know, _Bes'ika_. But it might help."

_The only thing that'll help is if Ordo wakes up right now and we can leave this place and never come back. If we can live as a happy family and have our child away from the war and the politics. If we can be together again._

But she couldn't say that. Not when nothing was certain. Ignoring the loops and lurches her stomach made in protest, she squeezed Ordo's hand and downed her caf in one.

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><p>Mereel was, to say the least, shattered.<p>

He hadn't slept at all the night before he heard the news. He couldn't describe it, but he just knew something was wrong. Then _Kal'buir _had commed him. He instantly understood the meaning behind the term 'brother-bond'. He'd called the others back in with _Kal'buir_'s help, and they had responded quickly. He wondered if they'd felt the same sense of wrong-ness. He'd never had the chance to ask them.

He'd never felt anything like the fear that gripped him when he'd heard. People thought that being on the front lines was scary, but when you were there the adrenaline kicked in and you fell into your natural rhythm, your autopilot. Everything was stripped away and it was just you and what you knew you had to do to stay alive. You were in control.

But when someone you love is taken down, you're helpless. You have to rely on them being able to make it out okay, it's not in your hands. There was nothing Mereel hated more than the feeling of helplessness he felt whenever his _vode _went on an op and he had nothing to do but sit around and wait for news that they were okay. He _hated _that.

He'd hate it even more now that something had actually happened to one of them. He'd never be able to let one of them leave without thinking of this moment here, right now, staring at his brother's face and seeing nothing but an empty shell.

Then he hadn't slept last night either. He'd been too busy trying to keep everyone from falling apart, and thankfully so far it had worked.

The person he worried about the most was Besany.

Because if Ordo died, she'd have no one.

Mereel had his brothers, no matter how hard the loss of their leader would be, no matter the gaping hole he'd leave. _Kal'buir_…_Kal'buir _would be a close second to her, but he had the rest of them and Omega and Kad…he'd be okay, eventually. It would take a long, long time. Casting a glance at his father, whose worn eyes and drained face rivalled his, Mereel could imagine that the thought of losing Ordo, his first son, was nothing short of devastating. But Besany…the only thing tying her to their little band of miscreants was Ordo. Sure, she knew them all, and they'd gladly welcome her, but she didn't have that connection yet. She'd lose it all if she lost him.

They'd all lose some part of them.

Besany seemed to go rigid beside him, and stood up.

"I'll be back in a minute," she mumbled, before stumbling – how could anyone not, with the amount of leg space 5 six-foot males needed in a crowded room? – out of the door, _Kal'buir_ moving aside robotically to let her pass, eyes cast somewhere near Ordo's feet.

Something nagged at Mereel's mind. He thought he'd been noticing things in Besany, but for all he knew, it could be stress. Looking around at his sleeping brothers, he felt a wave of sheer exhaustion envelop him. He picked up Ordo's hand, a hand so familiar to him that it was oddly out of place in the sterile whiteness of the alien bed-sheets, like spotting someone you know in a field of strangers. It disturbed him deeply to see no movement behind his brother's eyes, the tube down his throat looking like a life-sucking parasite. The room spun if he looked too hard.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was _Kal'buir_.

"Get some rest, _ad'ika_."

Mereel nodded. Now was not the time for talking. Now was the time for waiting.

He took off his pauldron and kama and laid them on the foot of the bed, before lying back in the chair with his feet on the bed, and falling into oblivion.

* * *

><p>Besany retched once more, but this time nothing came up.<p>

She took a deep breath. Leaning back against the door to the 'fresher, she refused to cry. Not here, not now, not as long as his heart was still beating. She flushed the contents of her empty stomach away and got up, walking over to the sink.

She knew she really shouldn't have been surprised at her appearance, but there was something shocking about expecting to see yourself just as you had been yesterday and instead being greeted with the image of someone you thought you didn't know. Her face was so pale that her dark eyes stared back at her, no longer a striking feature but a completely unnerving and starkly contrasting one. The dark circles under her eyes looked painted on. She straightened her clothes, turning to the side to see if a bump was visible yet, as she did every day. Still nothing. _Though_, she thought wryly,_ the longer he's here the thinner I'll get, so maybe by the time he wakes up I'll be able to see something_.

She didn't feel like returning to the room yet. She felt the need to talk to Ordo, to tell him what was going on and who was here and how she was feeling, just in case he could hear her, but it felt strange with everyone around her. And she really didn't feel like facing the sight of everyone's tired and gaunt faces, trying to smile when really all they wanted to do was break down and cry. She wanted to breathe for a moment.

She made her way out of the 'freshers and decided to go and find Corr; he could always make her smile when she needed it, and right now she really needed it. She might even manage something small to eat now the tension in her gut had alleviated slightly.

She was just about to turn the corner when Corr walked straight into her. Her heart jumped – had he come to see if she was okay? Had her hasty departure alerted Mereel to the fact that she wasn't feeling well? She had tried to leave as slowly as possible and act as calm as she could, but she hadn't known how long she could hold back the rising nausea…was he here to question her? Had he guessed?

Corr smiled. It was only a ghost of his megawatt heartbreakers, but it still held that playful edge. It was killing him, seeing her like this, obviously.

"Sorry," Besany apologised. "I didn't hear anyone coming."

"It's okay. I just popped in to see if you were awake, and then saw you weren't there. I figured you might be stretching your legs," Corr offered her his arm. "You heading back to see Ordo? It's a little crowded in there for my taste at the moment."

Besany linked her arm with his, mainly because she felt so shaky and scared at the thought of seeing Ordo connected to that machine and having terrified thoughts consume her all over again that her legs had suddenly gone very weak. She felt rather sick again; maybe she should have waited a while before standing up so fast.

Corr gave her a sideways look. "When was the last time you ate anything?"

Besany thought. It must have been lunch yesterday, which was nearly twenty hours ago. She looked out of the window at the morning light. It was still weak and feeble, the day overcast and dull. It mirrored how she felt. Lifeless.

"A while ago," she managed.

"Then it's time you had something." Corr led her off to the turbolift and pressed the floor key for the cafeteria.

The movement of the lift almost made her vomit again. She had the strange urge to sit in the corner and cry. It was tempting. But breaking down now would do no good. It wouldn't wake Ordo up; it wouldn't make anyone feel better. It was rude to act so disgracefully when everyone was so determined to be nice to her.

The doors opened and Besany's thoughts were turned from breaking down to simply managing to act as if nothing was wrong and her stomach wasn't writhing. The smell of food hit her instantly and she had to grab hold of Corr's arm extra hard to prevent herself from keeling over. She suddenly realised how tired she was.

Before she could protest, Corr led her to the table occupied – in the full military sense of the word – by Omega squad. They all looked drawn and tired, but not as much as the Nulls, who hadn't had the chance to get food. Food, it seemed, could revive even the deadest of souls.

She sat down next to Darman, opposite Niner and Atin, and Corr went to get her something to eat. She didn't have to tell him that she wasn't up to much; he gave her a look that told her he knew. He came back with a small plate of some fruit and a cup of herbal tea. She took the tea gratefully; she used it on days when the sickness was at its worst and she found it helped. Corr sat next to her and made sure she took at least a few bites of each fruit.

No one spoke for a while. It seemed no one knew what to say, whether or not it would result in someone completely cracking up and bursting into tears. She sensed maybe they were cautious around her. She decided to show them that she was fine, she wasn't going to break like a delicate china teacup every time they mentioned Ordo's name. Really, it was getting quite ridiculous. She was _fine_.

"Has anyone heard from Fi recently?" she asked.

Niner swallowed his sausages – _Ordo likes sausages_, she thought with a pang, _I wonder if he'll ever get to taste them again_– and took a sip of water. "Yeah, he seemed happy. Got a girlfriend, apparently."

This came as a surprise to Besany. She hadn't heard. She was happy for Fi; he'd always seemed so…_lonely_, like he felt left out that his squad-mates had something he didn't, and he couldn't understand why. Not that he'd ever said as much. She'd been planning on setting him up with Jilka Zan Zentis, her colleague and friend. She supposed she didn't have to now.

"So he's getting better?"

Fi's accident had at first been a sore spot for Omega, but Corr seemed truly like one of the squad now and if Fi was on the mend it meant they had nothing to be sad about.

Atin nodded, smiling a little. "He sounded fine over the comm, which is an improvement considering the last time we saw him he couldn't keep his eyes open long enough to form a word."

Darman joined in. "Yeah, couldn't shut him up last time we spoke – had to remind him that even though he's free out there, we still had a job to do, and if he didn't shut up we'd all be shot."

Besany smiled. It was nice to know that she hadn't put her job and life at risk for nothing.

_No. Not nothing. Fi. Fi is a man, a free man with a home and a girl now. You did it for him, you gave him what he wanted, and you saved his life. It wasn't nothing. _

"Did he say anything about this girl of his?" she was curious. She wondered what kind of girl the lucky one was.

Darman grinned. "Only that her name's Parja, she's a mechanic – has her own shop – and that she loves to fix things. Guess that explains what drew her to Fi in the first place," he sighed, almost wistfully. "He needed fixing."

Omega nodded silently.

Corr gave a sly grin. "He mentioned a few other things about her too, but I don't feel comfortable repeating them in front of a lady."

Besany gave him a playful punch in the arm. She remembered quiet, thoughtful, polite Corr that had entered the Treasury a hardworking, civil man. Once Mereel had got a hold of him, that had all changed, obviously. It was nice to see him a little more confident.

It suddenly struck her that Jilka had never met Corr. She made a mental note to introduce them one day.

She turned to Darman. "Where's Etain these days?" Although she and Etain had never met, she felt a kind of odd bond with the woman now – after all, she was now in a position Etain had once been in, a child on the way and the father unaware. Not to mention that if Etain was out on a mission somewhere, Darman had twice the amount of things to worry about. Etain had been quite close to Ordo. She would be worried too. She was always worried about the clones.

Darman smiled, the first true smile she'd seen since arriving at the hospital. "She's at Laseema's with Kad. I didn't think they'd want to see Ordo like this. Might be bad for Kad. We're waiting until he wakes up, or at least until they take that _shabla _tube out of his throat."

Besany nodded. It was all she could do. "And what about Fi? Has anyone tried to call Fi and tell him what's going on?"

Atin looked at Niner. "We didn't really get the time. We arrived at HQ and got the call from Kal five minutes later. We barely had time to say 'hi' to Zey."

"And anyway, he's supposed to be dead. If he comes back here there'll be a huge risk that he'll be seen," Niner added. "Plus…there's not all that much to tell at the moment. He'd be better off coming around at a time when Ordo's actually breathing. Can't interrupt his healing. _Bard'ika_'s over there now, working his magic." He cracked his knuckles.

He hadn't meant it like that, but the realisation that Ordo _wasn't breathing _right now hit her hard. Ordo hated to rely on machines. If he could see himself now…what would he do?

She entertained herself for a moment by conjuring up possible facial expressions Ordo would make upon seeing himself lying in a bed with wires coming out of every pore and the massive tube down his throat. He'd probably smirk and raise an eyebrow, then make some snarky comment about how he looked just how the general population thought he did – half droid.

The chatter continued for a few minutes while Besany finished her fruit. She was glad Corr had brought her down; it had distracted her for a few brief, wonderful minutes. But now she had to go and be with Ordo again. She'd been gone too long, and something inside her missed his physical presence. He'd always been able to calm her by simply being in the room with her. It was a hint that perhaps their relationship was more complex than it seemed.

She got up to go, and Corr stood to let her pass. She felt marginally better after the fruit, but she couldn't erase the horrible images of the way all this could turn out. She needed to see him, to be with him and tell him…everything.

She knew he'd do the same for her.

* * *

><p>Besany had returned, looking slightly less pale, probably due to the food Mereel had asked Corr to put down her.<p>

She'd sat back in her chair, avoiding waking the sleeping Mereel next to her, taken Ordo's hand again and sat and watched and waited.

It was just the two of them now.

Kal hadn't taken his eyes off Ordo since they'd arrived. He felt like he'd be letting his son down, his _Ord'ika_, if he tried to look away. He couldn't be repulsed by what he saw; it would hurt him too much. Kal was glad that in this instance Mereel had taken over as leader of the pack. Kal couldn't handle it right now.

He'd allowed himself half an hour of fretting and worrying and anger and tears before calling Mereel. If he hadn't, he would have broken down sometime about now.

It had been crazy, he knew, to call back all the Nulls at once. There was no way Zey hadn't noticed. But being Zey, he was probably giving them the benefit of the doubt. He would have heard. He was the Director of Special Forces. He knew every time a ship went down. He would have heard.

Skirata added Zey to the list of things to worry about later. After Ordo woke up. He was thankful that Omega hadn't been out on an op. Then he would have been in twice the amount of_ osik_.

His eyes itched from exhaustion. He rubbed them with his hands. He couldn't fall asleep. If Ordo woke up, he would need someone to talk to, to ask questions. He'd need someone.

Kal squashed the thoughts in the back of his mind that said _if he wakes up. If he can talk. If he has his memory intact. You saw what happened to Fi. It could be him, too_. He didn't have time for that kind of thinking.

None of them did.

He just wanted his son back.

The image of a four-year-old Ordo snuggled up next to him because he was afraid of the thunderstorms flashed across his vision like a streak of lightning. His heart broke. That was the last time Ordo, or any of the Nulls, had acted their age, their _real _age. The kid didn't deserve this. None of them did. They were twelve years old, for _fierfek_'s sake. Twelve-year-olds should be playing ball out in the sun, playing jokes on each other, coming home to their parents covered in mud and with huge innocent smiles on their faces.

Instead they were fighting a war.

Kal looked at Besany. Somehow knowing that she was being watched, Besany looked up at Kal. Something was shared in that look. And in that instant, Kal knew they were family now. He saw something cross her face, a battle within her, as though she wanted to say something but wasn't sure it was the right time. Her mouth opened slightly, and then closed again. She smiled weakly.

He smiled back. _Mandokarla._

"What was that?" she looked at him questioningly. It was then he realised he'd said that out loud.

He felt sheepish. "_Mandokarla_. Means you've got the right stuff, _Bes'ika_."

She looked back at Ordo. "I don't know what the 'right stuff' is, but if it means I haven't broken down yet, then I'll take it."

He smiled at the floor. She'd cope just fine in their little family. He wondered if Ordo had given her the sapphires Vau had given him yet. Either way, she'd earn them.

* * *

><p>The hours ticked by. One by one, the Nulls woke up, stretched, went to get food, came back, and waited, except for Mereel, who was still so far gone that Besany suspected nothing would wake him.<p>

She looked at her chrono again. She checked it against the one on the wall. Ordo had been out for twenty hours. He had to wake up soon.

Omega had popped back in, but only to say goodbye – Zey had called them back, and they didn't have an excuse for being gone like the Nulls did; they weren't exactly his close _vode_, and they had some explaining to do. Corr gave Besany a wink and a wave as he left. She smiled.

Just when she thought she could get her wrist chrono to run to the exact second as the one on the wall, a med droid whirred into the room.

It seemed to do a double take – if droids could do such a thing – at the amount of people crammed into the small room. Then is simply moved to Ordo's side and began recording some data off some machines.

In all credit to the droid, it didn't crack under the seven intense stares – Jaing had poked Mereel hard to wake him up when the droid whirred in - it was getting from the inhabitants of the room. It simply carried on taking data and pressing buttons. It didn't speak.

Mereel started cracking his knuckles alarmingly loudly. It made Besany jump.

Eventually the droid was done. It went to leave, but Kal stopped it at the door.

"Like to tell us what you found, tinnie?"

The droid looked insulted at being stopped. It did, however, comply. "Mild improvement from his previous state. However, The medical protocol is that we don't continue life support if a patient is still showing isoelectric scans after forty-eight hours." The droid paused. "Flatlining, I believe you call it."

Besany felt a shudder of sheer terror run through her. They couldn't…not if…he had to be…

Skirata looked incensed. "You're telling us we have another twenty-four hours for him to wake up before you pull the plug?"

Besany felt sick. The room swam before her eyes. Mereel seemed to pick up on this somehow and gripped her hand, willing her to stay conscious. The pain of his iron grip brought things back into focus slightly.

The droid seemed unperturbed. "Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Now if you don't mind, I need to supply these results to my superiors."

Skirata let the droid pass. She knew what he was thinking. It was happening all over again. Someone they loved was being killed because they didn't comply with protocol. Like they could help it. Ordo wasn't a machine.

She gripped Ordo's hand hard and willed him with every part of her soul to open his eyes, to let them save him from being cast aside like cannon fodder. To let him know that he wasn't cannon fodder to her and that all she wanted to do was spend the rest of her life with him. That she loved him.

Nothing.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Hey guys. Sorry 'bout the cliffy again. :P Guess it keeps you reading. :)<em>

_I did say I was going to stick to weekly updates, but I don't think that's going to work. Because I write these chapters quite fast, and when they're done I want to get them out there. So it may be a Monday-Friday thing. But** in all honesty, I don't have a schedule, which is why it's better if you subscribe so that you stay on top of things.**_

_Thanks so so much to all of my reviewers! Your words really do make my day! :') I love you guys so much._

_Please let me know what you thought. Click the review button below and make me happy! Otherwise I might just have Ordo killed off next chapter…ya know… ;)_

_Thanks for reading!_

_Chapter 3 is on the way._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	4. CHAPTER 3: Reversals & Revelations

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Reversals and Revelations<strong>

"Speeder."

"Blaster."

"Lightsaber."

"Tree."

"Nerf."

"_Uj _cake – hey, is there any-?"

Gilamar hit Fi in the back of the head with the datapad as he turned to look for the plate.

"Concentrate. Food later," another item flashed on the screen. Mij held it up for Fi to see. "What's this?"

Fi sighed. He was bored. And the item on the screen was one with which he was deeply familiar.

"DC-17m with sniper attachment. Good balance, but the Verpine's better. Has a tendency to catch slightly on removal." At least he hadn't forgotten _that_.

Mij put down the datapad with a smile. "You're bored."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Fi feigned horror. He sighed. It had been nagging at him for some time now. "_Mij'ika_…I really appreciate what you and _Bard'ika _are doing for me…"

"But?" Gilamar gave a wry smile.

"But I don't think it's any use. We all know I'm never going to be the man I was. What's the point?" He felt resigned.

Mij gave him a look he couldn't quite decipher. It wasn't hurt, more amusement mixed with some sort of ruefulness, as though Fi couldn't see something that was plainly obvious to him.

"Eighty-nine point two percent, _F'ika_. That's more than anyone else in your position could ever hope for."

"I know," Fi looked out of the window. "I'm being ungrateful. Sorry. But…I'm never going to be the man I once was." _I'm never going to be able to do the one thing I was good at ever again. _He left that off. He didn't want Mij to feel sorry for him.

"I don't give a strill's _shebs _who you used to be, _cyar'ika_," Fi and Gilamar turned as Parja came into the room, carrying a box of what looked like tools. She set it down on a bench and took off her helmet, a playful sparkle in her eyes. "Only who you're going to be."

Fi couldn't stop the blush that heated his face. He hadn't seen Parja since last night, when they'd both drifted off to sleep in the warmth of each other's arms, and they had both been considerably less clothed. _Considerably_. In fact, come to think of it, neither of them had been wearing anything at all. He swallowed. Now was not the time for such distracting thoughts.

Parja, in her usual uncanny way, seemed to know exactly what he was thinking about. She caught his eye and smiled shyly, blushing slightly. He had to suppress a massive grin. It was very uncharacteristic of her to act shy.

Gilamar, if he noticed anything, didn't call them out. "What's in the box, Parja?"

She seemed to snap out of a reverie. "Oh – I thought Fi might like to get his sniper skills back up to scratch. You know. Just in case Kyrimorut is besieged some point in the future."

Fi had to do a double take. _Had she just said…? _

She beckoned them both over to the box. Opening the catches with loud _click_s, she threw back the lid and held up two X-45 sniper rifles for their inspection.

Gilamar took one from her and looked through the optics, then weighed it in his hands. Fi just stared at it in wonder. Parja grinned.

"Don't just stare at it like it's grown two heads, _F'ika_. Take it."

Fi couldn't help but smile back at her. Taking the rifle, he settled into a familiar position and sighted up.

"Where the _shab _did you get these, Parja?" Gilamar seemed impressed.

"Friend at the workshop was having a clear-out, and found these two in his basement, unused. Said I could have 'em. We might need them one day."

"Always good to be armed…" Fi was feeling certainly less despondent now he had a sniper rifle in his hands. He dropped the optics and put his arm around Parja drawing her into a one-armed hug.

"Thanks, _cyar'ika_," It was all he could say.

Gilamar smiled at him. "How about we go test these babies out on some haystacks?"

Fi was just about to bound out of the door after Gilamar when he remembered something he'd thought about last night, before drifting off to sleep in Parja's arms.

"Go on ahead, I need to do something first."

Gilamar nodded, but returned back into the room with a start to switch off the datapad and the medical equipment he'd been using to measure Fi's progress. Fi grabbed his comlink and was just about to punch in a number when the comlink buzzed in his hand.

Gilamar laughed. "Psychic powers, huh, Fi?"

Parja grinned too. Fi tried to, but something nagging in his gut was telling him that there was something _very wrong_ with this call. Part of him didn't want to answer it.

_Don't be a _di'kut_, Fi. What harm can a comlink do?_

He squashed the thought that screamed at him _a lot _from his mind, and pressed 'receive call'.

"Hello?"

"Fi? Is that you?"

He knew that voice. Strange, when he'd been just about to call her.

"Besany? Hey, what's up? I was just about to call you…"

He heard Besany swallow and pause. For a moment, he was transported back to a time when every single sound over a comlink displayed the emotions of his brothers in the short, still seconds before an op went active and things went boom. A swallow meant nerves, and a pause afterwards meant they were thinking really hard about what they said next. Fi was immediately on alert.

"Fi…I think you should get over here."

Fi was confused for a moment. _Here_? As in, Coruscant? Triple zero? Corrie? Was she mad?

"Bez…Bez if I go back there they'll shoot me," he saw he had the attention of both Parja and Gilamar now. "I'm supposed to be dead."

"I know, Fi. I do. It's just…" Fi heard her sigh. Then she said it, so quietly it was almost inaudible. "It's Ordo, Fi."

Fi felt his muscles freeze up and his insides turn to lead. _No. No no no._

This time he swallowed. "Ordo? What…Bez, what's happened?"

Besany sounded close to tears, but he had to give her credit for keeping her voice steady. "He won't wake up."

Fi listened numbly as Besany explained the situation.

"And now he's been out for – what's that now…? Thirty six hours. So…so…" He heard Besany's voice crack.

"So we have twelve hours before they pull the plug." Fi couldn't remember anything from the time when he had been under. But upon waking up and seeing everyone in such a mess, he had an idea of how much stress he'd put people through by just being asleep. The first person he had seen upon waking for the first time had been Ordo. And now…he owed it to them all. To Ordo.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, _Bes'ika_."

She sniffed. "I'll keep you posted."

"Please."

The line went dead.

Fi looked at Parja. Parja looked at Fi. She seemed to fight something inside herself. He opened his mouth to apologise, so make her feel better, but she held up a hand.

"No. Don't say it," she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She looked at Gilamar. He gave her a half shrug. She bit her lip, before seeming to resign to her decision.

"I'll pack your bags."

* * *

><p><em>It was all very dark here.<em>

_So very dark._

_Such a contrast from the brilliant fire and blue sky that he had seen last._

_So very different._

_He was aware of nothing, no sense of a body, no sense of touch, no sense of anything. Except thought. And he had only recently been able to do that._

_How recent was recent? Did hours here equate to seconds out there? Where was 'out there'? How did he know that here was not where he was supposed to be? He didn't know._

_A hand. It was faint._

_So very faint._

_But it was there. If he concentrated hard enough on the almost imperceptible feeling of that hand, that touch, he might be able to drag himself out of this darkness._

_But what if he was imagining the touch? The hand? Was it really there? He could never know._

_The darkness was rising again. He might have panicked, save for that fact that he was not one to panic._

_Not even if the darkness meant he couldn't feel that hand. That familiar hand. It was always there when the darkness was at its weakest. The touch drove him on to wake again, one minute, one hour, one day later. Time meant nothing right now. Later maybe._

_It was all very dark here._

_So very dark._

* * *

><p>Mereel was counting down the hours.<p>

His brother had ten of them left.

About three hours ago, the constant beeping of monitors had got on his nerves so much that he'd pulled out the wires. Then he had been promptly yelled at by a passing nurse, who had proceeded to plug them back in again.

Besany had gone with Prudii to get some food, because all the waiting had made her very anxious. Kal was on the other side of the bed, holding Ordo's hand.

It was strange, but they all seemed to know that Ordo needed a hand to hold.

Mereel was planning. He needed to plan, he needed to make sure that if Ordo didn't wake up today, they could get him out and help him get better, without the pressure of time and expense.

They were all awaiting Fi's arrival; Mereel had been in two minds about Besany calling him in the first place, but _Kal'buir _had insisted that Fi needed to be here, that it was only fair. They owed him that.

Mereel got up and went out of the room to stretch his legs. If he sat staring at Ordo for too long his mind started coming up with all sorts of outcomes to the day that he didn't want to think about. He _couldn't _think about.

Pacing the corridor was therapeutic. But not enough. His gut was churning with fear for Ordo. And in this case it wasn't fear he could use. It was still, deadening fear that ate you alive if you let it. Mereel wasn't going to let it.

He wandered into the turbolift, and before he knew what button he'd even pressed he was walking out of the doors, his legs carrying him somewhere but his mind completely shut off. His lungs were burning, though he hadn't been running, and there was a pressure building in his chest that he just knew he had to get rid of before it devoured him completely. He carried on walking, not even conscious of direction or destination.

When he finally came-to, he was standing on the top of the building, staring up at the morning sky.

He was afraid to breathe in case the burning came back again, so he took shallow, cautious gulps of air when he felt as though he was about to pass out. The skylanes were busy with morning traffic, speeders full of people who were totally oblivious to the problems people were facing in the building below them, oblivious to the pain and the suffering and the _terror_. It wasn't a nice feeling. For once in his relatively short life, Mereel wanted to be one of the ones who didn't know any better.

To be normal.

Thoughts that he'd been pushing back every time they came forwards suddenly washed over him. _What if he doesn't wake up? What if they kill him? What if we can't help? How will we all survive without him? Will you be able to deal with it all? What if the pain swallows us all and it's all ruined? What if…?_

_Everybody's here at the bottom. Everybody's being forgotten. Everybody's being abandoned and left a little empty handed._

A hand on his shoulder was all that stopped the tears from falling. He jumped violently and spun around to face his brother.

A'den looked him in the eyes. Mereel rubbed his eyes with the back of his gauntlet. He was tired. That was all.

"What's up, _ner vod_?" he heard himself say. If his brothers knew he was breaking down, they would lose a leader. They would be lost. He couldn't leave them, too.

"I think I should be asking you that, _vod'ika_."

Mereel gave a weak smile. It was near-impossible to hide things from brothers you'd grown up with as tightly as they had. But he could damn well try.

"_Kal'buir_'s not taking it too well, is he?"

A'den raised an eyebrow a fraction of a centimetre and gave him a searching look. "It's expected, I guess. None of us are feeling too good about this."

"No. No not really." Mereel felt odd. His voice had gone husky. He swallowed, and looked away. He couldn't look at A'den and keep it together.

His brother looked concerned; he hadn't hidden his brief lapse in control well enough. A'den forced Mereel to look at him.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

Mereel tried not to cry. He really did. But sometimes things just wore at him too much to hold back any more. He was tired and scared and wanted everything to be okay again.

Mereel felt tears sting in his eyes, and reached up to brush them away. A'den went to clasp his shoulder, but his comlink buzzed in his belt. A'den gave Mereel a worried look, and then answered it.

"Hello?"

Mereel concentrated on the almost inaudible voice on the other side of the comlink to stop himself from weeping outright.

"What?" A'den's jaw dropped a few centimetres. Mereel gave him a puzzled look.

"Now? Really?" Mereel hit him on the shoulder and mouthed 'what?' at him.

A'den held up a hand. "That's…that's…" he broke into a grin. "We'll be right there."

He ended the call. "That was Jaing. It's Ordo. A nurse has come by and done some tests, and she says that there's a pretty good chance that he could survive without the life support now. Which means he gets more time."

Mereel felt numb. Then he felt a massive wave of sheer _relief _rush over him. His _vod _was going to be okay.

For now at least.

Fighting back tears of joy now, he followed A'den at a sprint back to the intensive care ward.

* * *

><p>Besany had to try really, really hard not to cry now.<p>

It had been bad enough knowing his time was limited. But now she knew he had more, she'd never felt so relieved.

Relief was too weak a word for what she felt.

If she hadn't been sitting, she would have collapsed on the floor. Some part of her brain was telling her that they'd only said _good chance _and not _100 percent chance_, and that there was still a real chance that he wouldn't survive without it.

The nurse, Rhiannon - her nametag said - was explaining why they'd come to this conclusion.

"Scans show that he's been progressively gaining consciousness, even if it only lasts for a few minutes. He'll be ready to take off life support in a few minutes."

"But he hasn't opened his eyes."

"No, that's because his brain functions aren't at a high enough level yet. He's in a deep sleep, so to speak."

Besany swallowed. "You mean, a coma?"

The nurse nodded. "Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. But we can buy him more time by taking him off life support. He should be able to cope with it. When you're sleeping, you're breathing."

"Wait…" Besany felt startled for a moment. "Can…can he _hear_ us?"

The nurse shook her head. Besany noticed her dark hair had deep red streaks in it, under the chocolate brown. "No, at least, we're fairly certain he can't. He'd have to have a higher level of activity for that to happen. But it's reasonable to believe that as his brain heals and he gains more consciousness, he'll also gain more sense of himself and his surroundings. Who knows?" she shrugged. "Some do, some don't."

Besany thought it would be horrible to be trapped in your own body, not being able to respond to anything anyone said to you. To not be able to return the fond squeezes of your lover, to not be able to answer questions or…respond to news that your girlfriend was pregnant with your child. Besany's hands fell to her belly again. And once again, she felt nothing.

Kal and the rest of the Nulls said nothing. They just nodded. Besany looked back at Ordo's face and gave his hand a squeeze.

A'den came sprinting at full pelt into the room, followed closely by Mereel. Rhiannon looked up and gave a small smile.

"The whole family here or is there another party on the way?"

Jaing smirked at her. "Just us, for now."

She blushed slightly and picked up some charts, taking vital signs from Ordo. Besany just sat and stared at his face. She'd give anything to see his eyes again. His deep, dark eyes that told her so much and yet so little about him at the same time. She remembered how they still held the pain of a tortured past when he looked at her, sometimes. And how they really lit up when he smiled at her. The last time she'd seen his eyes, they had been so happy.

Would they be happy when he woke up? Or would he look like Fi had, confused and scared and…trapped?

The nurse bent over Ordo and took hold of the tube down his throat. Mereel nudged Besany in the arm. She looked up at him. He looked as though he had been crying a little. She made a mental note to ask him how he was later.

"Bez…you might want to look away."

It took her a moment to figure out what he meant. Then it hit her.

"Oh…oh, no, I…"

"Bez…"

She gave him a searching look. "I have to."

If she didn't hold his hand, he might not breathe. He might think she'd gone away forever and lose the will to live. People died from losing the will to live all the time. She had to be with him.

She closed her eyes as Rhiannon pulled the tube from out of his throat. It made a slight wet noise as it slid out, and Besany had to stop herself from gagging. She opened her eyes and the nurse put the tube aside, before consulting a monitor.

The seconds dragged by like days. Besany squeezed his hand so hard that she was afraid her nails would draw blood, but she couldn't let go. She just couldn't.

Mereel put his hand on her shoulder. The nurse Rhiannon opened her mouth to say something.

But before she could do that, Ordo gave a cough and a sigh, and his chest rose and fell as he breathed.

Besany had been so startled by the cough – it had been the first remotely human sound to emanate from him since she'd arrived here – that for a moment she thought he had actually woken up. But his eyes were still closed. Rhiannon, however, was smiling.

"Brain functions are of a satisfactory level for him to breathe on his own. However, he is still a long way away from actual consciousness."

From behind her, Kal made a huge sighing sound that turned into a sob half way through, sounding like he hadn't taken a breath in days. He bent over and put his fist to his mouth, before straightening up again and brushing away tears from his cheeks. He met Besany's eye, and the look on his face was surely reflected in hers. It made her want to throw her head on the bed and weep.

The Nulls had taken Ordo's breathing well. Jaing had actually shot up out of his chair and hugged Rhiannon, who looked both extremely embarrassed and somewhat pleased by his affections.

"Shall I…shall I go and organise another room? A larger one, this time, I think…" she laughed as Jaing grinned at her, still hugging her.

Mereel had sank into a chair next to Besany when Ordo had coughed, but had immediately leapt up again to stand by Kal when he had sobbed, placing a firm but loving hand on his father's shoulder. "Jaing, let the poor lady go, would you?" Even he couldn't suppress a small smile. It was great relief, for now at least.

"Aw, she likes it." Jaing grinned, but eventually conceded. Rhiannon blushed and gave him a small smile before leaving to organise a transfer for Ordo.

Besany was suddenly surrounded by so many emotions that she didn't know how to react. She was inclined to sob with relief, but also with disappointment that Ordo was far from the finish line. She was also happy that he had gained more time for himself. But what good would that be if he didn't wake up?

Remembering her promise to keep Fi posted, she slipped out of the room to call him. Leaning against the sterile white wall of the corridor, she relayed to Fi the events of the day.

"And he's breathing now. He's…he's breathing, Fi," she felt breathless.

She heard Fi give a short laugh of happiness, her relief mirrored in his reaction. "I'm about three standard hours away. Think you can hold on without crying until I get there?"

Besany laughed. "Probably not. But I can't wait to see you, Fi."

"See you soon."

The link went dead. Besany sank down the wall to the floor, burying her head in her hands for a moment. She refused to cry. Not yet.

The door opened suddenly and Mereel walked out, rubbing his eyes. _When was the last time he slept? He's been so busy looking after us all that he's forgotten to look after himself._

He seemed to start when he noticed her. She got up and went over to him.

"You okay, Mereel?"

"No. Not really." Mereel's voice cracked and he turned away from her, leaning against the wall and taking big, gasping sobs that racked his frame.

Besany was alarmed. She reached out to hold his shaking shoulder, wanting to comfort him but not knowing how. He turned to face her and she drew him into an embrace, letting his face rest on her shoulder and her hand on the back of his head, where he cried whilst she stroked his hair soothingly.

"I'm sorry," he sniffed, lifting his head to look into her eyes. "I should be asking you that."

Besany had the urge to slap him around the face. He had no right to put her first. She didn't want to be something he would worry about every day of his life. She wanted him to be happy and look after himself. Because no one else in the galaxy would do it for him.

"No, Mereel," she whispered. "No. You don't have to be sorry for being human."

His face crumpled again and he began to sob again. This, more than anything, reminded her actually how old he was. Twelve. Not twenty-four. He was a twelve-year-old boy who had just watched his brother nearly die. It wasn't right for him to try and be strong for everyone when he was breaking himself.

She held him a little while longer. She wondered if holding her twelve-year-old child would feel like this. She knew then that when she did, she would think of this moment here.

With Ordo by her side.

* * *

><p>Fi was not scared.<p>

Not yet.

He just needed to find his way. He just needed to calm down and not panic.

He checked his datapad again. He was standing outside the right room.

But no one was in the bed. No one was standing or sitting by the bed, and no one was under the bed – he'd checked.

No one was there.

So where were they?

Parja had taught him a very valuable lesson about finding his way in large places. He needed to stay calm and not think about the fact that they may have killed Ordo anyway, and the others just hadn't had the heart to tell him.

Because that was preposterous.

Besany couldn't have faked relief like that. Ordo was fine.

He just wasn't here.

He was just about to go into full-scale panic mode, when his comlink buzzed.

He could have slapped himself. He could have called someone instead of getting all het up like the _di'kut _he was. He looked at his messages.

LEVEL 96, WARD 5, BAY A/4. SORRY, FORGOT TO TELL YOU WHERE HE WAS MOVED TO. WE'RE ALL HERE - Besany.

Fi breathed. He headed for the turbolift and pressed the right buttons. Ordo was fine. He had been right.

In all fairness, he was completely terrified. He had no idea what seeing Ordo would do to him, and if it brought back images and feelings of being trapped in his own body like he had been, he might just run out. No matter how much Ordo needed him. He didn't think he could face feeling so scared again.

The doors opened, and Fi saw which room it was right away. Jaing was leaning against the wall talking to a pretty nurse, Fi decided he didn't want to get involved, and passed them with a wave and a welcoming slap on the back from the Null. He grinned. It was nice to be missed.

Inside, the room was a lot bigger than it looked. Besany was sitting by the bed, holding Ordo's hand. She looked up when he walked in, and gave him a huge hug. He saw tears form in her eyes, but she brushed them away impatiently.

"Sorry," she grinned. There was no sign of _Kal'buir _or the other Nulls. They must have been getting food or something. "Hey, how have you been?"

Fi smiled. He owed Besany his life. He'd never forget that. "Fine. A little bored without things to shoot, but can't say I'm complaining."

She beckoned for him to take a seat. He drew a chair up on the other side of the bed and held Ordo's other hand. They had a hand each now.

Ordo's face looked like it had when he had last seen it, save for being a little older now, of course. But he wasn't moving, except for breathing, and his face had a slightly sunken look to it. He was suddenly struck by a huge feeling of _I've been here before_. But he hadn't.

Their roles had been reversed. This time last year, Fi had been in Ordo's position, and Ordo in Fi's. He suddenly realised that the room they were in was _the exact same room _he'd been moved to when he'd arrived on Coruscant. It was a scary feeling.

He hoped Ordo turned out better than he had. Better than eighty-nine point two percent of himself.

Besany smiled. "So, Fi. Tell me all about this Parja of yours."

* * *

><p>Mereel heard a giggle as he made his way back down the corridor. It was empty, save for Jaing and the nurse - Rhiannon, he remembered - leaning against the wall. They were all in high spirits, no matter how temporary, now that Ordo had more time, and some of the life was back in his brother's eyes. Jaing grinned as he saw Mereel approaching.<p>

"Hey, _ner vod_, how's he doing?"

Mereel returned the smile. "Not bad, for someone in a coma."

Rhiannon gave a small laugh. She was brave, he thought, risking her job for this. She'd obviously thought about what happened to clones after the war, and saw much to be improved.

Jaing must have read his mind. "Hey, Rhiannon, thanks for this. You can't understand what this means to us." He gave her a half-smile.

She flushed slightly. "It's fine, really. It's not fair, the way they treat you clones like droids. You're people, just like me, with brains and independent thoughts and..."

"Hearts?" Jaing made a mock swooning gesture and Rhiannon giggled prettily.

"Yeah," she flushed a deeper shade of pink. "Hearts."

"I think there might be something wrong with mine, doctor, because every time you smile like that it seems to skip a beat." Jaing gave her one of those playful-yet-intense stares her reserved for women that he had respect for, ones that always made the weaker ones faint. Rhiannon, to all she was worth, didn't faint. She did, however, make a strangled sort of squeak in her throat that sounded like she was going to say something and then thought better of it.

"Well, I do know a lot about hearts," she smiled, biting her lip. Mereel thought it was enough.

"Okay, okay, _ner vod_. Wrap it up already, we've got a lot to do."

Jaing gave in and smiled at Rhiannon. "Guess I'll have to make an appointment?" She raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Now, now Lieutenant - isn't this a little improper?"

Jaing laughed. "Guess so. I'll call if we need anything else. Thanks, though. I really did mean that."

As Rhiannon disappeared round the corner, Mereel gave Jaing a playful punch in the shoulder. "_Di'kut_."

Jaing held up something that looked suspiciously like an access card.

"Now we can move about the hospital as we like," he grinned. "What is it _Mij'ika_ says?"

Mereel grinned. "You'd be amazed what you stroll off with if you can talk like a medic, wear the right outfit, and know how to misuse medcentre security."

"Exactly."

They went back inside the room, Ordo still motionless on the bed, and Mereel greeted Fi with a smile. Fi and Besany resumed their conversation.

Jaing sighed. "Mind you, I did quite like her."

Mereel laughed. "We'd better go find _Kal'buir_ and the others, now I think about it. I'm sure _buir _wants to say 'hi' to Fi." He tapped Besany on the shoulder. "Be back soon."

She nodded. Mereel gave her a half smile and then left.

He was sincerely grateful to Besany. She really was part of the family now, whether she liked it or not.

* * *

><p>Besany laughed lightly. It felt so good to finally laugh. Fi had always been good at that.<p>

"…and she came back inside completely covered in mud," he smiled fondly; he obviously thought the galaxy of Parja. She was glad. She hoped they could meet sometime. "Of course, her aunt – Rav Bralor – went ballistic. She hates muddy carpets…"

Besany shared his smile, but something was on her mind. She didn't have a lot of time, if she wanted to do this before the others got back.

Fi seemed to trail off, a distant smile on his face. He was holding Ordo's other hand. If he felt scared or sad about seeing Ordo as he himself had been, he didn't show it. But she could see that he was gripping Ordo's hand rather tightly.

His hand was warm. That was what bothered her the most. If he were on the brink of death, like he looked, her brain told her his hands should be cool and lifeless. It was unnerving to feel his hands warm and smooth. It just made her think of all the times he had held her in those hands. Those hands designed to kill, those hands that protected her, that loved her. Those hands that would one day hold their child.

_Their child._

Her other hand went to her stomach again. She took a deep breath. She had to. She couldn't keep it from everyone forever.

"Fi…" she began, but didn't know how to go on.

He met her eyes inquisitively. "What? What is it, Bez?"

She began to cry. Not wanting to wipe away her tears this time; it would be futile, she was just so worn out, she let them fall and ducked her face away. Fi frowned in concern.

"I'm just so scared, Fi. And worried. And…oh!" she tried to keep herself from sobbing, but it didn't work. Fi reached across the bed with his free hand and held the hand that had previously been resting on her belly.

"What's wrong, Bez? Why are you so worried?"

She couldn't not say it. It was too late. And she just _had to tell someone._ It had been on her mind constantly since she'd found out. She felt sick.

"I'm pregnant," she sobbed.

* * *

><p><em>He was distantly aware of the hand again.<em>

_It was definitely there this time._

_Wait…there were two now. He felt them, like tiny specks of light in the darkness, like subconsciously knowing a presence behind his eyelids. They were there._

_They were waiting for him._

_He hoped they wouldn't let go._

_He hoped they'd never let go._

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Ohmigosh…I am crying. Anyone else crying? Is it strange that I cry at my own work?<em>

_Thank you all so much for reviewing the last chapter! Your words mean so much to me, you wouldn't believe. I have a few things planned for the next chapter…some very exciting things. Keep track!_

_On a side, personal note – I got an A* in my recent Physics exam and an A in a recent English exam. Very happy with myself right now._

_I love you all so much for reviewing. Please do me a favour and let me know what you thought by clicking the smexy review button. Or fave. Or whatever you want to do. Just let me know you liked it._

_This chapter was especially long – 11 pages in size 9 font. Usually I go for 6-7 pages. So sorry if I overshot it._

_If you want to read Fi and Parja's first time, referenced in the first part of this chapter, my fic 'First Night' is one you should definitely check out._

_Thanks to Rhiannon for lending me herself to flirt with her favourite clone, Jaing. :) She spotted a lost missing letter in the last chapter, so got the prize of being in my chapter this week. Check out her profile (**Epona's Chosen**) for some really well written RepCom fics, amongst others._

_I also have a new poll on my profile for those who haven't voted yet._

_Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for chapter 4. :)_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	5. CHAPTER 4: Crack

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4 – Crack<strong>

Besany had stopped counting the hours now.

It was just one after the other, take it slow.

She hadn't slept since she'd told Fi about the baby. She trusted him not to say anything, because she knew that he knew that it was her decision to make, when she told others.

"Are you going to tell Kal?" he'd asked her.

"Of course I am. I just…I can't…not yet," Besany had sobbed. It felt good to cry; she hadn't done so for so long now. Fi had released Ordo's hand and gone over to hug her. She had only stopped crying when she had heard the returning footsteps of Kal and the Nulls, hastily wiping her tears away and forcing herself to smile as Kal embraced Fi with a huge smile and the Nulls gave him hearty pats on the back.

Then she had slipped out of the room to be sick.

The next few – days? She was now living by the amount of time Ordo had left – she had spent by Ordo's side, not moving, the Nulls and Kal bringing her food and herbal tea, thankfully no more caf had appeared. She left the room only when she knew someone else had Ordo's hand, so that she could use the 'freshers. She didn't care that she'd been living in the same clothes for over four days. It wouldn't matter once Ordo woke up.

Thanks to Jaing somehow acquiring an access key, the Nulls and Kal – if he had wanted anything but a chair – no longer had to sleep on chairs in the room; instead they made use of various on-call rooms when they knew no one would be there. They really were good slicers, if they could lift the timetable of every member of staff in the hospital.

She and Fi hadn't had much of a chance to talk about what she'd told him yet, whether by her avoiding him or by simple coincidence that they never had the time, she didn't know. He gave her pointed looks from across the room, but she tried to ignore them. The guilt eating away at her was enough to remind her that _she had to do it_.

But it had come down to now, and she still hadn't said anything.

Sitting by Ordo's bed, she still felt uneasy. They all did. They all knew that if he didn't wake up soon, they would be sending someone to kill him. Because the Republic didn't have the time or the money or the humanity to deal with a clone trooper in a coma for more than a week. If he couldn't fight, he was a liability. It was the way they'd tried to 'dispose' of Fi.

Human beings shouldn't be 'disposed of'.

But it was no use telling the Republic that.

She felt the tension in the air whenever they heard footfalls of a nurse or doctor, or the whirring of a passing med-droid. No one had so far come in, though. Except for the nurse Rhiannon, who Besany suspected was more there to see Jaing than Ordo, not a single member of hospital staff had come to see him.

She questioned Rhiannon on this.

"As long as I give them the results of his vital tests, they don't have a reason to come and see him," she smiled as Jaing walked in. He gave her a wink and settled himself in a chair behind Besany. "If there's something wrong, they'll pop by, but so far he's just been healing and no complications have arisen. So don't worry." She didn't seem to have noticed her lack of access key. Maybe she'd actually _given_it to Jaing and they had totally the wrong idea about him.

But they all worried. The time pressure was on again.

Besany had no idea whether Ordo was any nearer to waking up. All she could go on was the fact that the longer he spent under, the more time he was spending healing.

She looked at his face. She really wanted to see him smile again.

Loud footsteps could be heard outside the door, and familiar voices. Besany looked up, as did Fi and the others, as Omega walked in.

Fi's face broke into a huge smile. He got up and went to clasp arms with and embrace his former squad-mates, who seemed just as pleased to see him.

"_Wayii, ner vod!_ It's great to see you again," Darman smiled.

Fi seemed embarrassed by the attention he was receiving. "It's great to see you too." He couldn't stop a smile from breaking out.

Someone smaller and slighter than a clone sat down next to Besany. It was Etain. She had Kad on her knee.

"How's he doing?" she asked quietly.

Besany watched as Kad took in his uncle's still, sleeping face. He seemed to accept it with that grave expression on his face that always disturbed Besany, like he knew things far beyond his years. She couldn't help but think he looked like Ordo when he did that.

Or that he looked somewhat like she'd imagined her child to look like.

"We don't really know," Besany shook her head slightly. "But he's not dead yet, so…"

Etain nodded and put hand on Besany's knee. Kad, now only restrained by one arm, took the opportunity to escape his mother's grasp and clamber onto the bed, reaching his little hand out to touch Ordo's face. Etain reached for him, but Darman got there first, scooping his son up in his arms with a laugh.

"He thinks he's asleep. He always pokes me in the face when I'm sleeping to wake me up," he grimaced jokingly. "Don't you, _Kad'ika_?" He broke into a smile as Kad giggled. He was obviously totally besotted with his son. Etain got up to go and join them, planting a kiss first on Kad's head, then on Darman's cheek.

Besany was struck by how much of a family they looked. Normally she could only see how much like his father Kad looked, but when Etain stood next to them both she could see how parts of Kad were from her. His nature was like hers, patient and calm, with a knowing and passionate undercurrent. And then, of course, there was the fact that he was a Force-sensitive.

Her hands fell to her stomach again. She looked at Ordo. _Will this be us in a year's time?_

She hoped so. Looking at Dar and Etain made her heart contract painfully. She felt light-headed and dizzy, the pain in her chest almost unbearable. She had to get up and slip out of the room for a minute.

Fi must have noticed her reactions, as he followed her out. She leaned against the wall and took deep breaths, staring at the white ceiling, forcing her heart to slow down and her throat to loosen. Sounds of people cooing over Kad drifted out from the room. Fi just watched her and waited for her to calm down.

Once the ceiling had stopped spinning with black dots in her vision, she lowered her head.

"You should tell him, Bez. Tell Kal."

"I can't, Fi."

"You can. You told me."

She held her head in her hands. "That was because I knew I had to tell someone. Because I knew you needed to know."

Fi frowned. "And Kal doesn't? _Kal'buir _doesn't deserve to know about his future grandchild-?"

"Ordo deserves to know!" she nearly screamed at him. She would have done, if she was sure the others wouldn't have heard her. "Ordo…he…he needs to know…I can't-"

She put her fist in her mouth to stop herself from crying again. She felt sick.

Fi came to hug her, but she was too scared that she would vomit over him if he held her. She grabbed his hand instead and sank to the floor, putting her head between her legs to stop the corridor from spinning.

Fi sat next to her. "He needs to know. You're right," he said soothingly, putting a hand on her shoulder. "But you can't hide it forever."

"It doesn't have to be for forever. It just has to be until he wakes up." She sniffed.

"Bez, please tell Kal."

"I will. Just not yet."

"Tomorrow?"

She sighed. "Maybe."

"Tomorrow, then." Fi patted her back. "If Ordo doesn't wake up before then."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Then the door opened and Etain poked her head out. She looked worried, an anxious frown on her face.

"Is she okay?" she asked Fi. Besany was glad. She had the feeling that if she opened her mouth she'd be sick all over the polished floor.

"She'll be fine." Fi said. He patted her back again before standing up. "You'll be fine, Bez."

Etain opened her mouth as if to say something more, but seemed to think better of it. She gave Fi a look. He shook his head, as if to say 'don't ask'. Then Fi went back into the room. Etain narrowed her eyes at Besany, before following him back in. Besany could have kicked herself. She had a feeling Etain knew, after all, it was impossible to hide most things from a Jedi. She had probably felt her wash of sadness and fear, and had come to see what was wrong. Then she had probably sensed the baby within her, and Besany's need to be alone.

_Great. Like I need another problem._

Besany went to find the nearest 'freshers, where she was sick all over again.

* * *

><p>Corr watched as the Nulls talked with Omega and Kal, not really joining in. He felt oddly pushed out now that Fi was here. He knew he was being a <em>di'kut<em>, because Fi had never done anything to hurt him, but now the 'old' squad was back together, Corr felt a little like he didn't belong.

He got up and walked out of the room, heading for the turbolift. He had no specific destination in mind, he just wanted to explore a little and stretch his legs. Failing that, he could always grab some food.

He closed his eyes and selected a random floor number. When the doors opened, he found himself in what was obviously a reception area – there was a large polished desk at the end with 'Republic Central Medcentre' emblazoned in gold letters behind it, the logo to the side. Nurses and receptionists were milling behind it, dealing with various species of customers.

Corr was passing the end desk on his way to a vending machine he had spotted when he heard a woman protesting loudly.

"But I'm her friend! What do you mean you can't tell me where she is?"

The receptionist looked unperturbed. "She's not a patient here. I'm sorry."

"Well, is she visiting someone, maybe?" the woman looked frustrated.

"I'll check. What did you say her name was?"

"Wennen. Besany Wennen."

Corr froze. _Besany? This woman knows Besany?_

The receptionist shook her head. "No, I'm afraid there's no patient on here with the last name Wennen, nor is she listed as any first contacts. Do you have any idea whom she may be visiting?"

The woman gave a half sneer that wasn't directed at the receptionist. "Huh. How should I know? She's not at her apartment, she's not at work, she's not answering her comm...seems I don't know Besany kriffing Wennen at all these days…thanks anyway."

The woman started to walk away, but Corr caught up with her.

"Hey!_ Hey!_" he tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to face him.

She was pretty, he thought, quite young, with dark hair that she'd scraped back into a knot at the back of her head. She had piercing brown eyes, which were at the moment looking at him in a confused way from behind the sleek frames of her glasses. She was a head shorter than he was, but then, most people were. He noticed that her skin was a golden brown colour, close to that of a clone's, and she had very pretty, full lips.

She gave him a questioning look, removing her glasses in one smooth, practised gesture and raising a sharp eyebrow, her lips forming a straight line. He snapped out of his trance.

"You're looking for Besany Wennen?"

Understanding of a sort lit her eyes. "Wait…are you Ordo?"

Corr did a double take. _How does she know who Ordo is? _"Uh, no, I'm not…how do you…?"

"Besany told me she's dating a clone. I figured maybe…sorry." She smiled, a little embarrassed. Corr thought her blush was quite pretty.

"No, I'm not Ordo…but I do know Besany. I can take you to her, if you like?" he offered her his arm with a smile. She looked around.

"I don't know…is she busy?"

"Not at all."

The woman seemed to consider this for a moment. Then, "Okay then…" she took his arm and let him guide her to the lifts and up.

As the lift ascended, Corr decided to introduce himself. "My name's Corr, by the way."

She smiled and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Jilka. Jilka Zan Zentis." She held out her hand for shaking. "Nice to meet you, trooper Corr."

"You mind telling me how you know Bez?" he gave her his best winning smile.

"Work. We're both in the Republic Treasury office."

"Government official, huh?"

"Hardly. She's Auditing, I'm more Corporate Tax Enforcement. Nothing huge. But it pays nice, so…"

He smiled at her. She seemed nice. But her eyes were sharp, and he could tell she was good at her job. She had an enforcing air about her.

The doors opened and Corr led Jilka down the corridors to Ordo's room. Before they even got there, they met Besany emerging from the 'freshers, looking a little pale. Her eyes widened when she saw Jilka.

"Jilka? What are you doing here?" her eyes moved to Corr, who gave her a shrug.

Jilka stepped forwards. "You never gave Jarvis a reason for being off work for so long. I thought I'd come remind you before he fired you. So why are you here?"

Besany looked at Corr. Corr gave her a slight nod.

"You can't tell anyone, Jilka. I mean it. But it's Ordo. He's…he's…" she broke off and ran a hand through her hair. "His ship crashed. He's in a coma."

Jilka's eyes widened a little. "Whoa. And here I was thinking you'd just been taking days off for fun."

There was a pause. Corr looked from Besany to Jilka. They were both staring at the floor in front of the other's feet.

"So…is he going to be okay?" Jilka asked, quietly.

Besany shrugged. "Hopefully. But honestly we have no idea. Anything could happen." Jilka nodded.

"Do you want me to tell Jarvis or are you going to do it?"

Besany sucked her cheeks for a moment. "I'll tell him my boyfriend's in hospital. But I won't say why."

"Okay then. Well…I'll leave you to…you know," Jilka turned to go. "I, uh…I hope he gets better."

Besany smiled a little. "Thanks."

Jilka returned the smile. She turned to Corr. "Mind showing me out, trooper Corr?"

Besany raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Corr offered Jilka his arm, and with a backward smile at Besany, he took Jilka back down to the reception area.

"How did you get here? Do you need me to call you a taxi?"

She blushed a little. "Uh, no, it's fine, I drove here." She hesitated before leaving. "What I said, about Ordo getting better…I mean that. I really do hope. That he gets better, I mean." She flushed. Corr grinned at her. She was obviously not used to stammering.

"So, um…bye then." She gave him a small smile. Corr smiled back.

"Yeah, see you again sometime, hopefully. Pop back any time."

"Me too. I mean, I hope so too. That I see you again…sometime…trooper Corr." she seemed to cringe at herself, and Corr held back a laugh. Though she was harsh and sharp, she seemed to have a softer, less uptight side to herself. He hoped to see more of that sometime.

She smiled and headed out of the transparisteel doors. He watched her go.

Then he turned and headed back to the lift.

* * *

><p><em>The hands were still there.<em>

_He felt happier when he knew they were there._

_He felt he could almost distinguish between the different touches now. One was a woman's, he thought, soft and loving but determined never to let go. He liked that touch._

_The other was a man's. It was strong and firm, but just as determined._

_That gave him hope._

_They were determined not to let him go._

_He was just as determined not to let go._

* * *

><p>With the visit of Omega and Etain, and Kad in tow, the usually subdued mood of the room had been lifted. Even now they had left, Mereel noticed that both Kal and his brothers were in better spirits. Kom'rk had produced a pack of sabacc cards and they were all playing, using the bed as a table. Mereel was surprised to find that Besany was quite good at cards.<p>

Kom'rk sat back and looked at _Kal'buir_. "You okay, _buir_?"

Kal smiled and ruffled his hair. "I'll be fine, _ad'ika_. As long as he wakes up." They all nodded. Mereel noticed Fi give Besany a look, but she shook her head at him. Mereel made a mental note to ask one of them about it.

Prudii nudged him. "Your go, _vod'ika_. Wake up."

Mereel looked at his cards and threw them onto the bed. "No. No good. I'm out."

"Me too," said Jaing.

A'den grinned. "Ditto."

"Okay, okay, let's just give Bez the winnings already," Kal laughed. Besany smiled and put down her cards.

Mereel held one of Ordo's hands in his. He missed him. They all did, it was as though an essential part of their working was gone. They just didn't have the same energy.

They were all silent for a moment. Then outside, the whirring of a med-droid could be heard heading down the corridor.

None of them had worried. That was the problem. They hadn't been prepared. They'd not had any time to come to terms with it or plan a way out.

So when the whirring stopped outside the door, Mereel thought there was something wrong with his ears. Realising too late, he looked around the room, seeing similar expressions of shock and apprehension in everyone's faces. Fi was gripping Besany's hand, who was in turn gripping Ordo's. She and Mereel shared a silent agreement.

They weren't going to let them take him.

The door opened and the droid whirred in.

Kal stepped in front of it. "What's wrong, tinnie?"

The droid looked offended at being stopped. "ARC trooper Captain N-11 has been without substantial neurological functions for one standard week. Procedure states that he be terminated."

Mereel felt the ripple of shock run through the room. Adrenaline flooded his body like a bucket of ice-cold water had just been thrown on him.

_Not Ordo. Not my brother._

The droid made to move past Kal, but he wouldn't let it.

"You're going to kill my son. I can't let you do it."

The droid sounded bored. "I shall call security."

Kal was mad; Mereel could see it in his father's face. "Go ahead, tinnie. But you're not taking my son's life."

"Sir, I must insist-"

Kal drew his vibroblade from his gauntlet with an alarming _sha-thunk_. The blade wasn't going to do much damage against the durasteel plating, but the droid got the message. It had obviously decided that the patient must be 'treated' before it called security, and the droid tried to move past Kal, more intent on its purpose this time.

All nine Corellian hells broke loose.

Kal swore loudly as the droid produced a syringe from its housing and headed towards Ordo's IV with it. Kal tried to grab the droid back, but the droid saw it coming and evaded his grip. Men in uniform appeared out of nowhere, it seemed – the droid had obviously called security before advancing without alerting their attention. The men tried to restrain Kal, but he was kicking and swearing and flinging his blade around in a desperate attempt to get them to release him. The other Nulls had jumped up and were fighting their way through guards, desperately hitting out and screaming to just _let them go, he's our brother_. One of the guards moved to Besany's chair and lifted her bodily out of it, but she was still holding onto Ordo's hand. She gripped tight, but the guard was too strong and her hand was ripped from Ordo's as he carried her away from the bed, screaming. Fi was yelling at them to let her go. He aimed his fist for a furious punch at the guard.

Out of the corner of his eye, Mereel saw the droid move to the IV with the syringe. Torn between helping everyone at once, and seeing two security guards moving in his direction, he didn't know what to do. He felt helpless and scared but also unshakeably _furious_.

Something cracked inside him.

_No. Not Ordo. Not my brother. I won't let you kill him._

It all seemed to happen in slow motion. He saw Besany's face, contorted with fear for Ordo and tears running down her face as she screamed. He saw Fi's fist connect with the guard that was holding Besany's jaw. He saw blood spurt from his mouth in a slow arc, like some sort of grotesque fountain display. He saw Kom'rk, Prudii, A'den and Jaing trying to push their way through a wall of security guards. A'den was yelling at Mereel to _stop it, stop the droid_. He saw _Kal'buir_, spitting and kicking and throwing every inch of his weight into whichever guard came near enough to touch him. He was crying. Crying for Ordo.

The droid lowered the syringe to the tube.

The guards were coming closer.

He had no choice. He felt as if he was about to explode with the anger and resentment building inside of him.

It was like the world was moving in slow motion and he was moving too fast.

He pulled his sidearm from its holster and shot the droid three times.

Once in the arm that held the syringe.

Once in the chest where no heart beat.

Once in the head where no mind thought.

He felt the shock from each shot travel up his arm as the gun fired. The droid sparked and crashed to the floor. The syringe flew out of its shattered arm.

Mereel breathed. He hadn't even realised he'd stopped.

He dropped the gun. His mind told him he should be feeling the rough grasp of the two security guards as the hauled him away. But it never came. He could hear A'den's yelling and _Kal'buir's_ roaring and Besany's sobbing. All of a sudden his vision tunnelled and it was too quiet.

And then everything went black.

* * *

><p><em>The hand was gone.<em>

_He had felt it torn from his._

_He wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to know why the hand had been ripped from his, the touch that kept him going gone._

_Distantly he thought he heard a scream._

_A woman's scream._

_He thought he knew that voice._

_But that didn't matter. She was in pain. She was screaming. He had to help her. She had helped him by holding his hand._

_He could barely hear her. It sounded like sobbing now. Why was she crying? Why did he feel the need to comfort her? Who was this woman?_

Phshooom.

_He knew that noise._

_It sounded like a gun._

_Was she dead?_

_He hoped not._

_The darkness rose again._

_He fell into it._

**...**_  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Hope you enjoyed the chapter. :) Is it weird that I enjoy messing with Mereel? *hugs Mereel* I love him really.<em>

_Threw in some Corr/Jilka romance there for Rhiannon. ;) There's no actual description of Jilka in the books, but I'd imagine her to look as I described her._

_Things are getting very messed up. :P Hope Etain-Skirata liked the cameos of Etain and Kad. Threw them in for you._

_Special thanks to Moondoe and Admiral Daala, my newest readers. :) Hope you're enjoying it._

_And of course, thanks to all you other guys! You made me really happy the other day with all your wonderful words. Thank you so much._

_Please review, fave, subscribe…&c., &c._

_I seem to write faster at weekends…huh. :P_

_Chapter 5 is on the way. Thanks for reading!_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	6. CHAPTER 5: Taking Hold

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5 – Taking Hold<strong>

The silence was deafening.

Kal had no idea what had happened for a minute; he'd been so caught up in not letting them kill Ordo and making them let go of him that he hadn't paid any attention to _who _was going to stop them.

The three shots rang out like the klaxon that signalled the end of a fight or game of limmie. The guards froze and turned their heads.

It had taken Kal a moment to actually see which of the Nulls had done it; his eyes were so full of furious tears. When he'd brushed them away, he'd just had the time to see Mereel drop the gun and fall to the ground, hitting his head of the side of a chair as he went.

Many pairs of running footsteps were all that punctuated the air. It sounded like four commando squads were heading their way from the noise. They stopped at the door. Kal thought they were all done for, that they'd sent for the bug guns to throw them out bodily. He didn't turn around.

He saw Besany gasp and put a hand to her mouth.

"Hello, Kal. Thought we'd meet again."

He sounded tired, but it was still him.

Jaller Obrim.

Kal almost collapsed himself from sheer relief. They might be able to get this sorted out now.

He turned to Obrim. "Jaller. Great to see you."

Obrim raised an eyebrow, but his eyes were smiling. "Under the circumstances, is it?"

"Oh, yes. It really is."

Obrim gave a short laugh. He turned to the security guards and held up a badge Kal couldn't see.

"Leave them alone, this one's a special case."

The guards looked dubious, but the badge had obviously forced their hand. Kal wondered what fake badge Obrim had shown them. They let go of their captives and headed out of the room, escorted by the officers Obrim had brought with him. Jaller stepped into the room.

"A fine mess you've made of things, Kal."

Kal wiped away the last of his tears. "How'd you know…?"

"Saw a familiar name on a list. Thought I'd come and see how you were coping…good thing I did," he smiled. "The hospital security alarms are somehow patched through to my sector now."

Kal grinned. He looked around. The Nulls were helping Mereel up and onto a chair, Fi standing nearby staring at his fist, clenching it and unclenching it. Besany was back in her usual place, at Ordo's side, his hand clutched in hers and pressed to her face. She seemed to be fighting back more tears.

"I'll get this cleaned up, Kal. Don't worry." Obrim put hand on his shoulder.

Kal just nodded. Then he went to sit by Besany and plant a kiss on top of her head, and then Ordo's. He stroked his hand through Ordo's dark hair, forcing himself not to cry. He wondered if Ordo was completely oblivious to it all. He would never know.

Obrim, after making sure everyone was okay and promising to return with a cleaner, set off to find his officers again.

The nurse Rhiannon came in looking very pale.

"I-I tried to stop them, I really did," she gushed. "But they kept telling me that they didn't have the time to look after him any more…that they needed the beds…oh, gosh, I'm so, so sorry!" She seemed on the verge of hyperventilating, so Jaing took her outside for some air.

Kal hadn't realised until now how much his sons had grown up in these past few days. They'd taken charge when he couldn't, they'd made decisions for the benefit of them all and they'd made sure everyone else was okay before themselves. Mereel especially. He hadn't even thanked them. He felt guilty.

A cleaner bustled in to wipe the floor of blood and whatever the contents of the syringe had held. No one said a word. The remaining Nulls were checking Mereel's head for injuries sustained by his fall. Somehow, Kal thought the injuries wouldn't be external. Not when something like this happened. It was what went on inside that caused to most damage.

Besany seemed to give a huge sigh. Then she stood up, kicked off her shoes, shrugged off her jacket, and lay down on the bed next to Ordo, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder and clasping his hand over his chest. She seemed to breathe deeply before closing her eyes and falling into a deep sleep. Touched by her devotion and clear love for his son, Kal picked up her discarded jacket and placed it over her like a blanket.

His comm buzzed in his pocket. So did A'den's, and Kom'rk's, and Prudii's. They shared a look. Kal picked his up. The display read:

MY OFFICE. NOW. - ZEY.

"_Shab_," A'den swore.

They all looked to Mereel. Then Ordo.

The door opened and Jaing walked back in, looking considerably flushed, his hair a mess as though he had been running his fingers through it numerous times. He had traces of what looked like lip-gloss around his mouth. He grinned and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Rhiannon followed him in looking considerably less panicked, but just as hot-under-the-collar as Jaing. A few of the buttons on her shirt were missing. Kal didn't have time to say anything about that.

"Are we…?"

"Yes. Zey wants to see us. We can't avoid it, not now." Maybe he'd taken too much of a risk in calling them all back at once so fast. Well, he'd find out now.

"We'll have to leave Mereel. He'll know where we've gone once he sees the message in his comm," He made a beckoning gesture at the door. "Let's go."

The Nulls followed him out.

He watched as Fi just sat down and picked up Ordo's other hand.

* * *

><p><em>Warmth.<em>

_He was warm._

_There was a pressure on his left side, as though someone was lying on him, like a hundred of the hands were pressing on him, warming him from the core._

_The hands were still holding his._

_The man and the woman._

_The woman's was over his, soft and smooth and…_

_Warm._

_She was lying with him. She wasn't dead. She was warm. Warm people weren't dead._

_He felt an odd sense of relief at this. Why? Why did he feel such a connection to this woman?_

_If he concentrated hard enough, he could hear her breathing deeply. It was a strangely soothing rhythm._

_For the first time since he had woken in this dark, he felt a sense of happiness._

_She was with him._

_For some reason, that mattered._

* * *

><p>The first thing Mereel was aware of when he came-to was that the room was empty.<p>

He shot up out of the chair. He didn't care that his head pounded painfully and his vision swam. He needed to know what had happened to Ordo.

His heart relaxed a little upon seeing Ordo lying in the bed, Besany lying by his side, fast asleep. The dark circles under her eyes worried him.

Fi had Ordo's other hand, and had fallen asleep on it. Mereel looked for traces of the fight that he remembered last seeing, but the room was once again spotless.

He groaned inwardly. _What have I done?_ He'd gone and messed everything up for _Kal'buir _and his brother now. They couldn't stay here now. Not for much longer.

Not even thinking to wonder where his brothers or Kal were, he stumbled to his feet and walked out of the door.

Like the morning he had ended up on the roof, his mind seemed to shut off. His legs were carrying him away, but his mind wasn't aware of where he was going or his surroundings. All he could think was _I failed. I failed them all. I tried to keep everyone happy but instead I may have killed my brother._

_I failed._

He was aware that he was outside now, and that it was dark, but his legs didn't stop. He broke into a run, tears streaming in his eyes, tearing at his hair, his mind telling him over and over what a failure he was. He couldn't take it.

His mind finally caught up with his body when he was half way through what looked like his fourth drink.

It was loud and dark and neon lights flashed everywhere. There was loud music pumping from some speakers, and his head pounded to the beat. He downed the rest of his drink. It made him feel warm and pleasantly numb inside, made him forget what he'd done.

An attractive female Zeltron sauntered up to him, wearing tight-fitting, bright clothing that left very, very little to the imagination. She had a flirty smirk on her face.

Sitting herself down on the stool next to him, she gave him a heavy-lidded smile.

"What are you doing out here all by yourself, soldier-boy?"

Mereel didn't even answer her. He was just looking for something, _anything _to numb this sinking feeling of failure.

He leaned across the gap between them and pressed his lips firmly against hers. She giggled.

"My, my…we aren't one of many words, are we?"

He just kissed her again. She tasted of vanilla cake, a sweetness that overwhelmed his senses and made him feel oddly light-headed. It was a far cry from feeling so despondent, anyway.

She slid off the stool and took his hand in hers, leading him out of the noisy bar and into the alley outside.

Mereel didn't want to go to her place. He just wanted to feel less…like he did now.

Stumbling slightly as the drink took hold, he pinned her against the wall in a ferocious locking of lips. She didn't complain, only wrapped her scantily clad legs around his waist and leaned in for more kisses, writhing against him and making little gasping moans when he rocked back against her.

His mouth met hers again in a passionate open-mouthed kiss, his hands sliding down her sides, feeling flashes of hot skin under his fingers. He fingered the hem of her shirt, before sliding his hand back up to cup her breast, teasing her.

He moved his mouth from hers and instead followed the line of her jaw and neck, biting into her sweet skin in a frenzied attempt to drown all thoughts of _failure, failure, failure_.

It was as though someone was screaming it in his ear.

He couldn't ignore it. It pervaded his every sense, making him feel suddenly nauseous. He bit down so hard on her collarbone that he drew blood. She started to protest, but the bitter taste of blood in his mouth had alleviated the sick feeling. He bit again, harder.

She screamed and kicked against him, trying to free herself, but Mereel needed her now. He needed her to make it all better. He held her down under him, hard enough to bruise, and she screamed again. He crushed his mouth against hers to get her to stop, but she kicked out and hit him in the midsection.

He stumbled back, winded. His head was spinning. She was looking at him with a mixture of horror and disgust, her chest rising and falling quickly and a trickle of blood running down her shirt.

He leaned over to the side and vomited violently.

She ran for it.

Mereel, suddenly overcome with realisation of what he'd just done, leaned against the wall with his head in his hands.

_Failure_.

Before he knew it, he was running again.

* * *

><p>Besany was awoken by the sound of someone crashing into the room.<p>

Her eyes flew open with a start as a blurry figure stumbled through the door, and collapsed onto a chair, putting its head in its hands.

Rubbing her eyes to clear them, Besany noticed Fi had been sleeping too, his head asleep on Ordo's hand. A stifled sob caught her attention, and she turned towards the figure in the chair.

"Mereel?"

He looked up at her. His eyes were blood-shot, and heavy dark circles ringed them. The overall effect was quite psychotic. Besany's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry, Bez," he sniffed. "I really am."

"For what?"

"For failing you."

She would have got up off the bed to go to Mereel, but Ordo's warmth was comforting and she'd missed his touch. He still smelled the same as he head when they'd kissed goodbye the last time she'd seen him. It brought back happy memories. It kept her grounded.

She put her head back in Ordo's neck and inhaled his scent of fresh linen and something that was distinctly _Ordo_. She'd noticed that none of his brothers smelt the same way he did.

Mereel needed grounding. He needed something to hold on to. He needed to get a grip; he was sliding down a perilous slope that was harder to get out of than in to.

He needed another reason.

A reason to live for.

Slowly, Besany guided Ordo's hand to her belly and held it there, wondering if he could feel anything, wondering if he was getting the message.

She took a deep breath. "Mereel?" she whispered. "Mereel, I think there's something you should know."

He looked up at her.

She looked at Ordo. Then to their hands.

She met Mereel's eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

Understanding of a sort crossed his eyes, as though he'd been seeing signs but hadn't put the whole image together yet. She didn't doubt this. Some of the light returned to his eyes and face, and he stared at Ordo and Besany's clasped hands.

Suddenly he broke into a huge grin. "It's definitely Ordo's, right?"

Besany might have made a sarcastic comment at that point, but all she could do was grin back. It was so nice to see Mereel gain his footing again. So nice.

"Yes. Yes, it is."

He couldn't seem to wipe the smile off his face. "Ordo…Ordo will be so happy. Just wait and see. He'll be…" he trailed off, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"You think so?" she asked. She'd been so nervous about Ordo's reaction to finding out that his words lifted her heart. She had hope again.

"He'll be so happy, Bez. He'll be a great father, you know."

She smiled. "I do, I think."

They shared a smile.

"Just wait till _Kal'buir_ knows. He'll be overjoyed."

"I know. But…" she looked at Ordo.

"It feels wrong telling everyone else before him." Mereel finished for her.

She nodded.

"So tell him."

She gave him a questioning look. He nodded towards Ordo's still form.

She opened her mouth to ask him if that was stupid, but he'd picked up his comlink and left the room.

She checked Fi was still asleep. She felt rather foolish, but in a way she felt as though this would help. She didn't know if he could even hear her, but telling it to him all the same made sense.

Slowly, she turned her head towards Ordo and leaned in close to him so that her lips were almost touching his ear. She closed her eyes.

"Ordo? Ordo, it's Besany," she whispered. She got no reply, which was expected. She took another breath.

"I'm having your baby, Ordo."

Still nothing.

"Your child."

She couldn't stop herself from smiling. It felt so good to tell him, no matter how ridiculous she may have looked.

"I love you, Ordo."

She gave him a kiss on the cheek, then snuggled down next to him to resume her dreamless sleep, their clasped hands resting on her stomach.

* * *

><p>Fi turned his head away from watching Besany whisper in Ordo's ear.<p>

It was a personal moment that he shouldn't be intruding on.

He felt Besany slide back down the bed and give a contented sigh, her breathing slowing to a slumber again.

He smiled.

* * *

><p><em>The darkness was rising again.<em>

_He felt weak and alone._

_He couldn't fight it._

_He felt her warmth. Her hand. Her cheek._

_But he was still slipping._

_He was falling._

_Darkness was rising._

_He wanted her to stop it somehow. He didn't want to fall into it again. Not now. He was so tired of being asleep._

_Something like a ripple moved through the darkness._

_She leaned close, he could feel the warmth of her breath._

"_Ordo? Ordo, it's Besany."_

_Besany. The name caused more ripples in the darkness. Something struck a chord in him._

_A bright white light seemed to blaze from the centre ripples, beaming out and enveloping him._

_He remembered a sunny day._

_A bed._

_Her warm skin._

_Her lustrous hair._

_Her joyous smile._

_Her lips._

_Those lips._

_They had kissed him._

_Besany._

_He knew Besany. He loved Besany. He had wanted to tell her that before he died._

_But he wasn't dead._

_So he should tell her._

_He couldn't. His lips wouldn't move._

"_I'm having your baby, Ordo."_

_The light disappeared._

"_Your child."_

_He was blinded. Blinded by memories of her and him, together and apart, forever in love. The ripples were no longer dark, they were bright, consuming light, like fire but fire that wasn't angry or ferocious, fire that was strengthening and angelic and something he could only describe as pure joy._

_A child._

_His child._

_With Besany._

_If he could have moved his mouth, he would have smiled._

_If he could have used his voice, he would have laughed._

_If he could have moved his lips, he would have kissed her._

_If he could have moved his hands, he would have held her and their child and never, ever let them go._

_She seemed to laugh lightly. He wondered if she sensed his happiness. His love._

"_I love you, Ordo."_

_I love you too._

_The darkness went away._

_But her warmth stayed._

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Hope you enjoyed the chapter. :) I enjoyed writing it.<em>

_Hugest thanks and cookies to lagola, Queen, Etain-Skirata, Moondoe, Admiral Daala, LongLiveTheClones, DoubleEO, Epona's Chosen, Dantes Clover and sachariah! You make my day, every day…seriously. Thank you so much. A special thanks to Rhiannon for listening to me every time I ask you 'Is this right?', 'Does this happen too fast?', 'Do you think I should word it differently?', 'How about this?', 'Whose POV do you think?'. I just…I can't put into words how much your reviews mean to me, every single one of them._

_ALSO if you like Corr/Jilka, Rhiannon (**Epona's Chosen**) has just written a very sweet Corr/Jilka oneshot called 'Home':  
><em>

_h t t p : / / w w w . f a n f i c t i o n . n e t / s / 7 9 2 4 2 3 6 / 1 /_

_Be sure to check it out, and her other RepCom work as well._

_I shall now start chapter 6. Please review, fave, subscribe…&c., &c…Force knows I could use some happiness today…stupid art teacher…_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	7. CHAPTER 6: Preparations

**_A note of warning – near the end is a scene that is very strongly T-rated, that starts with the words 'Corr grinned down at Jilka'. If you feel uncomfortable reading that sort of thing, skip to the lines 'He'd fallen out of his bunk…_shab_.' You can understand it perfectly from there without having to read the above scene._**

* * *

><p><strong>~* Reasons to Live For *~<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6 – Preparations<strong>

Jedi General and Director of Special Forces Arligan Zey paced back and forth behind his elaborate lapis desk.

The Nulls were standing in a straight line, feet slightly apart and hands behind their backs, eyes straight ahead, looking every bit the perfect soldier.

Kal was standing next to them, arms crossed, eyebrow raised, looking every bit the perfect cynical mercenary and angry training sergeant.

Which was how he felt.

He watched as Zey stopped pacing and stood behind his desk, hands resting on it. He looked pointedly at Kal.

"Well?"

Kal was obviously supposed to answer him. He gestured to his sons, and said, "I'm sure you know why I did this, Zey."

Zey nodded at him slowly and raised an eyebrow. "Yes, but it strikes me you're off your game, Skirata. It only took me days to find out this time, not weeks."

Kal opened his mouth, but shut it again. It was better to let Zey vent his steam before you said anything.

"I'm sure you know that your actions have thrown quite a few planets into total disorder. With the lack of your precious Nulls on the front lines, we've lost three planets to the Separatists already, and many more are on their way," Zey paused for breath. He seemed to survey the Nulls again. "Where is Lieutenant Mereel?"

The Nulls looked at Kal. He met Zey's eyes and opened his mouth to reply that Mereel was with his brother, where they all should be, when Zey held up a hand.

"No, on second thoughts, I don't want to know," he said, and started pacing again. "Normally, Kal, as you know, my professional blind eye is turned to the Nulls' extracurricular activities, whatever they might be. But when we start to lose systems, I get mad."

"I noticed, General."

Zey seemed to ignore this comment. He stopped pacing and lowered his voice, looking at each Null and Kal in turn, a sympathetic look in his eyes. "I understand that Ordo's condition is serious. I understand that you want to be with him right now. I understand," he said, looking at Kal in particular. "That you would do anything for him, and by anything I mean bend and break rules. But I advise you – _be careful_."

He continued his pacing, and Maze walked in carrying datapads and sheets of flimsi, setting them down on the desk. Kal saw his look up discretely and frown slightly, perhaps noting the absence of two Nulls. Kal wondered if Zey had told him about Ordo. Ordo seemed to have a grudging respect for Maze.

Zey continued. "I don't like what I am about to say, but it's regulation. Kal, your Nulls will have to return to duty in a week's time, or I have no choice but to court-martial them."

A week. Zey was giving Ordo a week to wake up.

"However…" Zey pursed his lips and lowered his voice again. "I can ensure Omega have a longer leave than usual so that they can visit Ordo, as I'm sure they would like to."

Skirata saw Maze hide a look from Zey that said he wasn't too crazy about his general bending rules. _But then again_, Kal thought, _he's probably learned to just leave him to it_. Kal wondered, for a moment, if Maze would like to visit Ordo?

He discarded the thought. If Maze wanted to see Ordo, he was the kind of man who would just turn up in his own time.

They had bigger things to worry about now.

Ordo needed to wake up in a week. It was doubtful that the hospital would let them stay a week longer, no matter how much influence Obrim had. Ordo was still a clone to them, and every hospital bed mattered in a war. If they couldn't keep him on Coruscant, he'd need to be moved somewhere else, somewhere safer.

Kyrimorut.

The Nulls would be able to visit as they pleased without drawing too much attention to the superiors on Coruscant. Fi would be back home and therefore at less risk of being spotted. The only drawbacks were that Kal would likely get called away from time to time, and Omega couldn't visit as often as they'd like. But Fi could give them updates, and Etain and Bardan if they came over.

Jusik. And Mij. Doctors, _healers_. Bardan could work on Ordo's brain the way he did with Fi's and get him to heal faster. There was no point calling him out now with only a week to go. But once they got there they could start immediately. Jusik would want to help.

It was the safest option. If Ordo had a chance at making it out of this alive, he had to be moved.

It would require preparations though.

He looked at the Nulls. There was nothing they wouldn't do for their _vod._

Kal half-listened to the rest of Zey's lecture, his mind on plans for extraction. He'd have to talk it all through with the others once they got back to the hospital. They'd all need to work together to pull this off.

"Remember what I said, Skirata," Zey finished up, giving him a pointed look. Kal wondered of he knew what he'd been thinking. "Be careful."

Kal felt the need to somehow thank Zey, but wasn't sure how to word it. He simply nodded at him and led his boys out of the room. He could practically feel Maze's curious stare on his back as he left.

"Boys," he said as they caught a taxi back to the hospital, "We've got work to do."

They all nodded.

* * *

><p>Besany was having a dream that she and Ordo were standing side by side, holding a young baby. She couldn't tell if the child was a boy or a girl, because the dream wasn't as distinct as reality. Ordo was smiling at her; he leaned down to kiss her deeply on the lips. She shivered. She had missed his touch. Looking down again, the baby had turned into a toddler that looked rather a lot like Kad.<p>

Besany watched as their child reached out a small hand to touch Ordo's face. Ordo laughed, his image next to her appearing brighter than it had done in previous dreams. Then the toddler looked at her, with those big, dark eyes that always made Kad look older than he was. Besany started to panic. Had she stolen Kad from Etain? This child couldn't be hers; she wasn't Force-sensitive.

The toddler started to poke Besany in the face lightly. Besany felt herself being pulled from the dream, as voices from the real world entered her head.

"No, _Kad'ika_, don't-"

Besany opened her eyes with a start. Staring back at her were those big, dark eyes that had peered at her from her dream. She jumped.

Etain rushed over and scooped Kad up off Besany's lap.

"I'm so sorry," she smiled. "I turn my back for two seconds and he's off again. Got to Ordo before you."

Besany rubbed her eyes. "He did?"

Etain nodded and tapped Kad on the nose in a mock-annoyed fashion. He just giggled. "Put his hand on Ordo's forehead, as if to wake him up," she looked wistful. "If only it was that simple."

Besany nodded. She was still somewhat lost to her dream, and the very real feeling of his kiss. She missed him painfully.

Looking around, she saw that she and Etain were alone. She assumed Fi had gone to get something to eat, and Mereel…well, who knew. _Probably finding a nurse of his own_, she mused. She laughed inwardly._ He _does _have a reputation to upkeep, after all._

She saw Etain glance at her and Ordo's clasped hands over her stomach. Besany tried not to flush or blanche. She suspected Etain already knew, but so as not to give herself away, she sat up and in doing so moved their hands to her lap.

"You here by yourself?"

Etain narrowed her eyes, but attempted to brighten up. "The Omega are on their way. We got a call from Kal, he says it's urgent. Like a family meeting or something."

Besany's stomach lurched. Would then be a good time to tell everyone else about the baby? Did she have the nerve to do it then?

Fi had been nagging her to tell Kal, and by extension, the whole family. Maybe it was better to just let everyone know before it was too late and they all hated her for not telling them. She avoided Etain's eyes. She didn't want to think about how nearly she had avoided a catastrophe when she had eventually told Darman about Kad – a year later.

She couldn't end up that way. She'd have to do it.

Besides, another month and she'd have difficulty hiding it from then on.

Fi and Mereel came into the room with cups of caf for Etain and themselves, and tea for Besany. Although she was grateful, she couldn't help but notice Etain's eyes narrow slightly. It was a little obvious. Fortunately, she was saved from having to answer any awkward questions by the arrival of Omega squad, accompanied by Laseema this time. It seemed Kal really _had _meant the whole family.

Laseema greeted Fi with a hug and went to talk to Etain. It was then Besany realised that she was still sitting next to Ordo on the bed. She pondered moving, but his warmth against her side was comforting, and she knew she would have to draw on that warmth as strength, so she wouldn't feel so scared about telling everyone about their child.

_Why am I scared? _She looked at Ordo.

_Because if he doesn't wake up, I'll be alone, and my child will have no father. I don't want to confirm the fact that I'm pregnant until I know he's going to wake up. I can't let it feel real until then. Otherwise I risk hurting the child and myself._

Her analytical nature had taken over again. Maybe she should just let things _be _for once instead of trying to control the outcome of every situation.

She couldn't control this now.

Squashing the voice in her head that was asking her _what if he doesn't want this child?_, she tried to join in with the laughing and joking going on around her as they waited for Kal and the rest of the Nulls. She noticed Mereel and Fi kept giving her looks that seemed to ask 'When are you going to tell them?', but she pointedly ignored them. They would find out soon enough.

When Kal and the Nulls came into the room, everyone fell silent. Kal took a chair next to Etain and the Nulls stationed themselves around the room. They all turned to look at Kal.

"We've got a week. We've got some planning to do."

* * *

><p><em>It was never as dark as it had been.<em>

_Besany was here, and she was carrying his child. He would never feel the darkness touch him again as long as she was with him._

_He felt something like giddiness when he thought of his child. Their child. He couldn't describe how much he felt the need to be with Besany right now, to look after her and make sure their baby had the best upbringing he could give it._

_He wondered if it was a boy or a girl._

_On balance, he didn't mind._

_Both boys and girls had the same sort of upbringing on Mandalore. They would both be heirs. A boy would bring him joy. He could teach a boy to hunt and kill and play _meshgeroya_, limmie. A boy would be like a brother to Kad, someone to have his back and to grow up with knowing he'd never be alone. His son._

_A girl would bring him something to cherish and protect. He would still teach her to kill and hunt, of course, but he would make sure that she was never harmed. She would grow up to be strong and determined and beautiful. His daughter._

_It didn't matter to him._

_He was happy._

_He hoped Besany was happy too._

_Suddenly, he felt another subconscious presence._

_It was as though someone was reaching out to him in the nothingness and gently touching him, as though testing to see what they would find._

_But something very odd happened when they touched him._

_He felt, for a moment, as if he was being lifted. Then the light he saw around him that had remained ever since he had known about his baby seemed to intensify. He felt a surge of – something like power – that engulfed him and made him feel like he had to _try_. Try to wake up. Try to do something, anything, just not lie there idly like a dead person. He wasn't dead. He felt stronger. He liked this touch._

_But just as swiftly as the touch had arrived, it was gone._

_The light dimmed slightly. His strength left him._

_He would have to lie here a little longer._

_At least he had thoughts of his unborn child to keep him occupied._

* * *

><p>Kal ticked off the list on his fingers.<p>

"So we have Enacca getting us a ship, plus we have the _Aay'han_because Fi came in it. That part's easy enough."

Mereel nodded. "Then we have Jaing using his nifty access card to sign Ordo out and get us a gurney and medical supplied for the journey."

Jaing grinned and held up the card in a mock-display fashion. Kom'rk hit him in the shoulder playfully.

"Yes, and we have the fake transponder codes and the discreet permission from Zey, plus a bed waiting for him on Mandalore."

Fi raised his eyebrows. "You have Zey's permission?"

Kom'rk grinned. "Well, not as such. But we all know he wants Ordo to get better. He's also not stupid."

"We're bending the rules again, but it's worth it." Kal rubbed his face with his hands.

Besany looked at him. "We're not going to pretend Ordo's…dead? Like we did with Fi?"

Everyone exchanged glances. They hadn't thought this far ahead. If Ordo ended up like Fi had been, there was no way he could return to active service. But if he did get better and the Republic thought he was dead, he couldn't return either.

"No. No, we won't say he's dead. Yet." Kal answered. "It'd look too strange if Ordo was getting gradually better and then all of a sudden died. We can call in at a later stage and say he's gone if…if…"

_If he doesn't get better. _The end of the sentence hung in the air. Besany bit her lip.

"So, we all know what we're doing? In a week from now, we bang out with Ordo."

Footsteps echoed outside the door. Everyone turned to look as none other than Jilka Zan Zentis walked in, looking a little embarrassed at having caught everyone at the same time. Her eyes strayed to Corr for a fraction longer than they would have if she had just been glancing over everyone. Besany suppressed a grin.

"I – uh – sorry, I was just…I'll come back later, shall I…?" Besany saw her dark eyes widen slightly at the sigh of Ordo lying in the bed. Perhaps she hadn't really come to terms with what had happened yet.

Besany's heart fluttered. Jilka was her friend. She had a right to know, just like everyone else here. She swallowed.

"Don't go just yet, Jilka," she said quietly. "I have something to say."

She tried not to catch either Fi or Mereel's eyes as she looked back at Ordo. She thought her heart was going to explode out of her chest. She squeezed Ordo's hand, drawing on his touch as strength.

"I have some news. If we're really going to do this, if this is really happening, then I'm one of the family now. I love Ordo, and I'd never leave him, so you can all get used to having me around now," she paused, unsure as to how to word the next part. She noticed that everyone was looking at her attentively. "I think you should all know. I'm – I'm – that is to say, _we - _" she gestured at Ordo. She took a deep breath, meeting Kal's eyes. "I'm pregnant," she finished up lamely, looking at her lap, where her hands were clasped tightly around Ordo's. Her heart was hammering so loudly she couldn't even hear if anyone had gasped in shock.

She had been unprepared for what kind of reaction this news would get.

The first thing she saw was Mereel and Fi giving each other a high-five, shouting '_Wayii!_'. Then she was aware of Etain and Laseema breaking into huge smiles and saying something that sounded like 'congratulations', but it was drowned out by the sound of the Nulls yelling in joy at the tops of their voices, jumping out of their seats to go and hug Besany in turn. She couldn't help but laugh with them.

She saw Kal put his head in his hands, and she got up to go and see if he was all right. The moment she reached his side, he stood up, put a hand on her stomach and let tears of joy fall down his face. She reached to brush them away, but he swatted her hand away and pulled her into a fatherly hug. He smelled like her own father had smelt, and wondered briefly how Norlin Wennen would have reacted. She quickly realised that it didn't matter. This was her family now.

Over his shoulder, she saw Jilka standing in wide-eyed shock, frozen, staring at her in a complete daze. Omega clapped Besany on the back, cheering, and then Corr went over to Jilka and gave her a huge hug, before dipping her in a perfect imitation of a romantic holodrama kiss. Besany was amused to note that Jilka didn't struggle against Corr. In fact, she seemed to be enjoying herself, wrapping her arms around Corr's neck.

"_Bes'ika,_ I can't tell you how much this means to me," Kal's voice was hoarse, but he didn't cry again. "Ordo…he will be so, so happy."

Besany smiled at him. Kad came wandering over, and Kal scooped him up.

"See your _ba'vodu_ Besany? She's having a baby." Kad seemed to understand that this was a happy thing and giggled, his eyes lighting up. Corr, seemingly done with Jilka for now, took advantage of Besany being free to hug her closely.

"It's great news, Bez," he whispered. "Really, it is. You'll be a great mother."

She grinned over his shoulder at a rather stunned-looking Jilka. "You and Jilka…I think she likes you," she whispered.

Corr pulled away so he could smile at her. "I know." He winked at Besany and turned to lead Jilka out of the room, Jilka flushing.

Besany was overwhelmed. People were laughing and crying and yelling and hugging her so often that time seemed to disappear. Once the excitement of the news had died down and people had left to attend to other matters, she settled back onto the bed with Ordo and curled up next to him.

Mereel came to sit next to her. The rest of the Nulls were nowhere to be seen. She asked him where they were.

"Most of them have gone to eat. Jaing, well, he's probably gone to work off his excitement with that nurse of his." He grinned.

She smiled back sleepily. "Naturally."

"I can't believe there's going to be a baby Null," Mereel laughed.

"Well, not really a Null. Only part-Null."

"The good parts, I hope."

"Not much to choose from then, is there?" she grinned.

He laughed. "I think you'll find 'spoilt for choice' is the term you're looking for."

"Well, if it's a girl, there's not a lot they can choose from," Besany pondered this for a minute. Could she ask the nurse Rhiannon to confirm a gender? Or was it too early at this stage?

"Either way, your child will be beautiful," Mereel picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. "If an unsmiling perfectionist who needs jokes explaining to them."

Besany swatted at him playfully. "Well, that's your job, then. To be the uncle that makes sure this child has a sense of humour."

Mereel mock-saluted. "I accept the challenge, General."

A lot of things hit her at once. But she was too tired to admit that she was scared for the future, scared for Ordo, and scared for what would happen after he woke up. Would they go back to Coruscant? Would she raise the child there? Would he still be in the army? Would he leave? No, he couldn't leave…they'd shoot him. Would she keep her job? If she moved to Mandalore, what about her apartment and her friends? She couldn't just leave everything behind.

Could she?

_Yes. I could._

Mereel gave her another wink and got up. "Going to get food. You want anything?"

She shook her head. He nodded and walked out.

Besany buried her nose in Ordo's neck and breathed in the scent of him. Feeling more comfortable than she had done in days, she drifted off to sleep and dreamed that she and Ordo were lying on a bed on a very sunny planet, a new-born baby between them.

* * *

><p>Corr grinned down at Jilka. Her dark hair had come loose from its tight bun, and was trussed up around her shoulders on the pillow. Her eyes were shining.<p>

He glided his hands over her smooth, naked hips. She shivered.

"This is highly inappropriate, trooper Corr," she whispered in his ear.

"I know," he bit delicately on her earlobe, sucking it gently and revelling in the way she shuddered under his every touch. "But I deal in the inappropriate."

She giggled, but half way through her giggles turned into gasping moans as he moved one hand upwards to her breasts, stroking his thumb gently over her nipple, and the other downwards to stroke her inner thigh, enjoying the feel of her warm skin under his fingers.

He pressed his lips to hers in a heated kiss, moaning as she ground her hips against his, making him shudder. Their sweat-slick skin felt almost unbearably delicious as he rocked against her, eliciting a deep-throated groan from Jilka that sounded half-animal. He felt a thrill go down his spine.

She put her arms around his back and raked her nails down him, causing him to bite her gently in the neck. Their hips moved in unison now, her heat spreading through him and making his toes curl.

She angled her hips upwards slightly, as though granting him entrance. "Corr…I need you…" she whispered.

"Jilka…" he groaned. He buried his face in her neck.

She laughed. "Hold on a moment…protection?" she asked.

Corr rolled off her and along the bed quickly to reach for something on the side table.

The next thing he knew, he was lying on the floor staring up at the Arca Barracks ceiling, Niner snoring loudly somewhere above him.

He'd fallen out of his bunk.

And he'd been dreaming.

_Shab_.

Thankfully, whatever he may have been saying in his sleep hadn't woken his squadmate. He was thankful that Niner was a heavy sleeper.

Sitting up, he pondered getting back into bed and just going back to sleep. But that dream had filled Corr's mind with images of Jilka and only Jilka. And Jilka in situations that meant he might have trouble looking her in the eye ever again.

He looked at the chrono. It was nearly 2300 hours. He pondered calling her and asking her to meet him somewhere…he just wanted to see her. The rational side of his brain was telling him that she would be asleep at this time of night and that waking her up would not put her on good terms with him. He did so want to be on good terms with her…

But, of course, the more irrational side of his brain won over the other side again, and he picked up his comm and grabbed a jacket and some shoes. Either way, he argued, the fresh air would do him good. He was a little overheated right now.

Once he was outside, the cool night air calmed his ruffled senses. He dialled her number – which she had scribbled on his gauntlet before she had left earlier that evening, after a rather good kiss or two – and waited for her to pick up.

She sounded disgruntled. "'ello?"

"Hey, Jilka."

There was a pause. "Corr?"

"The one and only."

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" she sounded quite angry now.

"Of course I do. I just…" _I had a dream about you, babes. _No. That line wasn't going to work with Jilka, he could tell.

"You just, what?" he could almost see her raising an eyebrow and pursing her lips.

"I just…wanted to know…" he looked around. A couple passed, wrapped up warmly and carrying cups of steaming caf. Inspiration struck him. "…wanted to know if you felt like meeting up?"

This pause was longer than the last one. "What – now?"

"No, Jilka, in nine years time." He rolled his eyes. She couldn't see him, but it relieved his feelings slightly.

"Fine then," she yawned. "See you then."

"Wait," he called, afraid she would cut the link, "I was kidding."

"No, really?" Now she was the sarcastic one. Corr felt that he was getting nowhere.

"Central Park, by the caf vendors on the west side. Meet me there in, what – fifteen? Twenty?"

Jilka seemed ponder the advantages of going to meet him at this time of night for a romantic stroll through the park. It took her a while. Corr panicked that he'd lost her. Eventually, she softened slightly. "Twenty minutes is fine. You mean the green vendor trucks?"

Corr was so relieved he nearly made a fist in triumph, but held it back. "Yeah, those," he added, as an afterthought, "Dress warm."

She laughed a little. "I thought you were supposed to be the one keeping me warm?"

Corr flushed. He wondered if she had some unknown psychic sense and had seen his dream. He sincerely hoped not. "Well, it's your risk, sweetheart."

"I'll meet you in twenty."

"Sure. Um, bye then."

"Bye."

He sprinted for the west side of the park, arriving ten minutes early, standing, shivering, by the caf vendors. He was amazed they were still open at this time of night. He decided not to get a cup yet, and instead wait for Jilka to arrive before getting them both a cup. He hoped she wouldn't be late. He didn't want to freeze to death.

Jilka proved to be a punctual woman, and tapped him on the shoulder the moment twenty minutes was up, to the exact second. That scared him a little. Her hair was tied back loosely and she was wearing her sleek-framed glasses, but her cheeks were slightly flushed as though she had run to meet him. Part of him hoped she had. She smiled shyly when he grinned at her.

"Want some caf?" He gestured to the vendors.

She nodded. He bought two cups, gave one to her, and offered her his arm. She raised an eyebrow, but took it, linking her arm through his and letting him lead her into the park.

Corr had never been in Central Park at night before. He'd been in during the day on his time off, because he found the quiet atmosphere a nice place to just relax for an hour or so. At night, the trees and plants were illuminated by strings of little lights, giving the place an ethereal warmth. He looked down at Jilka, who smiled up at him. He led her down a path with a roof of tall trees that he knew ended up by a lake. It was a lot darker down the path.

Once they were half way down it, the trees overhead took all sounds from outside. Jilka started to shiver, having finished her caf. He wondered, amusedly, if she was scared.

He thought he'd have some fun with her.

As the shadows closed in around them, he let go of her arm and hung back slightly, melting into the shadows. She stopped walking and put her hands on her hips.

"Very funny, Corr."

He didn't answer. The trees rustled slightly in the wind, and the ones behind her creaked ominously.

"Corr?" Her voice was a little shaky.

Again, he didn't move. The creaking trees grew louder.

"Come on, Corr, this isn't funny," she called. She sounded shaken now. He had to suppress a laugh.

"Look, Corr, I don't know-"

"BOO!"

She screamed and jumped backwards a few metres, before running up to his laughing form and hitting him hard on the back, furious.

"That was not funny, Corr," she reprimanded him, "It's_ not nice_ to jump out at a girl on your first date…if you don't count the time you jumped out at me from behind the pot-plant in the reception area at the hospital…or that impromptu kiss you gave me hours earlier…" But she was having trouble not laughing herself. Eventually, she gave in, and they both stood next to each other, laughing hard. "You do like to surprise a girl, don't you?"

Once he finally stopped laughing, he took her hand in his and jogged with her to the end of the pathway, ending up at a small lake that reflected the lights in its still water. He led her to a bench and they sat down on it, taking in the scene before them and all its tranquil beauty.

He put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer. Grateful for the extra warmth, she leaned in closer, putting her head on his shoulder. They stayed like that for a few moments, before he asked the question that was foremost in his mind.

"Jilka…why did you agree to meet me?"

She didn't say anything for a moment.

"Because…because I'm a normal, average, organised girl. This was something…crazy. I felt like doing something crazy."

She turned her head to look him in the eye. "Especially after my best friend announces that she's having her comatose boyfriend's child."

Corr chuckled. "This was kind of a crazy idea, wasn't it?"

"I think it was quite romantic." She said quietly, and blushed.

He leaned his face closer to hers so that he could whisper in her ear.

"You're not average. You're beautiful."

She didn't seem to know what to do with herself, so she just gave an odd kind of half laugh and refused to meet his eyes. He felt her face heat up.

"I think…" he went on, "I think because you spend so much time in the shadow of the lovely Miss Wennen that you've forgotten just how beautiful you can be."

She placed her hand on his chest, as if to hit him, but stopped by just placing it there. "Stop," she breathed.

"No," he whispered. "I like your blush. I like your eyes. I like your laugh. I like you."

"I like you too," she met his eyes. They were very close now. He could see the fairy lights reflected in her eyes. It made them look alive.

"Screw that," he glanced briefly at her lips, scarcely moving, his words barely audible. "I think I love you."

She gasped and went to turn her head away, but he took her face in his hands and pressed their lips together gently. She made no objection. She put her hands inside his jacket for extra warmth, letting her hands play over his muscles. He slipped his hands over her waist and deepened the kiss, letting it warm him from head to toe.

An image from his dream slipped into his mind, but he rudely shoved it out again.

In the fast pace of the galaxy, he felt hurried and lost. It didn't help that he had half the time of a normal human. All anyone did these days was hurry and hurry. Time was always on their minds.

_So this time_, he thought, as they walked back to the entrance gates, _I'm taking it slow._

_It would really suck to ruin this._

**…**

* * *

><p><em>I want a Corr. Also a Mereel and an Ordo and a Jaing and…every clone in existence. :( Not fair.<em>

_Hope y'all enjoyed. Please review, fave subscribe, vote in my poll, send me a PM telling me that you liked it…&c., &c. Please? *looks up hopefully* :D_

_Thanks for reading! Chapter…what is it now…7, on the way!_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	8. CHAPTER 7: Anticipation

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 – Anticipation<strong>

The waiting was the hard part.

People came and went every day; Omega popped in when they could, and Etain brought Kad along when she visited. Besany couldn't decide whether or not she liked this.

On the one hand, Kad was a welcome distraction from the gnawing fear that Ordo was running out of time, by bringing laughs and coos from passing nurses and acting just like a little kid for the most part. It was a good chance for Besany to get used to the idea of having a child around. It was also a good chance for her to chat to Etain about the ordeal of actually _having _a baby.

"It's a long way away, I guess," Besany glanced at her hands. They were clasped around Ordo's, white at the knuckles and her usually manicured nails still perfectly round at the tips. Office worker hands. She wondered distantly if it was too late for her to become anything resembling Mandalorian.

"Not as far away as you think," Etain looked out of the window at the afternoon traffic, the light of the sun glittering in her green eyes. She suddenly looked a lot older and wiser. "Time goes a lot faster than you think it will."

That scared Besany. She didn't want time to go fast. She wanted to enjoy and savour every moment. Ordo already had half the life she did.

Time really wasn't on their side.

Etain laughed lightly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be scaring you. A child is a wonderful thing." She grinned wryly. "No matter how much it hurts like hell."

Besany tried to laugh, but her voice sounded hollow to her own ears. She tried to imagine pain like giving birth. She couldn't.

She was scared. Scared of the pain, scared of having to raise their child by herself, scared of being alone. All she wanted was to curl up in Ordo's arms, have him stroke her belly comfortingly and tell her it would all be okay. Then she would fall asleep in his arms and he would never leave her again.

One the other hand, having Kad around just reminded her of everything she was scared of. And made her face the possibility of living without Ordo.

What was the use of being scared? It wouldn't wake him up. It wouldn't bring him back.

The day was sunny, the kind of day that made her a little restless. She wanted to go out, walk around, have lunch out. But she needed to stay with Ordo. If she didn't, she'd feel guilty the whole day. She couldn't leave him.

"Did you see Corr and Jilka today?" Etain asked.

Besany gave her a sideways look. "No. They're here?"

"Not any more. She came to meet him here and then they left," Etain smiled. "They looked happy."

"Mmm. I just hope she knows what she's dealing with."

It was no secret that Corr was something of a swinger. In all honesty, Besany was worried about Jilka. She wasn't the type Corr usually went for, and if she was looking for something long-term, it was probably a bad idea to go for Corr. He was like Mereel; he never stayed with one woman for long. But maybe he'd changed. Maybe he just liked her and was willing to try, for her. She would have to ask him, one day.

Etain laughed. "She looks capable."

"Tax enforcement. She's bound to be." Besany laughed too.

Kal came in, looking happier than he had done in days. Besany wondered if it had anything to do with her revelation.

"You okay, _ad'ike_?" He patted Etain on the shoulder and picked up Kad, who had been touching Ordo's face with a worried look in his big brown eyes. _He's not waking up. Kad wants to know why._ Kal distracted him by tapping him on the nose, the same way Darman did. Kad giggled.

"I'll take him for a walk. Need some quality time with my grandson. Don't I, _Kad'ika_?"

Etain smiled warmly as Kal left, talking to Kad quietly. "He'll be so happy to have two."

"I can tell."

"Besany," Etain took hold of her hand suddenly, startling her, "Don't let this get to you. Don't feel like you have to be strong because every one else is. If you need time out, just say. This has to be harder on you than any of us."

Besany opened her mouth to say that it was okay, that she didn't need any special treatment and that she was just fine, but then closed it again.

"Okay."

Etain studied her for a moment. Besany wondered if she was doing her Jedi thing, looking inside her to sense her emotions. It perturbed her, when she did that. She didn't know what she was seeing.

"Okay then." Etain, seemingly satisfied for now, got up. "I'd better go find Kad. It'll be about time for us to head off and spend some time with Dar. I ship out tomorrow."

That was a surprise. Besany had assumed that Etain would be around as long as Darman was. But then, Zey didn't know about their relationship – apparently – so he had no reason to keep Etain away from her duties as well as Darman. Besany felt a pang of regret run through her. She wouldn't have anyone to talk to about…baby things. She so needed the security of someone who'd been through it before.

"It's okay, Besany," Etain gave her a small hug, "I'll still be only a comm-call away. And I'll try and visit loads."

"Thanks. Please, do."

Etain gave her a smile. "Still scared?"

Besany nodded. "Every day."

"It'll be fine, you know. It's Ordo. He never gives up."

"I know." Besany sighed and stroked her hand over Ordo's. "I just…hate being helpless."

Etain took her hand again, gentler this time. "We all do."

She gave Besany another hug and headed for the door. Before leaving, she turned back to face Besany for a moment, her mouth half-open, as though considering saying something.

"You're strong. All three of you – yes, I can tell," Besany had put her hands over her stomach in surprise, "So don't worry. You'll all be okay. And believe me - it's so worth it."

Etain smiled and went out. Besany just looked at Ordo.

"Guess it's you and me for now."

She paused, trying to remember what it was that Ordo called her, when they were together.

* * *

><p>"<em>Cyar'ika<em>."

Cyar'ika.

_His heart jumped. It was as though she had read his mind. He had wanted to call her his beloved, his sweetheart. He would call their baby _cyar'ika_. When the time came._

_He felt stronger. Perhaps stronger was the wrong word. More aware. He could almost feel his body again, if he tried hard enough. The only problem was, if he tried too hard for too long he started to feel the darkness coming back. He would wear himself out, trying to sense himself somewhere other than floating in nothingness._

_Time was gone._

_He just knew that people came and went and talked and held his hand and that Besany never seemed to leave._

_He liked having her near._

_Sometimes he could hear his brothers._

_He could tell their voices apart._

_The others – he remembered Etain. And the other female must be Laseema; he remembered her touch from the brief moments at Qibbu's Hut, when he had thought she was interested in him. He recognised Omega, but it took him longer to distinguish between them because they weren't around as much as everyone else._

_Fi. Fi was there. He was glad; he had been very upset over what had happened to Fi. It was nice to know that now Fi had his back._

Kal'buir _was there too. He missed his father. He had no idea what kind of state he was in, but he could imagine from the way _Kal'buir_ worried so much. It hurt him that he was hurting those close to him by simply lying here._

_The voices were quiet and faded, unless they were right next to his ear. Besany's was always the closest._

_He missed his family._

Tion'ad hukaat'kama_? Who's watching your back?_

_They had his. He trusted them all to hang on in there with him._

_He felt Besany lay her head on his shoulder again._

_She sighed shakily. He wanted to put his arms around her. But they wouldn't move._

_He felt her bury her face in his shoulder. The warmth rippled around the nothingness. Then she started to cry quietly._

_His heart broke. He wished with all his might he could get up and hold her tight, and show her that he was fine and that he loved her._

_He remembered trying to call her before the ship crashed._

_He wished she knew that he had tried._

_He wished she would stop crying._

_She snuggled up closer to him, sniffing and swallowing; he felt her take shaky breaths, trying to stem the sobs. It seemed to work._

_If he could just move his thumb, if he could just squeeze her hand…_

_He couldn't._

_He just lay there and listened to her telling him she missed him._

"_Come back soon, Ordo."_

_I will. I promise._

* * *

><p>Corr watched, holding back laughter, as Jilka tried to lick a spot of whipped cream off the tip of her nose.<p>

She couldn't.

She pulled a funny cross-eyed face and stuck her tongue out as far as she could, but missed by centimetres. He laughed. She blushed and conceded to wiping her nose on a tissue.

"So…how's Ordo doing?"

Corr sighed. "Same as usual. He lies there and does nothing while we wait patiently for him to wake up."

"You shouldn't joke about it." Jilka raised a dark eyebrow at him. "Besany's very worried."

"I know, I know. Sorry. It's just…"

"I know. It gets repetitive. You just want it all to be okay again." She put her hand over his. "This will sound really…I don't know." Jilka looked out of the window.

Corr frowned and said quietly, "Go on. Nothing you say would sound stupid."

"Well…it's just…my mother, she died. When I was about nine."

Corr didn't know what to say. He just squeezed her hand lightly.

"Here?"

"No. Back at home. But she was always here for weeks, getting weaker all the time. Eventually she just…wanted to be at peace." Jilka swallowed. "They say she died peacefully. But, that is to say, I know what you mean. About just wanting everything to be over."

There was a pause. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault." She laughed a little, sniffing. "I don't know why I'm telling you this."

"It's another thing we have in common."

"Sorry?"

"We grew up without mothers."

"I guess so."

There was another pause.

"Do you miss her?"

Jilka bit her lip and stared into her cocoa. "A little bit, sometimes. But I don't really remember a lot about her. So it's hard to miss someone you don't really remember."

Corr nodded. "She must have been beautiful."

Jilka smiled sadly. "People say she was."

"I meant because you are."

"Oh." She flushed again, taking a long drink from her cocoa. She ended up with cream on the corner of her mouth.

Corr laughed. "You've got some cream…here…"

He leaned over the table and kissed the corner of her mouth, licking off the cream. She turned her head to kiss him more deeply. He put his hand to the side of her face, tilting her head for better access. She tasted like chocolate. His tongue delved deeper, seeking more, and a flare of desire rose in him…

He pulled back. He was supposed to be taking this slow. It was no good getting all het up; it would just ruin things. He gave her a smile and let go of her hand to pick up his cup of caf. He took a large swallow, trying to avoid her bemused glance. Perhaps she had been expecting more?

What if she didn't want to go slow? What if he had just disappointed her?

She sat back and downed the rest of her cocoa in one. "I'd better get back to the office. My lunch was supposed to be over an hour ago." She gave him a smile and picked up her bag.

He stood up and walked her to her speeder in silence. It wasn't awkward, though; they had managed to move past the stage of being awkward in each other's presence. They'd met up every day since their walk in the park, getting to know one another quite quickly. He really did like her. She helped him forget, and time seemed to fly by when he was with her.

He opened her speeder door for her, and leaned on the windowsill. She smiled archly up at him.

"You want to make me late for work?"

"I think I've already achieved that." They both grinned. "You free tonight?"

Jilka seemed to consider. Corr knew Darman and Atin would be with their girls, and Fi would be at Ordo's bedside. Niner was more fun when one of the others was around. He found Niner quite uptight. But seeing as how the man had never had a girl, he couldn't blame him. Maybe he should suggest a bar or two…

"I guess so." Jilka smiled. "I'll see you at nineteen-hundred?"

He leaned into the speeder to kiss her. She still tasted like chocolate. "See you then."

"'Kay. Just make sure it doesn't run into tomorrow," she grinned wryly. "That walk in the park at midnight made me late for work because I over-slept."

"Sure it had nothing to do with some pleasurable dreams?" Corr dodged a playful punch, laughing.

"Very sure. Don't flatter yourself, trooper Corr." She gave him a wink. "See you later tonight."

He grinned and kissed her again, before watching her drive off into the afternoon sun.

* * *

><p>Not long now. Not long before Ordo would be far away from those who wanted to hurt him.<p>

Mereel was sat in the cafeteria with his brothers, enjoying a late lunch and the first easy conversation since they'd arrived at the hospital.

"Look at them. Think it'll last?"

Jaing pointed out of the window to Corr and Jilka, walking arm in arm to a speeder. Mereel gave a grin.

"If he's anything like me, and I assure you, I've tried very hard to make sure he is, it might last a few more days."

Kom'rk rolled his eyes, grinning. "Honestly."

Mereel feigned hurt. Prudii laughed and hit him in the shoulder. "Don't flatter yourself, _ner vod_. If he's anything like you, then the next thing he says will earn him a hard slap."

Sure enough, they saw Corr laugh as Jilka reached out to hit him. He managed to dodge it. The Nulls laughed uproariously.

A'den came down with a tray piled high with a greasy breakfast. As he sat down, Jaing reached over and took a fried onion ring from his plate and sat chewing it thoughtfully. A'den rolled his eyes and moved his tray further away from Jaing. This only succeeded in allowing Kom'rk to grab an onion ring as well. Mereel laughed.

He noticed the look on Jaing's face. He nudged him. "S'up, _ner vod_?"

Jaing bit his lip and looked down to his lap, frowning. "Nothing."

"Yeah. Right."

Jaing didn't answer, just gave a sort of half-laugh. Mereel paused. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it.

"Thinking about you and that nurse of yours?" Prudii grinned.

"No. Well. Sort of."

"Come on, _vode_, let him be." A'den, the closest the Nulls had to a diplomat, tried to calm the situation.

"What do you mean 'sort of'?" Mereel asked.

"Just…figuring stuff out."

"You'll be gone from her in a couple of day's time. Don't worry." Prudii tried to grab another onion ring, but A'den was prepared this time and stabbed his fork into the table between Prudii's fingers. That stopped him short. The table exploded into laughter again, but Mereel noticed that Jaing didn't really join in.

"That's…what I'm worried about." Mereel thought that was what Jaing said. He spoke so quietly and the others were laughing so loudly that he couldn't be entirely sure. He narrowed his eyes at his brother. The others stopped laughing and gave him a look too. Jaing reddened.

"Look, I didn't mean that-"

"You like her." It wasn't a question. But A'den said it quietly and brotherly, not accusingly.

Jaing sighed and pursed his lips. "I don't really know. Sometimes…I get the feeling that she wants more from me than I was originally planning to give."

Mereel tilted his head. "And?"

"And somehow I feel like I actually _want _to give it to her now."

There was a pause. Jaing shook his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't be loading all this on you guys. Like you said, I'll be gone in a couple of days. I'll probably never even see her again."

"She could come with us." Kom'rk said quietly.

Jaing frowned and run his hands through his hair. "Maybe. But what if…?"

"What if it turns out that you don't feel the same way about her." Mereel finished for him.

Jaing sighed heavily. "But if I don't risk it and it turns out I…" He trailed off. None of them seemed to want to use the word 'love'. Not when they didn't really know what it meant. Mereel least of all. He seemed to have serious issues when it came to keeping a woman for more than a week. None of them called him out on it. But sometimes…sometimes he did feel like he was cheating someone out of something. Perhaps himself. Maybe he just…didn't know how to love.

_You love _Kal'buir_. You're not incapable. You're just…_

He had no idea what he was. Maybe he just hadn't met the right girl yet.

"I don't know how I feel." Jaing finished up, leaning back in his seat and staring out of the window. No one said anything for a while.

A'den chewed thoughtfully. "You know, whatever happens, it'll all be okay."

"I hope so."

"No, we know so. Now stop trying to avoid facing up to this. Ask her what she wants. If it's not what you want, then it's not going to work out. Trust me, _ner vod_." Mereel patted Jaing on the shoulder. "I have experience."

"Pfuit. Yeah, experience in romance when it doesn't involve talking." The Nulls laughed.

"Hey, what can I say? I'm a man of action."

In the ensuing roars of laughter, Jaing managed to steal another onion ring.

Kom'rk sighed and met Mereel's eyes for a brief moment. They both shared the same thought.

_If Ordo was here, he'd know exactly what to say._

The table went quiet for a minute. Then A'den raised his glass.

"_K'oyacyi, ner vode_."

"_K'oyacyi_."

Cheers, hang in there, stay alive. It meant a lot right now.

* * *

><p>Fi came back into the room to see Besany crying quietly on Ordo's shoulder. He went up to her.<p>

"Don't be sad. Please."

She sniffed and looked up at him, wiping her eyes. "I know, I'm being silly."

He gave her a hug. He knew she missed Ordo. He couldn't imagine being without the person he loved for so long, knowing they were in danger. He felt a pang as he realised he had never once called Parja. He missed her voice.

"Not silly. It's understandable." She gave him a weak smile and sat up. He glanced at her belly, but there was still no bump, no slight bulge.

"Nothing yet, huh?" Besany placed her hands over her stomach.

"No, not yet, I guess." Fi found himself fascinated by pregnancy. Having never been born from a mother's womb, having never had a mother, he found himself wondering just what was going on for the little child in there. He wondered if the child would remember any of this. He had watched Etain curiously while she had been at Kyrimorut, entertaining similar thoughts.

"Do you remember…?" Fi gestured at Besany's clasped hands.

"No. My earliest memories are from when I was about four, I think. Even they're patchy." She sighed. "I can never tell if what I'm remembering is an actual memory, or something someone's told me so many times that it's become like one."

Fi nodded. He could understand that. "The Nulls swear they can even remember being gestated."

"Wow. I wouldn't put it past them."

They both laughed a little. Fi took out his comm and sat looking at it for a minute.

"Do they know we're coming?" Besany asked.

"I have no idea."

"Better to remind them, if they do."

Fi nodded. He'd wait a minute, though, to make sure Besany was okay. At that moment, the nurse Rhiannon came in with a chart, and gave Besany a huge smile.

"I've heard the good news – congratulations."

Besany looked mildly embarrassed. "Is it, though?"

"Of course it is!" Rhiannon and Fi chorused. Besany held up her hands in mock surrender.

"Okay, okay," she laughed, "Thanks."

"I know you're scared he won't wake up," Rhiannon put a hand on her shoulder. "But you've got to have faith. That's what he needs right now."

Besany nodded.

"Pity you're not staying longer," Rhiannon went on, "I'd love to see the look on his face when this baby's born." She smiled.

"You know we're leaving?"

Rhiannon's smile stopped reaching her eyes. "Yes. I know. Jaing told me. Don't worry-" she saw the looks of suspicion on their faces, "He didn't say _where_ you're going. Just told me you were going."

She moved to Ordo's side and began taking vitals again. Fi decided now was the time to go and call Parja. He slipped out of the room while Rhiannon started talking to Besany about pregnancy, saying if she had any questions she should ask before they left…

He walked a way down the corridor before leaning against the wall and punching in the right code. Parja picked up on the second ring.

"_F'ika_. It's great to hear from you." He could hear her smile.

So she wasn't mad he hadn't called. He relaxed.

"Hey, _cyar'ika_." He couldn't seem to stop the emotion of missing her from making its way into his voice.

"How's it going over there?" She asked quietly. He felt some peace of mind. It was so nice that she understood him.

"Fine. Well, not fine, because he's still under, and you're not going to believe this, but Besany's pregnant. She's having Ordo's kid. And he's not awake yet, and Mereel shot the med-droid and _Kal'buir_'s worrying all over the place, and now we can't stay and…" He paused, sighing.

"We're coming home."

**…**

* * *

><p><em>I am so unbelievably sorry for missing Friday's update! I've been so busy. And to top it all off, I give you guys a filler chapter. Honestly, I do suck. :P I do quite like the Nulls scene in this one...even if they are all OOC, LOL. :P<em>

_Thanks for reading! Please review. I feel bad begging for reviews every chapter, but it really does make me happy. :) Happy author = happy readers! :P_

_Also, if you haven't already, I have a poll on my profile which satisfies my insane curiosity, and you could vote. Please check out **Epona's Chosen **for more RepCom fics - I love them!_

_Love you all! Thanks for being so patient._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	9. CHAPTER 8: Home

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8 – Home<strong>

Kal watched as Ordo fell.

He was falling, tumbling away from him, his eyes closed and his mouth open in a silent scream and tears of fear running down his face. He was four, the same four year-old boy that had stood before him ten years ago. And he was falling.

Kal reached out his hand to try and catch Ordo's hand, but he felt as though he was moving though syrup, his limbs slow and heavy despite his desperation. All he could do was watch as Ordo fell and was swallowed by the blackness.

Then the screaming started.

It took Kal longer than it should to realise that he was the one screaming, not the four year old boy in his dream. Not Ordo. He snapped his eyes open and nearly fell off his chair. He was sweating, but his body felt cold all over, and he had to hold back vomit as he stood up. His legs felt shaky.

_If this goes wrong-_

_It won't. It can't._

_But what if-?_

_No. We have to._

He found himself by Ordo's bedside, gripping his oddly warm but smooth hand in his own, calloused one. Besany was fast asleep, her head resting on Ordo's shoulder and her hand on top of his, on her stomach. He brought Ordo's hand up to his forehead and closed his eyes. Kal remembered that scared, protective four year-old, and the way he had snuggled under the blankets with him when the thunderstorms had scared him. Seeing him now, a grown man with a lover and a child on the way, Kal felt oddly unneeded. His sons had all grown up and lived their own lives now.

Besany stirred and her eyes fluttered open, yawning. Her gaze landed on Kal, and she smiled sleepily in recognition. Kal rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the tears that stung them.

"Go back to sleep, _ad'ika_. Didn't mean to wake you."

Besany gave him a scrutinising look. Obviously she hadn't missed his shaking voice or moist eyes. She leaned across to pat his arm. "You want to talk about it?"

"Don't want to bore you."

Besany bit her lip and gave him a look he couldn't decipher. "You're just as important as he is, Kal."

He smiled sadly. He didn't feel it. "Go back to sleep. Get some rest. Good for the baby."

"What about you?"

He laughed quietly. "I've never had more than six hours sleep in my life. And I'm not _yaihadla_."

He saw her eyes narrow in thought in the dim light. "That means 'pregnant', yes?"

He nodded, smiling. "It's okay. You'll learn _Mando'a_ faster than you think you will."

She grinned ruefully. "I know the curse words already, thanks to you."

"Inevitable." Kal laughed.

"You sure you're okay?" Besany sobered, and gave his arm a slight squeeze. He could see the anxious look in her eyes. She always looked exhausted these days; they all did. He knew it would do them all good to get away from Coruscant and the bad memories. Mandalore had a refreshing effect on the soul.

He nodded slowly, still clasping Ordo's hand. "I think so, _ad'ika_. I'm just worried for us all."

She caught on fast. "You mean you're worried about this going wrong tonight." It wasn't a question.

Kal sighed wearily, rubbing his eyes again. "Yes. But if I wasn't scared, there'd be something wrong with me."

Besany opened her mouth, then closed it; contemplating her words. "Ordo told me that you taught him to use his fear." She said it carefully, as though she was afraid of telling him the wrong thing. Her words hit jarringly somewhere in the region of his chest. He remembered clearly, as though it had been yesterday. It had been the same night Ordo had cuddled up close to him, afraid of the storms. Your fear was your alarm system and you needed to take notice of it. To use it. Your fear was your adrenaline, and adrenaline kept you alive.

Kal closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, to alleviate the pain in his chest. Besany looked alarmed.

"I didn't mean-"

"No, _ad'ika._ You're right. You're absolutely right," he smiled at her, though he felt somewhat like crying himself. It was like Ordo was talking to him through Besany; it was exactly the kind of thing he would have said at a time like this. It was touching. "It's…it's what he would have said, you know."

Besany looked mildly surprised. She took his other hand in hers and just left it there, letting the warmth of her hand seep into his skin and stop the shivers he'd been feeling ever since he'd awoken from his nightmare. He sighed and patted her cheek.

"Get some sleep, _Bes'ika_. For me."

She nodded. "You too, Kal."

He gave her a weak grin and made his way back to his chair. He knew it was stupid, but he'd never been able to sleep properly in a bed since Kamino. The constant threat on Kamino had kept him awake most nights anyway. No one knew what the Kaminoans would do to you in your sleep. Everyone lived in constant fear there. He'd hated it.

He watched a while as Besany settled down with Ordo again, and eventually his eyes closed too.

The little Ordo was still in his dreams. But he wasn't falling any more.

He was smiling.

* * *

><p>Someone very close to his ear let out a satisfied murmur.<p>

Jaing's eyes flew open.

As far as he could tell, it was morning; the light filtering in through the blinds of the on-call room was that of a morning sun. He looked around for his comm, to check he hadn't overslept, reaching around blindly for it on the side table.

His arm brushed against something very warm. And soft. And distinctly _feminine_.

He sat up, and hit his head hard on the above bunk. He swore loudly, clutching his forehead in his hands. The warm feminineness next to him shifted and groaned slightly.

He saw a flash of red-streaked russet hair in his peripherals, and a very naked arm.

_Shab_.

He hadn't meant for this to happen. He'd been to find her to talk about how he felt, and ask her what she wanted and how she felt about him leaving, to work it out in his head…

And then she'd kissed him and he'd totally forgotten what he was meant to be saying.

Well, he was here now. And _Kal'buir _always said there was no time like the present.

Rhiannon stirred and yawned, her face crinkling in a way he found oddly cute. Her eyes fell upon him and she smiled, bringing her arm up around his neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. He found, rather distressedly, that he didn't have the will power to pull away. She nipped his lip playfully and made to press herself up against him, but he moved away. She looked bemused.

"You okay?"

"Fine. You?" He couldn't stop his voice from sounding less-than-confident. He cursed inwardly.

She smiled coyly. "Great. Especially after last night…"

She moved to kiss him again, and because he was on the side of the bunk that left him pinned against the wall, she was blocking his escape. And he didn't think it would be polite to jump over her. He felt trapped, and pulled away quickly. Now she just looked mildly confused.

"You're not okay…what's up?"

He flushed. "Nothing. Well, actually…"

She bit her lip. "Was it…I mean, last night…did you not…?"

Jaing was startled. "No! Of course not, it was...it's not that at all." To make his point, he leaned down and gave her a kiss.

She surfaced looking considerably happier. "So…what's wrong?"

Jaing ran a hand through his hair. Being naked didn't help things. "I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to…you know I'm leaving tonight?"

Rhiannon nodded. "Yes."

"Well, I mean, how do you feel about that?"

She looked confused. "How do I feel?"

"Yeah. Sad, overjoyed, you'll miss me…you want to come with me, you never want to see me again and you're glad I'm going…how do you feel?"

"Um…sad, I guess?"

Jaing sighed. Rhiannon seemed to notice his frustration, and frowned slightly, touching his arm, a slight hitch in her voice as she spoke.

"I think I get what you're trying to say. Jaing, from the first day I knew this was going to be nothing. A fling. I knew you weren't looking for anything in particular, and I knew I wasn't going to get anything from this. From you." She smiled at him, which somehow made him feel worse inside, "Don't worry Jaing. I know what this is. But that doesn't mean I won't ever think about you again. That was some night in…" She grinned wryly and removed her hand from his arm.

Somehow Jaing felt empty inside. He put this down to it being breakfast time, but some disconnected part of him wasn't convinced. He nodded and opened his mouth to say…what was he going to say? He had no idea. He just felt like he needed to say something now.

"Okay then. You…you're okay with…this? Us? What it's been?"

Rhiannon laughed, but he noticed that her smile didn't quite light up her eyes the way it normally did. "Fine. Just…I will miss you, you know."

"Me too." It just slipped out. He couldn't take it back now. But it had been the truth.

There was a pause, not entirely comfortable, but not uncomfortable either, in which Rhiannon met his dark eyes with her own hazel-green ones and they stayed looking at each other for a moment, as though trying to tell how the other was feeling. Jaing was extremely aware of their proximity and nakedness, and felt his body heat slightly as his nerves were aware of her touch. Eventually, her gaze faltered and she looked away, brushing her hair out of her eyes and giving him a half-smile.

"Well, I have rounds." She got out of the bunk and grabbed her scrubs from the floor, and headed into the small 'fresher on the other side of the room. Jaing thought she didn't have to do that, really, but it was clear they both needed some breathing space for now. He sighed and reached for his comm. He _had _overslept. It was nearly 1100 hours. Grabbing his hastily discarded armour plates and bodysuit, he redressed slowly, deep in thought.

Perhaps it was the beginnings of love. Perhaps if they had more time together their relationship would grow into something stronger. Perhaps…perhaps he should offer to take her with him. But if she said no…would it hurt?

She emerged from the 'freshers as he was adjusting his _kama_. She smiled at him and they headed out of the door together. He stopped her just before the lifts.

"Do you want to come with us?"

She seemed caught off guard. She blinked. "Go with you?"

"Tonight. Yes." Jaing lowered his voice, in case someone was eavesdropping who shouldn't have been. When she didn't reply, he went on, "You don't have to come if you don't want to. I'm asking if it's what you want."

She looked around them, her eyes thoughtful. Eventually, she met his steady gaze again and said quietly, "I don't think so, Jaing. In another life, maybe, if we'd had more time together and if I felt more like a part of your family. But I'd be intruding. And besides," she gestured around her, "This is where I belong. I want to be a surgeon one day, to save lives. If I went with you, I'd be leaving everything I know and love, my family, my friends…so no." She patted his cheek. "But like I said, in another life…I'd gladly say yes."

Her lift beeped its arrival. She looked around at it, then back at him. "I'll see you tonight, soldier-boy." She poked him in the chest with her index finger as her hand trailed away from his face, a ghost of her playful air about her. He grinned.

"I'll be waiting," he sighed as the doors closed behind her, cutting him off from another life. Then he made his way down to the mess hall, where he met Mereel buying caf at a vendor. His brother smiled as he approached.

"How'd it go with the nurse, _vod_?"

Jaing considered. Then, "Okay. It's okay."

Mereel gave him an eyes-narrowed, sideways look, but then half-grinned as Jaing punched him in the arm playfully. "Fine. Whatever helps you sleep at night. We're over here."

Jaing followed his brother to the table, his heart both considerably lighter and heavier at the same time.

He put this down to nerves for tonight, for Ordo's _relocation_.

He hoped.

* * *

><p>Fi was watching the holo on the wall. It seemed to be going very quickly.<p>

Every time someone came into the room or left it, the tension seemed to heighten. If Besany was picking up on any of this, she didn't say, none of them did. Fi hoped Besany was feeling all right. She looked a little pale.

"I'm _fine_, Fi. Please stop asking," she laughed, as he opened his mouth to ask her how she was feeling for the ninth time that hour. He figured that if she was laughing and not crying, it was a good sign.

Kal seemed unable to stay still. He would sit, then stand, then pace, then leave the room and come back and sit down again. Fi amused himself by counting the minutes between each phase. They got shorter as the sun got higher in the sky. By 1500, Kal didn't seem to know what to do with himself. Eventually, Fi got up and went over to where Kal was fidgeting.

"There's nothing to be scared of, _buir_."

Fi couldn't quite read the expression on his father's face, but he looked grateful, as though he'd been in a trance and had just been gladly broken out of it. "You're right, son. I'm sorry. I should stop messing around."

A thought struck Fi. He lowered his voice. "You want me to take Besany out? So you can be alone with Ordo?"

Kal leaned forward in his chair, and rubbed his face with his hands. He looked over at Besany, who was taking a comm call on the other side of the room, looking out of the window. Fi caught snatches of her conversation.

"…Not sure how long…find someone else? It's fine, really…no…no, it's fine…"

_Work_. She was calling her boss. It suddenly hit Fi that he hadn't expected Besany to come with them to Mandalore. He wasn't sure what he had expected her to do, but coming with them somehow hadn't entered his mind. He frowned at himself. Besany wasn't the kind of woman who could juts sit back and watch whilst everyone else was doing the work. She always insisted on pulling her own weight.

And her love for Ordo meant she was no way going to stay behind.

That touched Fi. He couldn't ever hope to understand what she was going through, but for her to pack up and leave on a moment's notice because she loved her boyfriend so much was something Fi considered to be strong, _mandokarla. Kal'buir _had been right about her.

_Speaking of packing up_…Fi thought.

"_Buir, _I'll take her to her apartment so she can pack. You stay with Ordo."

Kal nodded and patted him on the back. Fi approached Besany, who disconnected her call and stood staring at her comm for a moment. He tapped her shoulder.

"Mmm?" Besany started and looked at him questioningly. The sun beaming through the window reflected off her golden hair and made it look like melted gold, and her brown eyes look light hazel. Fi noticed that her eyes were very dark, almost black, whereas those of the clones were a lighter honey-brown or hazel, depending on who you were looking at. Her dark eyes made her pale complexion and hair all the more striking.

"You want to go to your apartment? Grab some of your things?" Fi asked.

Besany's mouth formed a small 'o' and she put a hand to her forehead in mock self-damnation. "Of course. I totally forgot." She laughed lightly. Fi grinned.

"Come on, I'll drive you over."

Besany nodded and he led her out of the door. As they made their way to the parking lot, where Besany's speeder was waiting, Besany gave him a look.

"That was so Kal could be alone with Ordo, wasn't it?"

Fi gave a half-smile. "I guess. But you _do _need to pack."

Besany bit her lip. "I've been selfish, haven't I? I stayed by Ordo all day and all night and I've never given anyone else the chance to be alone with him. Like I was all that mattered." Her face broke into a frown, and Fi was afraid she'd start crying; they said pregnant women were emotionally all over the place when they got hormonal.

They reached the speeder and Fi stopped, mildly embarrassed. He'd forgotten. "Bez-"

"Sorry. Me being critical isn't something we need right now."

"Bez-"

"No, really, it's fine, Fi. I should just let it be."

"_Bez-_"

"What?"

"I can't drive a speeder. I'm not…" he tapped himself on the head, "…not quite right yet. You know, after the accident…" As if she had forgotten.

"Oh," Besany smiled embarrassedly, "Sorry. I'll drive."

Once they were up in the air, Besany asked, "So, how come you flew here by yourself if you can't drive speeders?"

Fi looked at his lap and smiled. "I've been practising with _Aay'han _on Mandalore, so that was okay. It's just that Parja won't let me near her speeder yet…"

Besany laughed. "I'm going to meet her soon."

Fi nodded. "I think…I think she'll like you."

"I think I'll like her, from what I've heard."

They both laughed. Besany set the speeder down on the landing platform at her apartment twenty minutes later, and she let Fi inside with her.

The apartment was cold, showing signs of not being lived in for days. It had that empty feeling that places you knew well had once you'd been away from them for a long time, and you had to wait a few hours before it started to feel like home again.

Besany stopped in the living room and closed her eyes, breathing deeply. Then she turned to Fi, a steady look in her eyes.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to be back here for a long, long time?"

Fi frowned but met her gaze. "Probably…" he said, slowly, "Probably because when Ordo wakes up, he'll want you to stay on Mandalore to have the baby. And even after that."

"You're saying I may never come back."

"I guess I am. Yeah."

Besany sighed. "I want to come back. At least once."

Fi understood. It was the same reason he'd wanted to come back to Coruscant. It was familiar, it was home. It let you hold on to your old life, the one you missed. The one _he_ missed. He was sure Besany held no love for her life before Ordo. She had frequently said that Ordo was the best thing that had happened to her. She never spoke about what her life had been like before they all came crashing – literally – into her world. Fi was mildly curious, but decided to save it for another time.

"You can come back. I'm sure Ordo would prefer you and the child being here while he's on leave or with Kal…Mandalore's out of the way."

"Maybe." She ran her hand slowly along the back of the couch as she made her way into the bedroom. Fi followed her. She got out a large bag from the wardrobe and opened the zip, looking around.

"What's the weather like on Mandalore?" She asked.

Fi considered. "Cold. Very cold in winter. But the nice days are very nice. It varies."

Besany nodded, and he noticed she packed woollen jumpers and tops, clothes easily layered, and scarves, gloves and vests, and a couple of pairs of sturdy, sensible boots. Warm clothes. But practical clothes. She left her dresses on their hangers, she left her high-heels in the cupboard, she left anything that had frills or glitter or vibrant colours. He left her alone after that, knowing she had the right idea, and went into the living room and turned on the holonet news.

None of them had watched the news whilst at the hospital; their own news and current events were worrying enough. Fi was, however, curious as to how the war effort was going, now that he was no longer a part of it. He sat, half-listening, as the broadcasters announced battles that had been won, planets that had been taken and prisoners that had been captured. The good side of the war. The side Fi had seen very little of at the front lines.

He switched off. News was biased, anyway.

Besany came back in, the bag slung over her shoulder. He looked up as she came in.

"Ready?"

Besany looked around, as though trying to take in every last detail of the place she had called home for years now. He thought he should say something to make it feel easier, but these days he never knew what to say, and when he tried it often came out wrong. When that happened, Parja would always tell him to shut everything on the outside off and just say what came into his heart. He'd tried. He'd try now.

"Mandalore will feel like home before you know it."

Fi didn't know if he'd said the right thing, but it was how he felt. The first few days had felt odd and disconnected, and he couldn't remember a lot about them anyway. But once he had started training with Parja, Kyrimorut had felt more like home than any other place he'd been. It had a welcoming feel, like a cold drink on a hot summer's day, or sinking into a soft bed after being on your feet for twenty-four hours straight. He loved it there.

Besany gave him a sideways look. "To be honest, this place has never felt like home to me. Not since Ordo came along. In fact…" she ran her hand over the kitchen counter and smiled, as though reminiscing some fond memory, "The only place that's ever felt like home to me is where Ordo is."

She stood, staring at the counter, her eyes distant. She laughed quietly.

"You know, just a month ago, Ordo came in here and found me wearing his shirt. His red one, his fatigues."

Fi didn't quite know what to say to that, so he just laughed politely. He knew the shirt well; he owned one just like it. Or rather, _had _owned one just like it.

"What did he do?" Fi asked.

Besany's gaze grew soft. Fi wondered if this was going to go down an intimate route he wasn't sure he wanted to go down.

"He…well. What would you do if you saw Parja wearing nothing but your shirt?"

Fi thought. He blushed.

Besany smiled fondly at him, and put her hands on her stomach. "This child was conceived that night, to answer your question." She said softly.

Fi couldn't meet her eyes, so he looked around him as though taking in the last moments of the place. He felt rather heated now himself.

Besany seemed to snap out of her trance. "Sorry. We should be going."

Fi, grateful for the chance to move off an uncomfortable topic, took Besany's bag and stowed in the speeder. She lingered at the back door while he did this, looking around and taking the time to remember the place, her old home. Eventually, she took a step back from the door and closed it slowly, before locking it. She pressed her forehead against the door for a moment, before turning to face him, a determined look on her face and a fire in her eyes he'd never seen before.

"Let's go."

* * *

><p>It was time.<p>

Mereel stood in the corridor, waiting for the light in the room at the end to go off.

It was gone.

His adrenaline kicking in, his body on autopilot, Mereel walked casually down the corridor, to the lifts. He travelled down three floors, then got off. He took a left, a right, another right, and two lefts. He came to a door. He knocked seven times, trusting his _vode _to be on schedule. They were. The door opened silently and Kom'rk stood in front of him, wearing the hospital's standard blue scrubs. Mereel went in to the room, grabbed the second pair of scrubs and removed his armour, placing the plates and bodysuit in a box normally used for storing medical sponges. Kom'rk's armour was already there. Mereel pulled on the scrubs and left with Kom'rk, holding the box, locking the door again with Rhiannon's keycard.

The lift stopped on the floor above them; Prudii and A'den stepped in wearing the same blue scrubs, trundling a gurney and carrying various bags and boxes. Medical supplies. Needles. Nutrients. IV packs. Bacta. The usual. Silently, the four of them ascended two more floors and stepped out to let the gurney pass.

Mereel hit the lights.

The corridor was in darkness. All he could hear was his own heart beating in his chest.

The four of them froze, on alert for any abnormal noises or movement. An arm appeared around the door of Ordo's room. Its hand formed a silent thumbs-up.

_Go, go, go._

The Nulls met Jaing and Rhiannon in the room and helped Rhiannon move Ordo from his bed onto the gurney. It was strange, feeling his brother so warm and alive yet so _not _alive at the same time. They let Rhiannon take care of his drips and IVs, before all six of them lifted Ordo onto the gurney. Mereel breathed a sigh of relief. So far, nothing critical had beeped at them. Ordo was still okay.

Rhiannon walked with them up to the roof, taking the restricted-access lift that led straight up, instead of the stairs Mereel had previously used. The cool night air hit Mereel's face and ruffled his hair, making him feel alive in ways only a night op like this could.

There, waiting for them, was the _Aay'han_.

Freedom.

Fi and Kal opened the hatch and helped them guide their brother into it. Now they were out in the open, Mereel felt they could all breathe again. Taking risks was what he lived for, but the thrill was starting to wear thin.

Now was the time to go.

Rhiannon paused at the hatch, her eyes darting briefly to Jaing. Mereel hit his brother in the shoulder.

"Go say goodbye, _ner vod_."

Jaing swallowed and walked over to her. Mereel tried to not eavesdrop, but it wasn't exactly hard when they were barely six feet away from him. All the others seemed too preoccupied with sorting out Ordo to take any notice.

"So," Rhiannon said.

"So." Jaing seemed tense. Perhaps it was the adrenaline wearing off.

"Look, I…I mean, take care of yourself. And your brother, okay?"

Jaing grinned. "Will do." His voice dropped and lost some of its joviality. "Hey…you look after yourself too, okay? I mean it."

Rhiannon blushed prettily. "I will. I promise."

Jaing opened his mouth to say something, but the closed it again. Eventually, he settled with simply putting his hand on the side of her face and gazing into her eyes.

She closed the gap and pressed her lips to his in a ferocious kiss.

Jaing responded immediately, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her flush against him. Her hands wound themselves in his dark hair, and he deepened the kiss with a passion in his movements that Mereel had never seen before. It was such an intimate moment that he had to look away.

Eventually he pulled away, and they stood looking into each other's eyes. Fi started up _Aay'han_'s drives, making them jump.

"_Oya, ner vode!_"

"In another life…" Jaing whispered.

"In another life." Rhiannon replied.

Then he placed one quick kiss on her cheek before bounding back up the ramp. The hatch closed behind him, and _Aay'han _was in the air, leaving it all behind.

Mereel could have sat and made jibes at Jaing. But he didn't. No one did. They were all so tired and relieved, and the anticipation had ebbed away, leaving everyone exhausted.

Kal moved to put his hand on Jaing's shoulder. Jaing seemed too lost in his own thoughts to notice.

"Tomorrow, we'll be home. Good job, _ad'ike. _Good job."

The _Aay'han _jumped into hyperspace.

They were finally on their way home.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Ahh, free at last. :P For those of you sad to leave Coruscant behind forever, don't worry – we'll be back in the next chapter (if all goes to plan). Actually, I don't have a plan…it ended at chapter 8. Huh. Think I should get going with that…<em>

_For those of you that read my two-shot 'Shirt', you can see the reference to Besany and Ordo's night in there. For those of you that didn't…what are you waiting for?_

_So, from now on, I'll be taking ideas/things you want to see. Mind you, they can't be massive things – I do have a plan in my head of how things will work out, and so if they contradict that too much it won't be possible. However, do keep inspiring me. LongLiveTheClones is especially good at that. :)_

_If you're bored waiting for the next chapter and want some more RepCom to read, go check out my profile…_

_OR check out **Epona's Chosen** – she's written some great RepCom recently; some Corr/Jilka romance, some Atin/Fixer, some Besany/Ordo, some Etain/Darman…bit of everything, really. I happen to also know that she has some really exciting stuff on the way – I can't wait for it. Also, she keeps complaining to me that she's not a good writer because no one reviews her stuff. So it'd be nice if you could drop her a line if you like what she's done. She deletes fics that don't have any reviews. :P_

_Review please! They make my day. I say that a lot. But they really, really do. I feel like this chapter didn't flow right…I dunno. :P Any thoughts? Cute, sweet, sad, funny, thought-provoking, boring…? I honestly never know what you guys are thinking until you tell me…to me all my fics are meh-ish and okay, until you surprise me with your kind words._

_Ugh…anyone else hate it when Word underlines fragments? I like fragments. They hold effect._

_So…yeah. I'm chatty tonight…dunno what's up with that. Could be the two week's holiday ahead of me…Anyway, please take the time to read and review._

_~Light_


	10. CHAPTER 9: Settling & Saviours

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9 – Settling &amp; Saviours<strong>

"What happens now?"

Besany watched as Mereel and Kom'rk made sure Ordo's bed was attached firmly to the bulkhead, and positioned his drips and fluids in easy reach, in case of emergency. Besany couldn't see what emergency could possibly arise now that they were finally out of Coruscant, but the Nulls were nothing if not prepared.

Kal and Fi were in the cockpit, talking earnestly into a comlink, Kal moving his hands animatedly as he spoke. Jaing was still slumped against the bulkhead, his gaze distant and his helmet in his lap, where he was idly playing with his comm, taking it apart and putting it back together again. She saw Mereel give him a look, but it was over too quickly for her to discern what exactly it had meant, and he made his way over to sit by her.

"What happens now? We get Ordo to Mandalore, we set him up in a room, we get _Bard'ika _to do his Force healing magic, and then Ordo wakes up." Mereel grinned, but Besany could see the tension behind his eyes.

"And what about Zey? What about you? Where are you going to go?"

Mereel counted off her questions on his right hand. "If Zey comes calling, we tell him to look at the med-centre records, because if Rhiannon's done her job, Ordo's records will now say that he's been moved to another unit off-planet. I say 'if' he comes calling, because Zey's not stupid, and getting involved with us and our plans has never been a hobby of his."

Besany raised an eyebrow and grinned wryly. "I can't imagine why."

"Secondly, we're going to be staying a little while at Kyrimorut to get Ordo settled in, but we'll have to shoot off soon because Zey will get angry. Again."

"All of you?"

"No, Kal and Fi will stay, of course, and we'll pop back from time to time." Mereel grinned. "Don't worry. You won't be lonely."

Besany gave Mereel a playful punch in the arm. "Okay, so lastly?"

"Lastly, we'll be going wherever Zey sends us. But like I said, we'll be back when we can be. And _buir_'s always got our comm numbers, if you feel like talking."

Besany clutched her bag closer to her. She felt very alone now; everyone would be going away and she'd be left on an unknown planet with people she didn't really know for company, and she couldn't hang around Fi or Kal all the time, they had their own things to do. She'd probably spend most of her time by Ordo's side.

The voices from the cockpit ceased, as Kal put his comlink away. "Rav's waiting with a room for Ordo and a large breakfast for all of us. Then I'd suggest getting some sleep, _ad'ike._You've earned it."

"ETA, two standard hours," Fi chipped in.

Besany nudged Mereel. "Rav?"

"Rav Bralor. Old _Cuy'val Dar _member and old friend of _buir_'s. She's the one who helped him build the place."

"She?"

"Ah. You've never met a female _Mando_, have you?" Mereel grinned. "They're a class of their own, you wait and see…" He patted her shoulder and got up to talk to Kal. Fi came wandering over and took Mereel's place as she clutched her bag closer to her.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "Fine."

"Be there soon. It'll all be fine." Besany couldn't resist returning Fi's exuberant smile. It was clear that now they were away from the imminent danger, everyone was in much higher spirits. Fi gave her a knowing look.

"Scared?"

"Mmm…more shy." Besany blushed. She didn't like admitting it, but being surrounded by new people with few people to turn to made her feel a little scared.

"It'll feel like home in no time." Fi kept reassuring her of this, but she wondered how any place could feel like home without Ordo' life and spirit there. She sneaked a look at Ordo's prone form, still silent and lifeless. If Bardan could do for Ordo what he did for Fi, then eventually everything would be okay.

She wouldn't be alone.

* * *

><p><em>It came and went in waves.<em>

_There were moments, brief, wonderful moments, in which he was aware of people around him, of voices and laughter and whispers and touches and family._

_But these moments lasted barely a second, and he would almost always find himself in darker shadows afterwards._

_If he tried too hard, he slipped and fell back._

_But what was it _buir _always said? If you fell, you just got straight back up and tried again._

_So he tried._

_Again._

_But he knew, whether he wanted to admit this to himself or not, that he was weakening himself by trying. His impatience was impeding him._

_But could he be blamed for wanting to see his lover? To hold their unborn child in his palms?_

_He had the vague sensation of being moved. The voices, when he could hear them, were closer together and sounded as though they were all in a small room. He couldn't make out much. But people kept touching his hand and talking amongst themselves._

_He felt hope._

_Hope around him, around all of them._

_If there was hope, he could sleep._

_He could sleep this once._

_He just knew he was safe._

* * *

><p>Mandalore was as far from Coruscant as Besany could have ever imagined.<p>

It was rolling hills and mountains and forests, currently covered in a layer of powdery snow that fell gently around _Aay'han _as it landed amongst a thicket of trees. The sun was low in the sky, beaming out watery light from between clouds and branches. The hatch opened, and cool winter's air rushed into the space, reminding Besany of winters spent with her father on far away planets, when they had played in the snow and gone for walks, exploring the local areas and their treasures, the cool air biting at her flushed cheeks. It was refreshing; ridding the air of stuffy, cramped warmth and lifting her hair from her shoulders gently, like a hand to her back urging her forwards.

She was the first one out of the hatch. Somehow she just felt like she couldn't be sat down inside the ship for one more moment; her legs carried her forwards without conscious thought. She liked the way the snow crunched under her boots, liked the way her breath steamed in front of her like wisps of pearlescent smoke from the dying embers of a fire, curling and ravelling in one another before whispering into nothingness, like a spirit faithfully departed.

She heard speeders in the distance somewhere behind her, but didn't turn around. She liked the peace of this moment here, felt it settling inside her and calming anxiety she hadn't even known had been resting there. She took a few more deep breaths of the cool air, studying the dense trees and the rays of sunlight that dappled the white ground. She was aware of activity behind her, of new voices and greetings, but stood watching as some sort of woodland animal braved the cold for one last scurry around, it's bushy tail frozen in mid air as it spotted Besany and stood solidly staring at her, poised for a hasty departure. She laughed lightly, her breath steaming before her. The little animal flinched, and scampered away over the icy ground and up a tree with surprising speed and dexterity. Besany watched as it climbed all the way up to the top, before leaping gracefully onto the boughs of an adjacent tree.

Footsteps crunched in the snow behind her, coming to rest at her side. Besany saw in her periphery vision that this person was shorter than she was - though most were – and was clad in bright scarlet armour. They had their hands on their hips, and were staring up at the treetops like Besany. She turned her head to face a red helmet with its distinctive T-visor, which turned to face her. The occupant reached up and took the helmet off, shaking out a long, chestnut coloured braid behind their back. It was a woman. She smiled and stuck out a gloved hand.

"Parja. Parja Bralor. Nice to meet you, Fi's told me loads about you." The woman smiled brightly. So _this _was Parja. Besany smiled back and shook her hand, studying Parja's face. She was young, no older than twenty-five, she guessed, with startlingly blue eyes that were warm and friendly, and seemed to constantly carry a smile in them. Her hair was long and braided down her back, deep brown in colour. She struck Besany as someone who smiled a lot, but someone who would never let you push them around. It seemed all _Mando_'s had that feel to them, even the women.

"He has? Good things, I hope," Besany grinned as Parja laughed.

"Definitely. We've got speeders waiting; it's about a five-minute drive." Parja motioned to a party of speeders gathered a few metres from the _Aay'han_, where new armour-clad people were talking to Mereel and A'den, who gestured inside to Ordo.

"We?" Besany gestured to the figures she didn't know.

"That's Mij over there, Mij Gilamar. He's another _Cuy'val Dar _member, and a doctor-turned-_Mando_, so he'll come in pretty handy round here." Parja grinned again, and Besany returned it, "Then we have my aunt, Rav Bralor, but I'm guessing you've been told about her," she said as Besany nodded at the red-and-black armoured form talking with Kal, "And lastly…come on, surely you know _Bard'ika_?"

"That's Bardan? I didn't recognise him in his armour," Besany looked again. The figure in the green armour talking to Fi had Bardan's height and build, and Besany thought that she was going to have to get used to seeing everyone in armour now. Bardan seemed to look their way – she could never tell in what direction people were looking when they were wearing their helmets, but it was in their general direction – and gave a wave. Besany waved back.

Rav wandered over to them with Kal. She took off her helmet, showing hair that was once the same colour as Parja's, but was now streaked with grey here and there, and cut short. She gave Besany an up-and-down look that made her feel like she was being analysed.

"So this is the mother? Another one, might I add?" Rav gave Kal a poke in the chest. "You keep bringing expecting mothers here, and we'll soon have a clinic going."

Kal just laughed. "Yes, this is her."

"Little thin, aren't you _ad'ika_? Mind you, you're tall…don't worry, we'll take good care of you and your husband. The baby too, once the time comes."

Besany didn't really know what to say to this, so she just smiled vaguely. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience-"

"Don't be a _di'kut_. You're part of the family, the _aliit_. We _Mando_s do what we can for our families." Rav gave her a hearty smile. Besany got the impression that she was the type of woman who would have borne children in stoic silence, then taken the new-born bounty hunting under one arm, a blaster under the other. She was fit, frighteningly so. But she had the same warmth in her eyes that her niece had.

Bardan and Mij waved over at the speeders. "_Oya_!"

"Let's go," Parja led Besany over to a speeder where Mereel was waiting to help her onto it behind him. She grabbed a hold around his waist as they set off, the cool air stinging her hands and face as they shot through the countryside.

"Why didn't we just land at the house?" Besany shouted to Mereel over the sound of the roaring wind.

"Precaution. If someone sees a ship going down over there, they won't be led to Kyrimorut by its presence. We didn't know the holding bay for the ships was done already, so Parja's gone to move it now. Ordo's on board, so he'll be set up by the time we arrive."

Sure enough, _Aay'han _flew over their heads and disappeared in the distance, descending somewhere over the hill in front of them.

"Kyrimorut…it's secret, right?"

"Very. So don't go blabbing to the neighbours while you're here."

"What neighbours?" Besany laughed to herself in puzzled wonder. It definitely was _not _Coruscant. Mereel laughed too.

The hill rose before them, and the speeders climbed it quickly, disturbing snow in their wake. They reached the summit, then began the downward rush to their destination. Kyrimorut lay before them.

"_That's _Kyrimorut?"

Bastion seemed a more suitable word than any. It looked like a large, snow-covered dome that rose from the ground, though Besany was sure the most of the complex lay underground. It was surrounded by trees, and Besany suspected the _Aay'han _lay, covered in camouflage, amongst the forest, as did many other parts of the homestead. It had a strange grassed roof that camouflaged it from the air, but flickering lights were visible through slit-like windows as they approached the main doors. Besany's stomach turned over. The nerves came back. How could she live here without Ordo?

The speeders slowed and came to a stop, and Besany slid off, looking around.

"There's a lake over in that direction, not too far to walk. And plenty of room to stretch you legs." Mereel came up behind her. "Sure, you can't call your local takeaway or pop to your nearest caf-bar, but it's really beautiful up here in the summer months."

Besany could believe it. She let Mereel lead her shivering form indoors, where the warmth and smell of nerf roast instantly hit her stomach, and she realised for the first time in days how hungry she actually was. Parja was laying out plates with Bardan's help; Mij was nowhere to be seen, probably with Ordo, being the doctor.

The Nulls were their usual talkative, entertaining selves over what Besany supposed was breakfast - though the contents of the meal said more lunch or dinner to her – and caused the table to burst into uproarious laughter when they swapped seats whilst Rav was out, causing her to call them all by the wrong names when she came back. Rav laughed as loudly as the rest of them and ruffled Mereel's hair.

"I thought you six were bad when you were kids."

The fact that only five of them sat at this table hung heavy in the air, and the jovial mood became leaden with brief worry shared between the twelve of them. Rav seemed to know she'd said something amiss, and she gave a small smile.

"There'll be six again soon enough, _ad'ike._You wait and see."

"I'll do what I can, you know that," Bardan chipped in.

"'Course we do, _Bard'ika_. If you can do half of what you did for Fi, we'll be happy." Kal ruffled his hair affectionately, and Jusik blushed.

"He won't be happy." Besany said. It slipped out before she could stop it, and once it was out she immediately regretted it; it made her sound ungrateful and snobbish. But it was true. If Ordo couldn't be who he used to be, he'd be so unhappy with his life that he'd never be the same man again. She opened her mouth to apologise, but Parja beat her to it.

"Yeah, Fi's still not happy. Keeps complaining that his memory's not what it used to be and his body's not either. It's like living with an old man." She laughed, and so did the rest of the table, Besany's slip up forgotten. Fi gave a mock grumpy look, and Parja swatted at him. Besany saw how much she cared for him in her eyes, though, and saw it reflected back in his. She wondered if that was what people saw when they looked at herself and Ordo.

Parja gave her a wink. It was at that moment Besany decided she really _did _like her, just as Fi had promised. She hoped she would like Mandalore as much as he'd assured her as well; she would be here a long, long time.

After the meal, Mereel accompanied Besany to Ordo's room down the maze of corridors; the plan of the building was simple, as long as you remembered. She'd also been shown the trap door under the main room used for quick escapes. As a militaristic people, this somehow didn't surprise Besany as much as she thought it would. Ordo's room was not small, but wasn't one of the largest rooms in the house, with a 'fresher through one door off to the right. It had cupboards for her things, and all the usual furniture you'd expect in a bedroom, minus the lavish décor. The floor was wooden, with a large rug thrown over the most of it for warmth. A fire danced in the grate, giving the room an overall warm feel.

"A fire? If the place is so secret, won't the smoke…?"

"Apparently, there's a chute that runs a couple of klicks away from the area that lets out any smoke and such that we may produce. So it throws people off the scent." Mereel grinned. "_Buir _really thought of everything. We need these fires in the winter."

"The building is Kal's design?"

Mereel nodded. "He hired Rav to build it for him, seeing as how he didn't have the time. Plus, he says she owed him…"

"Big on debts, you _Mando_s, aren't you?" Besany walked up to the bed and tested it with her hand; it was surprisingly soft, and yet firm enough that she wouldn't be swallowed by it. It was like her mattress at home.

"Very. You'll notice you have the best mattress in the house. We know how to look after our women. Especially the pregnant ones. You'll find the rest of us are sleeping on the floor. No-" Mereel laughed at her shocked expression, for she could honestly believe that, "It was a joke. I have a bed too."

He walked up to her and gave her a kiss on the back of her hand. "I'll see you…later today, I suppose. It's already morning. Get some rest," and with that and a winning smile, he left her to settle in.

Ordo was lying in the bed, which was bigger than his single hospital bed, so left her more room to lie beside him. She thought it was considerate of them not to put her in another room altogether, and make her sleep alone. She suddenly realised just how tired she was; the adrenaline and worry and lack of sleep over the past few days had constantly worn at her like waves at a cliff, eroding more and more with each tide.

Not even thinking about getting undressed, she slipped off her boots and fell asleep in the warmth of her new bed, in her new home.

* * *

><p>Captain Maze frowned.<p>

Part of him knew that 'time off' meant relaxing, going around town, having a drink, maybe read a book. So he had tried to give the impression of 'relaxing', though these days his mind was far from anything resembling calm.

The war was causing everything to fall apart. He knew it, Zey knew it…all they ever did was cover up the things that made people's knees tremble and their hearts fail. Maze was tired of it. He was an _ARC _trooper. He was trained for the toughest, the hardest, the worst and most difficult things the galaxy could throw at him, by Jango himself.

And he did the paperwork.

He sighed and shifted in his barstool. An untouched drink sat on the counter next to him, but he was too engrossed in his datapad to really care about keeping up appearances. He'd rather be sat in his bunk with a good book, but the General had advised that he took some time 'out', so he'd taken this as more of an order than a suggestion. He didn't want General Zey to be concerned with him; he had too much on his plate as it was with Skirata and his Null bunch.

Skirata…that name appeared on the list in front of his eyes far too often these days. Still, it was a pity about Ordo…he was the one Null he'd had any tolerance for. Despite the fact that they had a history of beating one another to a pulp. He opened another tab on the 'pad and stared, frowning, at the text on the page. It read,

NULL-CLASS ADVANCED RECON COMMANDO N-11, STATUS: TRANSFERRED TO OFF-PLANET UNIT FOR CONTINUED TREATMENT.

Maze was certain that 'off-planet unit' meant 'Skirata safe-house'. Not that Maze could blame him; he knew the Republic's plan for clone troopers in situations like Ordo's wasn't exactly extensive. He found he was glad, possibly even relieved, that Ordo had been saved from a fate like that. No trooper deserved to go down that way. And wherever he was, Maze could be certain that Skirata was doing everything he could to get the best treatment for his son.

Did he, Maze, want that? Did he want someone in his life to vouch for him and care for him and catch him when he fell? Someone like a father?

What would be the point? He wasn't going to fall whilst doing the filing.

Maze dropped a few creds on the counter next to his untouched drink, and grabbed his helmet before heading out of the door. He knew he was conspicuous in full armour, but in times like these he knew it wasn't possible to trust anyone. He didn't mind the glances and stares he drew from passers-by. He quite enjoyed it, sometimes. He sensed an edge of frustration in his movements tonight, and put that down to being caged. He was a soldier, a primed, powerful soldier. That did paperwork. It was enough to send anyone with Jango's mindset over the edge sometimes.

It was late night, and round about the time when the city's less civilised inhabitants crawled out of their holes. He knew he was in no danger as a fully armoured ARC, but he kept his hands in easy reach of his hold-out blasters, to be on the safe side. It wasn't a long drive back to HQ, but he decided to walk the route to clear his head of petty frustrations. Was it right to wish he was getting shot at every day and handling sensitive missions only entrusted to the most delicate of handlers? Not for a normal person, no. But he wasn't normal. He was an ARC. It was exactly what he was supposed to be doing, what he'd been trained to do. He found himself sometimes _wanting_ the Seps to attack Coruscant, because at least then he'd get some action in.

He shook his head violently. That was crazy. The kind of thinking that got people locked up. He was a protector of the Republic, not someone to wish its imminent destruction.

He was starting to wish he'd taken a taxi back; the area he was walking purposely through now was dingier than the block before it, and people of all tastes and colours leered at him through his helmet visor. He didn't want them to give him a reason to shoot one of them, but he would do so if they advanced upon him. He clicked the safety catch on his hold-outs, and the dense crowds that seemed to be crushing around him jumped back a considerable distance. He laughed grimly to himself. These underworld dogs were brave until the guns came out. Then they scarpered.

He couldn't help himself from glancing down dark alleys as he passed. You never knew what crime was going on down here.

Just as he was thinking this, loud voices echoed down an alley, the voice of a woman in distress. He turned and saw the silhouettes of four people, one of them obviously female, who was struggling against the other three who had the build of men.

"Get off me!"

"Come on, pretty, we won't hurt you if you just hand it over."

"Get away from me, you slime bags…"

The men gave low laughs and moved to corner the woman, who was clutching her purse to her chest and looking from one man to the other in something close to panic. She tried to make a break for it, but they grabbed her and threw her to the ground, advancing on her. She screamed.

Maze seized the opportunity. He strode down the alley to meet the group, stopping inches from one man's face. He looked startled.

"Is there a problem, ma'am?" Maze addressed the woman, who looked like she was in a state of shock at his swift arrival. The man in front of his face just blinked up at him, unsure how to act.

"We didn't mean nothin', we was just messing," one of the men spoke up. Maze tilted his helmet just so that the man knew he was looking at him and not his friend. He noticed this man had two of his front teeth missing.

"I believe your use of the double negative means you did, in fact, mean something. You were trying to steal this woman's purse. Yes?"

The man looked startled. His companion gave him a look that clearly said 'don't mess with this guy', but he didn't seem to have seen it. Maze turned to the third man, who was shifting from one foot to the other. Maze recognised signs of attempting to run for it.

The woman, now regaining some of her senses, scrambled to her feet and started to back away. The second man, the one with teeth missing, thinking Maze wasn't paying attention, decided to take a grab for her again, lunging after her as she backed away. She screamed again.

Maze was too fast for him. He stuck out his arm and hauled him away, throwing him hard against the graffiti-scribbled walls of the alley and pinning him there, his helmet nearly crushing his nose.

"We don't hurt innocent people. It's a bad thing to do." His voice came out low and menacing through his helmet comm. The man seemed to blanche, but didn't say anything. Maze shook him hard.

"We don't, do we?" He growled.

"N-no," the man squirmed in his rough grasp. Maze couldn't give a damn about his comfort. He had been trying to hurt this woman here-

In his peripherals he saw the first man take something out of his coat that glinted in the streetlight, and lunge for the woman. Maze, thinking fast, gave the man against the wall a nose-cracking head-butt, then dived for the other man, grabbing his blade arm and yanking it hard upwards, feeling bones crack under his grip. The man screamed and dropped the vibroblade. His second companion, the one who had looked like he was about to run, made a dash for it, grabbing the woman by the hair and dragging her with him. She screamed again, louder this time.

Maze brought his knee hard up into the knife-man's gut, and he dropped to the ground. Then he sprinted after the fleeing comrade, and tackled him to the floor, throwing the woman clear, pressing the full of his weight onto the man now on the ground.

"Look out!" The woman screamed and pointed behind him. The two other men had grabbed blades of their own and were heading towards him to try and rescue their friend, obviously thinking that outnumbering him was the way to overthrow him.

_Fools._

Maze launched himself to his feet and hauled the other man with him, throwing him at his companions. They stumbled but didn't try to catch him, instead pressing their quarry. Maze decided that seriously hurting them wouldn't be a good idea, in case they died, and that would be his fault. He didn't need to deal with that. Resisting the urge to unsheathe his vibroblades from their housings in his gauntlets, he lunged at the man on the left, the one now with a bleeding nose. He aimed a right hook at his jaw, and twisted his arm behind his back as he fell, dislocating his shoulder. The man fell with a cry.

The second man tried to jump on his back and get the blade through Maze's neck, but luckily the tough material of his bodysuit held and the man couldn't get the right angle, the blade barely scratching the tough black material. Maze didn't have time to think of what a close one that had been, and that he could be bleeding to death now. He threw the man over his shoulder and waited for him to get up again before dodging a punch, grabbing the assailant's fist and pulling him behind him and pinning him to the floor again, his arm behind his back. The third man seemed to have just made a run for it; he was nowhere to be seen.

"You're…not…going…to…trouble this woman…or anyone…again, are you?" Maze grunted, as the man struggled to get free.

"N-no," the man whimpered.

"No, what?" Maze growled.

"No, sir!"

"Better." Maze pushed himself off the man, who grunted and reached around to hold his shoulder in agony. Maze surveyed the scene. No one was fatally injured, and hopefully they'd learnt a lesson. He turned to the woman, who was cowering against the wall, still clutching her purse, and offered her his arm.

"Allow me to escort you to a taxi, ma'am."

He realised he probably looked a little frightening with blood smeared across his helmet like some sort of gross decoration, but to her credit, the woman didn't flinch away from him, and instead took his arm gratefully.

"Thanks…um…?"

"Captain." They made their way out of the alley and back into the throng of night-time socialites, which allowed him to get a better look at her. She wasn't injured, really, just some cuts and bruises on her arms from where she'd fallen. Her skin was tanned, just a few shades lighter than his, and she had very dark eyes and hair, which had obviously been put up behind her back at one point, but was now falling loose in stray waves. She was wearing an elegant turquoise evening dress and matching shoes, and the slim bracelet around her wrist held the same green-blue stones that adorned her ears and neck. He told himself he was just making an inventory of her possessions and not, most definitely _not _using it as an excuse to stare at her smooth skin and full lips.

"Captain…? Come on, I know you clones have names." She smiled gently. He smiled too, not that she could see it behind his helmet.

"Captain Maze. And you?"

"Me? I'm Jilka. Jilka Zan Zentis. Well, Captain Maze, thanks for that, back there." She blushed slightly.

"Just doing my job, ma'am. You saved my life at one point, too, you know."

She laughed lightly. "Oh, it was just…you know. Common sense, what I did. But what you did, well…that was brave."

Maze felt his face heat under his helmet. He didn't really know what to say to that. He hadn't _felt _brave, he'd just done what had been right. What he'd been trained to do. Some part of him wanted to do it all again. He flexed the muscles in his free arm, testing them after the hard punch he'd given. No pain. Not yet, anyway.

They reached a less grimy part of town and headed for the taxi station. Maze had to ask.

"What's a girl like you doing in that area?"

She blushed again. "I'd been out on a date with my…my boyfriend, I guess. Anyway, he had to leave pretty fast and couldn't take me home, and the evening was nice, so I decided to walk. I took the wrong shortcut though, apparently." She grinned wryly. Maze gestured to a taxi speeder, and the driver waved them over.

"Your chariot awaits." Maze turned to her. She nodded.

"Well, thanks again, Captain Maze." She leaned up, seemingly oblivious to the blood smeared on his helmet, and planted a small kiss on the side of it. He flushed furiously.

"Any time, ma'am." She smiled and got into the taxi, before driving off into the night.

Maze walked the rest of the way home, a spring in his step he wasn't sure was entirely due to having finally shown his prowess as an ARC trooper. _Besides_, he told himself, _she was on a date. With her boyfriend._

He knew better than to mess with that. He was just glad to have done something productive this evening.

* * *

><p>The next day at HQ, General Zey was greeted with an aide who was in far better spirits than he'd ever seen him. He decided not to pry, and Maze had said nothing about what had occurred last night, but he was glad Maze had enjoyed his night out.<p>

It was always good to see him in a good mood. That man needed to get out more.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Ah, Maze finally gets his heroics. :) Thanks to LongLiveTheClones for the idea! Like I said, I'll be taking minor ideas here and there from you guys, because I don't really have a plan from here on out. :P Well, I do, but it's vague.<em>

_Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought, please. Pretty please. You can have an imaginary cookie for reviewing. ;)_

_More on the way._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	11. CHAPTER 10: Falling Apart & Together

**_WARNING: Strong T-rated scene at the end of the chapter. If you want to skip this, just stop at _"I want you, Corr.". **_**Kay?**_

* * *

><p><em><em>**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 – Falling Apart &amp; Falling Together<strong>

Corr nearly choked into his morning cup of caf.

"What?" he spluttered.

Jilka reached over and hit him on the back to get his lungs working again. Eventually, he stopped, but the feeling of incredulity still remained.

"What?" he repeated.

Jilka shrugged. "It's like I said. I nearly got mugged, and this clone trooper came out of nowhere and saved my life." She looked down into her cup and stirred slowly, blowing on it to cool it down.

"Yes, I know but…_Maze_?"

Jilka rolled her eyes and gave a wry sort of smile. "Yes, Maze. Captain Maze. What's so unbelievable about that?"

"He's _Maze_," Corr blinked a few times, convinced he was dreaming, or hallucinating, or something, "He's an iceberg on legs. Who stays in an office all day and does the paperwork and monitors comms. He's not the type to just, as you put it, 'appear out of nowhere'," he made quote marks in the air with his fingers, nearly spilling his caf down his fatigues, "and save your life."

"Well, he did, okay? He seemed quite friendly to me. Not at all the 'iceberg' you make him out to be." She mimicked his quote marks with her own fingers, raising her eyebrows.

"Iceberg _on legs_. Legs are important. But that's not the point. The point is-"

"What? That I shouldn't have nearly got myself killed?" she rounded on him, her eyes flashing, "So it's my fault, is it?"

Corr felt shocked. He hadn't meant it like that at all. "Of course not! I was just pointing out that-"

"That it was the boyfriend's fault for not walking me home? I agree." Jilka folded her arms across her chest; her mouth set in a firm line that Corr knew meant suppressed anger. His heart sank in his chest. It _was _his fault.

They'd been having a great evening. The food was good, the mood was right, and Jilka had been wearing a beautiful turquoise dress that showed off all her curves perfectly. But of course, when the evening had ended, she'd kissed him, and he'd wanted to do more than just _kiss_ her. Remembering his promise to himself about taking things slow, he'd backed away and hurried out of the door with a short 'goodbye' and mumbling something off the top of his head about being back for a mission briefing. Because he'd thought he was going to die, just standing there while she looked like _that_. So he'd left her to walk home alone.

"I didn't mean to leave you like that," Corr reached out to try and touch her face, but she pulled away from his hand, an eyebrow raised in accusation.

"So why is it so hard to believe that someone else could possibly take a fancy in me, if you thought so much of me? Honestly, you should be glad: if Maze hadn't turned up I'd be dead right now." Jilka hitched her bag up higher on her shoulder and downed the rest of her caf in one.

That hit hard. It sounded like she thought he _wanted_ her dead. "Jilka, no-"

"Just forget it," Jilka said, though she sounded like that was the last thing she would do, "Maybe Maze would have been a better choice for a date anyway. At least he _wanted_ to touch me."

Corr felt hurt. "You're kidding me? You think I didn't want to be with you?"

"You left fast enough. You're so distant these days, it's like you don't really care," Jilka gave him a cold glare and looked at her wrist holo, "I'm late for work. See you around, trooper Corr."

Corr watched her walk away, throwing her caf cup in the trash with surprising force for someone so slight. He felt numb. Should he go after her? But what would he say? Sorry, I'm trying to take things slow and you're making this difficult for me? Did she even _want _to go slow? Was it all just a huge mistake?

It was too late to go after her. But he could still try and call her later, if she felt like talking. If he was honest to himself, he was jealous that Maze, old grumpy-guts Maze, had been around on his one night off to save Jilka, and had made him look like a total _di'kut_. Maze probably had some real smooth lines, too. Who knew? He spent so much time in that office; he probably had a lot of time to fantasise.

Anger and jealousy rose in Corr's gut. If Maze had even so much as _touched _Jilka, he would pay. The tight feeling in his chest too painful to allow for him to drink anything more, he threw his half-empty cup into the trash, hard. The lid flew off on impact and showered him with caf. He swore loudly, and kicked the bin. He felt marginally better, though the throbbing in his foot was, he knew, just a distraction from the pain of having possibly lost Jilka to a man who showed the emotional range of a spoon.

He could fight, though. And he was determined to make sure Maze lost.

* * *

><p>For a while, Besany lay staring at Ordo's still form. It looked so much like he was asleep that it was hard not to believe that he'd open his eyes any moment, stretch and yawn, then kiss her, like he did every morning he was with her.<p>

The afternoon sun beamed through a gap in the blinds, falling on Ordo's face. He looked paler and drawn, like he was ill, but the thing that bothered Besany the most was the fact that he didn't open his eyes. His eyes were his life; she could tell his every mood and sometimes even his next words by what was portrayed through his eyes. They drew her in every time she stared into their depths, and one glance was enough to send chills up her spine. He looked as much as dead with them closed, now.

Having slept through most of the day, Besany decided to make herself as busy as she could in the next few hours to wear herself out, so she could try and get herself back into a normal sleep-pattern. Well, as busy as they'd let a pregnant woman be. As she made her way into the 'fresher, her hands fell to her midriff once again, though as usual found no signs of life inside her that she sought so often.

A hot shower and a fresh set of clothes later, Besany was feeling somewhat hungry. After kissing Ordo gently, she made her way back to the kitchen, looking for a friendly face. The place seemed empty, though there was a large pot on the cooker that was steaming gently and giving off the distinct odour of fish. Her stomach growled.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder. Besany jumped and turned to face Bardan Jusik, the former Jedi Knight who was going to be using his Force healing powers to bring Ordo out of his coma, the same way he did with Fi. He gave her an easy smile.

"Sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you."

Bardan gave off an air of constantly being pleased for everything and everyone and was hard not to like. Besany found herself returning his smile. "Good. Gosh, it's been a while since we've seen each other, huh?" He laughed, and she did too.

"I guess so. Obrim's house, with Fi, right?"

He nodded, his tone losing some of its levity. "Right. So, Mij and I were planning to have our first look at Ordo tomorrow, if that's okay. Just let everyone settle in first, you know?"

Besany nodded. "That's fine. How is everyone?"

"You're the first one awake, actually," he laughed again, "And Rav's out hunting while Mij is in town, and Parja's at her workshop. All the others are snoozing like babies."

At the mention of babies, Besany's hands fell once again to her stomach. She seemed incapable of holding them back sometimes, like it was some long-ingrained ritual that stemmed from the most primitive of reactions. Bardan seemed to notice and his eyes lit up.

"I forgot for a moment there. You know, you and Ordo will make great parents. You planning to raise the kid here?"

Besany hadn't thought that far ahead. To her, everything revolved around Ordo waking up, and everything after that was an unreachable dream. She supposed she'd better start planning now. "I…I haven't thought about it. But probably yes, because Ordo won't want his child in any danger while he's away, and here seems far safer than Coruscant."

"I guess so," Bardan nodded, "Do you mind me asking how far along you are?"

That took Besany by surprise. She hadn't even bothered calculating while at the hospital; everything had been Ordo, Ordo, Ordo. She did a quick count in her head. "Uh…about a month and a half, now, I guess."

"Wow. So…you hungry?" Bardan gestured around them. Besany laughed.

"A little. Though if there's something on the way," she gestured to the steaming pot, "I'll wait. I want to be busy so that I'm tired enough to fall asleep again tonight."

Bardan put a hand to his beard in contemplation. "Well, if you want to be busy, you could go for a walk and get some fresh air. The lake's not too far from here. Mind you, it's a bit cold, and in your state…" his eyes lit up with sudden inspiration, "How about helping me clean the garage out? It's a little bit of a tight squeeze with all the junk lying around, which means in a quick escape we'll be slowed down…come on." Jusik took Besany's hand, and led her out to the garage, stopping only for her to grab a coat.

Even though there was a lot of 'junk', as Bardan called it, the garage didn't take as long as Besany thought it would. He slowed things down by giving her the lighter things to carry, but she didn't mind the distraction and Bardan was good company. She wasn't even cold by the time they were done, and the sun was already gone from the horizon, the sky a darkening cloud save for the light blue where the sun had descended. Parja popped her head around the door when they were done and announced that dinner was ready, and they headed back indoors.

The others were already seated when they arrived, and Mereel gave Besany a smile and a small wave as she sat down opposite him. She noticed Jaing wasn't really eating much, just swirling the soup and taking occasional sips, his eyes dark and distant. Besany tried to catch Mereel's eye to ask him what it was about, but he seemed either too engrossed in conversation with Kal, or he was deliberately avoiding answering that question. Jaing was the first to leave the table, and he headed off back to his room. Besany raised her eyebrows at Mereel, who finally conceded to look at her, but he shook his head. _Don't worry about it_.

"Zey sends his love," Kal put down his comm and Mereel grinned, "Actually, he wants you all back at HQ tomorrow for new mission briefings. Time's up, lads."

Besany's heart sank. She didn't know how she'd feel once they'd all left. Lonely, probably. Mereel had a way about him that gave her confidence when she felt most lacking. They all felt like her brothers now.

Kal went on, "I'll take the _Aay'han_, and then come back once they're done. We'll keep you all posted on what's happening, of course." He reached over to ruffle Mereel's hair at the look on his face. "I know you want to be here, but it can't be helped."

Mereel gave a mock dramatic sigh. "I suppose we'll have to make do with popping in every so often," he got up and put a hand on Kal's shoulder as he left the room, "See you tomorrow, _buir_."

Besany soon followed, eager to be alone with Ordo again, not caring if he wasn't awake. Her arms ached from carrying so much and the warm fire lit in the hearth called to her. She said goodnight to everyone, gave those that were leaving hugs, and then retired to the bedroom.

Tomorrow, it all began.

* * *

><p>"You're not okay, <em>vod<em>."

Jaing rolled his eyes and didn't look away from his datapad. Mereel was sitting on the end of his brother's bed in their shared room, staring intently at Jaing's face. It remained impassive. Mereel prodded him gently.

"Don't try and fool me," he said quietly. Jaing swallowed and Mereel noticed that his eyes no longer moved across the page, merely stayed fixed on one point. A frown creased Mereel's brow.

"You miss her," Mereel knew that Jaing knew this, deep down. He just wasn't coming to terms with it, and that wasn't a good thing.

Jaing threw aside the datapad and lay down on his bed, folding his arms behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. Mereel waited, for he knew his brother would speak.

"I think I made a big mistake." It was so quiet that Mereel almost hadn't caught it. He didn't say anything, judging it to be best to just let his brother get it off his chest without interruption. "I just don't know if the mistake was in leaving or not."

"You think you shouldn't have left?" Mereel asked gently.

"I don't know. That's what I'm trying to figure out."

Mereel moved further up the bed so that he could better see his brother's face. He was frowning and biting his lip, his eyes still fixed on the ceiling.

"If I'd stayed…we could have become something more. More than just a fling. Or was it a mistake getting too involved?"

"What you're saying is…you're stuck on the middle ground. And you don't know which way to go." Mereel saw Jaing sigh.

"Exactly."

There was silence, and Mereel heard Jaing swallow.

"You could go back…" Mereel began.

"But what if it all turns out that I was wrong about the way I felt?" Jaing covered his face with hands and groaned.

"Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with her?"

Jaing didn't say anything for a while. Then, "She wants to be a surgeon. If she wanted to be with me, she couldn't be a surgeon, because she'd have to put up with being moved around a lot, because nothing is certain in this family. She…I don't think she'd like that. It's not what she wants."

"So…that's okay with you?"

"It's what I'd want. And because we don't want the same thing, does that mean it won't work? That it couldn't work?"

Mereel put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Probably not. She seemed feisty." Jaing gave a small laugh.

"You wouldn't believe…"

"Ooh? I believe I would. I've seen everything, _ner vod_. And I mean _everything_…" Mereel laughed as Jaing threw a light punch at his shoulder.

"No details for _you_,then."

Mereel put on a mock hurt face. "I thought we told each other everything. Fine then, I won't tell you about this brunette I met a couple of weeks ago, and how that ended up…"

Jaing laughed, and sighed. "So…am I being stupid?"

"Like you both said. In another life, you'd be perfect. And trust me, there's a lot out there to rival your sexy nurse…" Mereel dodged a pillow that was aimed his way, but they were both smiling.

"Just try and move on."

"You think I should forget her?"

"You'll never forget her. She'll be in your mind forever. But eventually you'll see that it was, as you put it, a fling, and it won't hurt so much. People change and they move on, and it gets easier. In the mean time," Mereel grinned, "Feel free to drown your depression in the women of the galaxy."

"Huh."

There was another silence, and Jaing met Mereel's eyes, a serious note in his voice that Mereel wasn't sure he liked.

"Have you ever felt like this about someone? Been on the brink of leaving everything for them and finding yourself thinking about them even though you're long over?"

Mereel swallowed and couldn't meet Jaing's eyes. "No. I never stay with one girl long enough to feel like that." He left off the fact that he felt as though he was incapable of loving someone. That wasn't Jaing's problem, that was his.

"Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Those holovids lie." Jaing put his hand on his brother's shoulder, and they shared a smile. "You'll meet the right girl one day, at the right time. Just like I will, I guess."

"Guess so. I mean, who could resist us?" Mereel tried to grin, but it felt forced. They slipped into a friendly silence once again.

"Thanks, _vod_." Jaing patted Mereel's shoulder and stretched, yawning. Mereel just gave him a grin, this time a real one. As long as they had each other, they'd be okay. They always were.

Mereel got up and took off his shirt, getting into his bed and picking up his datapad from the pile where his armour lay on the foot of his own bed. For a moment they both just lay, reading and thinking.

"I suppose if Ordo dies, you have a good shot with Besany."

Jaing was smothered by pillows.

* * *

><p>Besany was sat with her legs crossed in front of the fire, reading off her datapad, her comlink next to her. She searched for Mandalore, looking for more information about the culture and planet, occasionally reading parts aloud to Ordo. It struck her that that made her look crazy, but she didn't really care. She felt she could almost hear him responding, in her head. Maybe that <em>was<em> crazy.

It seemed that Mandalore was just transitioning out of its winter season, and spring was a month or so away. The snow outside wasn't too deep, and the sun didn't go down until the later hours of the afternoon. She shivered to imagine what it was like in full winter.

The read up about the armour, and what the different colours represented. Kal and Mij's armour was gold, meaning vengeance. She made a mental note to find out what exactly they were seeking vengeance for. Of course, it may just have been a colour preference…

Her comlink buzzed loudly, making her jump. For a moment she sat staring at it, completely at a loss to know who would be calling her. Then she came to her senses and picked it up, answering.

"Hello?"

"Bez! Hey," Jilka sounded nervous.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Totally fine. You? How's Mandalore?"

"Cold. Wintry. But pretty. You sure you're fine? You sound…odd." Besany frowned.

Jilka sounded bristled. "Honestly, I'm fine. Stop asking."

"Huh. Really? Fine, are you?" Besany couldn't stop a wry smile. She heard Jilka give a heavy sigh on the other end.

"It's just…men."

Besany's heart sunk. She had so hoped that they would work out as a couple, but now it sounded like all was not well. "What's Corr done?"

Jilka gave an exasperated sigh, and recounted the tale of her near-mugging to Besany, who's eyes grew wider as the story went on. Eventually, Jilka got to what was bugging her, "And see, the date was really nice. Great, in fact, one of the better ones I've been on in my life. Then at the end of the night, I kissed him, planning that he could maybe…I don't know, come home with me or something. But when I went to get a little closer, he jumped back like I'd slapped him and practically ran out of the door, giving some bogus excuse about a mission briefing he was late for. So I walked home alone, causing myself to nearly get killed. And then he gets all upset about how this Maze guy, who he knows, apparently, saved my life. Like it was a crime!"

Besany considered this. "He was probably jealous."

"Yeah, but if he was jealous, why didn't he just come home with me? He could have saved me _and_ slept with me…I mean, he seemed eager enough during the date, and before we were properly 'together' - look at that kiss he gave me at the hospital."

"Here's an idea – ask him."

She heard Jilka sigh again. "What if…what if it's me? What if now he's got to know me, he's decided he doesn't quite like the idea…"

Besany frowned. "I'm sure that's not it, Jilka. He seemed really into you. Maybe there's something he's not telling you about himself. You know he has prosthetic arms?"

There was a shocked pause. "What?"

"Sorry. I thought you knew. Both his arms are prosthetic from the elbows down. He hasn't told you?"

"It…it hadn't come up. Wow…how did he lose them?"

"He can tell you that." Besany continued in a softer voice, "Call him. You like him, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then let him know he's not dumped. He'll be pretty distraught right now."

There was a pause. Then, "'Kay. Thanks, Bez. But if this doesn't work out, I'm blaming you."

Besany laughed. "Feel free. Bye."

"Bye."

The call ended. Besany put her comm down and stared into the flames for a moment, thinking about why Corr hadn't told Jilka about his arms. The only reasonable conclusion she could reach was that he thought Jilka would view him as less human and therefore less desirable if she knew. That it would disgust or repel her. Besany smiled. He'd have a hard job repelling Jilka; as a worker in Tax Enforcement, she came in frequent contact with people like Hutts, or even worse. She really hoped they worked out. It was nice to see Corr and Jilka find some happiness.

It was late, and even though she wasn't exhausted, the lugs of tiredness still pulled at her. She climbed into bed, and lay looking at Ordo for a little while, wanting to touch him but afraid at the same time. Eventually she conceded by snuggling up close to him and resting her head in the crook of his shoulder, his slow and even breathing sending her off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

><p>Corr was being followed.<p>

He was sure of it; the three men behind him hadn't left his tail for blocks now, and whenever he stopped they stopped too. He couldn't see their faces; they remained dark and ominous silhouettes in the glare of Coruscant's night lights. He tried to lose them by walking quickly through a crowd of people and taking sharp turns down unexpected alleyways, but they remained the same distance behind him at all times. They seemed to glide along silently, like demons from horror vids Corr had seen. It unnerved him, to say the least. He started to feel like they were closing in on him from every direction, choking off his breath. He knew he was being stupid and letting panic take a hold, but these things seemed even less human the closer they got.

He took a turn down a dark alley. That was a mistake. It was a dead end. Dreading how close these _things _were to him, he didn't turn around, and instead carried on down the alley, despite there being a solid wall at the end. He got to the wall, his heart thumping painfully in his chest, and put a hand on it as though he was looking or feeling for something that had been there before. He felt a shiver go up his spine and felt a rattling breath behind him, very, very close. He didn't want to turn around. He completely forgot his commando training and everything he had learnt about fighting off assailants. These couldn't be human. They would kill him anyway.

He heard a whimper from a dark corner. His head turned and he saw, to his surprise, Jilka slumped against the wall, looking up fearfully at him. He reached out to her, but she shrank away with a scream. The rattling breath behind him turned into a laugh, a deep, gravelly laugh that he thought he recognised.

He turned around.

He saw Maze's helmeted face, the distinct T-visor twisted into some sort of grotesque grin that terrified him. There was blood dripping from the mouth. He opened his mouth to scream or cry for help, but no sound came out. He was rooted to the spot, a cold sweat glistening on his skin. He turned again and saw Jilka getting up, and going to stand behind this horrific Maze, putting a hand on his pauldron and grinning coyly. That made Corr mad.

He flung out an arm to try and punch Maze, but to his horror he saw that his prosthetic were missing and the stumps were weeping blood, as open and raw as the day he'd lost his arms. He watched as Jilka's face made a disgusted sneer, and then Maze punched him in the gut.

He fell to the ground in slow motion, the pain in his arms searing. He couldn't catch himself; he had no hands, and he fell in a crumpled heap on the floor, his vision swimming with unshed tears.

When he looked up, he saw Jilka shake her head at him.

"You're disgusting."

The words echoed around the alleyway, bouncing off the walls and hitting him sharply in the chest each time.

"If Maze hadn't turned up," she gave Maze an adoring smile, "I'd be dead. It's your fault. Your fault. Your fault."

Corr tried to scream. He did. But his throat hurt, his everything hurt, and he felt weak from loss of blood. He felt sick.

"At least he can touch me."

_No._

Corr knew where this was going. He just didn't want to see it.

Jilka removed Maze's helmet and he turned to look at her. She gave him a heated look and then kissed him full on the mouth. Maze responded, wrapping his arms tightly around Jilka's waist, pulling her up against him and kissing her back with such force Corr though Jilka would smash to pieces in Maze's hands. But she didn't. They kissed more forcefully, Maze lifting Jilka up off her feet and pressing her into the wall of the alleyway, kissing a trail down her neck to her chest, ripping off her dress as he went to reveal her glistening skin. Corr saw Maze reach down between Jilka's legs, and she gave a throaty moan and threw her head back against the wall, writhing against him.

Corr was screaming.

Someone was hitting him. It was Maze. It must be. He couldn't see; everything had gone black, and everything hurt, his chest, his arms, his throat, his eyes…

He was still screaming. But someone was screaming at him.

"_Corr_!"

"Wake up, _ner vod_!"

He was being shaken vigourously. His eyes snapped open, and he saw Niner, Darman and Atin looking at him with extremely worried looks on their faces. He was drenched in sweat and his arms where they met the prosthetic felt raw.

"You with us, _ner vod_?" Niner had his hand on Corr's shoulder. Corr felt like he was going to be sick. He nodded silently. The lights of the barracks hurt his eyes.

"You were screaming. We thought you were dying or something, by the sound of it," Darman looked pale. They all did.

Corr swallowed, and Atin reached out of view and handed him a canister of water. He drank thankfully.

"Thanks. It was…just a dream, right?" Corr looked at first Niner, then Darman, then Atin. They all nodded. Corr sighed and sank back onto his bunk, rubbing his eyes. Niner patted his shoulder.

"You want to talk about it, _vod'ika_?"

Corr thought for a moment, then shook his head. "It was just a dream. A bad dream. Sorry I woke you."

"A _really_ bad dream, by the sounds of it." Atin shook his head, but they all stood back to let him sit up, before Atin and Darman returned to their bunks. Niner sat on his and watched Corr carefully. It was clear they were all worried about him.

His arms ached still. Slowly he peeled back the synthflesh covering on his left arm, inspecting the workings inside it and then placing it back, before rubbing him upper arms where the prosthetics began. The pain of his nightmare was still very real to him. Slowly he got up, stretched a little, then headed for the 'freshers, where he stripped off his sweat-soaked clothing, turned on a shower and plunged his head under the water, letting it wash away the fear and the pain and the grime. Maze wasn't evil, Jilka wasn't sleeping with him, and he had his arms, he wasn't bleeding to death.

When he came out, he felt marginally better. Niner was still watching him, though Atin and Darman were asleep again.

"It's okay, Sarge. You can go back to sleep, I'm not dying or anything," he grinned.

"I don't think you're okay." Niner narrowed his eyes at Corr. Corr sighed and shook his head.

"Me either." There was a silence, and Corr looked at his holo. It was only 2100. He knew he'd only been asleep for about an hour, then. He wondered if…

His comm buzzed. He jumped. Picking it up, he read the name on the caller ID with a pounding heart. How did she…?

"I'll be back, Sarge. Just don't know when. Might go for a walk, clear my head."

Niner sighed and lay back down in his bunk. "Fine. Just remember we ship out tomorrow."

Corr grabbed some clean clothes and a jacket and shoes before practically sprinting out of the door.

"Hello?"

There was no response at first. Then, "Corr?"

His heart jumped in his chest. She didn't sound angry any more. "Hi."

"Um…look, I'd like to talk. But I'd rather talk to your face. Can you come over?"

Part of Corr was nervous; he may forget about 'going slow' when both she and her bed were in easy distance. However, he did want to see her. He nodded, then realised she couldn't see that. "Okay. Um…where do you live?"

She gave him the address. They both seemed to feel like they were walking on eggshells, but that fact that they were talking at all was a good sign. Corr took a cab to her apartment block, and buzzed her number at the door.

"It's me. I'm here."

The door opened. He stepped inside and looked around.

Jilka's apartment was furnished in rich colours; deep purples and reds and blues. The carpet was thick and heavy, and the lights were dimmed slightly. Corr heard some sort of music in the background, but Jilka came around the corner and switched it off quickly.

The silence was awkward. Corr didn't know what to do but just stand there and look at her carpet. He heard her move closer to him, her bare feet on the carpet making slight pads as she crept closer. When she was about an arm's length from him, he looked up cautiously into her brown eyes.

She wasn't wearing much. A loose top and shorts were all that hid her body from him, and her dark hair was waved and done up loosely behind her head. She was wearing her glasses. She spoke first.

"You want to come and sit down?" She gestured to a deep purple couch in the living area. He nodded and followed her to it, trying not to look at her legs too much.

"So…you wanted to talk?" Corr met her eyes again, and she took off her sleek-framed glasses and set them on a side table.

"Yeah. I just wanted to know what happened last night, you know?"

Corr rubbed his face with his hands. "Okay, um…this might take some explaining."

"Okay. So…explain."

"I'm trying to take this slow."

Jilka blinked and tilted her head to the side, but let him continue.

"I'm not the kind of guy who usually ends up in the long term relationships. I'm sure Besany's said as much," he gave a wry grin, "In short, I'm the type of guy who sleeps with a girl and then leaves them, and usually only looks for someone who's willing to give it to me."

"So…with me?"

"I like you. A lot," he took her hand, and she didn't pull away, "And at first, yes, I was looking to sleep with you. But then I got to know you. And then…I decided I didn't want to ruin this by moving too fast. So I decided to take it slow."

Comprehension dawned in Jilka's eyes. "Oh. So…I haven't been making it easy, have I?" Something like a smile played at the corners of her mouth. Corr put his head in his hands.

"No," he mumbled.

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault. I just…took this course of action without even asking what you wanted. I should have talked to you about it."

Jilka giggled. "'Course of action'?"

Corr poked her gently. "You know what I meant."

There was a pause, but this time it wasn't awkward. Corr sat and studied Jilka as she looked at the fake flames that danced in her fire. He liked the way the flames reflected in her eyes. The colour set off her tanned skin perfectly and made it look smooth and soft. He wanted to touch her.

"I'm sorry I made you jealous," she whispered.

"I'm sorry I upset you," Corr watched as a wave of her black hair fell loose and landed against her collarbone, resting there. She didn't brush it away. His fingers itched to do it for her.

She turned to meet his gaze again. "Besany told me about your arms."

Something heavy fell into Corr's gut. He swallowed. Did she think it was disgusting after all?

"Can I see them?" She touched his arm gently. Relief swallowed him whole. She didn't sound disgusted. Slowly, he reached over with his left arm and rolled his sleeves up, before peeling back the synthflesh covering on his right arm. Her eyes widened and she reached out to gently pull back the covering on his left arm, too. He lay them in front of her, and she swallowed, looking at him with a questioning look in her eyes, as though she was asking his permission to continue. He nodded, unable to speak.

She ran her fingers gently over the servos and rods, turning his hands over and skimming her thumbs along the back of them. Then she pulled the coverings back over them, so that he could feel the patterns her fingers traced over his hands as she asked, "How did it happen?"

Her touch was distracting. "I was in EOD – bomb disposal – before I came to work for the Treasury. I got a wire wrong. With no hands, they had to reassign me to a desk job, which is how I ended up at the Treasury, and how I met Besany. I worked for her. Then one day, Ordo walks in and asks me to switch places with him so that he could do some undercover work in the Treasury. That's how Ordo met Besany, by the way. Then I helped them complete the mission they were working on, and his sergeant, Kal Skirata, gave me an upgrade on my arms and gave me some commando training. Then I joined Omega squad, as Fi's replacement. You remember Fi? Yeah, he got brain damage. Fell into a coma. Like Ordo, in fact. But I'm rambling. So…there you go."

"Does it still hurt sometimes?" Jilka ran her hands up his arms.

"Less so now. But occasionally, yes."

"You say you got an upgrade on your hands?"

Corr nodded. "Yeah, before I met Ordo I had the bare minimum needed for basic hand movement. No synthflesh, even."

"But now…?"

"Now, these babies are special bomb disposal standard. Even issued to some surgeons. Very fine motor control," her fingers were working circles over his palm. He shivered, "Very sensitive, too."

She pulled away quickly and Corr didn't miss the blush that heated her cheeks. He reached out slowly and brushed away the lock of hair that rested on her collarbone. He liked the way goosebumps rose on the surface of her skin where his fingers brushed. Her eyes met his, and he saw something like sadness mixed with passion hidden within their depths.

"I'm sorry. That this happened."

"Don't be. If I hadn't lost them, I'd never have ended up in the Treasury, so Ordo would never have found me, so I would never have been trained as a commando. It's a much better job than bomb disposal."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jilka gave his hands a slight squeeze. Corr sighed and looked away, afraid of how she would take this.

"I…I thought maybe you'd be…I don't know…disgusted. Or that it would…freak you out. That I'm not entirely human."

Jilka's eyes widened in incredulity. "What? Corr, just because you've got two less arms than me? That doesn't make you any less human. And it doesn't '_disgust' _me or '_freak me out'_. It can't make me stop loving you."

She gasped once she realised what she'd said, and blushed, letting go of his hands and wrapping her arms around herself, staring into the fire. Corr's heart felt oddly light. _She loves me, she loves me, she loves me…_

There was only one answer to that in his mind. He leaned in close to her and placed a light kiss on her jaw, close to her ear. Then he whispered, "I love you too."

She turned her head and his lips met hers, gently.

He was surprised to note that she still tasted like chocolate. He couldn't help himself; his hands wound themselves in her hair and pulled the tie free so that her dark waves fell down her back and around her shoulders. Then he moved his hands to her face and kissed her more intently, and her hands found their way into his hair and behind his head, where she scraped her nails slowly across the back of his neck. He shivered, and pressed closer, one hand leaving her face and slipping down her arm to her waist. He lifted her shirt and rested his hands on the bare warmth of her skin, her lips kissing him harder, her tongue meeting his as his thumb glided under the waistband of her shorts on the smooth skin of her hips. She gasped and he captured her mouth with his again, enjoying her sweet taste and the feel of her heartbeat under her ribcage. Slowly, she moved her hands down his chest and under his jacket, sliding it off his shoulders so that she could rake her nails down his front. He groaned and broke the kiss; she sucked his bottom lip enticingly as his chest rose and fell quickly, tilting his head to the ceiling and screwing his eyes closed. She kissed his neck.

"Whatever happened to 'going slow'?" she murmured against his skin.

"What do you want?" Corr looked back at her searchingly. He knew what _he _wanted.

Jilka studied him for a moment, then moved to straddle his lap and slid her hands under his shirt, stroking the corded muscle underneath. Then she leaned in to kiss him gently, and whispered her answer onto his lips.

"I want you, Corr."

One of her hands moved to his hip and slid under the waistband of his pants, tracing circles with her fingers along the skin there. Corr couldn't take much more. He pulled her against him again, so that her body was flush against his. He let his hands play at her hips, kissing her collarbone delicately and feeling her hands leave his hips to tangle themselves in his hair, pulling his lips against her skin. She writhed in his lap, and something shot up Corr's body like fire, causing him to gasp against her flushed skin. His clothes felt very tight all of a sudden. He wanted them off. Hers too.

He reached the hem of her top with his fingers and pulled upwards, letting the material come up and over her head, before discarding it next to his jacket somewhere. She then clawed at his shirt, before managing to finally peel it off his sweat-soaked skin and throw it over her shoulder. Then she kissed him again, crushing her body against his. The feel of her naked skin against his, of her breasts and her hands and her stomach, it nearly undid him completely. He tugged at her shorts, and she let him pull them off.

Her thighs were as smooth as they had been in his dreams, and he moved his hands upward in circles, seeking her heat. She grabbed his hands just before they reached his goal, however, and she gave him a look that clearly said _you're far too clothed right now_.

One he had finally managed to extricate himself from the rest of his clothes, he seemed to realise that they were still on her couch. He wanted their first time to be right.

"You got a bed?" He grinned and couldn't resist kissing down her chest, feeling her heat on his thighs.

"Somewhere…through…there…" she waved vaguely at a door, her eyes closed and her hands pulling him against her. He stopped her, then stood up before picking her up in his arms and carrying her to the bedroom.

"Wait," she said, once he had placed her on the bed, "um…"

"Do you have anything?"

"Wait…here…" she reached over to the bedside table and pulled out a wrapper out of a drawer. He took it from her.

"One more thing," Jilka bit her lip, "I'm…this…this is my first time."

Corr kissed her softly and let his hands rest on her waist, her heartbeat frantic against his chest. "Don't worry. I would never hurt you."

She nodded and kissed him again, wrapping her legs around his hips and pulling him against her.

"Just tell me to stop, if you need," Corr held her close, and she nodded, before capturing his mouth with hers and dimming the lights.

* * *

><p>In the morning, Corr awoke just in time to dress. Jilka was waiting in the kitchen, a sad look on her face. He walked up to her and kissed her good-morning, noticing her slightly despondent mood. "What's up?"<p>

"Do you have to go?"

"Yes. I wish I didn't, though."

"Me too."

He held her close, letting his hands stroke her hair softly. He'd be back, and when he was, he'd take her on a proper date and he wouldn't let anyone try to hurt her ever again. He would be her personal soldier. He wanted that.

She sighed. "You'd better go."

"I know. Just…promise me something."

Jilka looked up at him. "Anything."

Corr grinned. "Don't sleep with Maze while I'm gone."

She laughed and poked him hard. "No chance, soldier boy. You're the one I want."

"Good," he kissed her on the top of the head, "Bye."

He left her apartment building feeling lighter in his heart than he had done in weeks.

Today, it all began again.

**...**

* * *

><p><em>I love you guys! Seriously. Happy Friday. Oh, also there <strong>may <strong>not be a chapter on Monday. If I can type fast, then yes, if not, then you'll have to wait till next Friday. Sorry! I'll try and get to it as soon as I can._

_Please, please, please let me know what you think. Any parts seem out of place or wrong or don't sit quite right? Any ideas for upcoming chapters? I'd love to hear them!_

_Also check out **Epona's** **Chosen**. Just take my word for it._

_Cute? Funny? Meh? Horrible? Any opinion at all? Let me know. :)_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	12. CHAPTER 11: Failing, Falling

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11 – Failing, Falling<strong>

Coruscant seemed foreign to Kal now. It wasn't home and it never would be, but he felt a sort of connection to the planet that wasn't all positive. Too many bad things had happened here.

The mood in the _Aay'han _on the way back wasn't exactly subdued, but Kal could tell that the Nulls wanted to be with their brother at this critical stage of his healing rather than out on the field of war. Mereel kept checking his comm for missed calls that could have been updates on Ordo's health, but they all knew that if something had happened it would have been Kal who would have received the call, and there was no way they were missing anything. For all they knew, the residents of Kyrimorut were still asleep.

Kal had noticed Jaing's distant demeanour since they'd left the hospital, and had wondered if he should go and talk to him about it. He knew it was leaving that nurse that had unsettled him and Kal wanted his son to be happy. But, if he was honest with himself, he knew next to nothing about the workings of a successful relationship, and had noticed Mereel taking the situation into hand, as he did with everything now that Ordo couldn't be the Alpha-male. Kal felt a pang of regret for not looking out for his sons. But then, they seemed to be looking out for each other just as much as he looked out for them. And since Mereel's 'talk' with Jaing, he seemed a lot more like his old self. An old man like himself wasn't needed to sort everything out.

Kal set the _Aay'han_ down by Laseema's, and he and the Nulls took shuttles to HQ. He chuckled to himself as they boarded; the open stares and slack jaws of shock that followed them at the sight of five fully armoured ARC troopers and their sergeant were quite amusing. He'd already tried this trick before, with Ordo, but couldn't resist giving the civvies another shock.

"Take off your buckets, _ad'ike_."

There was a collective hiss as the Nulls popped the seals on their helmets and took them off, clipping them to their belts. Kal watched as most of the civilians around did double takes, their eyes widening in blatant shock and eyebrows shooting into their hairlines.

"They're not even remotely droid-like!"

"Their faces – look at their faces, they're the same!"

"They're so young, wait until I tell my colleagues-"

"Guess the holonews was wrong about this war…"

Kal smiled at one woman who seemed incapable of words, her lips moving silently and her face a mask of frozen astonishment. She met his eyes, and he gestured to the nearest Null, A'den.

"May I introduce you?"

His sons had been trained to be gentlemen as much as killers, and A'den obligingly held out his hand for shaking, a polite smile on his face. The woman shook it, blinking a few times. "A pleasure."

Kal noticed Mereel was joking around with a green Twi'lek, who was flicking her lekku over her shoulder and batting her large eyes at him. Kal couldn't withhold a grin. That boy was unstoppable. And why should he hold back? His sons didn't have full life spans. Not yet. So they should be living it the way they wanted to, not cramped up in barracks all day, only to be brought out when they were needed. The life span, he was working on.

He noticed that some people got used to the sight of similar faces faster than others. The pretty Twi'lek seemed totally unperturbed by the sight, but then she probably had eyes for Mereel and Mereel only. The woman who had been introduced to A'den had sank into a vacant seat, her eyes distant as she looked out of the window at the passing skyscrapers and civilians. Kal hoped he'd given her a lot to think about. He hoped they'd all think a lot harder now.

The shuttle stopped a block or so away from HQ, and Kal and the Nulls disembarked, leaving a few shell-shocked passengers and a disappointed Twi'lek behind them. Prudii nudged Kal.

"You made your point now, _buir_?"

"Sorry, son. Didn't mean to use you." Kal patted him on the shoulder and Prudii grinned, before replacing his helmet like his brothers. Kal knew that they relied on their helmets for far more than just head protection, though he could understand the feeling of nakedness that came from being without all or part of your armour. Its weight was a comforting presence, like a protective shell that was all you would ever need. It was familiar and safe.

The meeting with Zey passed Kal by without him really taking in what he was saying. His mind was far away, wondering what was going on with Ordo and how much progress _Bard'ika _was making. His heart ached to see Ordo open his eyes, even if he couldn't walk or talk or move, his open eyes would bring so much relief. Everything after that they could deal with.

As they made their way across the parade ground, Mereel patted Kal on the shoulder. "If all goes to plan, I should be able to pop by Kyrimorut in a couple of weeks or so."

Kom'rk made an exasperated noise. "Huh. Lucky. Jaing and I are going back to Utapau to watch Grievous come and go as he pleases. We'll be lucky if we can get a day off once this year."

Prudii clapped Jaing on the shoulder. "You know, _ner vode_, you could just tell Zey that Grievous is there. Then maybe he could send you somewhere else. Or even better – end this _shabla _war."

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?"

"You enjoy being shot at every day?"

"Hiding in a bush watching his shiny _shebs_ isn't being shot at."

Mereel laughed. "The safe way out of a war." Kal gave Mereel a raised-eyebrow look in which he tried to convey _that's not funny_, but ended up being something more like _don't tease your brother_. He couldn't blame them for saying what he was thinking.

"So I can take it Mereel will be a regular visitor. What about you two?" Kal nudged Prudii and A'den.

"I've got some more droid factory sabotaging to do," Prudii pulled out his datapad and started tapping in some data, "But I can always drop in between ops."

"Ah, Prudii's patented droid remover. Where would we be without it?" Mereel dodged a punch from his brother, laughing.

"Dead."

"Okay, okay you two, break it up." A'den stepped between them and grinned. "Hopefully, _buir_, I'll be able to drop by often enough. Just make sure you keep us all posted by comms."

Jaing nodded. "Yeah, don't let us come back to a frighteningly fit Ordo and his new born child without telling us. We won't be too happy."

Mereel seemed to ponder this. "That _would_ be a shock."

Kal laughed and ruffled Jaing's hair. "Don't worry _ad'ike_. I'll tell you everything that happens, when it happens. He's your brother, after all."

They made their way to the hangar silently, and once they arrived Kal felt suddenly very sad. His sons were all leaving him. Prudii, Jaing, Kom'rk and A'den took turns embracing him and each other with the clack of armour, and said their goodbyes, promising to be around as much as they could. Kal's heart felt heavy. He always missed them when they went away.

Eventually he was left standing by Mereel, who had waited until last before leaving. Mereel turned to him and put his hand on his shoulder. "Keep me posted, _buir_. And look after Besany. I worry about her, in this state."

Kal took Mereel's hand in his. "Me too, _Mer'ika_. And I will. I promise."

"Good," Mereel touched Kal's face, "_K'oyacyi_,_ buir._"

"_K'oyacyi_, _Mer'ika_. Stay alive, son."

"Will do." Mereel kissed Kal on the head before smiling at him and heading off to find his ship. Kal watched him walk away and waited until he was out of sight before making his way slowly back to the shuttle stop. He'd visit Laseema and Kad while he was here, and make sure they were okay, and then head back to Mandalore.

His son needed him.

* * *

><p><em>The darkness was being disturbed.<em>

_It was like a hand had plunged into a smooth dark pool, tearing at the surface and spreading tumultuous ripples across the sleek blackness. Light, searing, bright light, was pouring in through the holes like the surface had been made of black velvet, now ripped and tattered and disintegrating as the brightness enveloped everything._

_He felt it again. The tentative push, the helping hands that were not entirely _there_, that seemed to be feeling around inside him for something._

_Then they pulled._

_He didn't like this. He felt unstable and unbalanced, like he was going to slip and fall into the murky blackness again, unaware and useless. But still the hands lifted. He felt as though he was being smothered by a heavy blanket that pushed against him as the hands lifted, and the light got brighter, like he wasn't near it so much as _in _it._

_If he had been able to move his arms, he would have reached out to stop this._

_If he had been able to move at all, he would have got up and walked away from all this._

_He couldn't breathe._

_The hands were slipping._

_They left him._

_The light was gone._

_And the nothingness swallowed him whole again._

* * *

><p>Besany pressed Ordo's hand to her forehead and stifled a yawn.<p>

She had awoken early when Mereel and Kal had popped in to say goodbye to her and Ordo, and once her eyes were open she knew she couldn't go back to sleep. They were going to try today. Ordo might even wake up.

Okay. So maybe she was pushing things a little. But Jusik had been sitting by Ordo's side with his eyes closed and one hand on Ordo's head for five hours. Besany wondered if that man ever took a break. She remembered his determination with healing Fi, and how much he'd done simply in two or three sessions. Part of her, a very large part, was eager for him to sit all day and all night, exhausting himself in order to heal Ordo. But the human part of her, the sensible part, wanted Jusik to rest and take breaks and make sure he was okay. She didn't want to lose one friend in order to save another.

Needing to stretch her legs, Besany kissed Ordo's hand and crept out quietly, deciding to head outside and walk around in the fresh air for a while, to clear her head. She grabbed a coat and her boots, and walked out into the snow. For a moment she just stood and watched her breath mist in front of her, taking in the snow-covered landscape for the first time properly. Mereel had been right. It was beautiful, once you got used to it.

Somewhere in the distance, a blaster shot rang out. Besany jumped. Looking around, she couldn't see anyone nearby – was someone hurt? Had there been fighting? Without thinking, Besany jogged off in the direction the shot had come from, her heart pounding.

She came out from between a thicket of trees to see the distinctive scarlet armour that she knew Parja wore standing out like a beacon in the white surroundings. Fi was standing next to her brandishing a rifle, and sighting it up for what was obviously the next shot at the pile of haystacks that had been cleared of snow. Besany stood back and watched, unnoticed, as Parja stood back a step and Fi sighted up, his chest rising and falling as he took a deep breath to steady himself. He let all his breath out in one puff of mist, and then he pulled the trigger.

The blast rang out on the clearing, and a haystack started smoking from a blackened hole on the left of it. Fi sighed and relaxed his posture, standing the rifle by his side and turning to face Parja, smoke rising from the barrel. Parja took her helmet off and shook out her long braid. She touched Fi's arm and her lips moved, but Besany was too far away to hear what they were saying to one another. Fi threw his hands up in exasperation and dropped the rifle, turning around with a hand over his face. He looked up and spotted Besany lurking in the trees.

"_Bes'ika_!" He waved at her, and Parja behind him made a _come over here _gesture, smiling. Besany stepped out cautiously and went to join them. "How's it going, Fi?"

Fi grimaced and Parja hit him on the shoulder. "He's doing great," she said, raising an eyebrow at him and pursing her lips. Fi ignored her and ran his hands through his hair frustratedly.

"I'm _not _doing great, I'm horrendous. I wasn't even this bad in basic training."

"You hit the dead centre the first time."

"But not the second time. Sniping is all about accuracy over and over again. I'd be dead now if I'd missed the first time." Fi looked away, a despairing look in his eyes. Parja bit her lip and sighed, looking at Besany.

"You just need to practice. It's been a while. You'll get it back," Besany tried. Fi gave her a wan smile.

"Thanks, Bez. But if I'm not…"

"If you're not all there, you can't be as good ever again," Parja finished for him, giving him a gentle shove, "We know. You constantly remind me of this every time I try to help you."

Fi turned to face her and sighed. "I do?"

Parja nodded and poked him gently, smiling. "Watch out, or I'll start to think you're ungrateful for all the hard work I've put into making you get better."

"I am," Fi put his arm around her and kissed her on the top of her head, "Very grateful. Sorry," he murmured. Parja giggled and blushed slightly, catching Besany's eye.

"It's okay. I know you are. Somewhere deep, deep down…very deep…" she laughed and ducked as Fi reached down and scooped up a handful of snow, throwing it at Parja's head. Parja scooped up her own snowball and aimed at Fi, but he side-stepped to avoid it, grinning. Besany saw him reach down for another one, so decided to stop him by hastily gathering some snow in her hand and throwing it at him. Caught off guard, the snowball hit Fi in the face and he blinked, stumbling. Besany put her hands over her mouth in shock, but couldn't suppress a laugh. Parja was doubled up in hysterics.

Fi got up and Parja handed him the rifle again, wiping tears from her eyes. "Have another go, _cyar'ika_. We know you can do it."

Fi gave her a grin and sighted up again, aiming at the blackened hole in the middle of one of the haystacks that he had obviously made when Besany had heard the first shot. Again, Fi took a deep breath, held it, and fired.

The shot wasn't dead centre like the first one, but it was close. The charred mark was a few centimetres to the right of the centre, making the first mark look wider. Fi raised an eyebrow and bit his lip but after a look from Parja he didn't say anything. Besany was frankly impressed. She was sure she couldn't shoot as accurately as that.

Parja nudged Besany. "We should start teaching you how to shoot. Now you're here, you'll need to start…adjusting to our way of life." She smiled, and Besany swallowed.

"Does your 'way of life' have to include guns?" Besany eyed the large rifle with apprehension. It looked heavy.

Parja laughed. "We'd start you with something a lot smaller, of course. Here," Parja drew a sidearm from her holster and handed it to Besany, "Have a go."

Besany knew how to hold a gun, vaguely. She wasn't exactly a stranger to shooting, but she'd never actually had to pull the trigger before. She checked the charge, put her left hand in a steadying position, and aimed at a haystack that Fi hadn't touched yet.

"Is this okay?"

Fi moved behind her. "May I?" he asked. Besany realised he was asking permission to move her, to touch her. She nodded. Fi put his arms around hers and dropped his head slightly so that his eye level was in line with hers. His breath was warm by her ear. She shivered. She knew it was wrong to think like this, but Fi's touch made her miss Ordo even more than she had done in the past month. She tried not to think about that right now. It was inappropriate by far.

Fi moved her arms upwards slightly and then stepped back. "Never aim too low. There, you can try now."

Taking a deep breath, Besany pulled the trigger.

* * *

><p>Dinner was quiet without the Nulls, and Fi could tell that there was something on Jusik's mind. Not only did he look pale and tired, as he should, having spent the whole day at Ordo's bedside, but he had that frown on his face that usually meant he felt he was letting someone down. Fi wasn't sure he wanted to know how the healing had gone. <em>Kal'buir<em> had decided that they wouldn't ask Jusik about it until after the meal.

Kal nudged Fi. "I hear you and Parja have been teaching Besany to shoot?"

"A little. I'm learning again myself, I guess," Fi smiled, "You're better off asking Parja how we did – I'm sure we both feel like her students." Kal laughed and Parja grinned, giving Fi a quick kiss.

"You did great, _F'ika_. You'll get better every day. Besany wasn't bad for a newbie either."

Besany grimaced. "If you say so. I wasn't exactly brilliant."

"You only missed the stacks that were further away. And everyone does at first. Long range is harder, the target's smaller." Fi gave Besany a wink. _Well done_,_ be proud_. She blushed slightly, but smiled back.

Everyone was too tense with nerves about the news Jusik had about Ordo's healing, so no one ate much and dinner was over quite quickly. Jusik sat back and looked at Besany and Kal in turn. Mij was the first to speak.

"How's Ordo doing, _Bard'ika_? You get anywhere?"

Jusik sighed and rubbed his eyes. He had the air of feeling like he'd let everyone down about him, and sure enough his first words were, "I'm sorry I've let you down."

"You never do, _Bard'ika_. Never. Just trying is a start." Kal took his hand and squeezed it, and Jusik gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry. I just hate not having better news for you all." He looked at Besany, and Fi could tell that he was afraid of worrying her more and hurting her. Besany seemed to pick up on this too, and she gave Bardan a smile.

"Any news is good. At least we know where we stand."

Jusik nodded. "Okay then. This is what I've found, and Fi, if you don't mind, I'd like to use your healing as a comparison?" Fi nodded, and Jusik went on, "You see, when I first reached into Fi's mind, it was like…he was in pieces. Shattered. So bringing the pieces up out of the comatose state was easier, because he was sort of…lighter. He wasn't as conscious of what was happening and very easy to guide. Whereas Ordo…he's very much whole. It's like he's lying down. But when I go to lift him, he's heavy and cumbersome and it takes a lot of energy to get little done, and sometimes I feel him slipping back when I let go. Does that make sense?"

Kal nodded. "Pieces of rock are lighter than a whole boulder."

"Exactly. But see, because Ordo's whole in his mind, that means he's likely to come out of this as the same man he was when he fell in. Of course, he'll need a bit of exercise, but in terms of his brain functions I wouldn't be surprised if he has them all back within a day, if even that." Jusik gave Fi an apologetic smile, as if he was sorry that he couldn't say the same for him. Fi felt an unusual feeling of jealously towards Ordo rise in his chest, which he immediately tried to quash. It was wrong to act like that when Ordo had a real shot at making it out in better shape than he had. He should be happy.

"So," Besany said quietly, "All we can do now is…wait?"

Jusik nodded. "I'm sorry. This will be a harder task than it was with Fi. It may take another month, maybe two, before he's ready to open his eyes. I wish I could do more." He sighed, but Besany took his hand.

"All you can do is carry on. Don't strain yourself."

"I'll try. I'm sorry, _Bes'ika_. I want him back for you." Jusik's words seemed to touch Besany, and she gave his hand a hard squeeze before letting go and discreetly wiping her eyes. Fi wanted to give her a hug, but she had excused herself and headed out of the door before he could stand up. _Kal'buir _and Rav entered a conversation with Mij about something Fi couldn't hear, and Parja had him distracted anyway with her arms around him. He kissed her gently, and she relaxed into his touch.

"You think Besany's okay?" Fi asked. Parja rolled her eyes, but smiled.

"Are _you _okay, _cyar'ika_? I know you and Ordo were close…"

Fi swallowed. "I'm fine. I'll be better when he's finally awake though."

Parja gave him her narrow-eyed-are-you-sure face, but he just smiled at her. She relented, and gave him a deep kiss. "I know. We all will."

Fi let her wrap her arms around him, and he rested his head on hers, burying his nose in her hair and taking deep breaths. He liked feeling her body against him. It grounded him, reminded him of the bigger picture. It also reminded him how much he loved her and how grateful he was that she had never given up on him. He owed her so much, and had no idea how to repay it. She looked up at him.

"Want to get out of here?"

Fi nodded, and let her lead him through the corridors to their shared bedroom. He felt so many conflicting emotions that his insides felt numb; fear, jealousy, determination, hope, sadness, relief, love…he had trouble focusing on anything but Parja right now. She was his light. She led the way, she gave him guidance, and she illuminated him when he was in the darkest of places.

They would need to hold on for a long time.

But Fi knew they could do it, for Ordo.

* * *

><p>"How long?" Mereel's voice was calm and level, which had a soothing effect on Besany.<p>

"Another month, maybe two."

"Okay then. Okay. So we hang on. We just hang on." Besany heard Mereel exhale loudly and something creaked, giving the impression he was sinking into a chair. "Are you okay, Bez?"

"Fine." Actually she was a little light-headed and was fighting back hysterics, but she didn't want to worry Mereel. She wasn't his problem. "Are you?"

"I guess. At least we know what we're dealing with now."

"Mmm."

"How did everyone else take this?"

"There's nothing we can do, really. We're just glad that Jusik will keep trying." Besany felt a lump form in her throat, and suddenly she couldn't speak any more. The crushing disappointment after so much hope was almost unbearable. She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I must be keeping you. I'll let you know if anything else happens."

"Of course. Thanks, _Bes'ika_. I'll tell the _vode_. Talk to you again soon."

"Bye, Mereel."

The silence was swallowing. Besany put her head in her hands and refused to cry, though she felt like a sob was eating her up inside in a bid to escape. There was nothing really to be sad about, only that now they knew how long they had to wait and before they didn't. So why did two months seem like an eternity? Why did she feel as though someone had ripped her heart out of her chest and stamped on it? What was she going to _do _for another two whole months without Ordo?

The sob ripped out of her throat before she could stop it, and she clamped her hands over her mouth to stop the people inside from hearing. The night was cool and there were no clouds, so Besany could see the stars twinkling above her and reminding her painfully that life and time went on, regardless of whether you wanted it to or not. Shivering, Besany set off for a walk around the bastion to try and calm herself down.

She was wearing her house shoes, and not her boots, and the snow quickly soaked her feet and ankles through with icy water, but she carried on, her arms wrapped around herself, wanting to protect her baby from the cold. She'd seen a spot when they'd first arrived, a spot on top of the hill where a makeshift bench had been erected. The moon was bright and Besany wanted nothing more than to sit and stare up at it and just forget for a moment.

She sat down and took in the moonlit, white-covered surroundings, and felt completely alone. No one was around for miles and miles, and no one knew she was here. The landscape was desolate and sweeping, but Besany decided she didn't like the idea of being lost.

She didn't realise she was crying until she felt the tracks of hot tears on her cold face. She gave up trying to brush them away, and put her head in her hands and just cried. She felt like she needed to, to let it all out. Her whole body shuddered with cold, and her feet were nearly numb, but still she sat and cried and stared up at the moon and the stars and tried to remember the last time Ordo had comforted her.

She'd been coming home from work, with Mereel acting as her guard. They'd taken the back alleys, and someone had tried to attack them. In the ensuing fight, Mereel had – accidentally – sliced the man's hand off, and it had rolled close to Besany's hiding place – a doorway. The sight of it had disturbed her so much that by the time Ordo had got home, she was nearly in hysterics. Ordo's touch, his strong arms that made her feel safe, had calmed her down and she had fallen asleep in his arms that night. She missed his arms.

Someone was putting their arms around her. For one glorious moment, she thought it was Ordo, that they'd managed to wake him in the time she'd been gone and that he was finally _awake_, but the arms wrapping a blanket around her and stroking her back were not those of Ordo or even of a clone.

"Shhh, _ad'ika_," Kal sat down next to her and pulled her into a fatherly hug, "It'll all be okay. I know you miss him. I miss him too."

Instead of stopping her tears like she felt she should, Besany just cried on Kal's shoulder until she felt like she was completely out of tears. All the while he held her and stroked her hair the same way her own father had done many years ago. She couldn't imagine how Kal was feeling about all this. When she eventually looked up at him, he had tear tracks down his face, but he was smiling at her.

"Come on, _ad'ika._You must be frozen to death."

Besany just nodded, and let Kal put his arm around her and lead her indoors. There was a fire lit in the bedroom, and Besany sank in front of it gratefully, and Kal sat by her side. She rested her head on his shoulder again.

"There's nothing I can say that I haven't said already. Just…" Kal looked at her, "Just that we're all going to be fine. One way or another."

"I hate feeling so helpless."

"Me too. I'm sure you do too, don't you _Ord'ika_?" Of course, he didn't answer, but Besany smiled. It was nice she wasn't the only one who was going crazy and talking to someone who maybe couldn't hear her.

"You should go to bed. Good for the baby. Good for you, too. Hey, just think – when Ordo wakes up in another two months time, he'll have the shock of a lifetime seeing your baby bump." Kal got up and stroked Ordo's hair, then planted a kiss on his son's forehead. Besany hadn't thought about it – but yes, he _would _have a shock. She didn't even think _she _was ready for it all.

"Goodnight, _Bes'ika_." Kal kissed her forehead too, and left her to lie next to Ordo again, pressing herself as close as she dared to his still form, and wishing that she could sleep through the next two months.

Just like he was.

* * *

><p><em>He knew.<em>

_He knew what they were doing._

_He knew they were trying to help him._

_He wished he could help himself. He wished he could stop hindering everyone and let them bring him back._

_But he had no control over himself any more._

_All he could do was hope and pray and try._

_Because he needed to come back._

_He needed to come back._

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Sorry it took so long! Been mega busy. Thanks for sticking with me! And thanks to <strong>hamoud<strong> for subscribing!_

_The fic I mention where Mereel accidentally removes a man's hand and Ordo has to comfort Besany is called 'Slapped By a Dead Man' and is written by the wonderful **Epona's Chosen**. Please check it out, and her other fics too: :)_

h t t p : / / fanfiction .net /s/7882951/1/ Slapped_By_A_Dead_Man

_Chapter 12 on the way!_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	13. CHAPTER 12: One Month Later

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12 – One Month Later<strong>

Corr had forgotten how long a month could be.

As the ramp went down, the artificial light in the _RAS Defender _seemed caliginous and bleary in contrast to the mid morning sun of Coruscant that glittered off the towering skyscrapers and temporarily blinded Corr as his eyes adjusted to the new light. Omega stood and watched as the infantry were disembarked first, in tight, uniform lines, the sea of dusty white armour interspersed with the occasional flashes of blue from a lieutenant's pauldron. The bright sun just showed how filthy they all were. It hadn't looked so bad in the yellowish light of the ship.

Corr nudged Darman. "You going to see Etain, _Dar'ika_? A run ashore before we're needed again?" Darman took his helmet off and ran a hand across his chin, which was in need of a shave. His hair was tousled and there were dark circles under his eyes, but his eyes seemed to come to life with the mention on Etain and he smiled.

"Hopefully, yes. It'll be nice to see her again, and _Kad'ika_."

Niner came up behind them, looking just as drained as Darman. Corr supposed they all looked like that, having only slept five hours in the past four days and their last meal consisting of dry ration cubes. The _Defender _had picked them up a few hours ago, and none of them had slept on board as Coruscant had been too close for any substantial shut-eye. Atin was behind Niner, reading his datapad as he walked.

"We should have a good few hours before Zey comes calling again. I'm going to get some sleep," he yawned, then turned to Atin and Darman, "I suppose you'll be off with Laseema and Etain. Just you and me, then, _Cor'ika_?"

"Actually,_ ner vod_…"

"Ah, hot date, huh?"

Corr grinned. He hadn't actually told the squad about Jilka in so many words, but they knew he was seeing someone. He doubted they knew how serious it was, though. He pondered telling them. He had the time.

"It's more than just a date. We're seeing each other."

Darman grinned. "Just like that Zeltron on Nar Shadaa. You two were pretty serious."

Corr laughed and gave Dar a friendly punch. "It's nothing like that."

"So you_ haven't_ slept together yet?" Darman gave a mock-astonished impression and risked another punch. Corr decided to try one more time, and then give up for today. They didn't seem to be getting it.

"We have, yes, but that doesn't mean we're not serious," Corr turned and leant on the railing, looking down on the disembarking troops again. He thought maybe Dar and Atin would understand. They were both in serious relationships, they knew what it was like.

"Okay, okay, _vode_, get off his back," Niner stepped in to diffuse the situation as squad sergeant, "If Corr says he's serious, he's serious. We don't define people's futures by their pasts." Darman and Atin moved to lean on the railings next to Corr and Niner followed. The four of them stood watching as the last of the infantry was disembarked, and Darman nudged Corr.

"So…when do we get to meet the lovely lady?"

Corr grinned at his words. "You've already met, if only briefly," At the squad's collective look of confusion, Corr gave them another hint, "At the hospital."

Atin raised an eyebrow but smiled. "That girl you literally swept off her feet when we found out Besany was pregnant?" Corr nodded in triumph.

"Jilka."

"Ah."

"Well, I hope you two are perfectly happy and all that," Niner slapped him on the back, "But can we get off this ship, please? They're signalling us…"

Laughing, Omega made their way down the ramp into the Coruscant sunlight. Back at the barracks Corr changed out of his armour, had a hot shower, and headed out to meet Jilka for a late lunch, positively ravenous with hunger.

She was occupying a table in the window when the taxi pulled up, her head resting on her hand and her expression far away. Corr's heart did something very funny in his chest when he saw her, and he realised again how long a month was when you had something back home to live for. She was wearing her work clothes; a smart business suit, her hair scraped back behind her head in a tight bun and her glasses resting on the table in front of her. When he walked through the door, the smell of food overwhelmed Corr and his stomach growled so loudly he could have sworn a lady on a table nearby gave him a funny look as he walked past. He didn't care. She was twenty, ten, five feet away from him…she hadn't seen him yet, but he could reach out and put his hand on her shoulder…

Her head spun round when his hand was mere centimetres from her, and she jumped up out of her seat and flung her arms around him so enthusiastically that he nearly fell over, and they drew a few curious glances from nearby tables. He couldn't care less. She smelled just perfect; her perfume was light and fresh and didn't mask her natural scent, which was slightly salty and woody and heady enough that he believed he could get drunk simply from inhaling too much of it, and he would be totally okay with that. Holding her body close to his brought back memories of their last night together, and Corr pulled her tightly against him. He'd missed her. So much. She moved her head from his shoulder and gave him a deep kiss, a kiss that displayed more feelings than words ever could. Her hands tangled in his hair and he rested his on her waist, completely forgetting that they were in a public place and seriously thinking about having his way with her on the table…

And then his stomach rumbled again, and she broke the kiss, laughing breathlessly. "You must be starving."

_Yes. For you._Corr shook himself mentally, and found he was very reluctant to let go of her. He couldn't seem to control his arms. Blushing slightly, Jilka took his hands and sat down, forcing him to do so as well. She handed him a menu, and watched him as he studied it hungrily. She leaned closer. "Corr…I've missed you."

He met her eyes and smiled. "Me too. A lot," he leaned closer still and gave a sly grin, "And that was some reunion."

Corr watched the way her blush spread over her cheeks and into her eyes, giving them a sparkle he'd like to see more often. "Yes. Well. Ahem," she cleared her throat, "Shall we order?"

The meal was good, made even better by the fact that Corr hadn't eaten a good meal in four days, at least. Jilka sat back and watched him when she was done, asking him between mouthfuls how he'd been and what he'd done. He finished his third plate of roba sausages and took her hand in his, looking into her dark eyes.

"How have _you _been, Jilka?"

She smiled shyly and looked at their hands. "Fine, I suppose. Besany was right, though." Corr raised his eyebrows in question. He didn't know Jilka had spoken to Besany about him. "Right about what?"

"It's hard. Not knowing whether or not you're in trouble, or hurt or maybe even…" she trailed off and bit her lip, looking out of the window at the passers-by. Corr knew what she meant, and squeezed her hand. She continued, "I should have listened to her more when she said she was worried about Ordo. I just figured…that it would never apply to me. Now I know how she felt, I feel bad that I didn't do more to make her feel better. I mean, look at how Ordo ended up…that could be you, one day."

"Never."

"You don't know that."

"True," Corr leant in closer to Jilka so that their lips were nearly touching and whispered, "But I do know that I love you, and that will make me think twice about dying."

Jilka laughed and kissed him. "You think Ordo was thinking about Besany as he went down?"

"Of course he was. A man's last thoughts are of the ones he loves." Corr kissed her again, enjoying the much-missed warmth and softness of her lips. "I would know. When that bomb went off, the one that took my arms, my last thoughts were 'please let my brothers be okay without me'." Jilka's eyes grew wide with realisation and she stroked her thumb over his hand, sending shivers up his arm. He remembered his previous train of thought, one that had been rudely interrupted by hunger, and images from dreams that had kept him sane over the past month flashed in front of his eyes. He felt his body heat at the thought. Did they have time to head back to her apartment…?

"I'm sorry. About your arms," Jilka whispered, "It must have been terrifying. I can't imagine being close to death like that."

"It's not all bad. Haven't we done this before?"

Jilka giggled and kissed him again, more lingering than the last few that held hidden promises. "I think we've done this before, too," she murmured.

"Definitely," Corr went in for another kiss, moving his hands from the table and sliding his chair closer to hers so that he could reach around her waist. Her hands cupped his face and she drew him closer, leaning up against him. He sighed inwardly. He'd missed this. He broke the kiss to look at her, and saw much of his own desire reflected in her eyes. He swallowed. "Do you want to head back to your place?"

She sighed and frowned. "I can't. I have to be back at work in half an hour. Hardly enough time."

Corr hid his disappointment by kissing her again. "Oh. Oh well. I guess I can walk you back to your office instead then." She nodded.

"That would be great. You want dessert?"

"I think I've just had it."

She swatted at him, laughing. "Shut up. I know how much you eat, come on. If you don't think you can manage it all, I'll share it with you…" Corr laughed and gave in, picking up the menu again.

His comlink buzzed in his pocket. _Shab_. He knew who that was. He shot Jilka an apologetic look and answered it.

"Hello?"

"_Cor'ika_, Zey wants us back at HQ. Something about new developments and _osik_. Hurry up, okay, because in ten minutes you'll be late." Niner sounded harassed. He'd obviously not had the good long sleep he'd wanted, and had to chase down the rest of the squad on top of it. Corr decided not to push him.

"Okay, _ner vod_. See you then," he sighed. Niner grunted and cut the call. Corr set his comlink on the table to kiss Jilka again. He had really hoped he could spend more time with her. He couldn't seem to keep his hands off her.

"I'm off. Sorry, _cyar'ika_. Duty calls, and all that _osik_." She looked disappointed, but shrugged and kissed him back again.

"Fine. But you're free later, right?"

Corr grinned. "Definitely. I'll call you." Then with one last lingering kiss, he shot out of the door before he lost the power to walk away from her. His legs seemed to have a mind of their own, and wanted to turn him around and walk him straight back to her.

A month was a very, very long time.

* * *

><p>Jilka sighed and stared out of the window at her disappearing boyfriend. Then she picked up her glasses again and reached for her datapad. She could get some reading done before she returned to work.<p>

In her peripherals she glanced something on the table that she was sure wasn't hers. She lifted her gaze and her eyes fell upon Corr's comlink. He'd left it behind. Should she take it to him? If she ran, she might be able to catch up with him, but if she lost him she had no idea where his base was. Would a taxi driver know?

There was no time for this right now. Hastily Jilka threw her things in her bag, grabbed Corr's comlink and ran out of the door as fast as she could in heeled shoes, leaving credits on the table behind her to pay for the meal.

She craned her neck to see over the crowd, and saw him down the street taking a left turning. She hurried after him.

* * *

><p>The haystack exploded with a flurry of smoke and strands, the blackened hole as near to the centre of it as Besany had been able to get for a whole month. She lowered the gun and looked back at Parja who nodded appreciatively.<p>

"Good. That one was further away than the last one and you still managed to hit the centre. Good job."

Besany smiled and looked around. The snow that had covered Kyrimorut when she had arrived had melted mostly, leaving patches of green grass in between the clumps of thawing snow. It was still cold, but not as bitingly cold as it had been in the full winter. Next month would be warmer still. The seasons were transitioning, Fi said. It would be really pretty soon.

Parja pointed at another haystack. "Go on. See if you can do it again."

Besany took a deep breath, sighted up, exhaled, held it, and pulled the trigger. Again, the blaster bolt hit the centre, leaving a blackened mark and a storm of hay in its wake. Besany felt marginally pleased with herself. Even though she was far from wearing the armour or even being fluent in the language, she was learning how to do things Mando-style. Rav always needed help in the kitchen and Parja was pleased to help her learn how to shoot. Fi was showing her the area, and Kal was simply being Kal – taking everyone under his wing and making them feel at home. Besany wasn't quite used to the place yet, and some part of her felt as though she never quite would be, but it felt less alien every day.

The time alone with Parja was also a good time to have what Jilka would have called a 'girly chat'. Not that it was exactly like that, but Besany was glad for the female company. Talking to Jilka by comm wasn't quite the same.

Fi came around the corner and gave Parja a kiss. "Just off to Keldabe to do the shopping. Rav wants more fruit and Mij is going to see if he can find some more syringes. Need anything?"

Besany shook her head and looked at Parja. Parja also shook her head. "Nope, the shop's fully stocked. Thanks."

Fi gave her one last kiss and jogged off around the corner again. Besany smiled. "He really loves you."

Parja grinned. "I know. I'm proud of him. He's come a long way. Did you see him before Jusik started his healing?"

"Yes. I was the one who," Besany made quote marks in the air with her fingers, "'started an armed siege' at the hospital to get him out. It wasn't fair, what they wanted to do to him."

"Oh, of course. And then Fi's told me he knew you were there when he was at Obrim's house because he could feel your hand."

Besany was surprised. Could Ordo feel that too, then, if Fi said he could? "Does he remember much about…?"

Parja shrugged. "He says no, he doesn't remember anything much after the accident, but sometimes…things just get through, you know?" Besany nodded.

"I guess so. I wonder what's getting through to Ordo right now…"

"He's probably hungry. They always are." Parja laughed, and then looked at Besany curiously. "Can I ask how you and Ordo met?"

Besany sighed. "It's kind of a long story, but in short, he tried to shoot me." At Parja's look of shock, Besany laughed. "It wasn't like that. It was dark and I was a suspect in his investigation, and he was tailing me. Then Etain shot me with a PEP laser and Ordo thought…well. He nearly killed me, but Etain stopped him. Then once he figured out I was innocent and actually working the same case he was, he started to trust me some more. And then…well. Here we are." Besany blushed, a hand falling to her stomach again. Parja smiled.

"You make a good couple. Both so tall and strong and good looking. Both the Alphas. Your kids will be very much the same, I don't doubt." Parja grinned as Besany rolled her eyes.

"Hopefully they'll have more common sense than me under pressure. Sometimes I look back and wonder what the hells I was doing."

"But see, everything you've done that was seemingly on a whim has actually saved lives. It's not such a bad thing. Like getting Fi out of the hospital," Parja pointed out. Besany considered this.

"At what cost? Fi can't go back to what he loved," Besany paused, "Maybe loved is the wrong word. But it was what he felt best at and what he was happiest doing. Now he's stuck here, frustrated with himself."

Parja sighed and frowned. "He's not happy, is he? Do you think he's unhappy?"

Besany was alarmed. She hadn't meant to insinuate that Fi was anything less than happy here. "No! Of course not! I don't think he'd trade the life he has now for his old life at all. He loves you too much." Parja gave a small smile.

"I know. He says as much every time I ask. I'm glad I never gave up on him," she laughed, "Jusik was right – he _was _worth fixing up."

Besany laughed too. "They all are. They're all men and they all deserve a shot at a real life."

Parja glanced at Besany's stomach and Besany felt somewhat awkward for a second. She didn't want people to think she was having the child for the wrong reasons, or that she was using the child as a means of giving Ordo something more than just herself to tie him in to normal life. She loved him. She loved this child, and she would have kept it even if Ordo had died in that ship crash.

"It's okay," Parja smiled, "We know. We all do."

"I miss him."

"I know, _Bes'ika_. He loves you a lot. You can tell." The two shared a smile.

"Now aim for that haystack and don't let your arm drop."

* * *

><p>Maze was not happy.<p>

Rather, _Zey _was not happy, so therefore Maze was not happy.

Omega were not all assembled in Zey's office yet, and the General was getting antsy. Then he got angry. So he'd sent Maze off in search of the remaining member's whereabouts, a job which Maze was not all too enthusiastic about. He was not an animal trained to fetch. He was an ARC trooper.

Well. These days he was only an ARC trooper by night.

Maze had found his thoughts consumed by thoughts of Jilka, and whether or not he would see her again. He had enjoyed playing the hero for a night; feeling like he was actually doing what he was supposed to do instead of sitting in an office all day. So on all his nights off for the past month, Maze had frequented the same area he had that night in the vague hope that she took that way home often. He hadn't seen her again. But what he had seen was crime, and crime had to be stopped.

So, he'd prevented a few muggings, arrested a thief or two, blown a drug heist and stopped numerous rapes, knifings and attacks. He'd even talked to the managers of the bars and clubs and given them advice on how to make their establishments safer and more customer-friendly, which they had taken on board for the most part. It wasn't a lot. But he'd started to see himself as more of a man ever since he'd done it. He could actually say to himself that he was reaching something of his potential.

The last time he'd been down, there had only been a handbag theft to stop. The night had been relatively quiet. So for the first time he'd enjoyed a drink or two and the company of some very attentive and adoring ladies. Apparently, a man in armour was somewhat attractive. He noted that his mood was less surly and noncommittal these days. His step was lighter.

But he had never seen Jilka again.

Sighing, Maze made his way out of the buildings and across the parade ground, which was bathed in afternoon sun. Enjoying the peace and quiet, Maze didn't notice the figure half-jogging towards him from the opposite direction until he was twenty metres or so from it. He looked across sharply. It was Corr, the missing member of Omega, and he hadn't seen Maze yet, judging from the distracted look on his face. Well, that had saved him a lot of hard work.

A figure was jogging after Corr, calling his name. Corr stopped, turned around, and ran over to meet the figure half way. They turned to the side, and Maze could see that the figure was not only distinctly feminine, but also one he knew rather well.

Jilka.

Maze watched as Corr took something from Jilka and smiled, before she threw her arms around him and gave him a lingering kiss, which Corr returned enthusiastically. Maze felt hot under the collar, and an oddly heavy feeling settled in his chest and over his stomach. He was angry, and he couldn't define _why_ exactly. He couldn't stand and watch them any longer. Purposefully, he strode towards them and put on his best _I'm-very-disappointed-in-you _face, and tapped Corr on the shoulder.

"Trooper Corr, you're late."

Corr pulled back from Jilka and looked over his shoulder at Maze, startled. Jilka flushed a deep red colour and dipped her head to hide her embarrassment, untangling herself from Corr, who's eyes darted to her and back to Maze in quick succession. Maze glowered.

"I believe it is against regulations to bring non-army personnel into HQ without permission."

Corr opened his mouth to answer back, but Jilka beat him to it. "I'm sorry, Captain. It's my fault. Corr left his comlink at the café and I had to chase after him to give it back. He didn't know I was coming after him." Corr looked at Jilka and smiled, and she blushed, but smiled back. Maze felt even angrier. She shouldn't take the fall for Corr. He wasn't a hero like he was. He didn't stop crimes on the lower levels every night off. He didn't prevent people from getting hurt. He hadn't saved her life. _Maze _had. He should be the one getting the attention.

"Captain Maze, I'd, uh, like to introduce you to my aforementioned boyfriend, Corr." Jilka blushed so furiously that Maze would have found it funny, if he hadn't been so upset.

"We've met." Maze replied through clenched teeth, giving Corr the most evil glare he could manage. Corr stood awkwardly by and tried not to look at him, but Maze would get him back sooner or later, whether Jilka was there to save him or not.

"Right. Of course you have. Sorry," Jilka cleared her throat, "Well, I'd better be off. It wasn't Corr's fault, honestly, Captain. So don't be too hard on him."

Maze bristled. Who was she to tell him what to do? As if to spite him, Corr pulled Jilka close and gave her a deep kiss. "Bye. I'll call you later."

Jilka smiled. "Bye."

With one last glance at Corr and a nod at Maze, Jilka hurried away from the scene, no doubt able to feel Maze's angry glare on her back. Maze turned Corr around by the shoulder and marched him back into HQ, barely able to hold back from hitting him. The commando was being purposefully insolent. He would have to punish him.

He couldn't tell Zey. Because then the story about how he met Jilka would come out, and all his adventures since. Zey would hate to think that Maze was risking his life on his days off, and quite frankly Maze knew he was more than a touch jealous of Corr. Where had he been when Jilka needed him? Lying in bed, probably.

Bed. That word sparked off a whole new load of images in Maze's head, of Corr and Jilka laughing and kissing and touching…he didn't want to think about that. It made his insides feel cold. He crushed Corr's shoulder with his hand to relieve his feelings, and Corr squirmed uncomfortably against his iron grip. Good. Let him feel the pain. It was only the start.

Corr cleared his throat. "So…how are things, Captain?"

Maze grunted and hauled Corr along after him. If he thought he could alleviate the situation with casual conversation, he was very, very wrong. Nothing he could do would stop Maze from hating his guts.

"That good, huh?" Corr tried to laugh, but Maze crushed his shoulder some more and it turned into more of a groan. "Hey, you mind letting me go? I do know the way…"

Maze thought for a moment, and upon imagining the questions that would be asked if he hauled Corr in by his shoulder, he conceded to release him. He strode through the doors into Zey's office, Corr not far behind, nodded at the General, and stood at the back of the room breathing heavily through his nostrils. Corr tactfully avoided his glare.

Deep down, Maze knew he was simply upset that he'd lost. ARCs were competitive on a good day, he knew that. But there was a sense of injustice to it all. If he was the one who had saved her life, and if he was the one who had returned every night to find her, and prevented a few crimes along the way, why should she go for Corr? He wasn't a neighbourhood hero. He was a commando. A cheeky, dallying womaniser who had a reputation for picking women up at every corner. If Jilka knew what she had gotten herself into, then good luck to her.

Feeling like his insides had been twisted and filled with ice, Maze filled a cup with caf for the General and picked up the sheets of flimsi Zey had left him with a sigh.

He wondered when his next night off was.

* * *

><p><em>He was being pulled again.<em>

_He didn't like this._

_But he had to try._

_All he could think about was his Besany, his _Bes'ika_ and his child, and how they were getting on. He needed to see her face again. He needed to open his eyes._

_He needed to tell her he loved her._

_He felt himself slipping again and willed himself to trust Jusik – he knew it was Jusik from the voices, the talking – not to let him slip. He felt so unstable and wary that he felt as though one wrong move and the darkness would claim him forever._

Kal'buir_ was holding his hand. He knew his father's hands, his father's touch, and willed himself to stay strong and pull through for _buir_. When he thought of how Kal would be if he was lost…he couldn't breathe._

_He felt like he had moved._

_Something had shifted recently._

_The darkness seemed behind him and far away._

_Like a pool beneath him._

_Like he was heading for the sky, the sun._

_Like he could reach out and touch it…_

_His arms still wouldn't move. The voices were less distant now, when they spoke. He could make out whole conversations and the people in them. He especially liked it when _Bes'ika_ spoke to him when she was alone. It was the way she used to talk to him. Like he was conscious and responsive and…useful._

_She didn't treat him like an invalid._

_She treated him like Ordo._

_He revelled in her warmth when she cuddled up to him. He could almost believe that he was simply asleep._

_But it was much, much more than that._

_The hands were lifting him again._

_It seemed to be hard work for Jusik._

_He was sorry._

_He tried not to fall._

* * *

><p>Kal was stuck in his own memories.<p>

He hated feeling frozen in the past, but he couldn't stem the overwhelming flow of images that swam before his eyes. He was glad Jusik had his eyes closed. He couldn't see Kal's tears.

When Ordo was twelve, or six in human years, he had rescued Mereel from falling to his death in a training exercise. The six Nulls had been rappelling down the side of a building in a simulator and Mereel hadn't tied his tightly enough. It had come loose half way down. The little Null had tried to correct it, but the rope had slipped and he had nearly fallen right down. Ordo had swung across on his rope and caught his brother's arm, pulling him onto his back and taking him down with him. Later that night, Ordo had practised knots with Mereel until they had both fallen asleep on Kal's couch, exhausted.

Mereel had never forgotten that. Neither had Kal.

Ordo – and all the Nulls, to that extent – had been the sons he'd never raised. He couldn't imagine his life without them. When they went away, he missed them and worried about them and hardly ever slept. He hoped he was a good enough father to them. They deserved so much more, he felt.

He sat by Ordo all day, trying not to cry. It didn't quite work.

He must have fallen asleep. How else could the time have passed so quickly? All he was aware of was someone shaking his shoulder. He looked up, but Jusik was still in his healing trance, looking drained. Then someone tapped his shoulder again and he turned around to face Mereel.

"_Buir_?"

"_Mer'ika_! I'm sorry, I must have dozed off…let me have a look at you, son…how have you been? I didn't know you were coming back today…" Kal held Mereel at arms length in front of him, clasping his arms. He'd missed him. He looked in need of a haircut, but apart from that he seemed healthy enough, thank the _Manda_. He was looking at Kal anxiously.

"Have you been crying, _Buir'ika_?" Mereel touched Kal's face, and Kal pulled him into a fatherly hug. He couldn't hide anything from his sons, it seemed; they knew him too well.

"You didn't answer my question," Kal smiled at Mereel in an attempt to mask his emotions. It was pathetic, getting emotional when Ordo was on the road to recovery. Mereel gave a wry smile.

"I've been fine. A little worried about my _vode_, undernourished, but fine. I take it no one else has been to visit?"

Kal shook his head. "You're the first. Come on, let's get you some steak. You look like you could use it."

As they made their way to the kitchen, Mereel let him know why he hadn't known he was coming back today. "I left you about four messages, but you never picked up. Then when I came in and saw you were asleep, I forgave you." He smiled. Mereel was the most easy-going and carefree of the Nulls, but Kal was well aware that he had perhaps the most unquenchable thirst for adventure and thrills than all five of the others put together. Of all the Nulls, Mereel was the one Kal worried about the least, because he was so good at living life outside of it all. Kal had to ask.

"Met any nice ladies out on your trip?" he laughed.

Mereel gave a knowing smile. "One or two. Mind you, they were hard to get to know. Not big on talking." He winked and grinned. Kal resisted the urge to roll his eyes. His sons were men, and could rightfully act like them. He couldn't stop them.

Mereel dived for the nerf steak and tore off a leg, lounging against the counter and chewing thoughtfully. Kal sat down on a chair and rubbed his face. He needed to wake up.

"How is he, _buir_?"

"Jusik says there's progress. How much, I don't know. I hate asking in case I'm disappointed again."

Mereel nodded and swallowed. "And Besany? How's she coping?"

Kal smiled. Mereel was really taking the act of looking after his brother's girlfriend seriously. "She seems okay. A little lonely, perhaps. She was upset the night we found out, but she's got used to it now. She'll be glad to see you, son."

"I'll be glad to see her too. And Ordo," Mereel pushed himself off the counter and patted Kal on the shoulder, taking the remains of his nerf leg with him, "I'm going to pop in and say hello, then find _Bes'ika_. You get some rest, _buir_. I mean it."

"I will son. I'll try."

"Good."

"Son?"

Mereel stopped in the doorway. "Yes, _buir_?"

"Good to have you back."

"Good to be back." Mereel smiled, and disappeared through the door.

Kal settled himself in the chair for a quick nap, true to his word, and tried to forget the memories.

* * *

><p>Ordo was still asleep.<p>

Of course he was.

Mereel held his brother's hand and had the sudden urge to cry. He hadn't cried since that time in the hospital, with Besany, and now that Ordo's future was more certain he felt he should have no reason to. But somehow…everything was wrong.

"Ordo? _Ord'ika_? It's me, Mereel. But I suppose you knew that."

Silence.

Mereel sighed. "Everyone misses you. _Buir's _having trouble holding it together. But we'll be okay. As long as you wake up."

Nothing.

"_Ord'ika_, do you remember when we were kids? When you used to say to me that there was always a way if I looked hard enough? When I felt like I was getting nowhere and finding dead ends, or even when I was lost in a training exercise? Well there's a way for you. Take it," Mereel squeezed Ordo's hand, "Please."

Emptiness.

"For us all." Mereel gave Ordo's hand one last squeeze and went to find Besany.

He found her outside, sitting on the bench on top of the hill that surrounded Kyrimorut. The sun was going down, and Mereel hurried to the top of the embankment to her. She looked around as he approached and smiled, getting up and hugging him when he reached her side.

"Mereel. It's nice to see you again."

"You too, _Bes'ika_. How are you?"

She pulled back and brushed her blonde hair out of her face. It was windy at the top. "Fine, I guess. You?"

"Fine too. Just…fine."

Besany nodded and sat back down, and Mereel sat next to her. The view over the plains was stunning under the orange and lilac hues of the setting sun. Besany took his hand. "Have you been to see him?"

Mereel nodded. "He's still…you know. But talking is good."

"Mmm. I talk to him a lot. Sometimes I just wonder if I'm crazy," she laughed, throwing her hair over her shoulder. It caught the sunlight perfectly and it shone for a moment like spun gold. Mereel stared at her for a while, taken by her beauty. He was glad she loved Ordo. He deserved someone like her after it all.

They sat in silence for a few minutes as the sun dipped lower on the horizon. The desolation of the place was spectacular, and yet somewhat daunting too.

"It's not quite Coruscant," Besany mused, "But it's sure got its moments."

Mereel paused for a moment before asking, "Do you miss Coruscant a lot?" Besany seemed to think about it, her eyes distant, looking but not seeing.

"Sometimes. But I think I miss the people there more than the planet itself. Actually," Besany gestured around them, "I think they're all here, so I don't know what exactly I miss. I just…do."

"Once we're all here, it'll be better. Less lonely."

"Once Ordo wakes up, it'll be less lonely."

"True. Life and soul of the party, he is." Mereel grinned, and Besany couldn't help but smile with him, it seemed. She turned to him suddenly.

"Do you have a special someone, Mereel? A lover?"

"I've had a few, as I'm sure you're well aware." Mereel smiled.

"I mean more than just that. I mean," Besany hummed and bit her lip, thinking, "I mean someone who occupies your every spare thought and who you would turn to for more than just sex. Someone you love. A woman of your own."

Mereel didn't answer straight away. He'd known that was what she'd meant, but had hoped she would bypass the subject once he'd made a joke. It was something he was reluctant to touch upon himself, as it brought back memories and feelings he wasn't fond of…feelings of loneliness and despair and the need to be close to someone but not quite knowing how. He'd been better at it recently, and was perfectly capable of actually starting a proper relationship with someone, like Corr had done, but somehow whenever he thought he could try it, life got in the way, or he passed the opportunity by for unexplained reasons. He looked around at Jaing and Corr and wondered _is this where I should be going?_

"No," he said quietly. Besany nodded.

"One day you will. You'll meet the right person at the right time and everything will fall into place," she took his hand, "Trust me. For now, you're fine the way you are. Don't let other people tell you otherwise."

Something shifted in Mereel's chest and he found he could breathe a lot easier now. He hadn't realised what a weight he had been carrying. He wondered if Besany could read minds; she certainly seemed to know what he was thinking. "Thank you."

Besany nodded, and turned back to face the sunset.

"One day, you'll make a perfect husband and father."

"But not today."

"Oh no. Not today."

The sun dipped so low that only a sliver was visible over the trees. Then it slipped under completely and the land was swathed in a steadily growing darkness as the sky thickened. Besany nudged Mereel.

"So, what was the last girl like?"

Mereel laughed.

* * *

><p>Zey came into his office that evening carrying a pile of datapads. Maze went over to help him.<p>

"Let me take those for you, sir."

"Thank you, Maze." Zey handed him the top half of the pile and Maze carried them over to the desk. Zey set his pile down and picked up the top one, scrolling through the database. He made a 'huh' kind of noise as if he found something very interesting. Maze looked up.

"Something funny, General?"

Zey smiled and shook his head. "No, not funny. Just interesting. Apparently crime levels in the lower levels have gone down by twenty seven percent in the last month."

Maze froze on the spot. Did Zey know? How had he found out? Was he going to be in trouble? Could he get demoted for this? His insides lurched and his whole body broke out in goosebumps of adrenaline, ready to lie and protect himself if he had to. But underneath the fear that Zey had rumbled him, there was a certain sense of pride swelling in Maze's chest.

Twenty seven percent?

He could live with that.

Zey didn't seem to notice his lapse, and carried on reading the datapad. He put it down, and stretched. He looked tired. Maze waited for the killing blow, that he knew Maze's secret and that he was very disappointed in Maze for not being satisfied with his efforts to protect him from a bloody death by keeping him on office duty. It never came. Zey just smiled at him and looked at his chrono.

"There's nothing left to do here, Maze, I don't think. Why don't you take the night off?"

Maze turned away to hide a smile.

"Yes, sir."

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Hey! So so sorry it's a day late. But after all, I don't have a set timetable, so…meh. I stayed up until midnight on Friday night typing this one, so you'd better be happy. ;)<em>

_I love writing Maze. :D He's so fun. Poor guy._

_Please, please, please review. I love reviews. I love reviews more than anything in the world. (Except Mereel.) So please make my day by clicking that button below, and feel some sympathy for the fact that I have 14 exams coming up in the space of three weeks. *panics*_

_Check out my other fics while you're waiting for the next chapter, and check out **Epona's Chosen**'s fics as well when you've read all mine! Please! She's simply wonderful. :)_

_A huge thank you to the girls at TCWWU – I'm looking at **lagola**, **Jade-Max** and **LongLiveTheClones** for your amazing ideas! _

_Next chapter on the way._

_~TheLightIsMine_

_**UPDATE:** Oh my gosh! 100 reviews! That's my first ever 100! Thank you guys so much! It's a lot to me._


	14. CHAPTER 13: Dealing with Change

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13 – Dealing with Change<strong>

_Thunk._

_Thunk._

There was barely a second between the two knives, flying at their respective wooden fence posts in quick succession. The only difference between the two was that whilst the first one hit the dead centre of the post, the second one hit so far to the right that it would have missed had the fence post been a centimetre smaller.

Besany gave a wry grin as Kal went to retrieve the knives. "It's definitely not as easy as it looks," she admitted. Kal handed her blade back to her with a knowing smile and she weighed it in her hand, letting the weight of it settle in her grip before sighting up the fence post again.

"Don't try to throw it like you would a ball, by putting all your force behind it. It needs to feel more like it's flicking out of your hand, like it's an extension of your arm," Kal came over and stood behind her, moving her arm with his to show her the action, "Here. Like this."

He guided her arm and hand as she threw, and the aim was truer than the last, the blade sticking in the wood with the distinctive _thunk_. Besany nodded, and went to get the knife back, and Kal gave her a kind smile.

"You're not bad, when your mind's on it."

"You make it look easy." Besany blushed. She suspected that Kal knew that her mind wasn't entirely on the lesson, but she couldn't help it. She always wondered how Ordo was getting along when she wasn't with him. Kal put a hand on her shoulder.

"Focus, _ad'ika_. He's not going anywhere." Besany nodded, and looked over Kal's shoulder at the approaching figure of Mereel, who smiled cheerfully when he saw her. She smiled back, and Kal turned to look at what she was smiling at.

"_Mer'ika_! Come and show _Bes'ika _what I taught you about knife throwing." Mereel grinned at the challenge and jogged over, unsheathing a blade from his hip.

"Having trouble, Besany?"

She rolled her eyes and gave him a light shove. "Shut up."

Mereel laughed and turned to Kal. "How about a competition? I bet I can hit the same spot on the post fifty times."

"Fine. Loser helps Rav with the dishes tonight." Kal flexed his arm and looked at Besany. She laughed.

"I'm helping her anyway, so I've got nothing to lose. Not that I could beat you two, anyway."

They stood in a line, sighted up, and threw.

* * *

><p>Rav laughed as the sounds of raucous laughter died as the men made their way outside. "Do they ever shut up?"<p>

Besany conceded a smile. "Not really. Masculine competition and all that."

"Speaking of competitions, who won this morning?"

Besany laughed. "You saw that?" Rav nodded and handed her a dish to dry.

"You're not as bad as most beginners."

"But still bad."

"Oh, yes." The two women laughed, and Besany wasn't ashamed to admit that she hadn't been the winner. Maybe there were certain aspects of Mandalorian life that she could forgo until it was necessary.

But then, you never really knew when it would be necessary until it was nearly too late.

"So why isn't the winner in here with us? There's a whole pile of pans they could be scrubbing…"

Besany rolled her eyes with a wry smile. "Kal and Mereel kept arguing about who the winner was, so I let them both off to avoid bloodshed. You never know what they might do with knives in their hands."

Rav laughed and handed Besany another plate. "Should have brought them both back. Do them good to do some work for a change. They'll have to once you start showing; can't make a pregnant woman do all the labour. Then you'll be the one sitting around on your _shebs_ watching them do the work."

"I suppose so. Was it like that with Etain?"

Rav nodded. "She was a great help with Ko Sai, though. Otherwise she would have been bored," she laughed again, "Want us to find you a Kaminoan scientist to keep you occupied?"

Besany had heard about Ko Sai. She'd hung herself in the end, but not before Mereel could get her data on the accelerated aging in the clones. She knew they were working on a cure. It was important to Kal, because he wanted to give his sons full lives. Hence the bastion and the desertion plans and the cure for the aging. He was giving back what they'd given to him. Besany knew how he felt; wanting to give everything he could for them. She felt the same way.

"So, _ad'ika_, have you had time to think about your child's future?"

_No. Don't make me think about that whilst Ordo is still the way he is._

Besany had, in fact, wondered. She'd lain awake at night and let her hands wander over her stomach like keys over a piano, her mind far away. Images of boys and girls flashed in her mind – would this child have her hair? Ordo's? Her eyes, his? Boy or girl? Did she want to know? What about schooling? Would this child grow up as a Mandalorian, or as Besany herself was, never quite fully immersed? Where would they go, what would the do, where will it sleep? Would this child even have a father? Eventually her mind was so consumed with questions and no answers that all she could do to calm her crowded mind was simply say that without Ordo, it wouldn't happen.

Not yet. Not now. When he's awake.

But now, it seemed like he wasn't going to be awake for a while. And the questions wouldn't go away.

"Not really," she answered, "I keep telling myself that I'll deal with all that when Ordo's back with us."

Rav opened her mouth as if to say something and then closed it, before putting down the plate in her hand and turning to face Besany properly. "_Ad'ika, _you don't have a choice. For all you know, by the time he's awake it might be too late. You need to start thinking about it _now_." Her voice was firm, and left Besany feeling like a child being scolded. Rav's old training sergeant ways seemed to be coming back to her. Besany blushed.

"I know. I do. It's just…" Besany sighed heavily and looked around, afraid to meet Rav's critical stare. She hated it when people treated her like she knew nothing. She felt herself bristle indignantly. How did Rav know how she felt? "I mean, where would I even start? There's so much to do and think about that sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode."

"Well, start with the education. You want to have the kid educated here with us? Or take it somewhere else?"

"Like where?"

Rav smiled wryly. "Good point. Okay, so here. By us all. One thing solved. Secondly, where is the baby going to sleep? In your room? In a nearby room?"

Besany put her head in her hands. It all seemed so complicated without Ordo. What if she made the wrong decision? "With us. I guess. Maybe. I don't know."

"With you, then. We'll need to put up a cot at some point. Okay then, next thing – a name. Do you have a name?"

Besany felt anger rise within her. The name of their child wasn't something she should decide on because she was running out of time; it was supposed to be a family decision. Ordo deserved his say in things, especially the name of his child. "Of course not!" Besany cried, "I've barely had two seconds to think about whether or not I want to know the gender of the baby, let alone think of names and school plans and where it's going to sleep! A name isn't something I should decide on alone, it's something Ordo and I should discuss together, and we shall do so when he wakes up, which will be before the birth of this child, even if by just a day." Besany crossed her arms and squared up to Rav, angry. "I refuse to believe that he will not wake up. I am not doing this alone."

Rav's eyebrows shot upwards and her voice lost some of its commanding power, now softer and more motherly. "I wasn't trying to say that you were, _ad'ika_. It's just that you have to accept the probability that he may not be back for a while. Even if it's just a small probability." Rav put her hand on Besany's shoulder and met her eyes. "We _Mando_ women are strong. We deal with things, even if we don't want to. We don't often have a choice. I'm just trying to make you see that even though you feel like your whole world has stopped, life is going on with or without you. And you need to go with it, or risk being left behind forever."

"I know. I just wish I didn't have to."

There was a pause, in which Besany looked out of the window. Rain was falling heavily, the sky laden with grey clouds that pressed low on the rolling hills and forest. The drops hit the window like nails falling on a durasteel roof, the noise deafening in the tense quiet. She could see Kal and Mereel making their way across the fields, Mij in tow, their gold and blue _beskar'gam_ like beacons amongst the grey and dull light. Rav seemed to know that she had upset Besany, but wasn't sure how exactly. Besany knew she had only been telling the truth, but she didn't like being talked to like a child. She knew what was happening and she knew she needed to start thinking about her future – and the child's future – but somehow being reminded of it was simply irritating. She _knew_.

"I know you think you know this," Rav said softly, "And I'm sure you do. But I'm just trying to tell you that _knowing_isn't enough."

Besany nodded but said nothing.

"I don't know what it's like to be in your position. So don't assume I'm trying to tell you how it is. Just…listen. Don't try and shut it all out. Okay?"

Besany nodded again, and swallowed. "Okay."

Rav gave a small smile. "Okay then. You can go; I'll finish up." Besany handed her the tea towel and headed out of the kitchen, her head swimming. Had she been too harsh with Rav? She was only trying to help, after all. Her chest felt heavy from thinking about it all too hard; she wanted to curl up with Ordo and forget it all. But she couldn't. Like Rav said, she needed to face it. There was no point putting it off any more.

And she was nothing if not organised.

* * *

><p><em>Jusik was trying.<em>

_Ordo knew he was wearing himself out every day trying to help him. But it was slow. Painfully so._

_He would rise, stay, shakily waiting for something to happen again; he would rise further or fall. The times when he fell were the worst. He could feel Jusik's disappointment through this Force connection, but Ordo couldn't do anything about it._

_He couldn't do anything about anything any more._

_When he felt the invisible hands lift him, he tried to still himself and let them, but it felt like he was being held down by tendrils of the blackness, like vines that tied him down and were pulled tight when he tried to move. Jusik's healing seemed to have loosened them, and he could feel himself nearer the light with every day._

_He knew when it was day because it was the time when Jusik was healing him. He knew it was night when Besany was lying next to him, her warmth by his side and her breathing steady by his ear. Sometimes she took his hand and pressed it to what he felt to be her midriff, where she was warmest, and talked to him about her day._

_He wondered how long he'd been under. He wondered if she was far along._

_On days when he felt strongest, he felt as though his eyes were simply stuck shut, and that if he tried hard enough he could rip them open and reach for the light and never come back to the darkness again, the sounds and touches so real. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't._

_She rarely cried these days. She was just sad. And alone._

_He missed her. He wanted to look upon her and take in all her beauty in ways he had never done before; having always taken her looks as irrelevant to her love. He wished he had caressed the high planes of her cheekbones delicately and kissed her full lips and told her she was beautiful in ways she had never been told before._

_When they made love, he remembered that she had been glowing. He liked seeing the flame in her eyes, the radiance of her pale skin like cream under his touch…she had been very close to him. So close that he was sure he could have read her every thought from her eyes._

_He had never felt like that in all his life._

_He hoped to see it again soon, when he opened his eyes._

_Jusik was trying._

_And so was he._

* * *

><p>Who did he think he was?<p>

Yes, she had seen him, the armoured trooper, parading around the lower levels like he owned the place. His armour was trimmed with red, the same crimson as the tattoos that ran under her eyes and down her cheekbones, and that traced a line down the centre of her lips. She raised a dark drink to them and took a slow sip of the bitter liquid, watching as he walked into the bar and removed his helmet, looking around.

She took him in. He was handsome, with dark hair and eyes, and tanned skin that was smooth and unscarred. Of course it was. He did all his work with his helmet on. She shrank back into the shadows of her booth and watched him from a distance. His skirt – whatever it was technically called, she didn't know, but it looked a lot like a skirt to her – made him walk tall and straight, his posture that of a soldier.

Soldier.

GAR?

Most likely.

She smiled slowly and raised an eyebrow as he ordered a drink at the bar. Grand Army, indeed. He _did_ look like the famed Jango Fett if she squinted. Of course, Jango had been older when she'd last seen a holoimage of him. This trooper was young, she'd say in his twenties, and frighteningly fit.

So, what was he doing down here? It wasn't his place.

His armour was clean white, not the dirty off-grey that she'd seen on troopers that had seen the action of the war. They said the dirt of war never came off, no matter how hard you scrubbed. So. He didn't see a lot of action. In a way, he was lucky, but she could see it from his point of view – cooped up, left with the office jobs, always told 'not today'...no wonder he searched out a better way of utilising his skills.

Still. He would have to be dealt with. Soon there would be no business down here, and she'd be left with no way to make a living.

He was talking and laughing with the bartender, as though he came here often, like it was his territory. It was a good thing that she already had a job on the go, or she would have shot him where he lounged. He was a hazard. He was ruining it all, crashing around with his crime-fighting heroics, like some idolised holobook character. She allowed a sneering smile to pull at her mouth. All he needed was a cape and he'd fit the image perfectly.

As long as he didn't catch wind of her bounty, she was fine. She could deal with him later.

As if he sensed he was being watched, the trooper looked up and right at the spot where she sat. Slowly, she lifted her drink and tilted it towards him, then drank deeply, raising an eyebrow coyly in his direction. She watched as his eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, and he moved his head back to face the bartender, his eyes never leaving hers. She downed the rest of her drink and slunk into the shadows again, leaving him to wonder who she was and where she'd gone.

He'd never find out, of course. She was too good for him.

* * *

><p>Maze finally dragged his eyes away from the black shadows into which she had vanished. He hadn't seen her before; a Kiffar with red facial tattoos on her cheekbones and lips. She'd seemed somewhat…sarcastic in her movements, and the way she hadn't broken eye contact perturbed him. This was a woman who was used to getting her way. She hadn't seemed too friendly.<p>

"…that Vasto Turon is causing all sorts of hell down here, he is."

Maze blinked. The barman in here was always a good source for all things criminal. He knew everything that was going on, and who was after who. Maze used him for information on his next arrest. At the moment, he was telling Maze about some criminal named Vasto Turon. Maze sipped his drink. He'd grown to get used to the burning sensation of alcohol after a few late nights off.

"Vasto Turon. Do I know him?"

The bartender shook his head. "If you'd met him, you'd be dead. Or he would. Well, neither of you is dead, so you've obviously never met." The barman laughed hoarsely, and it turned into a cough half way through. Maze quirked an eyebrow. He wanted to know more.

"What's he done?"

"What hasn't he done? He steals from shops, mugs customers, stabbed a few, too. Likes to lead innocent ladies down the alleyways and…have his way, if you get my meaning. Then there was that time he held Phex here," he indicated his fellow barman, "at gun point and took the money right out of our till. No one stopped him. Too scared. He's a bit…" he made a circling motion by his temple with his index finger, "you know. Wrong in the head. Causes a right problem for gangs and bounty hunters alike; ruins all their plans and has even been known to take down a few of their targets in his wake. They all want him dead."

Maze nodded. "Sounds like a challenge." The bartender laughed again.

"You can try. But I'm not betting on you." He ambled away to serve other customers, and Maze stared thoughtfully into his drink. If he could get rid of this Vasto Turon, he'd be doing the lower levels a great favour. Might even gain some credit for it. Then he could honestly say that he'd done something remotely useful with his life.

Afterwards, he'd look up this Kiffar and sort her out. She looked like she could be serious trouble.

* * *

><p>"He did <em>what<em>?" Besany's eyebrows shot upwards, but she couldn't stop herself from laughing. The whole situation must have been pretty hilarious.

Jilka giggled. "He just kissed me. Right in front of Maze, like it was nothing. I mean, you should have _seen_ Maze's expression. He looked like he was about to explode!" Jilka dissolved into another fit of giggles and Besany laughed, picturing Corr's cocky smile and Maze's glowering expression. Still, it was nice that Corr and Jilka were happy. She knew how hard it was to be away from the one you loved, not knowing whether or not your last kiss was really your last. It left you feeling helpless and strangely naked.

"What did you do?"

"I just ran away as fast as I could. I got the feeling he wanted to kill one of us, and decided I valued my life too much to take the fall for Corr." Jilka laughed. "I mean, I tried to apologise and everything because I could guess that Maze was feeling pretty jealous or whatever, but to be honest I think he was just in a hurry to kill Corr."

Besany grinned. "Sounds like Coruscant is fun, then."

"Not as much fun without you here," Jilka sighed audibly over the comlink, "How are things over there?"

"He's still not awake, and people keep telling me to prepare for things I really don't want to have to think about right now."

There was a pause. Besany's heart sank a little. Was Jilka going to say the same thing? "Well…I mean, you're going to be there for the rest of your life. And this baby isn't going to wait until it's convenient for you to be born," Jilka started cautiously.

"I know, for the sake of the Force!" Besany rolled her eyes.

"I mean," Jilka hurried on, "Have you decorated the room? Put up a cot? Bought clothes?"

"Jilka, I'm two months pregnant. I have another six months to think about this. Another six months with Ordo by my side to help. I just…I can't explain. It's just like life can't go on until he wakes up."

"But it will. That's the point, you can't just-"

"Ignore it all. I know. I've already been told this." Besany bristled. She wasn't ignorant. People just assumed a pregnant woman with a comatose boyfriend was too emotionally unstable to understand the basic principle of time. She _knew_.

"Well, maybe you should actually listen to them instead of shooting them down."

Besany sighed. "Sorry. I know you're trying to help. It just feels like you're all stuck on the same record."

"Okay, sorry. I'll shut up," Besany heard the friendly smile in Jilka's voice, "Besides, Corr will be back soon and we have some lost time to catch up on." Jilka giggled again. Besany smiled, but she felt hollow inside. She missed being loved.

"Okay," she said, "Have fun. Don't get pregnant."

Jilka laughed. "I won't. Bye."

The link went dead. No sooner had Besany pocketed her comlink than she heard footfalls behind her, leading up to the bench on the top of the hill where Besany was sat. At first she assumed it was Mereel or Kal, but as the footsteps carried closer to her she realised that they were too light to be a man's. She turned around and saw a familiar slight figure waving at her.

"Hey, Besany."

"Etain. You're back?"

Etain smiled and sat down next to her, her streaked hair blowing behind her. She looked tired. "Yes. For now, anyway."

Besany gave a small smile. "Did Kal send you to read me the riot act?"

"If you mean tell you to get moving with the baby preparations, then no. I think you've probably had enough of that." Etain gave Besany a sideways look. "Am I right?"

Besany nodded. "What was it like here for you? When you were pregnant?"

"A little lonely. You miss the way you used to be able to walk out of your door and onto the high street. But…I grew to like it. But that being said, I had more to do than just wait around for my baby." Etain took Besany's hand. "I don't know what it's like being pregnant with the father at your side," she grimaced, "But I can assume it's a lot easier. He feels stronger."

Besany looked at her. "He does?"

"I popped in to see Jusik before coming up here. Ordo feels…less lost. Better. Like he's nearer the surface," Etain shrugged and her hands rested in her lap, "I don't know how to explain it. But he's getting there."

"Good. That's good."

"Hey," Etain took her hand again, "I know what it's like. Having a baby. Don't stress yourself over it, okay? People try to tell you what to do and when to do it and that you need to wake up, but you know yourself and you know when the right time is. Don't let them get to you."

"Didn't you accelerate your pregnancy?"

Etain nodded. "By a fair amount. But I nearly lost the baby at one point, so perhaps that wasn't the best way to go."

"You were on active service, though." Besany pointed out. Etain grinned.

"Yes, and as I remember it was Ordo who was sent to sort me out, with a med-droid and everything. Then I came here."

"And had the baby."

"And had the baby. Rav and Parja were there, and Fi, Mereel, Jaing and Vau were around somewhere, waiting…you won't be alone."

Besany considered this, and a thought struck her. She turned to Etain. "Would you have wanted Darman there?"

Etain considered. "Yes, and no. Yes, because I think Parja got totally sick of me cutting into her hand with my fingernails and would have liked someone to take over," she laughed, "Well…and because, I mean, it was his child. It would have been nice for him to hold Kad and hold me and…because it was his child."

"But…no because it hurts like hell?" Besany laughed.

"Yes, I suppose," Etain smiled, "Pain can make you someone else entirely. I wouldn't have wanted him to see me in so much pain, and it wasn't the cleanest of experiences. Makes you wonder how much he can handle. Are you…?"

"Thinking about Ordo being there, yes."

"And?"

Besany shrugged. "I'll have to ask him. I won't make him stay if he doesn't want to. I'm not entirely sure if Iwant him to see me like that."

"It's not one's finest hour. A lot of blood, sweat and tears – literally. And some screaming too," Etain gave a wry smile, "But Rav knows what she's doing. I think it's a compulsory part of Mandalorian culture, for a woman to know how to deliver a child. And Mij will be on hand in case…"

"Ha. In case, indeed."

They paused, watching the wind rustle through the grass down below in the valley, creating waves of viridian along the pale green blades of grass that rippled down and out of sight. The dark mist that had earlier poured torrential showers over the landscape had moved along to be replaced with patches of blue sky amongst fluffy white clouds, and the bright sun that was peeking out made the grass glitter. Besany liked to close her eyes and let the breeze lift her hair off her shoulders, as though it was lifting her problems with it.

A distant shout caught their attention, and Besany and Etain turned to look behind them back to the bastion. Parja was waving her arms and gesturing for them to come back inside. Apparently the men were back from Keldabe. Etain smiled at Besany.

"Let's go."

* * *

><p>Omega filed out of Zey's office, and Zey turned to Maze with a weary smile.<p>

"I feel bad for taking them from one mission straight into another. But at least it's done now and they can have a few days off."

"I think they're getting complacent. They're too close to Skirata." Maze was still sore about Corr's outright insolence, and was still bent on him getting punished. He didn't like thinking about where Corr was off to now.

"Maybe. But we need them." Zey took a pile of datapads from Maze's arms and offered him a cup of caf, which Maze accepted. He had to admit that Zey kept him comfortable, even if not entertained. He did that himself, on his nights off. He needed to plan a way to catch that Vasto Turon. Maze moved over to the desk and tried to distract himself from thinking about his late night activities around a Jedi who could most probably read minds. He tried desperately to find the security details of the Senate Building fascinating, and almost succeeded.

Zey gave a sigh. "We'll be busy tonight. I was going to give you night off, but we're swamped with referrals and debriefings and Force knows what else."

"That's perfectly all right, sir." Maze gave the model answer and tried to squash his slight disappointment. An image of the female Kiffar that had caught his attention in the bar flashed in front of his eyes, and he felt an odd compulsion to see if there was anything on her in the databases. Then he realised that he didn't even know her name. He'd have to ask the barman the next time he went.

Zey and Maze worked in silence for a few minutes, until Zey looked at him curiously. Maze tried an innocently neutral expression. "Anything the matter, sir?"

"No, no, not at all. I was simply…curious. Forgive me."

"Curious, sir?"

"As to what you do on your nights off. Forgive me," Zey repeated, "It's none of my business, really."

Maze felt that if he did not give an answer, Zey's suspicions would be aroused, and he didn't want Zey to get the wrong end of the lightsaber. He cleared his throat and searched quickly for an excuse. The image of the Kiffar raising her glass to him flashed in front of his eyes again, and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"I meet a girl."

Zey's eyebrows shot upwards. "Really? Well, I'm glad you've found someone." Maze got the feeling that Zey wanted to ask him more about this girl of his, but refrained on the grounds that it was rude to pry. Maze was thankful, and turned his face away from Zey to hide his flush. He wasn't sure exactly why he felt embarrassed to think of himself with that Kiffar, but it wasn't an entirely repulsive image. Maybe that was what worried him. She was obviously a criminal of some sort; he shouldn't be caught up with that kind.

Ignoring both his brain's mental images and Zey's curious, narrow-eyed glances, Maze worked through the night in silence.

* * *

><p>Corr could barely get through Jilka's door fast enough.<p>

She let him in, and he barely gave a thought to the way her hair was loose and waving around her shoulders, or how she was only wearing her underwear and a sheer blouse, or how her lips were lightly glossed with something that tasted like chocolate. He couldn't believe he'd been away from her for a month and not died.

He pulled her close before she even had time to close the door, pressing his lips to hers fiercely and inhaling her sweet scent that was such a relief from the smell of blood and sweat and pain that had followed him from his last op. He couldn't even remember where that had been. He was lost in her mouth, her tongue meeting his and letting him taste her properly, dancing with hers. He was vaguely aware of her breaking the kiss to close the door, and he half walked, half stumbled to the bedroom, aching with need to get his armour off and feel her body against his again. He was so shaky that he had trouble with the more delicate clasps, and Jilka's hands were on him again, peeling off armour plates. She'd lost the blouse.

He lay back on the bed and pulled her with him, kissing her again and letting her hands tear at his bodysuit, leaving his well-muscled chest open to her ministrations. Her lips worked down his fevered skin, pausing here and there to nip lightly. She reached his hips, and looked up at him, asking him for permission to continue. He wondered why she was even asking. She must have no idea how she made him feel.

She peeled off the remaining sections of black bodysuit and discarded them on the floor, before leaning over to kiss him again. He wrapped his arms around her back and tugged frustratedly at the fastening on her underwear, his fingers not responding to his brain. She giggled and reached behind her, putting her hand over his and showing his fingers how to push and _pull_ like so, and he slid the garment off her shoulders.

He took a deep breath and tried to stop the pulsing need overwhelm him completely. He reached up to brush her face with his fingers, pulling her into a gentle kiss. He could feel her heart hammering against his chest; the feel of her heated flesh on his was almost too much. He moaned into the kiss as she slid her hand down to caress his hipbone with her thumb, and his muscles clenched instinctively. He flipped them over so that she was underneath him and kissed her again, giving in to the temptation to run his hands over her breasts and flick his thumbs over the most sensitive spot experimentally. She gasped, and he grinned, his mouth leaving hers to taste the soft flesh of where his hands had been moments before. He dragged his lips over her skin, enjoying the way it broke into goosebumps under them, making his way over the flat planes of her stomach to where her last garment lay blocking his path.

She lifted her hips and helped him tug them off, and then his lips resumed their path to her core.

Once he had her writhing beneath him, moaning at her ceiling, he was so consumed with need that she had to tug at his hair to get him to snap back to her. She pulled him up to kiss her again, and she wrapped her legs around his waist and ground against him, her sweat-soaked skin creating delicious friction against his. He bit down on her collarbone to stop himself from taking her right now. She, however, seemed to have other ideas, and continued to rock her hips against his and weaken his resolve, until he at last gave in to the throbbing need and kissed her once more, before losing himself completely in her.

* * *

><p>Corr awoke and looked around. It was very early morning, about 300 hours according to her holo. Her warm form next to him was comforting and brought back pleasant memories. He should go away more often, if just for the reunions.<p>

He swallowed. He was thirsty, but the idea of extracting himself from Jilka was unpleasant. He sighed and weighed the options. Giving in to his thirst, he removed her arm from his chest and sat up. It was warm tonight; he could feel the almost liquid-like heat of the night seeping through the walls and pressing against his chest like a heavy blanket that made him want to lie down again. He made his way into her kitchen-living room and grabbed a glass from the counter, his bare feet padding on the warm carpet.

He stopped. He could smell burning.

His eyes were starting to itch. Maybe he was too tired and should go back to sleep. But something in the back of his mind told him that something was wrong. Instinctively, he looked at the front door, and saw flickering light in the gap between the door and the floor. Rushing over to it, his heart racing and adrenaline flooding his veins, he placed the back of his hand against the door. It was hot. If he stopped breathing, he could hear the roar and crackle of fire behind it. Looking around, he could now see what he missed before; the roiling black smoke that was billowing around the living room. Smoke that could kill you in minutes.

The roar of the fire grew louder, and something exploded on the other side of the door, knocking it in with a loud crash and a _whoosh_ of rushing flames. For a moment, Corr was struck by the horrific beauty of the door frame silhouetted by the blazing fire, but common sense overtook him fast enough. The fire now had a clear path into Jilka's apartment. He had to wake her.

They had to get out.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Ooooooh cliffie. :) Now you have to keep reading. Ha ha ha.<em>

_The Kiffar girl shall be properly introduced next chapter. Her name is Aerin Niobe, and on my deviantART account I have done some images of her, for those who like to see what characters look like._

_In shall be moving to weekly updates from now on, as my exams are very near and I find I don't have the time to do 2 a week any more. :( Sad._

_Please review. I don't know why I'm saying this, as you probably read this and think 'Aww, but I can't be bothered…', but please. It makes my day. Honestly. I need some happiness with the impending exams. Thanks a hugeeeee lot to all those who reviewed the last chapter! I love you guys so much!_

_More on the way!_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	15. CHAPTER 14: Fire With Fire

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14 – Fire With Fire<strong>

Corr ran back into the bedroom and shook Jilka's shoulder, clamping down on a cough. The acrid smoke hit the back of his throat and made him want to gag.

"Jilka! Wake up! _Cyar'ika_, wake up!"

She stirred and her eyes fluttered open to stare at him in bemused wonder. "Wha?" She giggled. "You want to go again?"

"Jilka, your building is on fire."

Her eyes tore open and she sat up with a cry. Corr grabbed his armour and threw her clothes at her, closing the door so that the fire would be slowed from reaching the bedroom. Jilka threw on her clothes, coughing every now and then. The smoke seemed to permeate every square inch, and the heat was nearly unbearable. Corr was starting to feel weak and his head was pounding, so he threw open her window and stuck his head out, breathing in the cool night air. Jilka appeared next to him, looking small and scared. He put his arm around her and drew her close.

"What now?"

Corr considered. They couldn't go back out of her front door, that was for certain. Her whole living room and kitchen would be ablaze by now. He could feel her heart hammering against his chest for the second time that night. If they couldn't go through, could they go…?

Corr leaned out of the window and looked up, then down. There. The nearest landing platform was four storeys below. He gave Jilka a look.

"We have to go down."

Even in the darkness and through the thick smoke, he could see her blanche. "I…I don't think I can, Corr." She started to shiver. Corr took another look at the climb. There was a drainage pipe that ran down the side of the window and right down past the platform. If he could get a good enough grip…he leaned out and reached for it, testing its strength. It creaked ominously, but held his weight. He felt sure he could use it to scale down.

But what about Jilka?

He wondered if she could climb down after him. Looking down at her, he tried to instil confidence in her. "We need to climb down. To the landing platform below."

Jilka looked like she was about to pass out. "What? That's four storeys down. Corr, I can't."

"Hold onto the drainage pipe and scale down," Corr could hear the roar of flames very close to the door of her bedroom, and he knew their time was running out, "It will take your weight."

"I can't! Corr, I…" Jilka bit her lip and looked out of the window. Corr glanced at the door. It was almost glowing with heat. The pipe wouldn't take both their weights. If she went down first, he'd have to wait until she was off it to climb down, and by then it might be too late. But he had his armour. If he made a mad dash for it through the flames and out…

He had no guarantee that his armour would hold against such intense heat. He'd once seen Darman set alight whilst in his armour, and it had held well enough – but it had been for less than a minute. And Darman said he still had the nightmares. He didn't know how long he would be in the flames; he had no idea as to the extent of the fire, and if he got stuck by fallen debris…he'd be trapped.

So there was only one way.

Corr swung himself out on the window ledge and sat with his feet dangling down over a certain death. He slid along the ledge until he could haul himself sideways and onto the pipe, gripping with his hands and feet. He looked at Jilka.

"Get on my back."

"What?"

"Climb on my back. I'll take you down with me."

"Corr, it won't hold both of us-"

"It might. We don't have a choice." Corr cautiously held out one hand to her, and she smothered a scream as he slipped slightly whilst trying to regain his hold with only one hand. She was nearly sobbing.

"Please,_ cyar'ika_. Trust me."

She stared at his open hand and swallowed hard. Down below on the landing platform a crowd was gathering, people evacuated from their buildings and curious bystanders alike. People pointed up at the figure of Corr gripping the pipe in awe. Jilka looked behind her, and screamed and ducked as the door blew into the room followed by a lick of angry flames behind her. Corr clenched his jaw to stop himself from screaming at her.

"Jilka, now. Please."

Silhouetted by fire, Jilka crawled out of the window and sat on the ledge, shuffling along so she was sat next to him. Corr put his free arm around her and helped her climb onto his armoured back, putting one arm around his chest and one tangling in the webbing on his back. The pipe creaked loudly, and Jilka smothered a cry against his shoulder. Corr took a deep breath and let his grip loosen ever so slightly so that they could slide a few metres to the window ledge underneath Jilka's…

Jilka screamed, along with a few spectators, as they slid down to the next ledge. Corr looked inside the window as he passed, and saw that that apartment was also aflame, meaning they couldn't climb back in and use the stairs for the last floor or so. He braced his feet against the wall, hoping that Jilka would have the sense to hold on tight, and slid down to the next window ledge-

Flames exploded from the window in a wave of heat and shards of glass, and Corr lost his grip in shock. They free fell, Jilka's scream in his ear, his stomach rolling, and he reached out blindly to grab the pipe or some sort of footing before Jilka's weight flipped them over and they fell head-first. His hands caught the pipe again with a jerk, and Jilka's grip slipped from around him. Reflexively he reached out an arm and caught her around the wrist. Her eyes were wide and her hair was flying, and Corr felt the pipe start to creak again. So did Jilka, apparently, because their eyes met in a realisation of shock as the pipe broke off its fixings and Corr's hand slipped off it completely.

They were falling.

Corr still had Jilka's hand in his.

There were only 2 storeys left. They could live.

Thoughts flashed through Corr's mind faster than he could comprehend, but certain strains stood out in his eyes: he had to save Jilka, he had armour, she was strikingly beautiful even when she was terrified, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion.

In a last effort to save Jilka, he pulled her into him with his arms and turned them in the air so that she was on top of him, and he was looking up at her and at the fiery sky as they fell.

They hit the platform.

Corr felt the impact travel down his body from his head, which hit first, and he put his hands over Jilka's head to stop her from hitting on his armour. Then his head hurt.

Then everything hurt.

He could hear sirens, distantly.

Jilka was lying on top of him, and she was still breathing.

He fell into darkness.

* * *

><p>Besany was watching Mij as he checked all of Ordo's fluids and drips, nodding occasionally as though all was as he had expected. Jusik was stretching with alarming pops and cracks, done for the day and looking positively exhausted. Besany reached out to touch his shoulder, and he turned around with a wan smile.<p>

"He's getting there," Jusik said, his voice hoarse, "But it will be a while."

Besany nodded and patted his shoulder. "Of course. Don't wear yourself out, okay?" Jusik laughed.

"That's like asking Mereel not to flirt with anything with two X chromosomes…" Besany gave a smile, and Jusik stood up, "I'm going to eat. Then I think I'll go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, okay Ordo?" he ruffled Ordo's hair, and paused, as if waiting for a response, "You too, Bez. See you tomorrow."

Jusik left the room, and Mij smiled. "He's committed, we give him that."

"Mmm. Can't be too good for his health, though. I hope you're checking on him, too." Besany gave Mij a light poke, and Mij smiled.

"I'm checking on you all. That's my job."

Mij's sand-gold armour glinted in the orange sun that filtered through the window as Mandalore sunk into its flame again for the night. Besany was struck by the curious thought as to Mij's choice in colour once again. She watched him work, watched the way his fingers moved with dexterity and sureness over the patient and all his tubes and wires, checking for abnormalities. His hands were skilled, in both healing and murder. Besany was surprised to find that this thought no longer affected her. She wondered how he had come to be a part of this culture.

"I know what you're thinking." Mij turned and smiled at her gently. "How did a simple country doctor like me end up here?" Besany blushed.

"Something like that. I think the contrast between healer and soldier just…struck me," Besany explained, "Sorry. It's not really my business."

"I don't mind. I can see it from your point of view," Mij said, and set down his tools, turning to face her with his easy smile, "Years ago, when I was practicing medicine, I fell in love with a Mandalorian woman and married into the families."

Besany hadn't heard nor seen this woman for the whole time she had been here, which led her to suspect that there was more to this. Surely if Mij was married, then his wife would be with him. Mij spent so much time with the Skirata clan that he had seemed like an unattached man. She spread her arms wide and looked around her. "So…where is this woman now?"

Mij's face lost some of its carefree humour, and eyes clouded with something Besany had never seen from him before, something that made it hard to believe that he had ever been anything other than Mandalorian. "She's not with us any more. A_ hut'uun _from another clan killed her." He turned his face into the shadows, throwing his broken nose into sharp relief. A shiver went down Besany's spine. "But I know who he is, and I'll get him back one day."

"That explains the gold armour, then," Besany whispered. Mij nodded.

"That explains it all."

Mij carried on working for a few minutes and Besany watched him quietly, letting his story sink in. She looked at Ordo. If she had been killed, she knew that Ordo would have wanted revenge with the kind of fire that would have left nothing and no one untouched. She tried to imagine the kind of pain that would cause Ordo to lose it completely, and realised for the first time that he loved her far more than he had ever said. He had never needed to say it. Without realising it, they had both ended up so entwined with one another that it was hard for Besany to feel where she ended and Ordo began.

Mij ruffled Ordo's hair like Jusik had done earlier, and Besany realised that they were checking for his reaction. She remembered Fi moving his head when they'd tried the same thing on him after just a few hours of healing. Mij stood and waited for a moment, then gave her a smile and packed up his things. "I'll be back tomorrow. In the mean time," Mij gave Besany a pointed look, "I hear you've been having a bit of a disagreement with Rav. She knows what she's talking about, okay? Don't hold a grudge."

Besany watched him go and slid into bed next to Ordo. She didn't feel hungry. She didn't really feel like anything right now. Her hands slid to her stomach again and she closed her eyes, knowing that when she woke up tomorrow she would be starting again.

* * *

><p>"Corr!"<p>

Someone was calling his name in the darkness. They were distant; were they dead too? They sounded familiar.

"Corr, come on," the voice was Jilka's. Was she dead too then, if he was? Someone was shaking his head, slapping him. He felt water drop on his face. She was sobbing his name.

"_Corr_!" She slapped him, hard.

He gasped and opened his eyes. Jilka was wide-eyed with shock above him, her eyelashes wet with tears. People were milling around curiously, waiting to see if he was okay. He looked up at Jilka and above her at the burning building that had once been Jilka's apartment, and many others, and smiled at her, cupping her face with his hands.

"You're okay. You're okay. Thank the gods you're okay," he whispered. She nodded, and kissed him, like something right out of a holodrama, throwing herself at him and wrapping her arms tightly around his head, her hands tangling in his matted hair. Jilka tasted familiar and warm, and her lips slowed his frantic heartbeat to match hers. Corr heard someone in the crowd cheer, and then they were all clapping. She giggled and pulled away, wiping her tears from her eyes.

Corr tried to stand up, and the ground swam dangerously before him. Nevertheless, he managed to get on his feet, half-leaning on Jilka, and the medics that had been called to the scene arrived, separating Corr and Jilka to give them both thorough check-ups. Corr glanced over at Jilka whilst the medic was staring down his throat, and she smiled at him. He had saved her. He hadn't died, either. He winced as the medic inspected his head, but all he found was a large bump that would need plenty of ice. The med-droid pronounced him internal-injury-free, and Corr took that as his cue to leave.

He stood staring up at the building where he had been minutes before, and felt suddenly very unsure as to what to do now. Jilka had no place to live, and she couldn't live at the barracks with him. She also had no clothes except for what she was wearing and no…anything, really. All she had was him.

Jilka's warm hand found his, and they stood staring up as the fire department sprayed the extensive fire – Corr counted at least four floors that it had burnt out – and Corr turned to face her.

"Thank you." Jilka beat him to it. Corr blinked.

"For what?"

Jilka poked him in the chest. "Oh, I don't know. Saving my life?" Corr pulled her into a hug, smiling.

"You didn't expect me to let you die, did you?"

"Well, you got pretty mad when I wouldn't climb out of the window. I thought for a minute that you were going to give up and leave me."

"Is that why you climbed out?"

Jilka pondered. "Partially. Maybe not entirely, though."

"I'm sure burning alive was favourable to falling nearly three storeys to your death." Corr kissed the top of her head. She smelled like smoke. Jilka sighed.

"I have never been so scared in all my life," she pulled away to look up at him, "I thought you were dead. Or in a coma, like Ordo. I thought I'd lost you." Her voice cracked.

"I'm not in a coma. Don't worry."

"I'm also not pregnant either, if that helps."

Corr laughed and decided it was time to leave. Where they would go, he had no idea. He had a few credits on him. Perhaps they could rent a room for the night at a hotel or something. He told Jilka to go and call a taxi, and headed towards where the remaining members of the fire department were giving oxygen to the few others that had been caught unawares. He tapped one uniformed woman on the shoulder, and she turned to look at him. "You okay? You're the guy who tried to climb out of the window, right? That was something."

Corr shrugged and tried to hide his mild embarrassment. "Yeah, well…I mean, not really…I mean," Corr shook himself internally, "Do you know what started the fire?"

The woman shook her head. "Too soon to tell. Could have been an electrical fire, though. If not, someone was careless with their cooking." Corr had not been expecting much, and thanked the woman before heading off to find the taxi Jilka had called. They pulled up outside an unremarkable-looking hotel and bought a room for the rest of the night, ignoring the stares of the staff: not only was the hour absurd, but their state of dress was somewhat odd – Jilka in a thin shirt and shorts, no shoes, and Corr in full commando armour, both of them smeared in soot. They lay on the bed in the plain room, but neither of them could sleep much. Jilka managed to drop off a couple of hours before dawn, but Corr found his eyes imprinted with her tear-stained face silhouetted by fire every time he closed his eyes. In the end, he settled for cleaning the soot off his armour whilst she slept.

Once the sun was up, Corr decided to take a shower. She woke while he was in the 'fresher, and Corr came back into the room to see Jilka staring at the HoloNet News, where footage of a burning building was being shown with the headline 'Five dead in apartment blaze'. Corr looked at Jilka. She looked at him. Her hair was messy and her eyes were ringed with dark circles, but she was alive. That mattered a lot to him. She spoke first.

"There were five people still in there."

"So? What were we going to do?" Corr sat on the bed and took her hand, "Jilka, we were trapped. There was no way we could have saved them. We didn't even know they were there."

"My neighbours. From across the hall. It was them. I can't believe…" Jilka covered her mouth with her hand, but managed to right herself before she could cry, "I can't believe they're gone. Mrs Roye would get my grocery list from me when she was on her way out. She always seemed to know when my fridge was running empty. Her son Silas was always around to help me carry my work things. Then there was Mr Tarask and his wife, and-"

Corr cut her off by putting his arms around her and holding her close. He kissed the top of her head. "_Cyar'ika_, I know that this is hard. But they're gone now. The point is, we have more important things to worry about right now. Your personal belongings are toast – literally – and you have nowhere to live."

Jilka sighed into his chest. "I'll miss them."

"I know."

There was a silence, and Corr focused on her heartbeat against his, the noises of morning traffic outside, the bustle of any other morning in the city. Like nothing had happened. Like life was just exactly the same as it had been last night. To those on the outside looking in, it was all absurd that people could continue to live like nothing had happened. You wished you could be a part of them.

Jilka pulled away and looked up at him, her eyes sad but her face determined. "Do you have any ideas?"

_Wished you could be a part of them…_

Kal had that effect. The moment you met him, he made you feel like part of the family. You wanted that. That feeling of belonging; it was what everyone craved. Corr knew what he was going to do.

"Actually…yes."

Jilka waited. "And?"

Corr took her hands and stared into the depths of her eyes. He needed her to listen. "Come to Mandalore."

Her dark eyes widened behind her soot-smeared glasses, and she opened her mouth to exude a whole range of excuses and arguments that Corr knew were coming. He cut her off with a finger on her lips. "No, listen. You don't have to like it there. You probably won't. You're more of a city girl, and Mandalore is about as opposite from Coruscant as you can get. But listen to me." Corr took a deep breath, "If this – _us _– is what you want, if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life – with me – then you need to understand this. I'm not going to be here forever. I age at twice the speed you do. _Kal'buir _is working on that, though, and that's not what I'm trying to get you to see. When the war ends, Jilka, what do you think happens to the clones? To me?"

Jilka looked confused, and frowned. "I–I don't know."

"No. Neither do we. But we can be sure that things won't be the same, that half of us won't be needed any more and will be deemed to 'dangerous' to be let loose on the community." Jilka seemed to puzzle this out, and once he saw the conclusion in her eyes Corr went on, "I know. It's not nice. But _Kal'buir _has a plan."

"You're…you're going to desert." Jilka seemed to have reached the answer before he had. She looked shocked. Corr nodded.

"Yes, we are. I don't know exact numbers, but what I do know is that I'm not staying in the _shabla _army for longer than I have to. Not when I have something to live for." Corr reached out and touched her face gently, and Jilka swallowed.

"So…this Kyrimorut, this place on Mandalore…this is where you'll be going. All of you. Where Besany is now." Corr nodded.

"So," he went on, gently, "The fact is if you want to spend the rest of your life with me, it will have to be on Mandalore."

"And…" Jilka cocked her head sideways, "Say if I don't?"

Corr felt something like hurt rise in his chest, but he pushed it down. It was her decision to make, and he shouldn't be surprised that she was less-than-inclined to pack up and leave on a whim. They'd only known each other for just under two months, of course. "Then…then Besany still has the key to her old apartment. I'm sure there are clothes in there still, too. But…" Corr tried a playful wink, "You'll have to come to Mandalore to get it from her."

"So either way, I end up on Mandalore."

"You don't think you could just…try it? See what you think?"

There was a pause, and Corr decided that he'd given her enough to think about. It was the weekend, so she didn't have to go to work, and Corr decided to leave her to herself for a bit. He kissed her lightly, "I'll let you think. Just…let me know soon, okay?" Jilka said nothing, and so Corr got up and went to head back into the 'fresher, the hurt in his heart barely covered. He had hoped that perhaps she had loved him enough. Maybe he'd been wrong.

He was one foot through the door, when a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned around to face Jilka's deep, dark eyes, and she smiled shyly.

"Do…do you think it's too late for me to learn how to be a country girl?" Corr grinned; his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest.

"Not at all."

* * *

><p>Maze stared into his drink, but was far removed from the bar. His mind was calculating, planning; what was the best way to capture this Vasto Turon?<p>

He knew without looking up that the Kiffar was in her usual seat. He could almost feel her scrutinising stare from across the crowded and smoky room, and he felt a heat that wasn't entirely due to the stuffy atmosphere creep up him. He sighed. He was getting nowhere.

Maze mimicked her action of tilting his glass in her direction before downing his drink in one go, giving her a sly smile. He didn't like the fact that she could get the better of him with one simple glance, one slight movement. He didn't like having his mind overtaken by thoughts that were altogether inappropriate. He'd have to deal with her soon.

He watched as she slid expertly into the shadows again. Overcome by gnawing curiosity, Maze signalled to the bartender again. The man made his way over and leaned a tattooed arm on the counter. "What can I do for ya, army boy?"

Maze indicated the Kiffar's now empty booth. "The Kiffar woman. She come here a lot?" The barman gave a black-toothed smile.

"Her. Yeah, she's a regular. For now, anyway. Hear she moves around a lot depending on her bounty."

"She's a bounty hunter, then?" Maze asked.

"Oh, yeah. Not too bad, either, for someone who's come from where she has." The bartender gave a low chuckle. Maze, though insanely interested, decided her past wasn't important right now – if he could catch her, he'd be free, but he'd need to move fast. He could ask those burning questions later.

"She got a name?"

"Aerin Niobe. That's what she told me, anyway. Never know whether or not to trust some people, but hey – it's business, I don't ask."

_Aerin Niobe_. Maze tested the name on his tongue, letting the syllables roll around his mouth and lips and finding some odd satisfaction in the way they felt. He itched to say it out loud, but thought that would be a little too strange. The rational side of his brain was screaming at him that the whole affair was too strange, and that he should just forget about her in every way. The way she made him feel was foreign and he didn't like it. He didn't even _know_ her. It was wrong.

"You got any news on her latest bounty?"

The barman pursed his lips and sucked, looking over his shoulder and raising an eyebrow. "Lot of people around. Never know who might overhear. You know, we're all about security down here…"

Maze got his point, and discreetly produced a handful of credit chips and slid them over the counter. The bartender looked satisfied, and beckoned Maze closer. "Word on the street is it's that Vasto Turon. One thing going for her is that she's got guts, and she was the only one to volunteer to take him out. She's been on his tail for weeks, maybe even months. Like I said, it's all just speculation, but it all…"

"Fits," Maze finished for him. Yes, it certainly did. Now he could take out two birds with one stone. "Thanks." He dropped an extra credit or two on the counter for the drink, and headed out of the door into the cool night air. His whole body was pounding with adrenaline and he felt primed and fearless.

If Niobe hung out around her target, then Turon must be operating nearby. He bet anything that every time the Kiffar disappeared, she went stalking after Turon.

Which meant tonight was the night.

* * *

><p>He was there.<p>

Right there, right where she could see him. The wind was fine, the alley was dark; no one would catch her. Turon was right there, all billowing black coat and hair, his sallow face pale in the moonlight and highlighted by a thin scar that ran down the length of his face.

She just needed to pull the trigger.

She watched his movements for a while. Something about his posture, the way he walked around as if he owned the place, reminded her of that soldier-hero. The one who had raised his glass to her today. Damn, she'd been too careless. She'd let him flip the tables on her. She found her thoughts occupied with him at moments when she needed peace and quiet, and there he was firmly ensconced in her brain. Damn him.

She took a deep breath to steady herself and sighted up with the sniper rifle, letting the reticules rest in the best possible position for a head-shot. Her finger rested on the smooth familiarity of the trigger, and without a thought to spare for the psycho's life, she squeezed.

She wasn't sure what happened first. But either way, it ruined everything.

Just as she felt the trigger give under her finger, Turon turned and drew a blaster from the depth of his coat with a shout. Her shot shaved past him, but he didn't seem to notice, and ran down the alley, firing shots. For one brief moment, Aerin thought he'd seen her, and was ready to run, but he ran past her hiding place, shooting at a moving figure at the other end. The figure dodged the shots, but didn't return fire. This should have been her first clue. Everyone on the lower levels shot first, thought later.

The figure, having managed to dodge all Turon's shots, threw himself at the bounty and tackled him to the ground with a bone-cracking _thwack_. In the darkness, Aerin couldn't see who was who, but anger rose inside her like fire up a line of fuel. Whoever they were, they'd just have to die along with Turon. She couldn't afford any mess this time around. She needed the money.

She sighted up again, aiming at the rolling, shouting, punching mass, and fired a shot somewhere into the middle of it.

There was an '_oof!_' from the middle of the fracas, and one of them rolled free. The other stood up slowly, catching his breath. It was Turon. She growled. Then who the _fierfek _had she hit?

The mass on the floor sat up and looked down at his chest, where a blackened, charred mark was visible on white armour. The man looked from his chest to where Aerin was hiding. Turon followed his gaze.

Aerin swore, loudly.

Then the trooper threw a sharp, hard punch at Turon's jaw, and her bounty fell to the ground and hit his head, hard. He didn't get back up.

Aerin was so angry she threw her gun on the ground in rage. She marched up to Hero Boy and aimed a punch at him, which connected with his jaw in a spurt of crimson blood that added to the mess that was his chest plate. The trooper stumbled backwards, looking startled, and Aerin went in for another punch. He, however, was ready for her this time, and caught her fist and twisted her arm, pulling her back into his chest with an iron grip on her wrist. Aerin screamed and kicked out, but it was useless – he was too strong, and no one came when people screamed down here. Except for him.

"Now, Aerin Niobe – assuming that's your real name, of course – you want to tell me what you're doing down here with nasty criminals?"

The gravelly, sneering tone to his voice did nothing to calm her. She swore again. That was the _last _time she _ever_ gave a barman her real name. She hated hearing him say it. She could feel his heartbeat through his armour on her back, and the heat of adrenaline rolling off him. It was usually the kind of thing that drove her crazy, but right now it was the _wrong_ kind of crazy. She hated him. She _hated _him.

"You – killed – my – bounty - you - _bastard_!" She kicked out hard and struggled to get free; his grip on her wrist tightened and he yanked her arm, causing shocks of pain to shoot up it. Damn, she hoped it wasn't broken. She'd need to work hard to make up for this mega-screw-up. It was all his fault.

"Turon's not dead. Don't worry. And you didn't answer my question."

"I _am_ one of those 'nasty criminals', you heroically challenged desk clerk! Why don't you tell me what _you're _doing down here, huh? This isn't your place. You don't belong here. You clone troopers think you know it all, think you can just belong. Well you don't. You're deluding yourself! No one sees you as people!" The trooper growled and twisted her arm harder. She held back a yelp.

"I'm doing this place a massive favour. You all need clearing up."

Oh, _now _she was mad. "'_Clearing up_'? We're not the Republic's trash! We're more like their dysfunctional relative that they never invite to any of their parties. And we're _people_. We deserve to be treated like people, and not like some ugly blot that needs covering up and ignoring! Now let me _go_!"

The trooper seemed to consider this. Then, "Fine. I'll let you go. But only if you don't kick up a fuss when I take Turon here to jail."

Aerin was outraged. "You want to do _what_? He's _mine_! No way, soldier-boy. No way."

The trooper yanked her wrist again. "Then I have no choice but to arrest you, too. I'm sure jail will suit you fine. The past few minutes have all been recorded on my helmet comm. You can't work your way out of it this time." Aerin froze, an odd chill working its way through her veins. She could see his helmet, clipped to his belt, and feel the sheer strength and power in his body. He could have killed her. But he hadn't. Surely…surely that counted for something?

She stilled and calmed her breathing, letting her rage dissipate and leave her with that slow-burning anger inside her that she woke up with every day and fell asleep with inside her every night. Her fuel. Her fire. "Okay. You can take him." She whispered.

The trooper nodded, and let her go. Aerin found herself not caring about how much pain she was going to have to endure for messing this up from her boss, about how she was going to have to steal her next meal. She rubbed her wrist, and watched as the trooper bend down over a semiconscious Turon and cuffed his hands behind his back, before hauling him upright. He gave Aerin a nod.

"I'm…I'm letting you go. Just don't mess up again, okay?"

She gave a wry laugh. "Ha. I won't be alive by this time tomorrow. Even if I do make it through whatever my boss has lined up for me, I won't get paid. And then I won't be able to eat."

The trooper frowned, and looked somewhat guilty. Aerin rolled her eyes and turned to walk away. "I don't want your sympathy, soldier-boy. Walk away before I do actually kill you." She bent to pick up her rifle, and slung it over her shoulder before heading back out of the alley.

"Maze."

She stopped.

"My name is Maze."

She turned her head to look back at him. He looked suddenly very embarrassed, and shrugged at her. "I'm a person too. Even though people like to overlook that fact."

She took him in. He looked handsomely ruffled; his hair was windswept and a small cut on his lip dripped blood onto his white-and-red armour. The same red as her tattoos. The same red as his blood. Why did that make her feel like her insides were all twisted? Why did his words make her feel like he wasn't as bad as he seemed? He'd taken her bounty. He'd messed it all up.

Turon gave a groan and rolled his head. "Will you two lovebirds just pack it in already? I'm gonna gag…" Maze hit him hard, and he shut up. Aerin made her face a statue, showing no emotion.

"Get gone."

Maze nodded and hauled, Turon away, giving Aerin one last glance over his shoulder before disappearing into the darkness.

She sighed. She didn't care. She _didn't_.

She couldn't.

She doubted she'd ever see him again, anyway. She'd be long gone soon. She'd have to find some other part of Coruscant to make her living in, and he'd come back and never see her again. So she would purge her mind of all thoughts of him. All thoughts of his handsome face, his deep voice and his sad eyes. All thought of his warm body. Alone was just the way she was meant to be. The way they were meant to be.

"_Fierfek_," she sighed, gazing up at the full moon, and part of her wishing she'd never even met him.

It would make it all so much easier, if she hadn't.

* * *

><p>"Jilka!"<p>

Besany ran to meet her friend, who was disembarking from _Aay'han _looking suitably disorientated and somewhat scared. Her eyes latched on to a friendly face, and she broke into a smile, heading down the ramp to meet Besany half way and return her hug.

"Hey, Bez."

"Jilka, I saw the fire on the news. Gods, I thought you were dead! You couldn't even call me?"

Besany linked arms with Jilka and walked back to the bastion, leaving Corr and Fi to chat behind them. Jilka looked apologetic. "I'm sorry, Bez. My comlink was lost in the fire and I didn't even think of using Corr's – I mean, I knew I was coming here, so I figured I'd be seeing you soon…I didn't know if you'd even hear about it."

"I've been worried sick ever since I heard," Besany ran a hand through her hair, "What happened?"

"Uh, well, Corr woke me up and told me my apartment was on fire. Then he climbed down a drain pipe with me on his back, until the pipe broke, and we fell two storeys or so onto the landing platform below…"

Besany raised her eyebrows in shock and Jilka laughed. "Corr saved me. If he hadn't, I would have died. Thank him."

Besany looked back at Corr and was struck by what a good match he and Jilka were. She was happy for them. She put her arm around Jilka's shoulder. "I'm glad you're okay. When I saw the building…I didn't know what to think. I thought maybe I'd lost someone else close to me, too." She had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying. She didn't know if it was hormones, but everything made her want to cry these days. She was getting a little sick of it, and she was sure Ordo was bothered by her crying on his shoulder most nights. She gulped down her tears, suddenly aware that Jilka was rubbing her back comfortingly and looking at her worriedly. She gave a shaky laugh.

"I'm okay. I'm emotionally all over the place these days, that's all. I'm really happy to see you."

Jilka smiled. "Me too. How's Ordo? Still not with us yet?"

"No, not yet. How long are you staying?"

"Uh, well…" Jilka bit her lip, "That's not really been decided. I mean, I'm assuming you know about Kal's desertion plans for the boys?"

Besany nodded. From being here, she'd picked things up and had eventually asked Kal about it, and he'd told her everything. It made her look at life in a new way. "I do."

"Okay, well Corr basically asked me to marry him, in not-so-many words."

Besany laughed. "How do you mean?"

"Well, he said that if I want to spend the rest of my life with him, it has to be here, because this is where we'll all end up."

"So…did you say yes?"

"Not exactly. I said I'd see."

Besany opened the door for Jilka and led her inside, where Rav and Kal were talking in the main room – the _karyai_ – laughing with one another. Besany remembered Ordo telling her that Rav and Kal went back a long time, and had known each other before Kamino, which gave her the impression that they had a strong bond. Jilka looked around shyly, and Kal got to his feet to welcome her.

"Jilka, right?"

Jilka nodded. "I'm sorry to crash your party."

Rav laughed. "Why does everyone who comes here say that? It's like we're a _shabla_ monastery. Everyone's worried about disturbing us and causing us any 'inconveniences'. Trust me, if we didn't want you here, we would have said a long time ago." Rav got up and stretched, and Kal grinned.

"So you're Corr's new girl. He does seem to like you a lot, to bring you here." Jilka blushed.

"Well, I like him a lot too, I guess."

Besany winked at Kal. "Come on, Jilka. Let's get you settled in, and then you can meet everyone." She led Jilka to her room, which she would be sharing with Corr, and Jilka flopped on the bed with a stifled yawn.

"I haven't slept since the fire," she giggled, "Sorry. I'll stay awake long enough for dinner, I swear." Besany laughed.

"Sleep, if you want to. No one around here really minds what you do as long as someone knows where you are. You can just go and help yourself to food when you're hungry, if you want." Besany sat down on the bed next to Jilka and smiled. "So…you and Corr…"

Jilka giggled again. "Yes?"

"You're staying here, then?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I mean, you have the key to your apartment if I decide I don't want to stay."

Besany pursed her lips. "They might not just let you go. This place is secret. If anyone knew about it, we'd all be in serious trouble."

"Yeah, I get that, but it's not like I'd tell anyone, is it?"

"Still. You know where it is. They can torture it out of you."

"Besany, I'm a tax enforcer," Jilka grinned, "I've seen a lot of bad, stinky and downright ugly over the years. And besides…" she played with the hem of her shirt thoughtfully, "Maybe…maybe I like the idea of spending the rest of my life with Corr."

Besany smiled. "Uh-huh. I mean, you could do worse."

"A lot worse, I guess."

They shared a smile, and Besany stood up. "I need to go help with dinner. Like I said, if you're asleep, we don't mind you not showing." Jilka yawned again and stretched.

"We'll see. I'll unpack first, anyway."

"See you later."

Besany made her way back to the kitchen, where Parja was slicing vegetables and humming to herself. She looked up as Besany came in and smiled, handing her a knife. "Want to help?"

Besany took the blade and a pile of vegetables, and helped Parja slice them and throw them into the stock boiling on the stove. Fi came wandering in, and went to stand behind Parja. He tried to put his arms around her midriff, but she laughed and elbowed him away. "Not yet, _F'ika_. Later." Besany smiled and moved to the other side of the room so that her back was to them, to give them some privacy. She made herself busy with washing some plates, but she heard Parja giggle again and Fi gave a low murmur, before the sounds of kissing could be heard over the steadily boiling stock and the tap. Parja laughed, and Besany heard her put down the knife with a soft _clack_ and the unmistakable sounds of hands sliding over clothes. Someone gave a satisfied moan. Not sure whether or not she should leave, Besany just pretended she couldn't hear them and scrubbed the pan in her hand with extra vigour. It just made her miss Ordo more.

Besany turned around as footsteps could be heard in the corridor, and saw Fi and Parja deeply engaged in one another, the vegetables completely forgotten. The door swung open and Rav walked in, and did a double take, at which Besany could barely hold back a laugh. Then she moved over to Fi and hit him on the back of the head.

Fi broke the kiss to rub his head. "Oww!"

"Get back to work, you lazy slackers." Rav poked Fi hard in the shoulder and he flinched away from her.

Parja looked around at Rav and blushed the same red as her armour, but gave a small laugh. "Sorry, _ba'vodu_. I'll get back to work now." Parja shot Fi a look and shoved him in the chest, and he gave Rav an apologetic grin before hurrying out of the kitchen before Rav could follow him. Besany gave a laugh, and caught Parja's eye, and then they were both off. Rav just shook her head at them both, but eventually she descended into fits of laughter too. When Besany could finally stand up straight again, she saw a very bemused-looking Jilka standing in the doorway. She smiled shyly and looked around. Rav and Parja stopped laughing and looked at her with kind smiles. Jilka cleared her throat.

"How can I help?"

Rav sighed, smiling, and handed her a knife.

"Here, _ad'ika_."

* * *

><p>Maze had scrubbed his armour so hard he was sure it was a centimetre thinner now.<p>

But if Zey had seen the charred blaster shot and blood it would have raised some awkward questions, no matter how secretly proud he was so have secured some battle scratches. He sighed, and set the pile of datapads down on the desk, hard, and looked out of the window.

She thrilled him. And it was totally, utterly and completely wrong.

He found himself thinking about her body pressed against his in his most private moments, the way her skin had glistened with a fine mist of sweat, the way she smelt like citrus fruit. Not to mention, the way she'd put up a fight was somewhat impressive. It was like she'd lit a fire inside him that no amount of water would douse.

Zey gave him a funny look, and Maze kept his thoughts in check. It would not do for his own brain to acknowledge these thoughts, let alone Zey pick up on them. He gave Zey a neutral smile, and handed him a clipboard with sheets of flimsi warrants on it. Zey took it and smiled.

"You, uh…you saw your girl again last night, captain?"

Maze swallowed. "Well…yes. Yes, I did."

"Mm-hm," Zey seemed to be confirming something to himself, and gave Maze a narrow-eyed look that wasn't exactly scrutinising, just bemused, "I can see that. She give you that split lip?"

Maze swore internally. The bacta hadn't worked fast enough. He should have worn his helmet. "There was a fight," he shrugged, "I'm fine."

"Another man involved?"

Maze was relieved that he could actually lie truthfully. "Yes. But he won't be coming near her again."

"Okay then."

Again, Maze got the feeling that Zey wanted to ask more, but was reluctant to push the boundary. Maze was thankful. He didn't need Zey asking about her. He was supposed to be forgetting her.

_Aerin Niobe_.

A hot mess of resentment, killer instincts and one hell of a grudge against him, by now. She was passionate, and she was encased firmly inside her stone shell, letting no one in. Her façade was flawless, her armour seamless. She was fire. Deadly, intent and enticing.

But playing with fire was dangerous.

Too dangerous to even think about.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Hey! Hope you enjoyed! I had fun writing this. :)<em>

_Oh, geez…my Word is messed up. *facepalm*_

_A hugeeeeeee 'THANK YOU SO MUCH!' to **Darksabre**, my newest reviewer and reader, for some seriously awesome reviews. It's so great to receive your kind words. Just one thing – I'm afraid I can't pair Niner up in this fic, as it doesn't fit into the story line at any point and feels too disconnected to put in. However, I **may** attempt to do this in a separate fic at one point, if I feel the urge to do so. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)_

_I hope you all did. I also hope you will follow Darksabre's example by clicking the review button below. It also amuses my brother, because every time I get a review I dance around my laptop, which he finds hilarious. :)_

_Please? :D Next chapter, we have a big surprise, I hope. ;) Please stay tuned._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	16. CHAPTER 15: Eyes Open

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15 – Eyes Open<strong>

Corr lay and watched Jilka for a while. She looked so peaceful when she slept; the hard lines of her face softened in slumber, her dark eyelashes brushing her cheekbones. He remembered their journey over to Mandalore, a month ago now, and how she had locked herself in the back compartment and cried for a while over the deaths of those close to her. He hated it when she was in emotional pain. He couldn't fix emotions.

She had called her family – she had a younger sister, and her father - before she left, and said that she'd be out of contact for a while. Corr had wondered if it bothered her, but she told him that she'd moved away from her family years ago and they hardly ever saw her now, anyway. With her job, the job he reminded himself she had given up for him, she didn't get a lot of time off to visit family, especially not when they lived off-planet.

He'd never had the chance to ask where she came from. They'd landed.

A few days later, just before he'd left again for Triple Zero, he'd asked her if she wanted to come back to Coruscant with him, and maybe stay at Laseema's, which was something he hadn't thought of in the heat of the moment. She'd said no.

Time was moving fast. _Kal'buir_ stressed that every day, and Jilka seemed perfectly happy settling into her new life here. In the mean time, Besany had started to show, and there had been much speculation over the baby's future. Jusik had been looking tired, and Besany had eventually begged him to take a couple of days or so off to recuperate, and he had, returning with the news that Ordo's presence felt stronger now. There was hope, but it was tentative.

Corr had just returned to see Jilka for a day or two before heading back to Coruscant in a couple of day's time. He'd helped her finish building the vehicle shelter at the rear of the bastion, with help from Rav and Mereel, and he and Mereel had stocked the armoury together and Corr had taught Jilka the basics on shooting, though she had yet to look at a gun without complete terror. He thought it was cute, but she couldn't hope to hit her target with her eyes closed. _He_ wasn't even that good.

Still, at least she was trying. Mereel had finally worked on her comlink, meaning she could talk to people outside Mandalore without them being able to trace her signal, as long as she didn't give away her location. Corr trusted her not to. And Besany had been spending less time in her room, from what Jilka told him, and had been helping out around the bastion where she could. Etain popped by now and then, and occasionally brought Kad. Corr looked at Jilka again. He hadn't been able to see her much, as Omega were running a tight schedule these days and this was only his second visit, counting the time he'd brought her here. Kal said plans were coming together. They had no idea what that meant, but it sounded good.

Jilka stirred in her sleep, and a small frown drew at her brows, before smoothing out into a peaceful smile again as Corr leaned over to kiss her. She was still asleep, but Corr liked to think that whatever nightmares she was haunted by after the fire were chased away when she knew he was near.

Corr decided he should probably be sleeping. He had a few days left with her, and he wanted to live every moment of it. He leaned over and kissed her again, then let his eyes fall closed. Tomorrow was going to be a normal day, with more waiting, more wondering and more work. Sometimes it seemed like it would all never end, like life would just continue in its current path without ever veering off course and changing the outcome of the day. All they had to go on was Jusik and Etain's words, and Corr couldn't begin to fathom the things they felt through the Force. To every one else, it seemed like nothing had changed.

But time did go on. And so did life.

So one day, he'd wake up and everything would be different; happier, fuller, more alive.

Until then, he'd sleep.

* * *

><p>Besany watched Jusik for five minutes, then gave in, tapping him on the shoulder. Jusik's eyes fluttered open and he looked around dazedly for a moment, then smiled up at her.<p>

"Sorry, Bez," his voice was slightly hoarse, "I know I'm not supposed to be wearing myself out. But," he took her hand, and Besany saw the excited spark in his eyes and could feel his eager pulse under his skin, "He feels stronger. He feels so much stronger, Bez. He's there. I know he is."

A strange sort of wave crashed over Besany, ringing in her ears, and she sank down on the bed next to Jusik. "He's…"

"If I carry on, I know I can wake him. I can. I really can."

Besany took Jusik in. He looked like one more healing trance would kill him, the darkness under his eyes almost purple and his frame shattered and frail. She looked at Ordo; saw their past and their present and her hands dropped to their future, now a small bump that held their child warm and safe inside her. Her whole body felt icy cold with shivers that ran up and down her spine, and her throat closed off. _He's said this before. Jusik has said that he's been close before. He could be wrong, he might not be able to do it this time. Don't get emotional._

Three months. Three months of tears and stress and trying to adapt to a life that Ordo would want for her and facing the real possibility that she might have to go on without him. The worst three months of her life, with the best ending she could ever wish for.

It felt so wrong. He should be telling them over a meal, with everyone around, and they would all scream and yell and cheer and cry and hold each other, and they would all go to bed knowing that Ordo had a chance now. But he'd told her, and only her, and no one else knew. No one but her. Was he having doubts himself?

Jusik was studying her with his weary eyes, which held an intensity she'd never seen before. "Bez? I can do it. I can. He can."

She'd been a selfish and controlling person, wasting Jusik's life to save Ordo's. Ordo would still be here tomorrow, and Jusik might not. Not if she carried on like this.

Her mind was torn, her body was numb. Her head got there before her heart did.

"Not tonight. Rest, Jusik, please. I'm worried about you. He'll be here tomorrow, and you can try then." Her voice sounded distant and raspy to her own ears. Jusik nodded and gave her a hug.

"That's fine. I don't want you to worry about me." He pulled back. "I know I've said this before, and I've disappointed you, but tomorrow…" Besany nodded and felt something inside her shift, her chest tight and her stomach falling. Was that what she wanted? She was so confused.

Jusik gave a little laugh, looking at his wrist-holo. "Besides, if he woke up tonight all there'd be to do is go back to sleep. Don't think he'd be too happy about that." Jusik hugged her again. "Sleep tight. Be strong."

He got up and left, and it was only then that Besany realised that she was crying. She felt like she'd been wrung out again and again, waiting for some unknown fate that for all she knew could never happen. She had never been so tired, and yet so unable to sleep in her whole life. How was Ordo feeling? Was he even aware that he was so close to the brink of being alive again, to being able to hold her and their unborn child, to seeing his father and brothers and family? Did he _know_?

She lay down next to him and buried her face in his shoulder, breathing in the scent of _him _and everything she knew as stable and familiar. If he did know…if she told him…would he have the power to push that little bit further himself?

"Ordo. Please." She whispered to him, almost expecting a response but not aware of any change. "Ordo. I don't know if you know this, but Jusik says you're close. You're nearly there. You can wake up soon. So please, Ordo. Hold on. Try. For all of us."

She didn't get any further. She collapsed into a sobbing wreck, and fell asleep still clutching Ordo's shoulder. She didn't care that no one knew. She knew. She mattered.

They would all know in the morning, one way or another.

* * *

><p>Okay, so he'd failed.<p>

A whole month had passed, and he hadn't gone a single day without thinking of her. Or night, come to that…

Maze shifted in his bar stool, and looked around. She wasn't in her usual booth. There was no need for her to be. She'd probably moved on and left town, seeking areas where there were fewer people like him to mess everything up for her. Maze refused to believe that she could have died. She was far too resilient to have starved to death.

The area was so much safer now that he'd stopped wearing his armour every night. He felt as if he blended in more now, and people still knew who he was and what he did, but he wasn't such an obvious target. That night with…her, had taught him a few lessons.

He couldn't say or even think her name. It was attached to memories that he felt were entirely forbidden and dangerous, and pointless anyway – he was never going to see her again, so what was the point having these silly fantasies? He'd never say her name again. Never. It would be his undoing.

The night was its usual busy, and the patrons that came and went though the bar were getting steadily drunker as the hours ticked by. Maze had nothing to do but sit with his own thoughts, and that was very dangerous. He might end up in places he didn't want to go. He sighed, downed his drink, left some credits on the counter and left the stuffy bar for the cool night air.

He walked the now familiar alleys and back streets for a while, letting the sound of the main streets dissipate and leaving him in the quiet. He much preferred it quiet. It didn't make his head pound, and he wasn't pushed and shoved by so many passers-by. All clones were claustrophobic. They said it came from being gestated in those vats, but all Maze knew was that he preferred wide, open spaces to cramped streets and offices any day, just like the next clone. That was all he was to anyone, anyway. Just like the next clone.

The only people who had seen him differently were fellow clones, Zey and Aer- her. Damn, he had to keep a tighter hold on his feelings. No, not his feelings, his thoughts. Damn. He had no feelings for her. He had _no _feelings for her. Maze stopped and looked up at the cloud-laden sky, which promptly cracked open and poured torrential rain over Coruscant. He sighed, looking down at his drenched shirt and jacket, and wondered how he was going to get back to the barracks the dry way.

A loud cracking thud echoed down the alleys, and someone grunted. Then there was a muffled shriek, and the sound of scuffling feet. Someone or something collided with the wall. A gun fired, two shots, and someone swore loudly. Maze was on instant alert, thankful that he wasn't a total idiot and had thought to slip on some armour under his shirt, just in case. Adrenaline flooded his body as he broke into a run, looking down every alley for the source of the commotion, rain stinging his face and his eyes. This sounded bad. Maybe the night wouldn't be a total washout – no joke intended – after all.

He rounded a corner, slipping slightly in a puddle and soaking his feet through, and saw two people grappling in the dim light, their punches echoing down the alley sickeningly. One had the frame of a man, for certain, but the other he couldn't be so sure about. The rain made it hard to see. Maze watched as one of the people rolled to the side and reached for a gun, aiming at the other, who managed to throw the blaster out of the person's hand with a well-aimed kick. Then the now-gunless assailant brought forth a knife from his belt, the blade flashing in the streetlight. The other person had turned away to look for the gun, and was unaware of the danger behind them. The man with the knife was about to pounce on the other, his arm raised, ready to plunge the blade home. Just before he drove it forwards, the other person looked up and screamed.

Maze didn't think. He had the element of surprise. He sprinted at the knife man and tackled him squarely around the middle, throwing him clear of the screaming meant-to-be-victim. Maze managed to get on top of the man, and punched him squarely in the jaw twice before he could get his bearings again. The man tried to throw him off, but Maze was pure muscle and a lot of it, and the man couldn't move. So he used the only option he had left. He lifted the arm still holding the knife, and made to stab Maze in the chest.

Maze had less than a second. He saw the blade glint in the street light, and everything happened in slow motion. His mind saw the trajectory before his eyes did and recognised it as a blow aimed to kill, to tear the walls of his heart and leave him bleeding out, incapable of fixing it. He twisted, his heart hammering in his ears, and the blade skimmed his chest, ripping his shirt and bouncing off the light armour he had on underneath. Maze took the opportunity to grab the arm and _twist_, cracking bone under his grip. The blade dropped from the man's hand with a scream, and Maze stood up, hauling the man up with him and locking his arms behind his back.

The man gave an almighty push, a last-ditch attempt at freedom, and managed to break free of Maze's grip. He stood back, aimed a punch, which connected with Maze's jaw, and then aimed another at his belly. Maze was winded, and fell to his knees, surprised. The man then kicked him in the face, and Maze saw stars. The next thing he knew, he was lying on his back looking up at the rain and the shadowed man, who was about to slit his throat.

_Shoooom_.

The blast rang down the alley, and the knife dropped from the man's hand. His eyes froze, and he fell to the side, a searing hole in his skull. He was dead.

Maze was breathing heavily, and he could taste blood. He put a hand up to his lip, and felt for cuts. He winced. Another split lip. He had a hole in his shirt, which was stained with blood, and a gash on his forehead from Gods-knew what. He also suspected he'd be getting a black eye for that kick to the face. There was no sound in the alley except for the heavy breathing of two people, and the rain splashing the ground. Maze groaned and sat up, looking for the other person who had saved his life, noticing now that the adrenaline was leaving him how cold the rain was, and he was soaked through. He started to shiver.

The other person was sat leaning against the alley wall, their head to the side and their eyes closed, breathing heavily and frowning. The gun lay idle in their right hand, and their legs were stretched out in front of them. Maze wondered if one was injured. He crept up to the person and knelt down, brushing their dark, matted hair out of their eyes.

The first thing he saw was two crimson tattoos, in a resh shape curving over and down structured cheekbones, just under the eyes. Then dark eyes fluttered open and stared at him in complete shock, which he was sure was mirrored in his own. Then they were angry, and hands came up out of nowhere and shoved him rudely away. Maze fell back, and the person stood up with a growl.

"What…how…why is it…? _Argh_!" The person was now discernible as female from their voice, but Maze already knew that. He knew her. Damn, why, why, _why_? She threw the gun down hard on the ground with an animal scream, and Maze instinctively ducked. He got up and stood facing her.

"Nice to see you again, too." He couldn't say her name. He couldn't. He crossed his arms and gave her an eyebrows-raised look that was a stronger version of the ARC default. She just glared at him.

"You've ruined everything. _Again_."

Now, that wasn't fair. Maze bristled. Was it so hard to get a simple 'thank you' around here for doing a good deed? "Oh, I'm sorry. You wanted to die, was that it?"

"I had it under control," she retaliated through gritted teeth, her hands balled at her sides. She was shivering too.

Maze gave a derogatory laugh. "Oh, really. I see. Well, in that case I _do_ apologise." She scowled and shoved him hard in the chest. Maze took a few steps backwards, but he'd been expecting it and didn't fall. That just seemed to make her angrier.

"My bounty – you-"

"Okay, what exactly is your problem? Your bounty is dead, killed by you, and you're alive and safe. I don't see how I've ruined everything." Maze's nostrils flared in anger, and he shook rainwater out of his eyes. They were both drenched, and the rain didn't look like stopping any time soon.

"It's…I mean…you don't _understand_." She ran her hands through her soaked hair. "You're not _from _here. A girl like me…we have trouble getting any street cred for what we do when we've come from where we've come from. I have to take his head back to my boss. How am I supposed to say that it was a clean kill when he's got a split lip and two black eyes?"

"So? He's dead. Say he got in a fight in a bar before he came into your sights. I don't see why they should care – he's dead, either way."

"You don't know what my boss is _like_. He's picky. He takes it that I do what I say I'll do, and any deviation is punishable. You know what he did to me last time?" She threw off her coat and bared her arms to him. Maze noted a red swirl tattoo on her left upper-arm, but what struck him most were the raised lashes on her skin – relatively new. She'd been whipped. Maze was horrified. _He'd_ done this. He reached out to touch them, why he had no idea, but she pulled her arms back and her mouth set into a firm line.

"He's not the most easily pleased of men."

"So I can see. Why don't you just get out?"

"It's not that simple. If I don't get a certain amount of cred, no one will hire me. I have to do a certain amount of time with him before I have the chance of being recognised by anyone else. I have to _eat_."

She bit her lip and her eyes took on a less angry flare, and Maze saw something – a flash of someone vulnerable and scared underneath her hard-as-nails façade. It reminded him of the looks he saw in the eyes of shinies – new clones – who had yet to see life outside Kamino. It was the sign of someone with a bitter and painful childhood. His frustration dissipated, and in its wake left a feeling in his gut that told him they weren't as different from each as they thought. He almost pitied her, but it was less sympathy and more empathy. He didn't know much about where she came from, but she must have had it bad. Worse than he had. He wanted to help her.

Her eyes were regarding him suspiciously, and he saw them narrow. "No. I know what you're thinking. But don't pity me. I don't want anyone's sympathy, especially not from someone who's a slave to the Republic. I'm the one who should pity _you_. At least I have my freedom."

The image of her lashed arms flashed into his mind. "At what cost?" Maze wasn't even aware he'd said it, but she gave him a look that said he wasn't as stupid as she'd first thought.

"That's a good question. I guess we'll find out."

The rain splashed down, and they stood in silence for a while, Maze discreetly taking in the lines and curved of her frame, very visible through her soaked clothes, and scolding himself for it. He shouldn't be admiring her like this. It was bad. To distract himself, he took out his chest plate from under his shirt and examined it for scratches from the knife. It was only light armour, not his usual rig, and it had been damaged pretty badly. Maze sighed and threw it in the gutter. It wasn't like they'd make him pay for it.

"You're going to go back to him?" Maze asked her as she picked up her gun, holstering it slowly, as though she was unsure.

"I have to."

"You don't."

"He'd hunt me down and kill me."

"I could hide you." Maze hit himself inwardly. It had been stupid to suggest that. He owned less than she did. And besides, it wasn't his job to protect her, so why should he start feeling like it was now? His mind started to form an answer to that question, but he rudely shoved it out. There was no room for thoughts like that. It was _wrong_.

She laughed. "Hide me. Sure. Where? Under your coat?"

Maze shrugged, feeling embarrassed. She cocked her head, eyes flashing. That was what it was about her. She always had a fire in her eyes. It was like there was some eternal flame inside her that she kept alight no matter the circumstances, a fire of long-burning hatred for the galaxy and everyone in it. It thrilled him. He remembered the heat of her skin, and the way her chest had risen and fallen under the lamplight showing smooth curves of-

_No_. _It's wrong. It's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong_-

She shivered violently, and Maze, without thinking, took off his coat and put it around her shoulders. He looked her in the eye. "I guess so." They were very close now, and Maze tried not to let his hands touch her as he pulled the thick material over her shoulders. If he touched her, if her fire engulfed him…

She looked up at him curiously. "Thanks." It was barely a whisper.

Maze was frozen. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to touch her, and hold her close and perhaps even play out a few of his tamer fantasies right now, but his head was screaming at him that it was _wrong, wrong, wrong!_ Her eyes were boring holes into his, and he thought he was going to choke on his heart.

"This is going to sound weird…" she started, lowering her voice even more so that Maze had to lean in even closer to hear her over the rain. She blushed, and Maze was astonished. He'd never expected to see that from someone like her. She went on, "But I've been kind of hoping we'd meet up again."

Maze was no longer cold. Something inside him broke free, and tore at its cage, screaming at him to _say it, say it, say it! _He swallowed. He couldn't. He couldn't, he couldn't…

"Me too."

He could, apparently. He gasped, and studied her reaction, which was one of surprise and a flare of heat that he didn't want to acknowledge, and then turned and walked a few paces away to clear his head. Force, he was such a _fool_. And now he had no jacket. He'd freeze.

He turned around to apologise, though part of him wanted to do no such thing. "Look, I'm sorry…"

She walked up to him. "Maze."

Oh, _Gods_. His whole body was pulsing; itching to reach out and pull her into him…this was how every fantasy started. His name. He swallowed and took a step back.

"Y-yes?"

"Don't be sorry," she whispered.

"But, I mean-"

"Say my name."

_No. No, no, no, no_…he couldn't do that. She raised an eyebrow at him and folded her arms. He shook his head, but he wasn't quite sure why. Gods, the way the rain trailed down her curves and disappeared down the neckline of her top…his eyes wanted to follow it, but his head was so confused that he just closed his eyes and prayed he was dreaming.

When he opened them again, she was inches away from him. She smiled at him. "Oh, Maze…you have no idea, do you?"

He gulped. He could feel her body heat radiating through her wet clothes. "Of…of what?"

"Of how you make me feel."

He was about to respond that she had no idea how she made _him _feel, but she cut him off with a ferocious kiss that threw them both backwards into the wall.

Her hands tangled in his hair and drew his lips to hers. A dam in Maze broke, and he lost all of his carefully constructed control, wrapping his arms tightly around her and pulling her body flush against his so that he could feel every inch of her. She worked her mouth against his, her kisses urgent and possessive and damn _hot_. Maze had never been kissed before in his life, and had no idea what to do, so he let her lead, and met her tongue tentatively with his when she vied for entrance to his mouth. She devoured him, her nails raking the back of his neck and making him shiver. He moved his hands to her waist, and groaned into the kiss as she slid a hand down to the tear in his shirt before exploring inside it with her hands, trailing over hard muscle and skin that puckered under her touch.

"Aerin," he moaned, and felt his body nearly collapse under the weight of something like passion that flooded his senses. Force, he loved that name. Why had he ever stopped saying it? She gasped and her ministrations grew deeper and more sensual, which Maze took as an indication that she liked it when he said it, too.

He had never felt like this before. Every place she touched seemed to burn, and Maze felt something like fire building in his gut and making him feel weak-kneed. Her hands were going down his chest, his abs, skating his hips and thumbs found their way under his waistband…

He gasped and his body reacted, pulling her warmth as close to him as he could get. The rain came pouring down still, running off their arms and legs, but the heat he felt at the core of him was making him sweat. Her tongue worked his sensuously, her hands seemingly everywhere at once. He didn't know what to do first, so he wound on hand in her hair and the other around her waist and pulled her wet, hot body to him, not simply enjoying but practically _feeding_ off the feel of her moving up against him. He wouldn't have been surprised to see steam rising off their bodies.

She pulled back with a small gasp, and they stood looking at each other for a moment, their chests rising and falling. Her lips were pleasingly swollen and she pulled the jacket tightly around her again to hide whatever other signs of excitement her body betrayed. Maze just clasped his hands in his lap. He had a feeling sleep would not come easily tonight. They eyed each other cautiously, before she gave him a small smile and a nod, tucking a stray lock of dark hair behind her ear.

"I…guess I'll be seeing you around, Captain," she said.

"Maze," it was out before he could even consider not saying it, "Please, call me Maze." She smiled.

"Okay then," she leaned in close enough to kiss him again, but didn't, "Maze. Goodnight."

Maze swallowed, transfixed by her lips. He _loved_ the way she said his name. "Goodnight." She gave him a look, as though expecting more, then turned to walk away. Maze suddenly realised what she'd been expecting, and was even more surprised to find that nothing inside him protested this time.

"Aerin."

She stopped, looked over her shoulder, and gave him a smile. Then she was gone.

Maze leaned back against the alley wall, and exhaled. He had no idea when he'd even started holding his breath. He was quite literally drenched with rain, which looked like it had no intention of letting up. He looked up at the sky, closed his eyes, and said her name to himself again.

He'd been kissed. He'd been kissed by a girl he'd quite possibly never forget. He'd imagined their first kiss many times, much to his chagrin, but it had never come close to anything like that. His body still felt like it was on fire, in the most unbelievably good way. She'd said 'see you around'. Did that mean she was coming back? Did that mean…he'd actually get to do this again? And maybe more? Did this mean…?

She liked him?

He liked her. Quite a lot. If he'd had it bad before, he might die waiting to see her again. He wasn't cold any more. His face felt hot; he could feel himself sweating. He decided to make his way back to the barracks, get dry, and relive every moment of this night over and over in his head until he saw her again.

He started walking, a spring in his step and his heart lighter than it had ever been in his life. He'd been _kissed_.

He made it all the way to HQ before remembering that she still had his jacket. Oh well. She could keep it.

She had every other piece of him now, anyway.

* * *

><p>Gods, the way he'd said her name…who knew it was such a turn-on?<p>

Well, with that accent, she reasoned, he could make anything sound sexy.

She didn't really know why she'd kissed him, but she was glad she had. The truth of it all was that she hadn't been able to get him out of her head since she'd last seen him. It was ridiculous, but it was fantastic. She'd never felt that way about a boy before.

She'd had many dreams about meeting him again. But none of them had been quite as _nice_ as actually meeting him again had been.

Seeing the way the rivulets of rain had made their way along his chiselled muscles, the cut above his eye, the blood on his lip…it had all been incredibly attractive. His eyes were beautiful: angry, then snarky, then pained, then clouded with hunger. She liked it when men looked at her like that. Especially _wet _men. He had been so wet; she'd been able to see through his shirt. And she quite liked what she'd seen. The temptation to touch…too strong.

She doubted he'd ever been kissed before. And for a first-timer, he hadn't been bad. If he kept saying her name, though, she'd be a melted puddle of goo before she'd even got her clothes off. Oh, how she'd like to try that.

His jacket was warm. And it smelt like him. She liked it. She'd be seeing him again. She had to. To give his jacket back.

And to kiss him again.

* * *

><p><em>He was so close to it, he was practically breathing it in.<em>

_He could have believed that he was simply asleep, just a breath away from opening his eyes._

_He could feel it all – her breath on his cheek, her hand on his chest, her head on his shoulder. He didn't need her or Jusik to tell him how close he was. He could _feel it_._

_He wanted to try. He wanted to make up for the lost time. He'd missed too much._

_It upset him that she'd cried herself to sleep tonight. She wasn't supposed to be sad. He wanted to hold her, but he couldn't. He wanted to reach out and break through the barrier to life again._

_But he couldn't._

_It was all very well her telling him to try. What did she think he'd been doing all this time? Without him trying, Jusik would never have been able to get as far as he had. He wasn't weak. He wasn't lazy._

_He just wanted to hold her._

_Would he ever be able to hold her again?_

_Something shifted. The light rippled, and he jolted. For one sickening moment he thought he was going to fall; his reality twisted and swam in front of him and the support underneath him that Jusik had so carefully placed shook. He gripped. He didn't want to fall now._

_She'd never know how beautiful she was to him._

_She'd never know he loved her._

_He felt chained._

_He'd never felt so trapped in all his life._

_Helpless._

_Alone._

_Frustrated._

_He thought of her. He remembered holding her. Everything was crumbling…her skin was the softest thing he had ever felt…it was all fading…her golden hair fell on bare shoulders that caught the sunlight and shone like her smile…he was going to fall…his child…he had a child…_

_She shifted by his side, and everything stilled._

_It all broke._

_No._

No.

_He couldn't let it all go. He couldn't fall._

_He pushed with all his strength and reached out an arm, touching the light._

_It rushed towards him with a roaring sound that filled his ears, and totally enveloped him in blinding, searing light. He felt weightless and disorientated, the same way he had felt in the ship crash. Images of Besany and Kal and his _vode_ flashed in front of him in the same way they had done before he'd lost everything. He felt like he was twisting, falling, blind…it was like being in a wind tunnel: thunderous noise and blinding light, feeling battered and yet cushioned, like he was being pushed forwards and out of something…_

_Something around him snapped, and the roaring shot past him and was lost behind him, like a passing speed train._

_Everything stilled._

_He felt like he was expanding, getting heavier and sinking back into cushions. Besany's pleasant weight returned to his side, and his heartbeat slowed. He felt…real again._

_Solid._

_Expecting the light an arms breadth away from him, as it had been before everything had shifted, he opened his eyes._

And stared up at the warm beige of a ceiling he had never seen before, rays of morning sun leaking through a gap in the blinds and throwing a stripe pattern across the view.

Ordo blinked.

And took a deep breath.

And a small smile tugged at his lips.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Yay! He's awake! :) I had issues writing the wake-up scene, but I think it turned out okay in the end. What do you think of Maze and Aerin? I loved that scene. :) One of my personal favourites. This chapter was originally going to have a lot more to it, but after I'd written the Maze scenes (which were supposed to be a quarter of the way through the chapter), I decided that a 20 page chapter was a little too much. You'll get the rest next chapter. ;)<em>

_Please, please, please review. Or send a PM or something. I really need to know what you're all thinking right now…_

_**Darksabre**: Thank you a million times for your fantastic reviews! I love reading them, and it's a real pity you don't have an account because you and I could talk for hours. We have a lot in common, from what I can gather. I'm so unbelievably glad that you're enjoying this fic so much. It's so awesome to hear from people like you. :D_

_**Etain-Skirata** – I plan to have Etain make a few more appearances yet – don't worry. :)_

_And to the rest of my reviewers – I love you all so much! Have a cookie. :)_

_Hope you enjoyed. Thank you to Rhiannon (__**Epona's Chosen**__) for helping me work out the last line _and _the next chapter title – you were in a creative mood, and I was simply not. It helped so much! :P And let me know if you see any typos – my Doc Manager tends to run words together when I upload it…grrr._

_Thanks for reading!_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	17. CHAPTER 16: Su Cuy'gar

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16 – Su Cuy'gar<strong>

He didn't know what to do.

He lay there, and listened to the steady beating of his heart and the cautious breaths that escaped his lips echoing in the quiet room. Besany's chest rose and fell as she slept on, totally unaware of anything but her dreams. Her warm weight on his side was so familiar, but he'd been so long without seeing her, feeling her properly that it was like the first time he had held her. He didn't know what to do, so he lay there and looked up at the ceiling and prayed to whatever force out there that this wasn't a cruel, wonderful dream.

The ceiling had never been so fascinating. The texture, the colour, the way the sun dappled it and threw the small grains into relief like mountains over dark valleys; it was all brand new and foreign. He was expecting to slip back into the never ending nothingness again at any second, and he didn't want to. Everything was vivid and clear and sharp, just like the moments before he'd died – or something close to it.

What had he been thinking as the ship had fallen to its doom with him aboard? He wanted the others to survive without him. He wanted his brothers to look after _Kal'buir_. He wanted his father to be okay. He wanted to tell Besany that he loved her.

He didn't dare move. What if it caused him to fall back again? He couldn't risk it.

He was alive.

He was awake.

It hit home. He was awake. Life seemed to rush at him; the memories of distant voices and disembodied touches and hands, and people crying by his ear…they all seemed like some bad dream that he could only half remember. His breathing was loud in his ears, his heart felt large in his chest. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be awake and alive. He felt so much heavier now. He swore he could feel the blood pulsing around every single vessel in his body, from the tips of his fingers to toes.

He swallowed. Slowly, he lifted his arm and brought his hand in front of his face. The muscles in his arm felt stiff and he felt as though he was lifting a heavy weight with it. He examined his hand. It was his hand, the hand that someone had held every day. The veins stood out on the back of it, blood flowing out of his hand and back to his heart. He flexed his fingers. The action felt slow and familiar, but not hindered – he had been lying down for what must have been months; he couldn't expect to be able to retain his former strength. He uncurled his fingers, and flexed them again. And again. Each time, it felt more like his hand. He tried the other one. Something felt awkward, so he lifted his hand to his face again to inspect it as well. An IV needle had been taped to the back of his hand and was inserted into a vein on the back of it. _Mij's doing, probably._ He turned his head, and saw the fluid bag hanging by his side. His neck was stiff. He rolled it gently, and swallowed again.

He was awake.

He turned to look at Besany, properly.

She had changed. Not a lot, but clones noticed subtle changes in one another and others from years of being around people who looked exactly like you. She seemed even more beautiful, if that was even possible: her skin was radiant and smooth, her face relaxed in sleep, and her golden hair seemed thicker and shinier, and reflected the sun that fell across her cheeks. She looked like a good sleep would do her good, but nothing about her appearance showed any extreme distress. She had obviously found Mandalore a welcoming enough place. He was almost afraid to touch her, in case this was some wonderful dream that he would soon be waking from. She looked like an angel.

Slowly – everything was slowly from now on – he reached out to stroke her cheek softly with the back of his hand.

Something like sparks flew up his arm and he gasped, his eyes falling closed. He was inundated with beautiful memories of her and their love: she was laughing, swatting at him with a pillow, the sun hitting her bare back and her golden hair lit from behind like an otherworldly glow. She was cuddled up next to him on her couch, a blanket over their legs, her head resting on his shoulder and her eyes fluttering closed. She was turning on him, her eyes indignant and her hair flying, her arms crossed. He saw himself reach out for her, and she rolled her eyes, but let him hold her. She smiled up at him. She was there, warm, soft, his Besany.

He opened his eyes, stroking the soft skin under his fingers, and wanted with every piece of him left to kiss her.

He didn't have the energy to sit up and lean over to do it. So he lay content with touching her face, and watching her lips part slightly in sleep. His heart constricted in his chest. How would she feel seeing him awake now? She would cry, he knew that, but he hated it when she cried. He felt helpless. Part of him wanted to wake her this very second, but the rational side of him that cared for Besany told him not to. She needed her sleep. And as she had said to Jusik: he would still be here when she woke up.

He felt restless, and yet sluggish. Everything was so sharp. He closed his eyes tightly, then opened them again. The ceiling was still there. He wasn't dreaming.

He was awake.

Gods, he was awake.

Besany shifted by his side, and her eyes fluttered open and fell, heavily lidded, on Ordo. His heart leapt to his throat, and suddenly he wanted to say everything at once and had no idea where to start. He loved her, hello, how had she been, where was everyone and how were they, how long had he been under, what time was it. He was afraid that, for one moment, he would open his mouth and nothing would come out. How did he know he could talk? She eyed him distantly. Ordo opened his mouth, but closed it again. What if he was like Fi? What if he couldn't do it?

He needn't have worried. She gave a small, sleepy smile, mumbled something incoherent, and fell back asleep on his shoulder, sighing.

* * *

><p>Besany was dreaming.<p>

Ordo was there, and they were driving through the streets of Coruscant to Laseema's. He smiled at her, and she leaned over to kiss him. Her belly was swollen and heavy with their unborn child, which gave an unexpected kick as her lips touched Ordo's. She gasped and Ordo looked at her in concern.

"Is something wrong, _cyar'ika_?" He was always so protective of her, and her being pregnant had only increased his level of protectiveness. She liked the way he looked after her. It made her feel loved.

"No…nothing's wrong," she looked at him, smiling, and took his free hand, "In fact, everything's perfect."

He gave her a smile, and squeezed her hand. They pulled up outside Laseema's, and Corr opened the door for her. Jilka was standing aside, her arms crossed over her stomach. They walked inside, and walked straight into the main room of Kyrimorut. Mij walked up to them and greeted them, and took her and Ordo into their room.

Ordo lay down, and Besany closed her eyes.

She was awoken by a child she didn't recognise, but who she knew instinctively was hers, tugging at her hand gently. It was too dark to see how old the child was or even its gender, but Besany moved aside in the bed so that their child could snuggle up warm with them.

Besany rolled over to look at Ordo.

His eyes were on her, widened slightly, his mouth half open as if he wanted to say something. But then he closed it and a small frown tugged at his brows. Besany smiled at him.

"S'okay. Go back to sleep."

She turned over again and sighed, falling back asleep. Or into her dream. Or whatever.

She must be dreaming. Ordo wasn't awake.

* * *

><p>Fi looked around him. It was a nice day, but it was early. The morning mist fell over the land, the sun breaking through in small beams. It was beautiful.<p>

Parja emerged from the mist in her scarlet armour, a striking contrast to the muted colours of the morning. A ray of sun broke through the mist and hit her back, and she took off her helmet and threw her long braid behind her shoulder, smiling. She looked like some strange angel, lit from behind like she had just emerged from the heavens. He pulled her into a hug when she reached him. She smelled like fresh air and damp leaves.

"It's good to be back." She kissed him, her lips warm in contrast to the coolness of her armour beneath his hands. He liked it.

"Where are the others?" Fi asked.

"Mij, Kal and Rav won't be back for a day or so. They've found a lead that seems to interest them deeply. Keldabe is ripe with gossips this time of year." Parja kissed him again, and hefted her pack over her shoulder. "Come on – I need to get these parts to the garage so I can start fixing _Aay'han_'s reactor."

"Can we eat first? The earlier I wake the hungrier I am."

Parja laughed and poked him. "Oh, I know, trust me. Fine."

Fi and Parja walked back to Kyrimorut hand in hand, and Fi saw Jilka standing at the door waiting for them. She gave them a wave, which Parja returned.

"What are you doing up so early?"

Jilka grimaced. "Breakfast. _Someone_," she glared at Fi, "had the audacity to demand an early start to the day." Parja laughed, but Fi just shrugged.

"What? I'm not getting any younger…"

Parja gave him a look he couldn't quite understand. It was something like pity coupled with determination, and Fi wasn't entirely sure he liked it. He'd only been _joking_. He didn't like making her upset. He put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head, and she shoved him in the belly.

"Go on, breakfast will be cold if you keep us any longer."

They made their way into the bastion, to where Mereel was sat at the large veshok wood table with his datapad in front of him and a breakfast plate that was piled high with everything Fi loved. He didn't look up as they came in, but lifted his arm in a half-wave as they sat down. He pulled out his comm and put it to his ear, before walking out into the next room to make his call. He came back in whilst they were eating, a smile on his face. He tucked in.

"A'den's coming over. He says he'll be a few hours or so."

Jilka rolled her eyes. "Oh great – more work." Parja grinned.

"We all help. Don't worry. Speaking of," she nudged Fi, "Where are Besany and Jusik this morning?"

Jilka huffed. "Probably still asleep. Lucky little-"

"You can tell she's not a morning person, right?" Mereel laughed at the look of indignation on Jilka's face, but Jilka gave in and smiled. Fi could tell that she didn't really mind as much as she let on. She didn't seem to sleep a lot without Corr around anyway.

Fi frowned. It was reasonable to let Jusik sleep in – he'd been working so hard recently that the poor guy had looked exhausted – but Besany was normally one to do the breakfast with Jilka, no matter what time of day it was. It wasn't like her to miss it. She never really slept past the hour most people did either. Fi finished his breakfast and got up to go.

"I'm just going to check on Besany," he said, kissing Parja on the cheek, "Be right back."

He made his way down the corridors of the bastion to Besany's room, but stopped outside the door when he reached it. What if she didn't want to be disturbed? Should he risk it? She could be hurt…

Logically, he knew his brain was making up elaborate issues that were completely irrational and damn unlikely. She was probably fine. Just to check, of course, he put his ear to the door in hope of hearing something that would enlighten him to her state of being.

It was quiet, but it was there. He could hear crying.

His heart clenched with worry for Besany. He'd thought she was okay with it all now, enough so that she didn't feel the need to cry every day. She'd been more like herself every day since they'd arrived. Slowly, he opened the door and poked his head around the corner to see if she was okay.

She had her head buried in Ordo's shoulder, and she was clinging on to him like her life depended on it, her eyes tightly closed and leaking tears. Fi decided to leave her be for now with her thoughts. It was clearly a personal moment, and Fi didn't want to intrude. He hastily closed the door and made his way back down the corridor, planning ways to broach the subject to Besany later.

He was half way down the corridor when his brain finally told him what he'd really seen.

He knew he wasn't quite the same since the accident. But surely his eyes hadn't been deceiving him? Surely his brain should have picked that up faster?

Besany had indeed been crying on Ordo's shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around him.

But Ordo hadn't been lying flat.

And his eyes had been open.

And he had been crying too.

Fi froze. He didn't know what to do. Should he wake everyone, and tell them? Should he go back in and join the mass hugging? Should he tell Jusik first? What about Kal and the others? They were in Keldabe. They wouldn't know. Neither would the rest of Omega or the Nulls, or Etain and Laseema-

Ordo was awake.

Before he was consciously aware of it, his brain made his decision for him.

He burst back into the room, and threw himself on a surprised Besany and Ordo with a stifled sob.

* * *

><p>This time, when she'd opened her eyes, she'd seen him.<p>

Properly.

He'd thought maybe she'd scream, but she didn't. She almost did, but put her hands over her mouth in shock, her eyes wide with disbelief. Ordo didn't know what to do, so he lay there and reached out a hand to her, at great expense to his screaming muscles. She just stared at it, her breaths coming out sharp and shallow like she was having trouble breathing. Ordo felt tears sting his eyes. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed her, how much he longed for her touch. She must be terrified: terrified of falling into the trap of thinking that everything was okay, only to wake up and find it was all a cruel dream. He knew. He wanted to say that. But he couldn't. So many thoughts crossed his mind at once that he couldn't separate one from the other.

So he just lay there and looked at her with his hand outstretched, hoping that she knew.

He loved her.

And he was okay now.

She sat up, slowly, her hand still over her mouth. Tears fell from her eyes and streamed down her face, and a small sob escaped her lips. Ordo needed to tell her. He needed her to see that it was all okay now. But nothing came out of his mouth. In desperation, he tried to sit up, but his arms felt weak and he only managed to slide up half way and lean against the headboard. He felt drained. He offered her his hand again, pleading with her. This time, she reached out a shaky hand and placed it in his, and squeezed, her eyes darting from his face to his hand. Something in Ordo broke, and everything came washing over him at once.

He swallowed. "Bez. _Bes'ika_."

The first thing he'd said. Her name. It was raspy and low, and made his throat feel dry, but he'd said it.

She broke down into harder sobs, her eyes falling closed in an attempt to stem the flow of tears. Her body shook all over, her hand still over her mouth, and she shook her head, slowly at first, then more frantically as shock set in.

"No. No, no, no, no, no-"

"Bez?" He said again, confusion setting in. "What's wrong?"

"I'm dreaming," she said it to herself more than to him, "I'm still dreaming, it's not true. It can't be. Oh, Gods, I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming…" she still wouldn't open her eyes. This wasn't what Ordo wanted.

"No, _Bes'ika,"_ he cleared his throat, frustrated at its hoarseness, "You're not. I'm here now."

He squeezed her hand with all his might, and her eyes flew back open and rested on his. Tears fell from his eyes, and he blinked to try and brush them away. She reached out her other hand, the one that had been covering her mouth, and touched his face, using her thumb to slowly wipe his tears away. Somehow, this just made him want to cry more. He caught her hand in his and held it there, revelling in her much-missed touch, closing his eyes and falling back into the pillows.

When he opened his eyes, she was still there.

That meant everything to him.

She stopped crying long enough to speak.

"I've missed you."

"I know."

"I love you."

He squeezed her hand, watching the tears fall gracefully down her face. "I know."

She laughed through sobs, her chest hiccuping. Ordo took her hand in his, in a grasp similar to that of an arm wrestling match, stroking his thumb over her fingers. He knew. He knew what he wanted right now.

"_Bes'ika_…there's only one way I know how to say this," he swallowed, squeezed her hand and met her eyes steadily, "So here goes. _Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde_."

She inhaled sharply, her breath hitching on a stifled sob. Her other hand joined their clasped ones, and she nodded.

"You know what that means?" he asked. He could feel exhaustion catching up with him again, and didn't want to fall into it just yet. He tried to fight it off. She nodded again, and took a deep breath.

"_Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde_."

We are one when together, we are one when parted, we will share all, we will raise warriors. It was an exclusive contract between the couple, not like fancy Coruscanti weddings with balloons and flowers and a white dress and suits, and a huge feast and decorations and a minister to oversee it. It was just two people exchanging vows, and promising to love one another.

Ordo closed his eyes, and finally felt complete for the first time in his life. Nothing, nothing in his short life had prepared him for what this could feel like. And he was glad. The moment of emotional silence lasted only a brief time, before Besany flung her arms around him with a cry. Ordo couldn't move his arms, his energy gone, but he let her hold him, something deep inside him responding to her closeness in a way he couldn't describe. He wanted to shout, laugh, cry and scream all at once. She pulled away, and for the first time the slight bulge at her front drew his gaze downwards.

His eyes widened in complete and utter shock.

His baby. _Their_ baby. They were having a baby. And it was right there with them, right now. At this very moment. Not gestated in a glass vat like he had been, but growing warm and comfortably and safe inside its loving mother.

He gathered all that remained of his strength and slowly his hands moved to stroke over the bump, his mind completely blown by the sheer newness and technicality of the fact that his child – their child – was inside Besany. _Inside _her. He'd seen the vids and heard the talks, but nothing – _nothing_ – was like actually seeing and holding this wonder of nature. His hand wandered over every inch of it, twice, and he lifted his eyes to meet hers. She smiled through tears, tears he realised were reflected in his eyes, and threw her arms around him again.

He held her, and cried, and held their child, and cried.

And then Fi came bounding in.

* * *

><p>Fi came running back into the main room, bursting to tell everyone he could.<p>

But Parja and Mereel and Jilka were gone.

The bastion was big. They could be anywhere.

He'd left Besany and Ordo to themselves. It was so great to see his _vod_ back. The shock of so many months stress and tears and balancing on the edge of total destruction had worn them all thin and now…now it was over.

It was all over.

But it was also all beginning.

They would be welcoming a child into the household in a few months time. And Ordo would regain his strength and return with his brothers to the front line – if that was what he wanted. Fi considered this. If he'd had the chance, would he have returned to fight with his brothers? He weighed it up. Here, he had a girl and a home and people that cared about him. He was safe here, but was safe what he wanted?

On balance, yes. It was.

Whether or not that was what Ordo wanted would be sorted out soon enough.

Fi racked his brains, thinking of possible places the others could be. They'd have to call _Kal'buir_ and the others as well. Ordo was awake. They needed to come home.

Fi headed out of the door, a large grin on his face.

* * *

><p>Next it was Jusik.<p>

Of course, Besany had been stupid to assume that he wouldn't feel it. She'd barely been able to stop crying when Jusik had come walking slowly in, his eyes wide with a mixture of apprehension and joy. His face broke into a smile when he saw Ordo, and he came over to take his hand.

"How are you feeling, _Ord'ika_? Tired?"

Ordo nodded and his eyes drifted closed before he blinked hard to reopen them. Besany stoked his face. "It's okay. Sleep."

"Done too much…sleeping." Ordo frowned. Besany could tell he was getting frustrated at his lack of energy. If she'd been asleep for three months, she'd want to get up and see the world around her and everyone in it, to see what had changed. But of course, he couldn't. Not yet.

They were married. Did she feel different? Marginally. Besany thought back to how her life had been before all this had happened, and realised that she felt different because she _was_ different. She'd only wanted to go back to Coruscant because she missed the people she loved, but they were all right here now. Yes, it wasn't her usual lifestyle and yes, she was still adjusting, but she wouldn't go back now, even if she had a choice.

Jusik put his hand on Ordo's forehead and pursed his lips, his eyelids dropping half-closed. After a moment, he nodded to himself. "He's weak. He'll need a lot of physiotherapy, and Mij will have to take a look at how his injuries have healed." Ordo's eyes fell closed again and he frowned. Jusik patted him. "You take it slow, buddy."

Ordo sighed. Besany could understand his frustration, but in all honesty she was prepared to do anything and everything to help him, just as long as he was with her. That was all she'd wanted. Jusik gave a start.

"Speaking of, I'd better call Mij and _Kal'buir_. They _need_ to see this." Jusik broke into a grin. "Sleep tight, Ordo. See you later." With that, he was gone.

Besany looked at Ordo. He opened one eye. "I'm not convinced I'm not dreaming."

"Me either," she laughed, "Did we really just get married?"

Ordo gave a small smile and his eyes fell closed again. Besany kissed his forehead, and decided to leave him in peace for a little while. He'd have a busy day, what with people wanting to come in and say hello for the first time in months. She smiled. He was back.

She lay back next to him, and waited for the next arrival.

* * *

><p>Mereel was taking a morning stroll, his comlink in his pocket. He was waiting for his <em>vod <em>to call back and let him know he was nearly there. He stopped and took a deep breath, looking around. It would be good to see his brothers again. Being away on separate missions for such a long time was taxing, and sometimes Kom'rk was out of contact for close to a year. It took its toll on _Kal'buir_ too – Mereel could tell. And now with Ordo as he was, everyone was twice as worried for one another.

The problem was, they'd never been hurt before. Not seriously. They'd never had to feel the fear of nearly losing their brother because it had never happened before, and they had never thought it would. In some strange, twisted way, Mereel envied Omega for having lost Fi. It made them stronger. It made them realise that no one was invincible and that danger lurked around every corner for whomever it wanted. They had felt loss, and had moved on. The Nulls had never had to deal with this before.

He took a detour around the bastion, walking closer to the building. He liked the way the crisp morning air cleared his head, and he took the opportunity to organise his thoughts. Everything seemed to have fallen on his shoulders since Ordo had gone under; having always acted as Ordo's sidekick, it was inevitable that it should. Besany's welfare was being watched by Mij and the women, but Mereel still felt the need to check up on her every now and then. _Kal'buir_ still wouldn't sleep in a bed. Jilka was up at odd hours of the night looking bleary eyed and shaky. Parja and Fi were…well, at least they were happy. Mereel sighed. Some problems solved themselves. Others, not so much.

Making his way back inside, he rounded a corner and bumped into Fi. The other clone gave a shout of triumph and grabbed Mereel by the shoulders, grinning profusely. Mereel blinked.

"Fi, are you okay?"

Fi laughed. "I'm better than okay. I'm fantastic! Mereel, you have to go-"

Mereel tried to shrug off Fi's hands, which had an iron grip on his shoulders that was somewhat bruising – in service or not, the man was still a commando - but Fi just shook him.

"Mereel! Listen to me. Ordo. Go and find Ordo. You'll see."

Mereel frowned. "Fi, what is going on? What are you talking about?"

"Go and see Ordo!" Fi shook him again and then broke into another massive grin, before running out of the door in the direction of the garage. "Go see him!" he called over his shoulder.

Mereel just stood and watched him disappear, his mind drawing a complete blank about what Fi had been talking about. Had he finally gone crazy? Had so much time off the field left him mentally unstable? Mereel somewhat doubted this, and trusted his brother, so he headed off in the direction of Ordo and Besany's room.

He stopped outside the door. This was crazy. He'd just walk in and see the same thing he saw every day when he went to visit. Perhaps Besany would be wearing something different, but that was all that changed from day to day. He somehow doubted that Fi had been talking about Besany's taste in sweaters, however, and found his hand pushing open the door before his head had even made up its mind.

He heard Besany's voice before he even saw her. She was laughing. He walked in, saw Ordo lying by her side, and smiled at her. She held up her hand in a silent _wait-a-moment_, and wiped a tear from her eye. She grinned.

"Hurry!" she said, then took her comlink from her ear and ended a call. Mereel's heart sank. For one brief moment, he'd thought she was talking to Ordo. But that was ridiculous.

"Hey, Mereel." Besany was still wiping tears from her eyes. Mereel moved to her side and rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Are you okay, _Bes'ika_?"

"I'm fine. Better than fine, actually."

"Why does everyone keep saying that today?"

Besany laughed. "You met Fi on his way out, then."

"Yeah," Mereel glanced at Ordo. He couldn't shake the feeling that something about him was different. "What was all that about?"

Besany took his hand and gave him a deep look. Then she swung her legs out of bed and pulled on a sweater. "I'm going to go and get something to eat. You spend some time with Ordo." With that, she gave him a hug and closed the door behind her quietly.

Mereel looked around the room for a while, then sat by Ordo's side. He wasn't sure what to say, but then he was never sure what he was going to say until he opened his mouth. Then all the right things seemed to pour out of him.

Last night, before he'd fallen asleep, he'd been thinking back over their time on Kamino. Sometimes Mereel got the feeling that he had been more of a bother than a help to Ordo; his brother was always frowning at him or rolling his eyes and never seemed to approve of his behaviour. For some inexplicable reason, this bothered Mereel. He didn't like thinking he'd been a bad brother. He didn't like thinking he'd done anything other than love Ordo. It made him regret things, and Mereel didn't like regrets.

He ruffled Ordo's hair. Ordo stirred, turned his head and blinked open his eyes, which landed on Mereel's wide-eyed face. Ordo swallowed, and smiled at him.

Then it hit home.

Mereel didn't think he could stand up even if he'd tried. His legs felt like they were made of jelly and he sat back in his chair, his hands over his mouth, shaking his head. Now he really was crazy. Or dreaming. Either was plausible. His throat was dry, his head spinning. He couldn't seem to let it sink in. His vision adopted a vivid and almost warped quality as though he was looking at life through a magnifying lens.

There is a moment, before events take hold. A moment of complete nothingness that takes hold and steals your senses before it all washes over you like a wave. The truth hovered, then sank in slowly with all the power of three months stress and worry and chaos, and Mereel raised his hand.

Slowly, Ordo raised his too and placed his palm against Mereel's, interlacing their fingers.

And they both smiled.

"_Su_ _cuy'gar_, _vod_." Mereel whispered, unaware of tears trailing down his face until one landed on their clasped hands.

"_Su'cuy_, _Mer'ika_," Ordo smiled, his voice low and out of use, "_Munit ca'nara nu'haa'taylir_."

_Long time no see,_ indeed.

* * *

><p>Kal had been expecting a day like any other day.<p>

The moment he picked up his comm, he knew he would be wrong. It was Besany, and she was audibly trying to hold back tears. His heart went out to her. He had to put his hand over his other ear to drown out the sounds of the Keldabe marketplace so that he could hear her properly.

"_Bes'ika_. You okay?"

"I'm great, Kal. You won't believe what's happened." She broke off with a half-sob that turned into a laugh.

"Happened? Is everything okay? What's going on?" Mij and Rav turned to look at him, frowns on their faces at his worried words. Kal looked at them and mouthed 'Besany'.

"It's Ordo, Kal. He's awake."

Somehow before she'd even said it, he'd known it was coming. She started laugh-sobbing again, and Kal felt like he had physically been punched in the stomach by her words. He doubled over and put his hand over his mouth to stop himself from sobbing out loud. He felt hands on his back that brought him back to reality and he straightened up to see Rav and Mij's concerned faces. Kal sniffed and swallowed, gathering himself for a reply.

"I'll be right over, _ad'ika_." He couldn't hide the emotion in his voice.

"Hurry!" Besany laughed again, and the line went dead. Kal raised his face to the sky and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. It wasn't working. Mij grabbed him by the shoulders gently.

"Kal? Kal, talk to me. What's going on?"

"My boy. My boy's awake."

As Rav and Mij shared surprised looks, Kal dissolved into tears. He felt the two of them leading him away from the marketplace but all he could comprehend was the words Besany had said echoing around in his head. Images flashed in front of his face, images of hospitals and monitors and nameless, shapeless fears of death or of a fate much, much worse. He saw Mereel, Prudii, Kom'rk, Jaing and A'den around the bed, never leaving. He saw little Kad's big dark eyes searching over Ordo's face with a confusion that only Kad could manage – innocence with wisdom beyond anyone's years. He saw nights and days where people did nothing but sit and wait and pray. And now it was all over.

The next thing he knew he was in a speeder being driven at top speed towards Kyrimorut and his chest was so tight he couldn't breathe. He took gasping, hiccuping breaths and Mij was talking to him, saying something about calming down and breathing. Rav was patting his back. All he could think about was seeing Ordo again.

He ran through the door and bumped into Besany, who threw her arms around him with a massive smile. He clung onto her, hardly daring to believe that it was real. He'd suffered so many dreams like this, only to wake up and find that it wasn't real, that he couldn't stop thinking that maybe this _was_ a dream. She pulled back and wiped his tears with her thumbs.

"It's okay, Kal. You can believe it this time." Dimly, Kal was aware of nodding, and of Besany moving aside so that he could make his way through the corridor to Ordo's room. Then she went to see Mij and Rav, and he was alone.

He stopped at the door. He could hear men talking. Could one of them be Ordo? He almost didn't want to open the door. This was where his dreams fooled him – he'd open the door and no one would be there. And then he'd wake up.

Slowly and quietly, he pushed open the door.

The talking stopped as he stepped into the room, and he was aware of gazes landing on him. He didn't want to look at the bed, but he couldn't stop himself.

The first thing he saw was Mereel looking at him happily, his eyes red-rimmed. He was holding Ordo's hand. Kal followed Ordo's hand with his eyes up his arm and to his face, where Ordo's dark honey-brown eyes looked at him through unshed tears. He lifted his free hand and stretched it out to his father.

_That's_ _me_.

"Come here, son," he managed to choke out, before enveloping Ordo in a tight hug. Mereel joined in, and all three of them sat and held one another. Kal had never had such an overwhelming feel of family before in his life.

When he had finally stopped crying again, Kal touched his hand to Ordo's face. "How are you feeling, _ad'ika_?"

Ordo swallowed. "Okay. I've missed you, _buir._"

"Me too, _Ord'ika_. You have no idea." Kal thought he was going to break down into more tears, and was glad when Mereel gave a watery grin and pulled out his comlink.

"We need to tell the _vode_. They'll want to be here for this."

Mereel gave them both a wink and headed out of the door, already dialling. Kal smiled and sat down next to Ordo. _Shab_, he looked thin. And pale. His poor son. Look at what he'd been through.

"Mereel was just filling me in on what I've missed. Three months? Wow." Ordo gave a small laugh.

"You've missed a bit. Did he tell you that Corr found a girl?"

"He was just getting to that. Jilka, right? Besany's friend?"

Kal nodded. "He brought her here when her apartment burned down." Ordo's eyes widened in shock and he bit his lip and frowned at the blanket, as though struggling to remember something. Kal took this opportunity to wipe his eyes again. _Shab_, he was turning into a sentimental old man. He figured he had the right this time; it was his son.

"_Buir_, did the people at the hospital say anything about the troopers that were in the ship with me?" Ordo looked at Kal with questioning eyes. Kal frowned. So that was what was bothering Ordo. He was probably having – what did you call them? Flashbacks. He was probably reliving his final moments over and over again as the memories came back. Kal patted his hand.

"They didn't say anything about them. I doubt they made it."

Ordo nodded. "I guessed as much," he frowned again, "I don't remember enough about them to help make some sort of memorial. I never even…never even knew their names." Ordo seemed taken aback by this sudden realisation and Kal hoped he wouldn't be affected by it. There was nothing he could have done. If he'd known the ship was going to crash he would probably have done things differently. Or maybe even never got on board in the first place. You couldn't change the past.

"I can get Mereel or Jaing to find out for you, if you'd like," Kal said gently. Ordo didn't nod or shake his head. He just blinked and sighed. Maybe Kal should leave him to make his own way in that business.

"It wasn't your fault, son."

"I know."

Neither of them said anything for a moment. Kal could sense the difficulty Ordo was having with his quickly healing body. He'd be impatient to get up and walk about, but it would be a few more days until he could do that. At least they'd all be here to help him.

"I take it you've seen Besany, then." Kal smiled. He couldn't tell Ordo how happy he was that he'd found Besany. Ordo seemed to come alive at the mention of her name. He smiled.

"She's having a baby. Our child."

Kal watched as Ordo closed his eyes and shook his head gently, smiling. "You wait until the little one's born. You'll never feel so overwhelmed in your life." Kal could still remember holding his new-born sons and daughter, Ilippi watching him quietly from the bed. They were so tiny. So fragile in his arms. He had never been prepared to feel like that, being reduced to an emotional wreck. It was wonderful.

Ordo sighed happily. "I married her, _buir_."

Now _that_ came as a shock. Logically Kal had expected this to happen – they both loved each other very much and there would never be anyone else for either of them, and now that she was pregnant it was obviously the next step. There was no reason why they shouldn't, and Kal squashed his feelings of exclusion. He hadn't been around, and besides – it was a private agreement between the couple and had nothing to do with anyone else. He was overjoyed for them both.

"I'm happy for you. She's a good one, _Mandokarla_." Kal grinned. "Hey, we should celebrate. When the others arrive, nothing massive. But we could all do with a good time, and there's no time like the present."

Mereel came back in, grinning. "Did I hear 'party'?"

Kal rolled his eyes. "You are too sharp for your own good. What did the _vode _say?"

"They're all rushing back here as fast as possible. Even _Kom'ika_. Grievous can wait." Mereel looked at Ordo. "You've been much missed."

"Apparently so," Ordo rolled his neck. Mij came into the room behind Mereel with a massive smile on his face, brandishing his doctor's bag.

"Right, let's have a look at you." Ordo groaned.

"Will this involve poking me with a stick?"

Mij laughed. "Can't expect to be in full health after so much time of inactivity. Ideally I'd like to weigh you and calculate the extent of the muscle atrophy, but that can wait until you can stand up. Until then I think I can remove this IV and start a course of physiotherapy so you can get your strength back. Not to mention talking to the kitchens about your diet. You'll need lots of nutrition. And sleep, no doubt. You're still healing."

Mereel looked at his wrist-holo. "I'd better be going. A'den will be here soon. See you later, _vod_."

Kal stood up too. "I suppose I'd better tell Omega. Maybe they can make it over too." He squeezed Ordo's shoulder and ruffled his hair. "Glad to have you back, son."

"It's nice to be back." Ordo eyed Mij warily, but Kal could see that so many visitors had worn him out. He looked ready to go back to sleep. Kal left him in the capable hands of Gilamar and went to find Rav and Jilka.

He found them talking with Besany at the large veshok wood table. Kal came up behind Besany and put his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

"Welcome to the family, daughter. You were probably a part of it a long time ago, but now it's really true. We Mandos don't draw the distinction of in-laws." Besany took his hand and smiled.

"Thanks, _buir_."

Rav and Jilka exchanged glances, just as Parja came in with Fi. "He's told me the good news. It's great, isn't it?" Parja grinned. "What are you two smiling about?" she addressed Rav and Jilka. They looked at Besany, and she blushed.

"It's nothing really. Ordo and I, well, I mean, we got married."

Parja grinned and gave Besany a hug, then turned to the others. "Does this mean we can have a party? It's the right occasion and all…"

Kal laughed. "That's what I was here to organise." Rav made a huffing noise and waved him away.

"We don't need you to help us, Kal. You go and greet A'den with Mereel. We women are capable of sorting this out without you."

Kal kissed Besany's head again, and then made his way out into the spring sunshine, where Mereel was looking up at the sky with one hand shielding his eyes. He patted Mereel on the back.

"It's all looking up now."

Mereel nodded and sighed. "It is, isn't it?"

"Son, I'm sorry."

Mereel stared at him, puzzled. Kal didn't really know why he'd said it, but he'd felt the need to get it off his chest. "For what?"

"For putting so much on you. I should have helped. I shouldn't have sat back and let you do all the work. I can't imagine how much stress you must have been under and I'm sorry." Kal was afraid he was going to start crying again, but managed to hold it in check. Mereel shook his head.

"It's okay, _buir_. It's over now. We'll all be fine."

"Yes. I guess we will now."

They stood staring up into the afternoon sun, feeling the warmth for the first time in three months, and finally breathed.

* * *

><p>"They're here."<p>

Besany watched Ordo from her place perched at the bottom of the bed. Mij had reappeared to help Ordo into a wheelchair for the evening. The last of his brothers had just arrived, and Kal and Rav were greeting them all in the _karyai_. Besany was surprised by the speed with which they had all made their way over, but then again she knew she shouldn't be – they were Nulls, and they loved their brother. The combination was powerful.

"Okay then." Ordo looked up at Mij as he removed the IV needle from the back of his hand. Besany looked away. She really didn't like needles, she decided.

Mij put one of Ordo's arms around his shoulders, and Besany did the same. Then they lifted, slowly, and managed somehow to place him in the wheelchair. Ordo exhaled and gave a small frown.

"Moving feels weird, right?" Mij asked him, and Ordo nodded.

"Heavy. Like I'm just…bones. No muscle at all. A walking skeleton."

"Without the walking part." Mij moved to open the door, and Besany went behind to push Ordo. She kissed the top of his head.

"You'll be fine soon enough."

She wheeled him down the corridor and into the _karyai_. The moment she entered, all conversation stopped. The Nulls turned to look at them, and then all of a sudden they cheered and threw themselves on Ordo. Mereel stayed behind and shared a smile with Besany. It was nice to see everyone back again.

When the raucous cheering and crying had died down, Kal made to hug his sons and they all stood in a crowd hugging each other. It was touching. Besany went into the kitchen to wipe her eyes so that Ordo wouldn't see and be worried about her. Jilka was there, just finishing the last of the meal preparations, and moved to hug Besany.

"I can't believe you're married. That's just too sweet. You're perfect for each other." She grinned. Besany hugged her back.

"I'm such an emotional wreck. It's pathetic."

"You're allowed, for today. And the day you give birth. Any other day I'll hit you back to normal, I promise." Jilka laughed.

"I have no idea what I've gotten myself into, have I?"

Jilka shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I've never had a kid. But they say it hurts like hell." Besany groaned.

"I don't think I want to think about this yet."

"Not tonight, then. Come on, help me serve."

Parja came in and smiled at them both, the noise in the _karyai_ drifting through into the kitchen before the door swung closed again. "Rav's sent me to help. Come on, let's serve dinner."

The meal was fun and happy, everyone being in light spirits seeing Ordo awake. Just before the plates were cleared – Besany was pleased to note that none of the Nulls had lost their appetites – Kal stood up and the table fell quiet.

"I'm not going to make a huge fancy speech. I know we're all glad to have Ordo back, and now that he's here again, well, we missed you, Ordo. This night is not only a celebration of new beginnings, but of new bonds. I can tell you that I am happy to officially call Besany my daughter. Congratulations to the happy couple."

There was a silence, and then the whole table broke out into thunderous clapping as the news sank in. Ordo's hand found Besany's under the table and they looked at each other happily.

"_Wayii_, _ner vod_!"

"_Kandosii_."

"And may all there be many more children." Mereel grinned.

"Huh, we'll see about that," Besany countered. She glanced at Ordo and he rolled his eyes at Mereel, smiling.

She didn't know where the Nulls had been, but they all looked healthy enough and she was sure staying a few days would do them some good. She turned to Kal.

"What are you going to tell Zey when he notices his precious Nulls have gone – again?"

"Hopefully they will have returned before he noticed. It took him over a week last time." Kal smiled at her. "Don't worry. Omega are arriving tomorrow, and they're bringing Etain and Kad. Enjoy the moment."

"That's a very Mandalorian concept, isn't it?"

"Very." Kal nodded. "You'll understand soon enough."

Besany laughed. "I think my Mandalorian education has only just begun."

The evening ended in good spirits, and later that night Besany lay in bed, the only light from the embers of the dying fire that glowed peacefully in the grate. She studied Ordo's face in the flickering flames. He looked asleep, but she could never tell with Ordo. She was glad to have him back. She was amazed to see how much life had returned to his face, even when he was asleep.

Ordo sighed. "You know, I can feel you watching me."

Besany blushed in the darkness. "Sorry. I'll let you sleep." Ordo shifted position slightly and turned his head to look at her.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Kiss me."

Besany gave a small smile, slightly confused. Was he feeling all right?

"You haven't kissed me all day." Ordo lowered his voice to that half-whisper that sent shivers down her spine. "I've missed you so painfully, your eyes, your face, your touch. I can't describe the way I feel when I look at you, the way it makes me feel. So please. Kiss me."

Besany smiled and conceded, understanding. It was the same way she'd felt.

She moved closer to him so that their bodies were pressed up against one another. She gasped quietly at the much-missed contact, and put her hands to the side of his face and lowered her lips to his.

Immediately she relaxed into the kiss, his lips so familiar and so missed that a warmth she knew well shot down her body. Ordo responded, lifting his hands to pull her to him and stroke the curve of her back. For a split second, Besany could have sworn that she felt the baby respond deep inside her to its father's closeness and the way he was gently caressing her back and gently swollen belly. His lips hadn't forgotten how to move against hers in the way she liked, and she found herself lost in a swirl of Ordo – his lips, his hands, his scent. She could have kissed him all night.

Eventually though, she pulled back, her heart thudding loudly in her chest. She was sure he could hear it. He smiled at her, breathless himself. She stroked his face gently.

"You should get some sleep."

Ordo nodded. "You too." His hands were still on her body. She snuggled up close to him and rested her head in the familiar crook of his shoulder and closed her eyes. He gave a low chuckle.

"When I'm better, I want to show you just how much I've missed you."

Besany allowed herself to kiss him once more, smiling. "I can't wait. Now go to sleep."

He sighed and settled himself back on the pillows once more, and Besany fell asleep that night in his warm, strong arms to the light of the dying embers.

When all but the ashes remained, they were both sleeping peacefully.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Hey! Thanks for being so patient guys. I do love you all. I'm so sorry, I'm in the middle of my exams and can only manage one chapter a week, and sometimes they take longer than I anticipate because I want to put as much as I possibly can in for you all. :)<em>

_**Please read: **I'm incredibly sorry if anything in this chapter is medically incorrect. I would also like to take this opportunity to point out that I am very aware that the technicalities and procedure of being in a coma are far more complex than I have alluded to in this fic. I am aware of the way patients are treated and the possible risks/hazards of not doing this, and I am aware that it's not just one IV line that keeps a patient alive. However, due to the main focuses of this fic and my ineptitude, I have chosen to omit things which I believe hold little/no relevance. I agree that they are relevant to Ordo's recovery, and I am by no means saying that Ordo would not have received this care - he would have, we just don't see it in the fic. Just take for granted that Ordo would have had that kind of care, we just don't see it. It's too technical for a romance fic, which is essentially what this is. And I really do not want to have to rewrite parts of this chapter - again - to satisfy those of you out there with medical knowledge who will complain that this is inaccurate. I have done the best I can within the circumstances, and although I appreciate the opportunity to educate me on the subject is a tempting one, I would like you to understand that I have tried to keep this fic as realistic as possible without making it_ too_ realistic and risk it becoming laden with gruesome facts and essentially boring. For us normal people out there, this fic has to be interesting. And I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who is rather queasy when it comes to medical details. _I'll be perfectly honest - if I wanted an education on the exact details of treating comatose patients, I would have asked my father, who is a surgeon, or consulted numerous books and the internet, and I have an embarrassingly fragile ego. Basically, I'm human, and I get things wrong. We all do._ So...just be aware that _I know_, and take into consideration the whole point of this fic before deciding to slate me. Please? Thank you so, so much.__  
><em>

_Hope this chapter was emotional enough for you all. :P Ha, ha._

_Next chapter sees the return of Maze and Aerin! *cheers* Well, hopefully. If all goes to plan._

_Please leave your wonderful reviews by clicking the upgraded and fancier review button below. Apparently, the aim of upgrading the button was to draw more attention to it. Let's see if that works. ;) Also some parts of this chapter seemed to want to make as big a fuss as possible in being written out, so I get the feeling it flows weirdly in some places? No? Let me know what you thought, please!_

_Thanks for reading! You have no idea how much your words mean to me._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	18. CHAPTER 17: Steps Forward

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17 – Steps Forward<strong>

It was just one foot in front of the other. Just like before.

Ordo frowned. He could barely remember what _before _had felt like, so how was he supposed to walk properly? Besides, no one had let him get out of bed for a week, and it was only yesterday that he'd had his first stab at walking again. Besany was by his side, as always, and he was using her and Fi as leaning posts. Walking was a lot harder than it looked.

The sun had come out, and was beating down warmly on Ordo's face as he closed his eyes and inhaled the late morning air. Outside was so much more vivid than it had ever been before, with green leaves and grass that glittered with the last drops of rain and the sky a brighter blue than he ever remembered. Ordo stole a glance at Besany as she and Fi helped Parja set up the rails she'd used with Fi, and couldn't help a thrill of happiness that went through him. She was carrying his baby. And she looked more radiant than he had ever seen her, her golden hair throwing beams of sunlight into his eyes and her skin smooth and soft-looking. He'd missed her.

She looked up, as if sensing his gaze on her, and gave him a smile. He smiled back, trying to hide his feelings of insecurity – he'd never had trouble with anything before, he knew that, and now he was having to start all over again. He looked around and saw Kal and Mereel watching through a window, and Mij was standing a good few metres away. His other brothers and the rest of Omega would be somewhere around, too, and Etain and Kad. Ordo sighed. He appreciated that people cared about his recovery, but frankly knowing that they would be seeing him fall on his face again and again made him feel embarrassed. He didn't _want _people to see him like this. He hated it.

Besany came over to where he was leaning and took his arm in hers. Fi came to his other side, and Ordo tried to lean more on Fi than Besany to prevent hurting her. He tried to centre himself, remembering his mistake yesterday in simply diving in head first, which had resulted in some rather nasty bruises, and stood feeling for his sense of balance. The two stood by his side and waited for him to give the word. He squeezed Besany's arm gently.

"Okay."

For the next few hours, it was all agonisingly slow. He hadn't realised how much weaker he'd feel, even after spending a lot of his time in the past week sleeping. His muscles felt slow and shaky and he couldn't seem to remember how to balance on one foot whilst placing the other. On top of all that, he was painfully aware of the fact that practically the whole bastion was watching. They stopped for him to regain his strength after every pass. It was all he could do to stop himself from collapsing on the ground. Besany stroked his cheek with her hand.

"You okay?"

"Tired," Ordo sighed.

"We can stop-"

"No."

That was how it was every time they stopped, every time they took a break. She would look worried, and she would beseech him with her beautiful dark eyes, but he would not stop. He would not give in.

He could tell she was getting worried about him, so he eventually conceded to a lunch break. Rav and Parja brought out food, and the three of them sat in the sun and cooled off – or at least Ordo did. He'd been pushing himself so much he'd started to sweat, but the other two were, of course, fine. They didn't have to learn to walk all over again.

Fi nudged him, grinning. "We can try with _kama_s next. That'll get you your swaggering strut back."

Ordo would have hit him, if he'd had the energy. Instead he just raised an eyebrow. "What did I say about _kama_ jokes?"

"It's not like you're going to tackle me to the floor like you did last time." Fi grinned.

"Give me another week."

"Ha! Want to bet on that?"

Ordo saw Besany give Fi a _look_, one that clearly said Fi was not to provoke the patient into pushing himself too far. Fi held up his hands.

"Hey, don't look at me. He's the one who said a week." Fi looked up as he heard his name, and saw Parja waving him over. He got up to go see her. "Back soon."

As soon as he was out of earshot, Besany opened her mouth as if considering saying something, then shut it again, frowning. She met his eyes pointedly and ran her hand up his arm. "Ordo-"

"Don't say it."

She made an exasperated sound in the back of her throat, and squeezed his biceps. "_Ordo_, you need to pace yourself."

"I am."

"I know you're not used to feeling like this."

Ordo sighed and sat up on his elbows, staring into her eyes. "Like what? Why don't you just say it, Besany." He didn't mean to snap at her, but he was so frustrated at everyone treating him like an invalid that he just wanted people to listen. "I'm weak and helpless and I can't even walk two steps by myself. I've never been this useless in my life. And people want me to _pace myself_?"

Besany frowned slightly, biting her lip. "I didn't mean it like that."

Ordo stared at her for a moment, then sighed and fell back onto the grass. His arms felt shaky. He regretted shouting at her. He just wanted to walk again. To be Ordo again for her. "I know." He said quietly.

She lay down next to him and linked her fingers through his, and they lay sunbathing for a while, listening to the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze and distant voices. Ordo felt he could almost go back to sleep, warm and comfortable as he was, a tired ache setting in his limbs.

"You're not useless, you know." Besany leaned over him and trailed her fingers down his chest. Ordo felt his skin tingle under his shirt from her touch, and it was distracting. It just reminded him of all the things he couldn't do. He caught her hand and looked at her.

"I feel it."

She cupped his face and kissed him gently. "I know. But you'll be fine soon enough. You've already healed at twice the rate of a normal person, any other man would still be in bed at this point."

"Thanks to my accelerated ageing."

"I suppose that's one thing we can thank the Kaminoans for, then." She kissed him again, and tangled her hands in his hair, raking her nails over his scalp. He shivered and drew her closer. For one blissful moment, he was lost in Besany – her lips, her scent, her curtain of blonde hair falling around their faces. And then someone hit him in the head and Besany's lips left his.

"Hey, you two – we've got work to do." Fi was grinning down at them, and Ordo had the sudden urge to smack him to the ground, which he quickly suppressed. He was right. Ordo looked at the two of them and smiled sheepishly.

"I should never have lay down. I don't think I can get back up again."

Fi laughed, and he and Besany took his arms and helped him, somehow, get back to his feet. As Ordo steadied himself, he looked around and noticed that most of the spectators had moved away to tend to their own business, leaving only Mij and Parja on the sidelines. Fi gave Ordo a wink.

"I think we'll have our privacy now. You're welcome, _ner vod_."

Ordo couldn't pretend he wasn't thankful. He gave Fi an appreciative look, and Besany squeezed his arm.

"Ready?"

Ordo made them help him walk using the handrails for the rest of the afternoon, the sun beating down on the back of his neck as it slowly sank towards the horizon. He could tell that Fi and Besany were worried he was pushing himself too far, but he would be the judge of that. When he felt like stopping, when he felt like giving up, he looked at Besany and her ever-swelling bump, and all he could think about was his family. He couldn't let himself give in. For their sake.

He wanted to be himself again so that they wouldn't have to do it for him.

* * *

><p>"How have you been?"<p>

Jilka kissed him. "You asked me that a week ago when you arrived."

"I know," Corr made sure he was looking into her eyes carefully, watching for her reaction, "But you said you were fine." Jilka gave him a puzzled look.

"Maybe because I _am _fine?"

"But you're not."

Jilka looked at him for a moment, then tried to turn away from him. Corr wouldn't let her. He held her shoulders and forced her to meet his eyes. "Mereel tells me you don't sleep when I'm not here. That you walk around the place and do work in the middle of the night when you should be in bed."

Jilka looked uncomfortable. She shifted, and the afternoon sunlight pouring in through the window of their bedroom hit the side of her face, making her dark eyes glow. She bit her lip. "So…so I don't sleep sometimes. So what?"

"It's not _sometimes_, Jilka, it's _every night_." Corr loosened his grip on her shoulders slightly and gave her a squeeze. "I just want to make sure you're okay. What's wrong?"

Jilka shrugged, and moved out of his arms to continue her interrupted task of making the bed. Corr just stood and watched her silently, waiting for her to answer him. She had her back to him, but he could hear her just fine.

He almost missed it over the smooth rustling of the bed sheets. Almost. She gave a sniff, and a small gasp, and it was then Corr realised she was crying.

He touched her arm, shocked, and she straightened up and turned as he pulled her into his arms. She wasn't sobbing, just crying quietly as tears rolled down her face. This close, he could see the dark, tired rings under her eyes. He kissed the top of her head, burying his nose in her hair and surrounding himself with Jilka for a moment. The feel of her, small in his arms, her heartbeat close to his, her face in his shoulder. And in that short, silent moment, it all made sense.

"Is it the fire?" he asked quietly.

He felt her nod against him, and he stroked her back. She sighed shakily. "Bad dreams. It's always…"

She didn't finish, but Corr knew anyway. "The flames."

"The heat." She whispered.

"The choking smoke."

"The fear."

Corr swallowed. He would never admit it to anyone, but the night of the fire had been one of the most terrifying of his life – and having been a bomb disposal expert and a commando, he'd faced a lot of terrifying situations. He put it down to there being Jilka's life at stake and not just his – he couldn't trust her like he could trust his brothers to know what they were doing. She'd needed his guidance and his stability, and he hadn't known for sure what he was doing. He could have gotten her killed.

"The dreams will go away."

She pulled her head back to look up at him. "I don't believe you. But thanks anyway." Corr gave a wry grin.

"It's good to know I'm so reassuring."

Jilka giggled, and Corr pulled her back into an embrace. She sighed. "Maybe you're right."

"Just maybe?"

"You're not inside my head. You don't know what it's like."

Corr thought back to the nights after the fire. His dreams had been plagued by images of Jilka falling out of his grasp, being burned alive by the flames, suffocating in the dense black smoke. Her dark eyes, flat and dead. A trickle of blood running out of her mouth. Her skin charring and flaking away under his hands. He'd awoken many times, in cold sweats of fear like he'd never felt before, and sat, shaking, until the images finally went away and he could go back to sleep. Deep down he knew they never would. But they were his dreams, not hers.

"Maybe I don't."

"Just maybe?" She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

He smiled. "Maybe I don't. But I was there, too. And to tell you the truth, I was just as scared as you were."

She was quiet in his arms. Then, "I didn't know."

"I know. I made sure you didn't."

Neither of them spoke for a while, simply stood holding each other. Corr was thankful he was still alive to do hold her, and that she was still alive to hold.

Eventually he squeezed her arm gently. "Hey. We'll be okay, right?"

She looked up and kissed him softly, smiling. "We'll be fine."

He kissed her back deeply, telling her how much he'd missed her – and hoping to show her later that evening. She seemed to pick up on this, and grinned.

"Did I show you how much I missed you?"

"Show me again." Corr whispered, leaning down to kiss her neck. She shivered under his lips, and he revelled in the way her body melted into his. He missed her so much when he was away, but their reunions were always sweeter.

And without the whole room-on-fire situation. Much preferred.

Her hands found their way into his hair again, and Corr's lips sought out warmer, softer flesh that he remembered so well. He found it, and she gasped quietly, leaning into his touch and raking her nails down the back of his head and neck. He shuddered.

There was a knock on the door, and Corr lifted his head to glare at it silently. Jilka giggled breathlessly, then cleared her throat.

"Hello?"

Fi stuck his head around the door, looking mildly apologetic. "Dinner in five. Just a heads-up."

Corr nodded shortly. "Okay."

"Thanks," Jilka added, shooting Corr a cautioning look. Fi closed the door, and Jilka giggled again. Corr looked at her.

"What?"

"You're so obvious, Corr," she laughed. Corr couldn't resist giving her another kiss, lingering over her lips and taking all the laughter out of her. He grinned.

"As long as I get you all to myself later…"

Jilka kissed him. "You get me all to yourself for the rest of your life," she whispered. Corr didn't have the time to analyse the meaning behind her words, but they tugged at something in his mind that made him remember their conversation before leaving for Mandalore. Was it a hint?

"Jilka…?"

"Not yet. But…soon." She played with the neckline of his shirt, her fingers ghosting over his skin. Warmth flooded him. He leaned down to kiss the junction of her neck and jawline, where her pulse beat steady beneath his lips. She sighed and pushed his chest gently.

"Not now. Dinner. Later."

Corr smiled, and moved to open the door for her. She took his arm, and they walked to the table hand in hand.

_Later_, Corr decided, couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

><p>Maze was nervous.<p>

He didn't like being nervous, he decided. He'd never felt it before, not to this degree anyway, and he stared into his drink, not really planning on drinking any more. Perhaps it was the alcohol that was making his stomach turn.

He looked around the dimly lit bar for what he made to be the fourteenth time in thirty minutes. He checked his holo again. Make that thirty-one minutes. There'd been nothing left to do at HQ and Zey had dismissed him, so he'd made his way to the same bar he'd been frequenting for a long time now, the one he'd first 'met' her at. The same bartenders, same clientele, same furnishings…but a distinct lack of Aerin. Though people did keep staring at him, as he was wearing his ARC trooper armour tonight. He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he wanted to see how much of a match her tattoos were to the red trim on his _kama_ and pauldron.

He knew she would make her presence known if and when she arrived, but Maze couldn't help but look for her. Since their _encounter_ last week, he'd had an extremely difficult time thinking of things that weren't Aerin or kiss related. Around Zey, it had been twice as hard – with the man's Force-radar, he could pick up all of Maze's emotions and maybe even read his thoughts. They said Jedi could read minds. Maze really didn't want his read. Sometimes his thoughts were a tad too _personal_.

He shifted in his stool and moved his train of thought away from anything too risky. You never knew who was watching, that's what Jango had taught him. Jedi took time off sometimes, and who knew where they hung out? Not _all_ of them stayed cooped up in the Temple meditating and practising lightsaber techniques. Zey certainly didn't. At least, as far as Maze knew.

He swirled his drink around in his glass, not really paying much attention to what he was doing. He didn't even know whether or not she'd be here. He'd just wanted to see her again, and had come down here as this seemed to be a likely meeting place. He laughed to himself. For all he knew, she could have forgotten all about him and moved on to kiss other men, maybe even other clones. He didn't like that thought. He'd lost Jilka to Corr already, though admittedly she'd never kissed him. Was this how his life was deemed to be? If so, he'd lost a perfectly good coat for good.

He was just about to throw some credits down and walk out of the bar and go back to the barracks, knowing he at least had a good holobook to continue back there, when something smooth and heavy fell on his lap. Startled, Maze jumped violently and stared at the leathery item for seconds before registering what it was.

His coat.

He stared at it for a few more seconds, his mind racing to put everything together. Someone slid onto the barstool next to him. It clicked into place at last and Maze looked up, half bewildered, half pleased. And a whole lot of nervous again.

She seemed to be only half watching him, and smiled a little when he looked up at her. She ordered a drink, and eyed him again. They both sat there, waiting for the other to speak first. Maze held up his coat. It _was_ his, he was certain of that. So she must really be here. Unless, of course, he was dreaming…

Her drink arrived, and all they'd managed so far was smiling shyly at one another. Maze shook himself internally. Was he not the man, here? He cleared his throat and forced himself to look at her, no matter how much it scared him.

"I didn't know if you'd show up."

She smiled and glanced at him as she sipped her drink, which was something bright blue. "Well. I had to give you your coat back," she said quietly.

Maze looked at it for a moment. It seemed like a good enough answer. He'd been hoping for something a little more like _I had to see you again, I just can't stop thinking about last week, about how I kissed you_, but it would do for now. "How did you know I'd be here?"

"How did you know _I'd_ be here?"

Maze laughed quietly. "I didn't." He wasn't really talking to her, but she heard him anyway and smiled. It warmed him, the same way her lips had warmed him that night in the freezing rain. He swallowed, and their eyes met again. He wasn't so afraid this time. She had beautiful warm brown eyes.

"How have you been?"

How have you been? _How have you been?_ He could have kicked himself, only that would have made him look as weird as he'd just sounded and he didn't want her to think he was completely crazy. She laughed dryly.

"Oh, just fine. Getting by." She seemed to consider before adding, "You?"

Maze shrugged. "Fine. Normal."

She leaned onto the counter with her elbows, assuming a more relaxed pose, and at the same time moving closer to him. Maze couldn't help but feel captivated by the way her eyes caught his, the way the scarlet tattoos under her eyes and on her lips glowed in the low lighting. She looked, he noticed, worn out under her fierce energy. She trapped him with her eyes once more, lowering her voice so that he was forced to lean in closer still. "Tell me, Maze – what is '_normal_' for you?"

He licked his lips, and tried not to think of how she'd said his name and how well _that_ had turned out last time. Technically, he wasn't supposed to give out army secrets, but what he did in Zey's office was hardly secret. Unless the caf machine held classified intel he didn't know about. "Not all that much. I work for a Jedi general."

She raised an eyebrow in interest. "Really? A Jedi?"

"Director of Special Forces," Maze nodded, "But it's not as exciting as it sounds." He sighed. She leaned in closer still.

"So, that first time we met…"

"In the alley…" Maze confirmed.

"When I called you a 'heroically challenged desk clerk'-"

"You would be correct in saying I am a desk clerk, yes." Maze flushed slightly, glad that the lights were dim. She laughed again.

"And not heroically challenged? You've 'saved my life'," she made quote marks in the air with her fingers, raising an eyebrow coyly, "twice. Not to mention the whole 'hero of the lower levels' thing you had going on…"

Maze was ready to argue. "Hey, you don't have to thank me, okay? I don't expect that from you. But at least play nice." She looked at him, really looked at him, then seemed to concede his point.

"Guess a desk clerk with your type of training needs to let off steam somehow. Must be hard."

For a moment, Maze was silent, thinking. Then, "Not as hard as your life, I guess."

She didn't say anything. She sipped her drink again, then inspected her fingernails. "Life's what you make it," she said slowly.

"And you make it…?"

She grinned. "Hard. But oh-so-electrifying."

Maze flushed deeply and turned away, half wondering if she'd thrown in the double meaning intentionally, knowing which buttons to press in him. He was starting to think that she was just the kind of person who enjoyed playing with words and seeing the reaction she got when she skated on thin ice. _Well, _he thought,_ she's going to have a field day with the way _I_ react._

He realised their faces were now much closer, and part of him wanted to pull away in fear of what might happen. But most of him remembered all too clearly the way she had moved against him with her lips and hands, and the sensuous curve of her lips and the red tattoo that ran down the centre of them had ensnared him. He couldn't even look at her eyes any more. He loved the way the tattoo split when she opened her mouth, like a trail of blood. He was somewhat shocked by the acknowledgement that he rather wanted to bite them and taste her blood mixing with her scent of fruit, to see them swollen and fiercely kissed. He shifted in his seat again. The temptation was almost overwhelming.

"So what else does a highly trained trooper with no outlet for his energies but filing do to let off steam?" she murmured. He could see the glint in her eye. He swallowed.

"Apparently not enough," he whispered. He'd reached that stage again where his mouth didn't want to obey his mind, and his armour started to feel tight.

"Well, I can think of a few more ways to try," she leaned in so close that their lips were almost touching, just a hair's breadth away from one another. He could feel the heat radiating off her, smell the scent of citrus that lingered around her. Citrus fruit described her quite well, he thought distantly, bitter but colourful and full of flavour.

His mind was split – _turn away and take it slow, you don't know what you're getting into_ versus _just kiss her for Force's sake, she knows she's driving you crazy and you are letting her get away with it_.

For a moment they warred. But Maze already knew which part of him would win.

Unable to take the tension any more, he decided to show her that she _didn't_ have him on a string. She opened her mouth to say something, but he never let her. He pressed his lips to hers and for a moment he wasn't sure how she would respond, but then she murmured a moan of surprise and – dare he hope – pleasure into the kiss, and Maze lost a fair amount of his control.

He forgot they were sitting at a bar, surrounded by people. He forgot that he was extremely conspicuous in his stark white armour, and that he'd only actually been kissed once in his whole life. His hands found her waist and she tangled her hands in his hair, using this leverage to adjust the angle so that he could kiss her better. Luckily, he was a fast learner. She opened her mouth and ran her tongue along his lips, but he wanted to show her that she couldn't have everything her way and nipped at it lightly. She gave a small noise of surprise and raked her nails down the back of his head, none too gently. He responded by biting her lips like he'd imagined doing minutes before, and finally opening her mouth to explore with his tongue, kissing her forcefully.

She pulled him tighter against him, so tight that he knew his armour would be pressing uncomfortably against her body, but she didn't seem to care. It was different from the last time, when he'd let her lead – now he wanted to be the one taking charge, sick of her always having the upper hand. She probably had no idea how torturous her advances could be sometimes, how much tension she could create by just raising an eyebrow. His heart was beating loud in his chest, so loud he was sure she could hear it as blood roared in his ears. He knew he didn't have to worry about hurting her. She would probably be the one hurting him. She scraped his scalp again, and Maze thought she might draw blood this time. He wouldn't have minded. He bit down on her lower lip and sucked, and she pulled back, panting.

He released her lip, noticing that it was nice and swollen now. He looked up from her lips to her eyes, and saw heat burning in them that made them two shades darker. They were still pressed up against one another, her arms still around his neck and his hands on her waist. They half sat, half stood, panting. Maze's whole body tingled. He realised the bar was quieter than it had been before.

Someone groaned. "Get a room, some of us are trying to enjoy a drink, here." A group of people laughed uproariously, and somewhere a glass shattered and someone swore.

Aerin's eyes flashed and she swallowed. "Maze…"

He groaned to himself. He wished she wouldn't say it like that, all flustered and breathless. It just made him want her even more. He was painfully aware of how tight his armour was now. He realised she was asking him something.

"Do you want to head back to my place?" she whispered, nibbling at his ear. Maze felt his nerves return, flooding him with hot and cold shivers. Did he really want to go this far after having known her for such a short time? Did two – admittedly hot – kisses equal…this? He realised he barely knew her.

But…he did, in a way. She and him, they were opposite sides of the same coin. And she'd told him enough about herself and her job not just through her words, but her actions and her scars. And he hadn't been able to get her off of his mind since he'd first seen her.

Gods, he might even love her.

He looked at her, then nodded. "Okay then."

* * *

><p>Etain handed Besany a dish to dry. "How's he doing?"<p>

The men had dispersed to attend to their daily business; Mij and Bardan were with Ordo doing some physical therapy and Atin, Darman and Laseema were playing with Kad. Fi and Parja had disappeared, as had Corr and Jilka. Kal, Rav and Niner were visible out on the fields with the rest of the Nulls, looking like tiny coloured specks in a sea of green. Besany dried the dish thoughtfully.

"He's fine. He's frustrated at how slowly it's all going, and he wants to push himself way too hard, but he's…" she sighed, "he's fine. Or, will be."

Etain studied Besany for a moment. "And the baby?"

Besany shrugged. "Still growing. Healthy," she smiled wryly, "I'm going to miss my old figure, though."

Etain laughed. "Well, at least you're not on a battlefield like I was when I was pregnant."

"I heard about that. I hear Ordo had to come and get you out."

"He did," Etain smiled, "Brought a med-droid and everything. It was pretty serious at the time, though." Besany nodded and the two women smiled as laughter and Kad's voice drifted through into the kitchen.

"I can't imagine."

"Hmm?" Besany dried a plate and stacked it in the cupboard.

"Life without Kad. It's weird, but having a baby actually brought Dar and I even closer together. Like there was actually something binding us together now." Etain shrugged and blushed slightly. "I don't know how to explain it."

Besany nodded slowly. "It felt more like you were a family." Etain looked up.

"Exactly."

There was silence for a while, and Besany thought ahead. The future was uncertain for both Ordo and herself, and she wasn't sure how she felt about Ordo going back to war. Mij had said it was plausible, but she hadn't thought he would want to leave her whilst she was pregnant. But then, he wouldn't want to stay at home living a comfortable life whilst his brothers were still out fighting. She bit her lip. It was his choice, and of course she would respect it. It was a matter of his brothers or her.

Etain interrupted her thoughts by turning to her. "Have you thought about what you're going to name the baby?"

Besany hadn't. Ordo had taken up most of her thinking time over the past few months, and she regretted to say that baby thoughts had not taken up much at all. "No, not really. I suppose it depends on whether it's a boy or a girl."

"Do you want to know?"

Besany stared at Etain. "What?"

"I can tell you the gender of your baby. Through the Force. If you want, that is." Etain smiled.

Besany thought. Should she ask Ordo if he wanted to know, and then ask Etain? Or what if Ordo didn't want to know? Would she be able to keep it from him until he did if she knew? She didn't like to think it, but what if she was…_disappointed_? She didn't really believe she could be, but anything was possible in her life, it seemed…

Boy. Girl. Did she want to know?

She took a deep breath. "I do."

Etain smiled.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Oh my Force I am so so sorry I kept you guys waiting for so long. Did ya miss me? :D<em>

_It felt like…Ordo waking up was the main goal. I put all my effort and energy into getting him awake. And then when it happened, I just felt so drained that I literally couldn't even think of writing another chapter. And then I realised all my exams were over, and I hadn't even written anything further than the chapter title. The energy and drive was just gone. No inspiration, no…anything. Which was weird, because when he was still comatose I had loads of ideas for scenes when he was awake. But I think it's back. :D Wrote this in one day._

_Plus I have 3 months of no school ahead of me, so I'm going to have a lot of spare writing time. :)_

_I apologise if anything in this chapter feels…wrong. Like, out of flow. It's taking me a while to get back into it. But no matter what, I am not abandoning this fic! :D Don't worry. Let me know if anything feels bad, and I'll try and fix it._

_Reviews. Wow, I can't stress the importance of reviews in keeping me going. I got the fewest reviews for any of my chapters last time, and it was also my longest and most emotional yet. I poured my everything into it…and then it just seemed as though everyone shrugged at it and turned away. That was one reason why I felt deflated and out of drive. I just felt like no one was reading any more and it had got boring for you all. Those who did review – I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! You made me pick myself back up and carry on! xxx  
><em>

_So please review. Or risk waiting another month for the next chapter LOL. :P Just kidding._

_So…cliffie or two. Some sizzle/fluff next chapter for both Maze/Aerin (phwoarr *fans self*) and Besany/Ordo. ;) Any speculation over the gender of the baby? Stay tuned._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	19. CHAPTER 18: Past, Present & Future

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18 – Past, Present &amp; Future<strong>

Aerin awoke from a hazy slumber to the soft touch of fingers trailing down her bare back. They were gentle, almost hesitant, as though unsure of how their presence would be accepted. She lay for a moment and let them tickle the curve of her spine, before shaking herself out of the warm haze and stretching.

The fingers left her back almost immediately, pulled back as though her skin had burned them. She smiled to herself, and rolled languidly to face him.

He was sitting up, knees bent in front of him, sheets pulled up modestly to his hips. He smiled shyly at her, and she stretched again, watching his face closely as the sheets fell further down her body with the action, revealing more flesh to him. He swallowed and averted his gaze. She smiled.

"What time is it?" she yawned. He didn't even glance at the holo before replying.

"200 hours."

_Ah-ha._

She prodded his bare waist gently. "You been awake all this time?" She sat up, not caring that the sheets fell off her completely as she did this, and her lips descended on his neck, biting and sucking a pattern to his collarbone. She felt him shudder underneath her lips, and tried to manoeuvre her way down his chest, but he caught her face and lifted her lips to his instead.

"Yes," he murmured, in between kisses. The feeling of his lips against hers brought back memories from a few hours ago, and Aerin felt their bodies respond.

She had to admit, she'd been a little embarrassed at first. Upon entering her shabby apartment, she'd remembered that she hadn't cleaned up for a while, and her clothes and various other items in her possession had been scattered around the furniture and floor. Of course, she'd taken the things on the floor and put them on surfaces so that their way to the bed was unhindered, but she hadn't missed the amused smile that had tugged at his lips upon seeing her humble dwellings. She was sure his bunk at the barracks or wherever was the epitome of army precision and tidiness. Mind you, perhaps he had been thinking of more _pressing_ matters at that precise moment, because he'd wasted no time in getting them to her bed.

Ignoring the cries of drunken neighbours and the rattle of passing speed shuttles that permeated the wall of her apartment, he'd kissed and stroked and kneaded and bitten and pushed and pulled her body, his fierce determination to be the one to take charge and show her she didn't control him – though she knew she did, so she'd let him have his fun. It was refreshing to be dominated, for once – setting her body alight. She'd never been in such a hurry to get someone out of their clothes before; her heart in her chest had felt as though it would explode out of her throat and her body had been assaulted by waves of pleasure like never before. She had to admit, too, that for a first-timer he had the knack for reducing her to a writhing, moaning mess.

Maybe he knew her too well. Maybe that was the problem.

He'd removed each item of clothing meticulously, paying special attention to each new piece of her flesh it revealed, peeling it off her sweat-soaked skin. Of course, she'd had a little more trouble removing _his_ clothing – her shaky fingers couldn't seem to work out the gription seams and clasps, and Force knew how he was managing under the tight panels. That thought had only made her shiver delightedly. Eventually, he'd shown her how to work them, and with one big tug she'd ripped the black bodysuit open at the chest and had been able to return the favours.

Gods, his _skin_ – golden and smooth, from his lack of involvement in dangerous battles, obviously, and the salty tang of his sweat mixing on her tongue with the taste of _him _– a slight taste of detergent and what she could only call _cleanliness_ and a somewhat musky twang that identified him as male. Somewhere along the line, she'd tasted something like cinnamon. Normally taste hadn't got a lot to do with her lovemaking, but something about it this time had been a huge turn-on. She had relished it.

The lower her mouth had wandered, the more his bodysuit had fallen away, and the more anxious he had gotten. She had realised, of course, when her mouth had reached the pinnacle of his pleasure, that he was unsure now. She had been the one in control, not him. It would have been so easy to make him lose it. But, for once, she didn't want to. Not yet. So she'd left that treat for later, and they'd abandoned their fight for dominance in favour of a softer, more sharing experience.

And she had to admit, also, that she had about as much experience with tender lovemaking as he did. It had always been rough and exciting with her, always the one on top, always the one controlling the outcome, her way.

So this time had really been a first for both of them.

He'd been shaking, as much from nerves as excitement, and his ferocious need for dominance gone, leaving him in what was obviously unfamiliar territory. She'd guided his hands, his body, whispered in his ear and kissed him, and for once she'd forgotten all about _that_ Aerin – the one she wore every day, the one who was a tough-as-nails, put-up-with-nothing, sarcastic, fiercely proud bounty hunter, the one she'd been forced to create to survive - and had become the Aerin she'd thought she'd never be again.

The real Aerin.

She'd never had a climax like that before, either. Never felt so close to someone, and not necessarily physically either. He had shattered all her walls, by simply looking into her eyes with his large, honey-brown ones, which smiled at her from above. She could have cried.

_Oh, kriff. What has he done to me?_

They'd had a little bit more _adventurous _fun after that, which he had been surprisingly adept at picking up. Clones really were fast learners.

She kissed him back, winding her hands in his hair again, and his lips made their way down, seeking out her breasts. She laughed breathlessly.

"You pick things up fast, don't you soldier?"

He murmured something, his lips still on her chest, and the vibrations of his deep, gravelly voice travelled up her spine. She sighed contentedly.

There was a loud banging knock at her front door, which for a moment she thought would smash the door off its hinges. Maze lifted his head, startled, and looked at her. Aerin flushed. She knew who _that_ was.

She grabbed a loose shirt that would cover her, swearing. Maze looked at her, puzzled. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"It's my landlord. He wants my rent, I'll bet," she growled, trying to hide the fact that her heart was jumping in her chest and fear was starting to creep through her veins, cold as ice. She hadn't _got_ her rent. And it was already overdue.

_Kriff._

Maze seemed to have noticed her anxiety. "Is there a problem?"

Aerin eyed him. _No. _She refused to take money from someone. She'd only have to pay it back. Then she'd be in more debt. But would lying to him make it any better? She sighed. "I don't have the money. He's been asking for weeks," the sound of a man's voice could be heard, calling out her name with many explicit additions. She cringed, "He's probably also drunk."

Maze stood up, pulled on the bottom half of his bodysuit, and riffled through his pile of belongings. _No no no_. Aerin put her hands up to stop him. "Hey! No, I don't want your money!" He just looked at her, then at the door as another round of loud knocks ensued and her landlord could be heard calling 'Niobe! Get your pretty ass out here now!'. She grimaced.

Maze tried to hand her some credit chips – she didn't even look at the amounts on them – but she pushed them away. "No! Please, I don't want-"

"You won't owe me anything. Please," his honey-brown eyes beseeched her, and she could feel her resolve crumbling, "Please."

Somehow, she let him stuff some chips into her hand and walk her to the door. She opened it, in a daze, threw the chips at the portly Sullustan swaying there, and slammed the door in his face. Then she moved to the bed and sat down on it, biting her lip. Maze sat next to her, his hand brushing hers, his eyes studying her curiously. She could feel his gaze.

"Isn't it impossible to get a Sullustan drunk?" he asked quietly as the sounds of drunken laughing faded away with heavy footsteps. Aerin smiled wryly.

"Very difficult. But not impossible. Certainly not for that one." She laughed bitterly. She was hugely embarrassed that she'd even accepted Maze's credits, and now he knew just how bad her financial situation was. She moved up the bed, away from Maze's touch, and lay there, playing with the cover. He moved to lie next to her, just half an arms width away from her. Much as she didn't like to admit it, she liked his closeness.

_Kriff, kriff, kriff! He's ruined you! You've gone all soft. Soft doesn't get jobs. Soft doesn't keep you alive._

He'd broken her walls. Shattered them, into a million tiny pieces that felt like they were lodged in her heart. And she couldn't decide whether it was a good thing or not.

His hand brushed against hers, and she shivered at the contact. Her hands were perhaps the most sensitive part of her, being Kiffar saw to that, and the way he'd clasped her hands as they made love had deepened the connection in ways she couldn't begin to formulate into words. Not that she would ever admit it to him.

She saw his gaze move to their touching hands, and she realised too late that her sleeves had fallen up to her elbows and now he could see-

"Your scars," he whispered.

She swallowed.

_I don't think I want to do this now…_

But it was too late. His fingers were tracing them, and somehow she'd forgotten how to move her arms. His eyes were looking at them in what was almost fascination. She could see his mind working, and almost dreaded the conclusion he would come to. That would just raise even more sensitive topics…

"Your arms. Your hands," his fingers stopped their trail, and his eyes met hers, "He lashes your hands because you're a Kiffar?"

She may as well admit it. So many lies just weren't worth it.

"Yes," she whispered.

Something crossed his eyes that she'd never seen before, something like pure shock and disgust rolled into one look. _Oh, boy. He really doesn't know a lot about the way the galaxy works, does he?_ She had to admit, his innocent side was endearing. And rather attractive. It made her want to mess with him at times, and at others it just made her want to hold him.

"Am I reading this right?" he broke through his haze, but his voice still held a tone of shock, "Your boss lashes your hands and wrists because you're a Kiffar and he knows that's where it will hurt the most? Because of your-?"

"My psychometric powers, yes," Aerin shifted. Now _that _was another story. Maze looked at her curiously, then brought his hand up to cup her face and run his thumb along the red tattoo on her lips and then the ones under her eyes.

"That's horrible," he whispered.

"I know."

"But?"

She looked at him, her heart in her mouth. Had he actually detected…? "But…what?"

He sighed. "There's something you're not telling me." Aerin didn't say anything. She wasn't sure she wanted to go back down that path. Maze nudged her hand gently. "Come on."

She broke. "I let him think it's where will hurt me most, because then I don't get lashed anywhere else."

"Let him think…?"

"Have you ever stopped to consider _why_ I am what I am?" Aerin got off the bed and picked up her rifle, holding it up like a prize. "Normally girls aren't the type to go into this kind of business – no one is, really – unless things are real bad." She threw the rifle down on the floor again, none to gently, and started to feel anger rising in her as memories she'd suppressed for so long rose to the surface again. "Did you ever stop and wonder why? _Ever_?"

Maze looked taken aback. "Well, I…"

"No, you didn't. People just take for granted that bounty hunters are bounty hunters and it was their choice of life so good luck to them." She sneered.

Maze stood up now, too. "Hey, it's not my fault I don't know anything about you, is it? You're the one who's always so defensive about letting people in. _Damn!_" Maze yelled, smacking his hand on a table to hard that Aerin thought he would break it, "You keep doing this! You push me away and lock me out and then the next moment you're sleeping with me and complaining that I never asked you about your past! Well, _I'm sorry_," he growled, "But I fail to see how this is my fault. Again. Do me a favour, and stop screwing with my head!"

His words hung heavily around the room, in that unnatural silence that always seemed to accompany tense moments. Through the paper-thin walls of her apartment, the sounds of her neighbours moaning and bedsprings squeaking sounded unnaturally loud. Aerin had the sudden urge to giggle at the absurdity of the timing, but knew now was not the time. Maze put his head in his hands and tore at his hair.

She felt like she'd been stabbed in the chest. His words were, of course, true. She had led him on by her own rules and never stopped to consider what he wanted, how he was feeling. And now she was screaming at him that he didn't know the things she'd made sure he didn't. She'd been unfair. But life was unfair. She knew that better than anyone.

_And so does he_. He'd been trained brutally, if word was true, and she knew clones had been killed during training. He'd not had an easy life either. Maybe he'd even lost brothers. She sighed, feeling tears prick at the corner of her eyes. She hadn't cried since she was a child. Since she'd built her walls. And now he'd gone and taken them away and she was left exposed.

"I'm sorry," she tried to keep her voice from wavering.

Maze sighed and swallowed. "Me too."

They stood across from one another for a moment, not saying anything, and then Aerin sat back down on the bed. Maze lowered himself next to her slowly. They didn't look at each other, but their hands touched. Maze gave her hand a squeeze.

"What happened?"

Aerin laughed bitterly, but quietly. "Long story short, I was sold into slavery as a child. Because my parents didn't want me. Because I was a disgrace to our clan."

"A disgrace?"

"My powers. They're not like normal psychometric powers – mine are weak, almost not even there at times. Of course, it was acceptable to have psychometric powers, or even to not have them at all, but not half way like mine. They said I was a freak. That I wasn't going to amount to anything." She stopped, and sniffed. "So they sold me into slavery."

Maze's arm moved to rub her back gently. She carried on, trying to ignore the way his touch made her feel, staring ahead at the wall through which the sounds of her neighbours' lovemaking were audible, getting louder. "I was pretty enough, and sold easily. My master was on a trip to Coruscant and he left me with his things whilst he went to check in at some fancy hotel – I was supposed to act like his daughter, because of course slavery is illegal here - but whilst he was gone I took the opportunity and ran. As far away from that bastard as I could."

"Wow," Maze blinked, "Did he ever catch you?"

She shook her head. "No. I was small enough to hide easily, and to be honest I don't think he was all that bothered. He could always buy another, and one who was more likely to comply with his requests…"

She felt Maze shiver next to her. "I can't imagine…"

"Being forced to sleep with a guy twice your age isn't particularly pleasant." She wrinkled her nose. "But it happens."

"What happened then?"

"To me? I just…survived. As long as I could. Stayed around this one area where I knew everybody who worked the trade, and they'd give me food, clothes, shelter. Those who live on the fringe stick together. We're not like those high-class, corporate politicians who take every opportunity to stab each other in the back."

She fell back on the bed with a sigh, and Maze moved to lie next to her. She clasped her hand in his. "After that…this one night, about three years ago, I got into…into a bit of a tough spot. I owed a few people some money, and I hadn't paid up. They got antsy, and came and hunted me down. I was outnumbered, and hungry, and at one of the lowest points I've ever been in my life and…well, if this one man hadn't stepped in and saved my life, I would have been dead."

Maze didn't say anything, but she turned her head to face him and saw him looking at her calmly. She carried on, "I thought that was it. I thought it was all over. And then…"

A strand of her dark hair fell into her eyes, and Maze reached over to brush it away. His fingers raised goosebumps on her arms, but the action itself made her feel warm inside. "And then?" he asked softly.

She smiled sadly at him. "And then he started asking me to work for him. I said no, at first, but then he said if I didn't he'd get those people I owed money to un-forget what happened and come after me again. There was no way I had the money, and I didn't have a choice. So I started to work for him. I kill people he wants killed so firstly his name isn't involved, and secondly he doesn't have to do any of the dirty work."

"So basically, you're his slave." Maze frowned. Aerin sighed.

"Yeah. I guess I am. But I need to work for him so I have the money to live."

"And one day pay these people back?"

Aerin laughed. "Oh, sure. Like I'll ever have _that _kind of cash! That's a dream too far." She turned onto her side and looked at him. "I don't know why I told you all this."

"I'm glad you did." Maze leaned over and kissed her again, and Aerin felt her insides melt. _Gods_, she could imagine being in love with this man.

His hands found hers again, and he caressed small circles on the backs of them with his thumbs. She shivered. The sounds of her neighbours' copulation grew louder and more voracious, and she caught Maze's eye as the cries of a woman mingled with the guttural grunts of a man and their keening shook the walls. Aerin giggled, and watched as Maze flushed and turned away. Her hands wandered over his bare chest, her fingers tracing the paths of his rippling muscles. Even for a man who didn't fight, he was in damn good shape. She found her mouth watering again, wanting to taste his smooth skin, to feel the way his body reacted to her touch.

Before she knew it, her lips were on his chest again, biting and sucking her way across it, from one nipple to the other. Maze groaned, and his hands wound in her hair. He arched his body up into her lips, and she smiled as his throaty groans vibrated through his chest and tickled her lips slightly.

"Aerin…" he lifted his head to look at her with eyes that were dark with passion, and she felt a thrill go through her at the sound of her name in his accented tones. She felt him stir against her stomach, and his hands were immediately pulling off her loose shirt and skimming her hips, his eyes feasting on her naked body; she could feel his hungry stare. She reached the waistband of his bodysuit, where the skin of his upper body met the material, and toyed with it, dipping her tongue inside the bodysuit and finding more hot flesh. He made a choked sound in the back of his throat as her tongue dipped lower than before, and pulled on her hair so she was forced to lift her head.

"Don't…tease," he gasped out, his chest rising and falling heavily. She gave a coy smile.

"But Maze," she purred, deciding to up the ante, leaning so close to his face that her lips were almost touching his, "that's all part of the _fun_."

The couple next door gave loud screams, the bedsprings creaking alarmingly, and something made a loud cracking noise as they reached their peaks. Aerin laughed, and Maze laughed with her, and then their lips were together and Aerin forgot not to let go.

What did it matter if she fell for this man?

It was too late to stop it now, anyway.

* * *

><p>The fire crackled in the grate as it died slowly, and Ordo shifted position in bed. His limbs ached, and he was ready to fall into a deep sleep – with every intention of waking, this time – when Besany came quietly through the door.<p>

Ordo raised an eyebrow; even that seemed to require inordinate amounts of energy. "It's late," he mumbled. She smiled at him, and started to undress. In the soft light, her bare back looked like melted gold, and Ordo wanted to reach out and run his fingers down the curve of her spine. All too soon, in his opinion, she threw on a loose top and sat down on the bed, turning her head to look at him.

"It _is_ late," she commented softly, then smiled again. Ordo watched as she removed the rest of her clothing, revealing her long legs that brought back memories of their nights together before he'd been injured. Entwined with his in the sheets, wrapped around his waist-

Her weight in the bed next to him snapped him out of what he considered to be rather implicating thoughts. He looked at her, and she kissed him, doing nothing to help matters. Not that he minded, really. Her hands found their way under his shirt and over his body, and he was surprised to realise that the gasp that had escaped between them had actually been from his mouth, not hers. He flushed slightly as she broke the kiss to smile at him. He'd forgotten a lot of things, and just how good her hands felt on his skin had been one of them, obviously. He didn't like this loss of contact. It was all very well for her to stare meaningfully into his eyes, and she _did _have beautiful eyes, very dark, but he was after a connection that was a little more…_physical_,tonight. Much as he felt ashamed to admit it.

He caught her lips with his, finding the warmth at the base of her neck with his hand and stroking softly. This time, _she_ gasped, and feeling rewarded by this Ordo kissed her harder, pulling her body flush with his and finding a spark inside him that responded to her body up against him. As his other hand slid under her top, doubts crept into his mind – could he remember what she liked? Was this what she wanted? Could he manage it this time? What about the baby? – which stilled his hand at her waist. He wasn't sure of himself any more. How could he be what she wanted?

Her hand clasped his, and placed his hand higher up. His doubts fell away with her sureness in him, her _trust_, and he became lost in the sensations of her hands and lips again, banishing his earlier exhaustion. He left her lips, and kissed a trail down her neck to her collarbone, where she laughed lightly. He smiled. She was still ticklish, then. Her hands lifted his head, and his lips were forced to leave her skin as he looked at her. She smiled and trailed a finger along his jaw.

"Ordo…I have some news," she whispered, her chest rising and falling under his chin. He was puzzled. Surely news was more appropriately given before all of this…? He chuckled and went to kiss her again.

"Can it wait?"

She kissed him back fiercely, and he slid a hand over her swollen belly. Somehow, her pregnant body just made him feel even more in love with her than before when he looked at her, like their child growing inside her made her all the more desirable. She pushed his chest and their lips parted.

"Well, actually, I'd like to tell you now-"

She didn't get any farther. Ordo decided news could wait, wait until he'd shown her he could still be a man for her, still be a lover. Gods, he'd missed her. His lips found the swell of her belly, and he kissed down it fervently, enjoying the way she arched her body up off the bed to meet his lips and mewled, her hands in his hair scraping his scalp and making him shudder.

Suddenly she gasped loudly and sat up, her hand flying to her belly, and Ordo immediately stopped kissing her stomach, his heart in his mouth. _The baby…_

"Are you okay?" he asked, feeling her forehead. She nodded, smiling, and removed his hand, and then kissed him deeply, pulling him onto her. Ordo tried to break the kiss.

"Are you sure-?"

"Yes, yes." Besany giggled, kissing the junction of his neck and jaw, where his pulse beat rapidly, and a hot shiver went down his spine despite the fear for their child still present in his chest. Besany smiled. "I think she liked that."

In the heat of the moment, her words took a few moments to sink in. With her lips on his neck and her hands on his waist, he supposed he could be forgiven for not grasping the meaning of her words in an instant.

When he did, he felt like his heart had stopped in his chest for a moment and his legs would have given out under him, had he not been kneeling anyway. A wave of shock crashed over him; he could feel the goosebumps rising in a wash down his body. Besany seemed unaware of the bombshell she had just dropped, and continued her ministrations. Ordo grabbed her by her shoulders and looked her in the eye, caught between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry with joy.

"'_She'_?" he managed to choke out. Besany's face went from mild wonderment to shock to a huge smile, tears forming in her eyes and falling silently down her face. She cupped his face with her hands.

"Yes. 'She'."

Her thumbs stroked his cheeks, and only when he realised he couldn't see her any more through his tears did he even know he was crying. She laughed, and he laughed, and then he kissed her and she kissed him back and he lost himself in her love, as the fire died to embers.

Later that night, he lay next to her warm body, his hands holding their child. His daughter. His little girl. His beautiful girl, whose heart beat inside his beautiful wife. His beautiful girls.

He would teach her how to kill, but he would never let anyone harm her. As a Mandalorian, she would be raised as a strong woman, but he would never let her strength be broken. Besany and the women would teach her how to cook and how to keep her man in check, no doubt. The war would not touch her, nor would any person who wished her pain, or any grief she may feel. He would protect her. And he and Besany would watch her grow into a beautiful woman, and they would be happy, the three of them.

Yes, he was scared. He didn't know the first thing about raising a child. And yes, he was afraid of her growing to hate him, or dying, or himself making some fatal mistake. But _Kal'buir_ and the family would help, and he would have Besany. He knew, from experience, that the best way to teach someone something was to let them make mistakes. But _Gods_ – he didn't want to make a mistake in this.

A girl.

His little girl.

Besany shifted beside him, her head finding his shoulder. She trailed a finger down his bare chest. "You must be exhausted," she mumbled.

Ordo chuckled, deep in his chest. "Just thinking," he murmured, realising his eyes were already closed, "The future."

"Mmm. Scary," Besany agreed.

"But…"

"But. It'll be the best thing that's ever happened to us, too," she whispered, then leaned up to kiss him. "We'll be fine. We're not alone."

Ordo's whole body thrummed with a tired ache that was oddly satisfying. He'd probably pushed himself too far, and he would probably regret it all tomorrow, as Besany was fond of reminding him, but if it meant he was one step further to being himself again for his daughter, it was all well worth it.

"No. We're not," Ordo sighed. He kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," he whispered.

It was the last thing he managed before falling into a warm, deep sleep that he felt was rightfully deserved.

* * *

><p>"Maze! Good morning," Zey beamed at him from across the office as he entered, and handed him a cup of caf. "It's freshly made this time, I promise."<p>

Maze took it with polite thanks, and headed over to the pile of datapads waiting for him. He was thankful for the caf, as even sleeping in late today he couldn't deny that last night had tired him out. Late nights were not fun in the morning, he decided. It hadn't exactly been easy to leave her apartment, either. She'd insisted upon making him stay just another five minutes, then ten, then twenty…mind you, the time really did fly when you were having fun…

He shook himself, and stole a glance at Zey from over the top of a datapad. The Jedi didn't seem to have noticed anything _unusual_ or _surprising_ coming from Maze's mental space, which was thankful, as if Zey had gotten a glimpse of last night…

Maze still couldn't quite believe that _last night_ had actually happened. As far as first times went, he was pretty sure he could say that his had been somewhat spectacular. As she'd fallen asleep – finally – in his arms, he could have sworn she'd mumbled something remotely like 'I love you'. But of course, it was Aerin, so it was probably more likely to see Zey tap dancing on his desk. Still, he couldn't deny that her words had had an _interesting_ effect on his insides, to say the least. He hadn't actually known it felt quite as warm and…_melty_ as that.

He shifted in his seat. He was dreaming. He must be. Aerin hadn't met him in a bar, kissed him, slept with him, multiple times, nor had she said anything like that. She'd probably even forgotten who he was.

But that situation with her boss…that was a nasty piece of work. She was tied to him, unwillingly, and he had the power over her life. He didn't like to think that the next time she went to work could be her last. He didn't like to think of losing her.

Because he thought, perhaps, he might love her.

He chewed the end of his stylus thoughtfully. Yes, he had a plan. It was still forming in his mind, but it was there, and it had taken firm hold. He wanted to help Aerin. He wanted to set her free. Her face with its crimson tattoos flashed in front of his eyes, her dark hair spread across the pillow and her mouth open in ecstasy, her eyes fluttering closed, her tanned skin glistening with sweat in the yellow street light that poured in from a grimy window. In that moment there, he'd felt something give way. Not physically, and he couldn't say how exactly he knew, but he did. Her walls had gone. She'd become vulnerable, shown a side of herself that he'd never imagined existed underneath her hard exterior – a scared, lonely girl who just wanted life to leave her alone so she could forget what a horrible past she'd had.

He hadn't known. But her story made him like her all the more. And the moment her walls had come down, he'd been at the heart of her. And now, if she ever put them back up, he knew he'd be trapped inside them.

He couldn't think of any place he'd rather be.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Thanks for reading! Yes, it's a girl! :D Next chapter, baby names and more MazeAerin…I can't get enough of those two these days…they're all I can think about. XD_

_Thoughts? Cute, hot, fluffy, romantic, wanted it to be a boy, sad, angry, hated it…? Let me know! Your feedback means so much to me._

_**Darksabre:** I really value your kind words! Thanks so much for everything, and I can't describe how happy it makes me to see your reviews pop up. Amazing! Thank you a million times._

_Maze has a plan, indeed. ;) Stay tuned._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	20. CHAPTER 19: Names

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19 – Names<strong>

Mereel had to admit, though he held no love for them, the Kaminoans had certainly done a lot of things right with the Fett gene.

He watched as Ordo and A'den walked up the hill to the bench, where he was seated bathed in spring sunshine. Ordo's movements were still stiff, but he seemed to have regained many of his former abilities in the past week or so, and now only needed one person to help him up steep embankments – on bad days. Besany or Fi were usually at his side, and for a moment Mereel felt guilty for not helping Ordo himself so much. He was his _brother_, for Force's sake. He got up off the bench and met them half way up the hill. A'den smiled a greeting to his brother as he approached.

"Odd to see you by yourself, _Mer'ika_. Thought we'd come and keep you company for a bit."

Ordo clasped Mereel's arm with a smile. "He's just bemoaning the lack of single women around here, I'm sure." Mereel grinned, and took his brother's other arm.

"Well, one has to make sacrifices for one's family, and all…"

They reached the top of the hill, and sat on the bench in a line, looking out over the lush green countryside that stretched for miles before them. Grass waved in the slight breeze, but the mountains in the distance still bore traces of snow on their peaks. Yes, Mereel thought, perhaps the city did mean more opportunities for some _socialising_, but he couldn't deny that he felt a pull to this planet that he assumed was down to feeling at home, at last. He'd never truly felt he _belonged_ anywhere but here. As long as he had his _aliit, _he was fine. He couldn't deny he missed the city, and the easy availability of people – or rather, women – was certainly missing here.

"I'm sure Mandalore has many fine women for me to sample."

Ordo rolled his eyes. "Just make sure you get there before Jaing does, or there'll be none left." A'den raised an eyebrow.

"He's not still hung up on that nurse, then?"

Mereel and Ordo shared a look. Jaing had been…quiet, as of late, they'd all noticed. Mereel had thought their talk a while back had been the last of it all, but the rest of the Nulls agreed, there was certainly something off about his demeanour these days. Mereel shrugged.

"You'd have to ask Jaing about that, _vod'ika_."

There was a peaceful silence for a moment, and the breeze rustled the leaves in the veshok trees. It was soothing. Mereel tapped Ordo on the arm.

"Hey, what about baby names? You must have something by now."

Ordo exhaled loudly. "You'd think we would by now. Trust me, we're thinking. Nothing seems to fit." He ran a hand through his hair absently.

"Well, I can give you names you should definitely _not _call her…"

"That's terrific." Ordo rolled his eyes. "Let me guess – every woman you've slept with?"

A'den looked over with a grin. "You can remember every name, _ner vod_?"

"We're Nulls, _vod_." Mereel grinned back. "We don't forget."

Shouts from behind them caught their attention, and the three Nulls turned to see the other three waving at them from below. Soon, Jaing, Prudii and Kom'rk were bounding up to join them, and sat on the grass in front of the others.

"Keldabe's busy. Spring market's open, and Rav's got a long shopping list."

"Hey, if it means we get food, don't complain."

"You're not the one who has to carry it all back…"

Kom'rk looked out over the expanse of land in front of them. His eyes were thoughtful, but then Mereel had always seen Kom'rk as the quieter, more conscientious and thoughtful brother. Mind you, he knew how to play cards damn well… "Anyone know when we're supposed to be going back?"

"Back?" Jaing lolled lazily in the sun, closing his eyes. A'den hit him in the back of the head.

"Yes, _ner vod_. _Back_. To war."

"Oh, that."

"_Kal'buir_ probably knows, Gods know how he's managed to keep Zey from throttling him over comm for how long we've all been away." Ordo stretched.

"He probably knows why we're gone. Jedi just do. And _we've_ been away," Mereel indicated the other Nulls, "_You've _been out of action for a good reason, _vod_." He poked Ordo in the chest. Ordo shrugged.

"Hey, that's another good question. What are you going to do now you're fighting fit again, _Ord'ika_?" Prudii cracked the joints in his fingers alarmingly loudly. Ordo gave a wry smile.

"I'm not exactly 'fighting fit', yet, though, am I?"

"You will be, though."

Mereel nudged Ordo playfully. "And when you are? You coming back to the field with us?"

Ordo made a gesture of helplessness with his hands. "I have no idea."

"You want to?"

"I-"

"_Vode_, leave him be," Kom'rk interjected. "He'll come back if and when he'd ready. He's got a lot on his plate right now."

Jaing, still sunbathing, smiled. "Ah, that's right. A baby girl on the way. You thought of a name yet?"

"No, Mereel's already asked that." Ordo sighed.

A'den pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Can't say I'd know what to call a daughter of mine, either."

"Not Nalah." Jaing grinned. "She was…well. Let's just say I'd think a name like that was cursed, the way she was. Luckily I believe I was drunk enough not to care."

Mereel straightened, his eyes narrowing. Had his brother just said…? "Nalah?" Jaing opened one eye.

"Yeah. Blonde girl. About half my height. Very…bubbly. But not so great when it came to the bedroom stuff..."

_Oh, no. _"Birthmark on her hip?"

Jaing opened his other eye. "Yeah…in the shape of a-"

"Crescent moon."

Jaing sat up, his eyes wide. "I met her at Zizzy's."

"_I _met her at Zizzy's."

"When?" Jaing blinked, his voice incredulous.

"About six months ago." Mereel frowned suspiciously at his brother. Jaing's face broke into a satisfied smile and he lay back down in the grass again.

"Seven."

Mereel scowled. "_Kote lo'shebs'ul narit_, she was awful."

Kom'rk looked from Jaing to Mereel with a raised eyebrow, then smiled, shaking his head. "I can't believe you two, sometimes."

"I can't believe she slept with _him _after me." Jaing grinned, his eyes closed. "What a disappointment that must have been."

"_Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod_?" Mereel tried to get to his feet, but Ordo's arm held him back.

"_Udesii,_ _vod'ike._ What does it matter, anyway?"

Mereel sat back down, and shrugged. "Just a matter of dignity, that's all." Prudii studied Mereel with his eyes narrowed, the way he did quite frequently these days. It made him feel scrutinised.

"You okay, _Mer'ika_? You're very highly strung these days. Not like you at all."

Five pairs of curious eyes turned his way, Mereel could have quite easily said that he was uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat and shrugged, not wanting to meet anyone's eyes for fear of them seeing something he didn't want them to. Brothers knew you too well.

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"I'm…"

Ordo raised an eyebrow. Mereel silently cursed the eloquence of his brother's eyebrows. He hadn't really formed the rest of that sentence in his head, as he'd expected to be interrupted before he'd have the chance to get it out, so he let the end trail off into the rustling veshok leaves and the songs of the spring birds. The sun warmed his face, and he closed his eyes.

Kom'rk, ever tactful, changed the subject. "You guys know when Omega go back?"

"Probably very soon. It's harder for them to disappear," A'den raised his arms above his head and stretched. "War calls to every man."

"And all that _osik_." Prudii finished for him.

Mereel could hear the smile in Jaing's words. "Jilka will be sad to see Corr go."

"I won't. My room's right next door to theirs." A'den laughed, and the others joined in with him. Except Ordo, but of course he'd never been one for coarse humour. Mereel finally felt safe enough to open his eyes, and when he did the sun nearly blinded him. Ordo moved by his side, and he realised his brother was standing up.

"I've got a date. Target practice." His brother ran a hand through his hair. "I feel like I'm four years old again," he said wistfully. Mereel stood too.

"I'll go with you."

"You don't have to walk me-"

"I want to."

Ordo shrugged, but nodded. "See you later, _vod'ike_." The others mumbled and waved their goodbyes, and Mereel set off down the hill with Ordo.

"Besany going to be there?"

Ordo nodded. "I'm remembering how to shoot whilst…teaching her, too. It's a bit weird, but it's…"

"Nice." Mereel finished. "It's nice." Ordo flashed him a smile, and put his hand on Mereel's shoulder.

"Look, I know when I was under you…you took care of things. The leader-role fell to you, I know, and I feel bad for what…" Ordo seemed to be picking his words carefully. "I feel bad for what I put you all through. I want to make it up to you, _vod_-"

"No, Ordo, it was-"

"It must have been awful, not knowing."

Mereel's words froze in his mouth. He remembered all too clearly the fear upon waking up every day that his brother might not make it through the next day alive, that he, Mereel, would have to be the one to comfort Besany and _Kal'buir_ and the _vode_, and he would have to be the one to take Ordo's place. And those were big boots to fill. He looked at his brother, remembered all the times he had been there, for everyone. He'd made it look so easy. And now Mereel knew how hard it was, he felt as though he should make it up to Ordo for letting him take it all on.

"Yes," Mereel swallowed, "It was."

Ordo squeezed Mereel's shoulder. "I'm sorry, _vod_."

"For what? You had no control over anything, none of this was your fault."

Ordo shrugged, and then sighed. "I just meant that I was sorry that all of this has scarred you."

Ice water dripped down Mereel's insides. He hadn't felt like this since he was six years old. He knew what it was; it was the feeling that everything had changed and would never be the same again, and he quite liked the way things had been before. "We can't go back, can we?"

"No, _vod_. We can't."

With Ordo's words, Mereel felt that many things that he had left unsaid were understood. A sense of certainty settled in Mereel's gut once more, as always did when Ordo said the right thing, and Mereel felt he could talk again without feeling choked.

"What's it like, being alive again?"

Ordo looked at him. "Honestly?" He stopped and thought for a moment. Mereel didn't push him. "It's better than the first time." He finished quietly. Mereel nodded. He understood.

"You know, I'll always be here, _vod_. In case you want to talk, or anything…" Ordo stopped as Besany and Parja approached with Fi from the distance, and clasped Mereel's arm. "_Vode An_. Brothers all."

Mereel gave him a well-practised grin, and left his brother to the capable hands of the family. He still had his family. His _aliit_. As long as he lived, that would be all he needed.

Now, to find out exactly how Jaing had met Nalah…

* * *

><p>"Tomorrow?"<p>

Corr nodded absently, throwing a hard rubber ball up in the air and catching it again, one handed. He did it again, and again, and then Jilka snatched it out of mid air and held it away from him, eyebrow raised. He grinned at her.

"Yes, tomorrow. Kal's already told you this twice, why do you need me to tell you as well?" He made a grab for the ball, but Jilka held it further away from him. Then she sighed, and dropped her arm.

"I don't know. It just seems like a long time until I'll see you again."

Corr looked at her, then took the ball from her hand gently and placed it on the side table in the _karyai_. No one was indoors today; the weather was too nice, but Corr hadn't been feeling too sunny these days anyway. In actual fact, he decided, he was nervous. Yes, he, Corr, former EOD, bomb disposal specialist, was nervous. But wouldn't any man be, when planning to ask his love to marry him?

He'd been thinking about it for a while now, and he couldn't imagine being with anyone but Jilka for the rest of his life. He couldn't really imagine her saying no, either, but then one never knew quite what went on in the minds of women…in any case, the right time had never come around, and if he was honest with himself he was nervous simply because he knew there was a chance she didn't feel ready and would turn him down.

Rejection…hurt.

But he was leaving tomorrow, all of Omega were – and if he didn't ask her today, he'd have to wait another month, maybe more, until he saw her again. He didn't like the way it pressed down on his chest, this nervousness. He'd be carrying it with him wherever he went until he just did it.

"I know, _cyar'ika_." He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss. "It seems unfair."

"Very," she agreed, and kissed him again. He could almost get lost in her lips; kissing her always felt new to him each time, like he had yet to discover her all over again. He never tired of it. His heart fluttered in his chest, nerves attacking him again. He should just hurry up and just _ask her_, for Force's sake…

He pulled away. "Jilka, I have something to-"

Rav's head popped around the door. "Inside on such a lovely day, _ad'ike_?" she smiled. Corr cursed to himself, but put on a smile. Rav continued, "Jilka, I need you to check that we have all the ingredients for tonight – you can never trust a man to shop for a woman, even if it's food, and I have a horrible feeling Jaing may have bought far too many candied nuts…"

As Rav went on, Jilka mouthed 'later' at him, got up with an apologetic smile sent Corr's way, and headed into the kitchen with Rav close on her heels. Corr exhaled explosively and fell back into the couch. At this rate, he'd never get the chance before he left tomorrow.

Outside, he could hear the sounds of discharging blasters, and with nothing better to do he wandered out to watch the target practice that Parja seemed to be holding. He noticed Fi was helping more than shooting, but Parja gave him the occasional rap on the back of the head to remind him he was there to learn, not teach. He could hear their conversations.

"Shoot, _F'ika_."

"Well, don't hit me on the back of my head. People who've been in comas are very insecure about being hit on the head."

Besany giggled, and her shot wandered far of the target. Parja rolled her eyes.

"Fi, look what you've done…"

Fi's voice was incredulous, but he was grinning. "Why is it always my fault?"

Corr noticed that Ordo was ignoring the others, and watched as he studied the blaster in his hand – a DC-15 sidearm, probably one of Omega's – and turned it over a few times, as though checking he could still remember what it was. He then sighted up a couple of times, without shooting, and adjusted his stance each time. Seemingly happy, he sighted up once more and this time he pulled the trigger.

The shot stopped the play-argument between Fi and Parja, and the three of them, including Besany, turned and looked at the target. There was a charred hole in the centre of it. Ordo just lowered the gun and looked at it for a moment, then turned to Besany and said quietly, "I think I remember how to use these. But I still prefer the DC-17."

Corr smiled, then moved to a sunny patch of grass where he could lie down for a while, and perhaps plan a different strategy for Operation: Proposal. Sounds of people enjoying the weather and enjoying each other's company surrounded him, and despite the nervous tremblings in his gut, Corr felt completely content. After a while, someone settled on either side of him. He opened one eye infinitesimally, and recognised Niner and Atin. Darman was, no doubt, somewhere with Etain and Kad. Corr nudged Atin.

"You going to get Laseema out here any time soon?"

Atin grunted as he settled down. "Hopefully. If she'll come."

"She will." Corr looked at Niner, then grinned. "It's about time you found a gal of your own, _ner vod_. Before they're all snatched up."

Niner threw a handful of grass in his face, and Atin laughed. Corr sat up to brush it off, but he was grinning too. "Just saying…"

"Well, don't. Just enjoy the here and now."

"Yes, sarge," Corr laughed. "Is that an order?"

Niner rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. Corr felt happy inside. Mission accomplished, then. Often he felt Niner was just too uptight, and it did him good to let go sometimes. It did them all good. He settled down in the grass for an afternoon nap, the sun warming his limbs nicely.

He knew, of course, that tomorrow would be goodbye again. But hopefully it wouldn't be the last. Maybe he'd even have a wife to come back to.

* * *

><p>"Like…" Ordo's voice was low in her ear, and despite the warmth of the day Besany shivered. "…<em>this<em>."

The gun discharged, and Besany jumped slightly at the kickback, her eyes squeezed shut. When she opened them again, there was a charred hole dead centre of the target. She smiled and turned in Ordo's arms, which had been showing her the correct hold and stance, so that she could face him. Ordo smiled at her, and his hand dropped to her belly as it did so often these days. He kissed her softly.

"Not bad."

"Not bad? I got it dead centre."

"That's because I was holding the gun."

"And lining it up."

"And pulling the trigger."

Besany giggled. "So, basically, I did nothing."

Ordo kissed her again. "Exactly. Now try again without me."

Besany sighted up with the DC-15 – it was different from the weapons she'd been practising with before, and she was having a hard time getting used to it – and remembered the tips he'd breathed down her neck. Then, happy with her effort, she pulled the trigger. The shot wasn't exactly centre, but it was near enough for her. She turned back to Ordo and shrugged.

"Close enough for me."

Ordo laughed. "Not for me. Here," he put his arms around hers again, pressing his body up close to hers so that he could whisper in her ear. He tilted her hands and arms slightly, his fingers firm but gentle as they guided her, and then he put his arms around her midriff, leaving her arms free. "Now try."

His touch was…distracting. But Besany Wennen was nothing if not a multitasker. She focussed on getting this one right so she could kiss him again, and steadied herself before pulling the trigger.

The target exploded in a flurry of straw and charred grass, and the mark the bolt left was as centre as Besany knew she'd ever get it. She smiled again.

"Do I get a reward?"

"Life's reward enough, isn't it?"

She turned to face him, her free hand cupping his face. He was alive. Yes, that was reward enough. She kissed him deeply, letting him know.

"Yes. It is."

Ordo smiled, then turned her again and put his arms over hers. "Once more."

She sighted up, laughed as Ordo kissed her shoulder, and pulled the trigger.

* * *

><p>It was raining again. Why did it rain so much these days on Coruscant, anyway? Maze grumbled to himself. It wasn't like the weather was spontaneous here. And the parks didn't need it, they were watered by sprinklers and such. He quickened his pace down the alley, dodging a puddle. It was, however, his favourite weather. Not least because one of the best things that had ever happened to him in his life had happened in the pouring rain. The memory still served to warm his skin, and his heart. But it wouldn't do anything about wet clothes…<p>

He reached her building, and let himself in. Passing drunken civilians and giggly couples on his way up the stairs – the turbolift was, undoubtedly, still broken – he eventually reached her door. He buzzed, and waited. Someone was playing very loud music nearby.

When the door opened, she let him in quickly. Slamming the door behind her, she grinned at him before wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing his lips to hers. He tried to pull away – he wasn't here for _that_, not tonight at least, and Zey had been very strict about him being back early tomorrow so a late night was a bad idea, and it would be _very_ late with her – when she pushed him backwards onto the bed and met his body and lips with hers again.

He was distracted by her touch, her lips, the way she seemed able to remove his clothing without him ever remembering her taking them off, and it wasn't until much, much later that night that he even remembered why he had come to see her.

He trailed his fingers down her bare arm. She had a tattoo there, a swirling design that had crosses through the line where it flicked off, the same red as the others. He wondered if it was a clan symbol, like the ones on her face, or if it was something she'd had done out of personal preference. Now was not the time to ask, though. He dropped his arm and looked her in the eye. She'd been watching him, of course.

"I think I can help you," he whispered. She smiled sadly.

"Of course you do."

"No, I mean I really can help you, Aerin."

She studied him for a moment, and then sat up. She had been holding his hand, but she'd dropped it now. Maze sat up too, confused. Her face took on a distant, cold look.

"I have a plan. Admitted, it's not-"

"Don't." She stared straight ahead, her eyes boring into the wall on the other side of the room. Maze tried to touch her arm, but she pulled away and turned on him, her eyes flashing.

"I said, _don't_."

She got up and began to pull on her clothes. Maze stood up and held her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.

"I have-"

"A plan, I know. I saw it all in your mind. My powers aren't _that_ bad." Maze was taken aback, and then realised she would have seen his thoughts through her psychometric powers. He'd been thinking over his plan whilst toying with his jacket on the way here, the one he'd lent her - and she'd read it off the jacket the moment she'd taken it off him tonight. He tilted his head.

"And?"

"And I think you're crazy. It's ridiculous, it'll never work."

"It might." Maze didn't want to give up, not when he was so close to saving her. Did she even know the effect she had on him? She made him feel like he could take on a whole planet by himself. He _knew _he could do this.

"Why? Because you're a special army trooper and they've never seen one of those before? They'll kill you. No, they'll skin you alive. And then kill you. I can't – I _won't_ let you do this."

"Okay. Why?" Maze stood back and folded his arms across his chest. She stared at him.

"Why? Haven't I made myself clear enough? With the skinning alive and the killing?"

"That's not really a 'why'. I knew what the risks were before I even came here tonight. Don't tell me it's because you're worried I can't handle myself."

She stared him down, then reached for her clothes again. "I have to go. Got a meeting tonight."

"With your boss?"

She didn't answer, but he let her dress. She slung her rifle over her shoulder and headed for the door. Maze got there first.

"Maze-"

"His name. At least give me your boss' name so I can do a threat assessment."

Her face hardened, but Maze could see it was a veneer hiding a kind of fear that startled him. Fear was something he had never expected to see on her. "No."

She tried to get by him, but he moved to block her way again. "Tell me. Please."

"I can't, it's a condition of our deal," she hissed. "I'm not allowed to tell you anything about him. If I do, he'll kill me. Or worse…" she looked off into the distance, and something feral and raw crossed her eyes. Maze trailed his fingers down the side of her face, and she leaned into his touch, eyes closed.

"I just want to save you," he whispered.

"I know," she whispered back sadly. "But trust me – it's not worth it." She took his hand in his and dropped it from her face, then pushed past him to the door. He let her go. She closed the door quietly behind her, and he was left alone in her apartment.

He was a tidy man by nature, and decided to surprise her by giving her a clean apartment to return to. So he made the bed, washed her dishes and gave everything a general tidy-up, before grabbing his coat to leave.

The corner of his coat caught a datapad as he went by, and it fell to the floor. He turned, picked it up and saw that the screen had turned on by accident. He would have placed it back instantly, had he not been so shocked by what he saw on the screen.

It was a holograph, a still image of a man lying in a pool of what Maze assumed to be blood, his eyes wide open in that same distant stare that the dead all shared. His face was badly beaten and bruised, and he had multiple stab wounds to his torso that Maze could only assume were the cause of death. Of course, that didn't count for the fact that the fingers had been messily cut off his hands, and on his forehead was carved a message in his skin, presumably done by a blade – NO WAY OUT.

Maze was shocked, and puzzled. He slipped the datapad into his coat, so that he could study it further later, and then slipped out of her building unnoticed. He couldn't place why, but all of a sudden he didn't feel so safe any more.

He'd see her again. And he'd change her mind, too. Because she needed to be free so that he could start feeling like he'd saved the one that mattered this time.

* * *

><p>Jilka was asleep.<p>

He'd waited too long, he knew he had, just lying there gathering the courage to ask. Eventually, the conversation had died and she'd become silent, and now her deep breathing indicated she was sleeping peacefully and had no desire to be woken up just so that he could marry her.

He cursed his stupidity – he was a commando, and he faced hordes of droids and spies and terrorists without a qualm. Yet here he was, unable to ask his lover a simple question. Ridiculous.

Granted, that one question meant the outcome of his entire life, but he was willing to forget that right now. It was too late, anyway. He resisted the urge to hit himself in the head, as that might have woken her and then she would have just asked awkward questions he wasn't prepared to answer.

He'd have to try next time he saw her. He sighed, leaned over to kiss her softly on the lips, and then fell back into the pillows and tried to forget the shaking nerves his insides still trembled with. Now he'd have to wait another month. At least.

She shifted beside him, and Corr's arms found their way around her. What did marriage matter anyway? They could still be together and not married, marriage just meant that he would never lose her. And if he was honest, he would probably never lose her anyway. He'd make sure of that.

Her breath glided over his neck, and she snuggled up to him. Her head lifted from the pillows, and he was aware of her gaze on him in the dim light. He opened an eye, and made a querying sound.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"I almost forgot, did you have something to ask me? You were going to do it earlier but Rav came in…?"

"Oh, that," Corr mumbled. Yes, he thought, _that_. Just a life changing decision that you just made sound like I wanted to know your opinion on how the curtains matched the wallpaper. He sighed. It was now or never, though in his mind he'd envisioned a more romantic proposal. His insides twisted and knotted around one another, he sat up and took her hand into his. In the moonlight he could see her eyes, and looked into them. Gods, she was beautiful.

"Jilka…" he began, not sure how to word it now that it was all real, all actually happening. He'd thought he was more prepared than this. He was supposed to be smooth. Gods, he was an idiot. What had happened to him?

"Yes?" she sounded as though she was waiting for him to continue. He probably should, now that he thought about it.

"I…would you…I mean, could I…no, wait, uh," he paused. That had gone well, considering. He cringed inside, but he couldn't stop now. She'd think he was crazy. He took a deep breath, and sighed. He met her eyes. She was still waiting. He smiled, despite himself. She really had no idea.

He shook his head, and kissed her. "Marry me?" he finished up, rather lamely.

She didn't say anything for a moment. Corr decided that it was either a 'no', or she hadn't understood quite what he'd meant. He cleared his throat. "Uh, in case you hadn't noticed, I just proposed to you, so an answer would be apt right about now…"

Her lips descended on his, and for a moment he couldn't breathe from the sheer amount of love he felt for her. Gods, if she broke his heart he'd die. She pulled away, smiled happily, and took his hand again.

"Yes, Corr. Yes."

He smiled. "Repeat after me, then."

**…**

* * *

><p><strong>Mando'a:<strong>

Kote lo'shebs'ul narit_ - You can keep your glory. (Contemptuous and impolite.)_

Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod? – _Are you looking for a smack in the face, mate?_

Udesii, vod'ike _– Calm down/relax, little brothers._

_Uh-oh. Jaing and Mereel slept with the same woman. ;) Hopefully she was me. 3_

_Corr and Jilka got married! In a totally dorky way…poor Corr. I do love him. XD And Maze is digging up dirt…hmmm. ;) Stay tuned to find out what happens next._

_Also a note – it's 4am. I stayed up until 4am for you guys, writing. And my butt is numb from sitting in this chair for so long. A review would be nice, thanks. ;) Just…maybe._

_Also, again, remember to check you have the right boxes on the review thingy ticked so you don't end up doing something you don't want to. :) Just a heads up, it automatically checks 'follow story' and 'follow author'. So uncheck those if you don't want to do that._

_Let me know your thoughts! I love you guys._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	21. CHAPTER 20: Decisions

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20 – Decisions<strong>

The Nulls were gone, Omega were gone, and the bastion was quieter than usual without them. Etain was around for another couple of days, but she'd be off as well soon. Ordo sat on the bench where days earlier his brothers had chatted in the sun, except now he was alone and in the dark, staring up at the stars. _Kal'buir_ was coming up the hill towards him, he knew, he could pick out the sounds of his father's walk anywhere.

Kal sat down next to him without saying a word. Ordo knew that he knew. The night sky was beautiful, a vast open space that twinkled like jewels on a deep blue-black velvet. It was probably a love that came from the fact that on Kamino the sky was always heavy dark clouds and greyness. Everything on Kamino was claustrophobic and sterile. Mandalore was earthy and raw and wide open. He loved it.

But Prudii had raised a good point. One of these days, he was going to be fit enough and good enough to fight again.

And then he'd have to decide whether or not he was staying here. With his wife and child, and his future and family. Or not.

He sighed quietly, and watched his breath cool to a mist before him in the dark. Any normal man would have no trouble deciding – his duty would be to his wife and child and family, here. But being a clone, and a Null at that, Ordo couldn't help but feel that staying behind on his _shebs_ whilst his _vode_ were out fighting a war and risking their lives was, simply put, _wrong_. He couldn't put a name to the exact feeling, but when he was on leave and they were not, he always felt like he was being stretched and torn inside – he wanted to be where he was, safe, but also couldn't bear to think of his brothers fighting without him. It was a trait unique to clones; one brother was always afraid to have an advantage over the other in any way, shape or form. And Ordo already felt he was pushing this with Besany. As _wrong_ as it felt to feel so. His brothers didn't have wives or children, and he did, and again he felt like the one who'd ended up the best off.

But if he went back to war, he might never come back.

He should be grateful for what he had here. It seemed stupid wanting to go back to something they were all trying to get away from. He couldn't bear either idea – leaving Besany alone here, perhaps never seeing her again, or staying with her and perhaps never seeing his brothers again.

As if sensing his thoughts, Kal put his hand on Ordo's shoulder. His adopted father's touch was so familiar to him that for one brief moment Ordo remembered the first night Kal had spent with the Nulls – the night Ordo had huddled under the blankets with him because the storm had scared him too much for sleep. That had likely been his last night as a scared, little boy. They'd all grown up far too fast. But Kal had always been there.

His duty was to his family. But when his family was in two places at once, Ordo didn't know where to go.

"The stars are so pretty here."

Ordo looked up at them again, and remembered Kal's lesson on Mandalorian myths and legends. The stars were said to be the fallen kings of long ago, their spirits preserved as lights in the night sky forever more. Mandalore hadn't been ruled by kings for thousands of years, but they had made their way through history in the legends of the people. And now they graced the night, never to be forgotten. Any child that looked up at the sky and saw the stars would be told the same story he had been told, from his father, like Ordo.

He could imagine telling the same stories to his daughter. And at that moment, something inside him settled and fell into place. She would look up at the night sky and know she was a part of something greater than just today.

When she was gone, people would tell of her in stories too.

"Yes. They are."

Kal looked at him. "Have you and Besany thought of a name for your girl yet?"

Ordo looked up at the stars again, and took a deep breath. "Actually, yes." Kal smiled.

"And?"

"And," Ordo stood up slowly, and looked down at the bastion thoughtfully, his mind racing, "I think I'd better go and tell her."

He patted _Kal'buir_'s shoulder and jogged slowly down to the bastion, his heart thudding in his chest. Besany had to know. He didn't know where she was, but he needed to tell her. Sometimes, things just fell into place and lit the way forward as though it had been there all along, like a great fog had been lifted from his mind and he could finally _see _again. He'd known it to happen during ops; when all seemed hopeless, one simple move revealed to him the way out of the mess – and a way to win. This was one of those moments.

He reached the door, and went in search of Besany.

* * *

><p>"How about Miri? That's a nice name."<p>

Besany gave Jilka a look, and the dark haired woman shrugged back at her. "My other idea was Haera." Jilka took her glasses off and toyed with them. "It's not like I'd know what to call a daughter of mine, anyway. I'm just trying to help."

"Hey, did Corr tell me right?" Besany nudged her friend gently, "You two got married?"

Jilka flushed, but her smile glowed with happiness. "Yeah. It was kinda last minute, if you get me, but…yeah." She finished up, and put her glasses back on so she could read the datapad she was balancing on her lap. It was late at night, and most of the bastion were asleep or out finishing various tasks. Besany knew Ordo was with Kal somewhere, and Fi had said he was going out to help Parja close up at her workshop. She and Jilka sat on the comfortable couches in the _karyai_, where a large fire crackled warmly. Even though it was spring here, nearly summer, the nights could still get cold. She was glad to have Ordo in her bed.

"Last minute?"

Jilka looked up from her 'pad. "Yeah. I was almost asleep and he just sort of asked me." She giggled. "That man has impeccable timing." Her smile lost some of its light, and she looked over at the door almost reflexively, as she had been doing for the last thirty minutes or so. Besany felt a pang of sympathy for her friend – it wasn't easy being away from the one you loved, especially knowing they might not come back. She put her hand on Jilka's.

"He'll come back."

"Yeah. In a body bag, maybe." Jilka bit her lip.

"Actually, he'll come back alive. If he died, they wouldn't retrieve his body. He wouldn't even _get_ a body bag." Jilka looked at her, and Besany shrugged. "Sorry. I researched this last year. It just goes to show that the clones literally mean nothing to the Republic they serve…" she sat back, and balanced her datapad on her belly. Jilka looked at the door again.

"I miss him."

Besany looked up. "I know."

"I can't believe he married me and then left."

"Gives a whole new meaning to the term _love 'em and leave 'em_."

Jilka giggled. "Seems to be the way Corr lives his life."

They read in silence for a minute or so, and then Besany yawned. Jilka looked up at the door again, and Besany rolled her eyes.

"Jilka, he's not coming-"

"No, but someone is…"

Her predictions proved true, as the door to the _karyai_ opened a second later and Ordo walked in. He acknowledged Jilka with a small smile and a nod, and headed for Besany's couch, where he sat next to her and pulled her into his arms. Besany kissed him.

"Hello."

"Hello there," Ordo kissed her back, and his hands went around her. He pulled away, "Listen, I've-"

Jilka rolled her eyes. "Ugh. I'm going to go to bed early if you two are going to be all lovey-dovey. My poor heart can't stand it." She shrieked as she dodged a cushion thrown her way, and laughed.

"Did Corr tell you they got married?" Besany turned to Ordo, who raised his eyebrows a fraction of an inch.

"No, he didn't. Congratulations."

Jilka sighed. "Thanks. I think. He could have timed it better, though. No room for a wedding night."

"Just think about when he gets back," Besany grinned. "Think of what he'll do when he sees you…"

Jilka sighed and mock-swooned against the cushions. "My poor heart flutters at the thought…"

"You might want Mij to look at that." Fi's voice broke through as he walked through the door, grinning as usual, his hand in Parja's. Ordo barely glanced at them.

"_Bes'ika_, I have-"

"So, what are we all doing?" Parja and Fi occupied another couch and Fi put his feet up on the low table between them, looking around at everyone.

"Thinking of baby names," Jilka took her glasses off and cleaned them with the hem of her shirt. "Seeing as how the happy couple are taking so long."

"I don't see the rush," Besany said. "We've got another four months left until this child is born."

"It'll go fast. And then before you know it…"

"We Mandalorians are early starters in everything," Parja took off her workshop gloves and put her hand in Fi's. "It's not unusual to be married by the age of seventeen." Besany narrowed her eyes as she noticed Parja give Fi a glance at these words, but Ordo distracted her from catching the other woman's eye.

"_Cyar'ika_, I'd like to-"

Fi didn't seem to have noticed Parja's hint, and if he had he was hiding it well. "If we all start so early here, how come you won't let me learn to drive again on your speeder, huh?"

"Because I _like_ that speeder. Modified it myself. And I saw what you did to _Aay'han_ the first time you took that out for a spin…"

"It's hardly noticeable."

"It was a dent the size of my arm. I would know, _I'm_ the one who had to fix it-"

Ordo tapped Besany's shoulder as the others laughed. "_Bes'ika_, please." She turned to look at him.

"Yes?"

"I need to talk to you-"

"Anyway, back to names," Fi cleared his throat. "How about…Nali?"

"Something _Mando'a_, maybe," Parja pursed her lips. "It's easier for boys."

"_Edee_?"

Parja raised an eyebrow. "Would you really want to name your daughter 'tooth', Fi?"

"It just sounds nice, you know?"

"_Orar_…thunder…no, that sounds wrong…"

"_Nuh'la_ means funny, right?" Fi asked.

"Yeah, but she'll probably grow up to be a very serious person – I mean, look at her parents." Parja grinned. "Now, if it was _our _child, on the other hand…"

"I concede your point," Fi grinned. "_Kyramla_ is more like it,"

"'Deadly'? Seriously?"

"She would be, though, with her parents…"

"_Ka'ra_." Ordo looked at Besany. She blinked. "_Ka'ra_," he said again, and she stared at the small table where Fi's feet were resting, her eyes distant. The room had gone quiet.

"Say it again." Besany cocked her head, and Ordo repeated the word.

"_Ka'ra_." She could feel his heart beating against her back. "It's from the Mandalorian myth that the council of fallen kings are now stars in the sky. It basically just means-"

"Stars." Parja finished, then paused. The room was quiet. Finally, "I like it. A lot."

"Kay-rah. Is that how you say it?" Jilka asked. Ordo nodded.

"It's spelt like 'Kara' with an apostrophe between the syllables," Parja added, "But theoretically you could just drop the apostrophe. It's not like anyone would be that picky."

Besany was silent. _Stars_. Her father had taken her out with him many times to their off-planet country house, where they'd spent the days fishing, exploring gem caves and meandering through woods. At night, they would lie by the lake and look up at the sky as the stars came out, and he father had said to her that the stars were the most important things in the night sky. They helped navigators find their way, they held life in their systems, and they were the closest thing to immortality anyone could wish for – they held the past in their names, and people knew these names from legends handed down for thousands of years. And they were the most beautiful thing in the night sky.

"_Ka'ra_," she whispered. "It's perfect."

Ordo met her eyes, and whilst the others clapped and cheered and laughed around them, Besany felt something within her connect to something in Ordo that she'd never felt before. She couldn't name it or place it, but all she could think of to describe it was a feeling of deep connection, like the feeling you get when you know someone is thinking the same thing as you are or you're both on the same page. That moment where you're not alone in your little world, and the other person is sharing their space with you, and you're totally at peace and the future suddenly doesn't look so scary.

And you couldn't love them any more than you did in that moment.

Leaving the others to wind down, Besany took Ordo's hand and they went to bed, smiling.

* * *

><p>The music was loud upstairs, hopefully loud enough to cover her cries. She didn't need any curious neighbours poking their heads in.<p>

The bacta and antiseptics stung, but at least they worked. She inspected the deep lashes on the back of her hands and lower arms. He'd been particularly upset tonight, and it showed. He'd been drunk, that hadn't helped. And it wasn't _her _fault that the damn target had got away. This time, anyway.

She hissed loudly as she dabbed at a particularly nasty-looking gash, and bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. She bit so hard that she drew blood. The corners of her eyes stung, but she wouldn't cry. She never did. She hadn't since she was very young.

She realised she didn't know if Maze was coming tonight or not. She didn't feel like seeing him, anyway. Her left hand gave a persistent throb, and she corrected herself – she _did _feel like seeing him, really, because something about his presence calmed her shaky nerves and cast away her fear. But seeing him would no doubt involve _touching _him, and to touch him she needed hands. And her hands didn't feel quite up to it tonight.

The blood dripping on her carpet from her arms was also just more proof that he was right.

Yes, his idea was crazy. Yes, he would probably be killed for it, and she'd likely be too. But she couldn't deny that if there was any one man in the entire galaxy that could carry it out, it was Maze. It gave her hope, which was the most dangerous thing she could ever have. She'd had hope, once. But it had been killed, and her nearly along with it. She knew he was determined to set her free – but he was not the first, and wouldn't be the last. The words 'no way out' flashed into her mind, carved into flesh, and she lifted her eyes to the ceiling, the closest to tears she'd ever been.

She was so alone. And no one could help.

Not even heroically challenged desk clerks who she might be falling in love with.

She would have cried, then. She would have cried, except that someone knocked on her door before the tears could fall. She drew herself together, pushed herself off her floor without using her hands, and opened the door a crack, careful not to let her arms fall into line of sight or her face show any emotion. Her resolve gave when aforementioned heroically challenged desk clerk inclined his head at her, his honey brown eyes determined but not unkind, and his jaw set. She let him in.

She knew what he was going to say.

He didn't say anything straight away, instead he made his way into her apartment and waited for her to close the door. His back was to her, and he turned his face to the side so that his profile was silhouetted against the yellow streetlight filtering in through her window. She swallowed, and hid her arms behind her back.

Slowly, he reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a datapad, setting it down on her table. It flashed on as he put it down, and the image on the screen faced her.

Her heart didn't so much sink as plummet, twisting and wrenching as it went.

She had to look away.

He was silent. The music from above seemed to cut off in her mind; all she could see and hear and think about was the mess her life had become and how she'd let it happen. The room shrank to just the two of them. Tears threatened again.

"What was his name?" he asked quietly.

She couldn't be strong tonight. It hurt too much. She sank down onto her worn couch and stared off into the distance, looking but not seeing. "Xiarr," she whispered.

Maze turned to face her slowly. "Is this why you didn't want me to try and help you?"

She nodded. Her nostrils flared, but she would not cry. She _would not cry_.

He paused, then flicked the screen of the datapad off. They'd seen enough. She knew she should be angry that he'd taken her things and looked through her private messages, but all she could feel was despair, deep and empty. What did it all matter any more?

He moved to sit next to her on the couch; it dipped with his weight as he perched next to her. She set her jaw, and tried not to cry, or let him touch her. She'd be lost if she did.

"Xiarr Kothari," she repeated.

"And he was…?"

"A friend."

"A friend. Right." Maze seemed almost angry that she hadn't mentioned Xiarr to him before, and she realised he must be thinking he was another love of hers. She smiled almost distantly at the thought of Maze jealous of another man. He really had no idea.

"Yes, a friend. He was in my clan." She composed herself enough to talk with a couple of deep breaths that seemed to echo in the small room. "More like a brother, really."

Maze shifted beside her, and she felt his anger abate somewhat. "And he…came to find you?"

"No. Yes. Well," she slumped with a sigh. "That's how it started, anyway."

"And it ended with him dead, and a nasty message carved into his forehead." Maze raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," she swallowed. "It did."

The sounds of a giggling couple on the stairs drifted up to their ears, and she could hear the music again now. Her arms throbbed, and she realised the bacta and antiseptic pads were still laid out on the floor. She hoped he wouldn't ask too many awkward questions about that.

"Excuse my bluntness, but I don't entirely understand." Maze's voice was low and gravelly. "Why did he come to find you after all these years? And how exactly did he end up like that?"

"I don't know why he came to find me," she gave a small, quiet laugh. "We'd been good friends when I was young, maybe he'd just wanted to come and check up on me."

"Check up on you." Maze repeated.

"If you want to know if I slept with him or not, the answer's _no_." She turned on him, sick of his cold indifference. Why couldn't he just leave things alone? Her head pounded. She hadn't slept well last night.

"I wasn't-"

"You were. You're just like every other man – possessive and jealous. What about how _I_ feel about all this? So what if I let another man into my apartment? What would you even know about my life before meeting you? You don't_ know _me. He's dead now, dead because of me. Do you have _any _idea how that makes me _feel_?"

She couldn't help from screaming at him. It just felt so good to release all her pain and anger, and he'd just been in the way. She regretted it almost instantly as his expression changed to one of mild remorse and his hands fell in his lap, his eyes dropped from hers.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered. Her heartbeat was loud in her ears.

He looked at her and shook his head. "No. I am."

After a pause, she went on. "He came to find me, anyway. And then he found out about my situation, like you did. And he decided it would be a good idea to try and save me, too," she said, bitterly. "He tried to kill my boss. He ended up dead for it, and I got sent the pictures to scare me from trying to get out again."

"'No way out'." Maze quoted.

"No way out," she nodded, and turned away. Xiarr…she missed him a lot. He'd been a good friend to her. Too good.

"You don't want me to try because you're afraid I'll end up like him." It wasn't a question.

She turned to face him, too tired to fight the tears in her eyes, and nodded.

His hands cupped her face, and as a lone tear fell he caught it with his thumb and brushed it away. His other thumb traced the red resh tattoo on her cheek, and slowly his lips descended on hers, his touch leaving tracks of fire across her skin. His kiss was gentle and soft, and he smelled like things she wouldn't have thought possible on a planet that was all city – spring rain and dewy grass, like the freshness of a country morning, and cinnamon and spices. It was so different from the other times they'd kissed, so tender and delicate that she could almost believe it was another man. They'd been forceful and passionate before, like tongues of flame that consumed all they touched. Now they were the embers, still hot enough to burn but far gentler, and perhaps the promise of more. His lips caught hers, and she lost herself.

Her hands came up to cup his face, and he broke free to look into her eyes-

And too late she realised he could see the lashes on her arms.

His eyes widened in shock, and she snatched her arm away from him, face burning. She tried to turn away from him, but he caught her arm and forced her to face him. Their eyes met, and he stared at the deep cuts on her arms and hands. She let him. Her chest heaved with unshed tears, but all he did was raise her hand to his lips and kiss it.

"Let me-"

He spotted the bacta and antiseptic, and drew her to the couch. She sat as he tended her wounds with gentle and firm hands, hands that were skilled from years of training. Hands that touched her with love and care she'd never known before.

Later that night, she dozed in his arms. He kissed her bare neck.

"Please, Aerin," he murmured. "Let me save you."

She turned to him, her eyes full of tears. "They'll kill you for it."

"I don't care."

"They'll kill _me _for it."

"Then I die too."

"Don't."

"Don't what?" he traced patterns down her bare arms with his fingers, but his voice was all hard determination. "Don't save your life? Don't stop this? You like it like this, huh? I see. I didn't know."

"_Don't_," she was begging him now, "make me cry."

He looked at her. "I just want-"

"To save me. I know."

She broke down.

Tears came fast, and sobs racked her body so violently that she couldn't keep still in his arms. He simply held her and stroked her hair, and when she had finally poured all of her grief and despair onto his shoulder he lifted her face.

"You _are_ worth saving. You're everything to me, Aerin."

Somehow she knew what was coming next. And as much as she liked to think she was a hardened criminal, that nothing anyone said could touch her, she knew she was hopelessly and utterly helpless in his arms, and he'd say it anyway, even if she already knew.

"I love you."

He seemed to stop and consider these words, before flushing furiously in a way she found oddly attractive. As grown men, and tough, warrior-men, seeing childish embarrassment on the clones was simply, for want of a better expression, _adorable_. And he _loved_ her. _Her_.

She cried silent tears, and kissed him.

Morning came all too soon, and he was pulling on his jacket to leave before she had gathered up the courage to say it to him.

"Maze?"

He stopped and looked at her. "Yes?"

She pulled him to her with the lapel of his jacket, and met his eyes. She took a deep breath. Yes, it was wrong, and yes, she was risking both their lives for this. But he was right, and she _wanted_ this. She knew she did. She was just scared, and cowardice was not something she prided people on. For their sake, she had to. There was no other way.

"His name's Lorenz Hunt," she said quietly. "He's Falleen, one of the only ones on the planet I'd guess. That's why he doesn't come out a lot – people would notice him. That's why he hires people like me to do his dirty work."

Maze's eyes bore into hers. She couldn't help but feel like people were watching her even now. Gods, she hope this didn't end the way she thought it would.

"Okay," he said finally. "Am I to assume this is an approval to take action?"

"In army terms, yes." She took a deep breath, and lowered her voice. "Do it."

He nodded once, and kissed her. "I'll be back as soon as I can with more details. Stay safe." He closed the door behind him with a small click, and Aerin looked around her small apartment.

Nowhere was safe now. She could feel it. But if her safety was what she had to trade for her life, for _their_ lives, she'd take it.

She'd always been on the run, anyway. Now would be no different. This time, though, she'd have someone with her.

They'd be running together.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Happy birthday <strong>laloga<strong>! Hope you enjoyed. :) Some clone romance for you. Your reviews and feedback have been invaluable to me, and if it weren't for you Aerin Niobe would never have existed! A million thanks. 3_

_Things are heating up. But Ordo and Besany now have a baby name! And Parja keeps hinting at Fi…wonder where that'll go. ;)_

_Please review! Your words mean so much to me, I can't begin to tell you what goes on in my head when I see I have a review…it's quite mad. Let me know what you think about the baby name, and other such things. :) Please?_

_I'd like to take this opportunity to say that this fic is definitely nearing its close. It's got a while to go yet, but it's getting very close. If you have an idea for a scene you'd like to see, please tell me as I am looking for scenes to fill gaps in my planning from here to the end of the fic, and your ideas could spark some inspiration._

_Also a note for you picky people - in SW time, pregnancy is 8 standard months, not 9. So my maths is correct here, Besany's just hit about 4 SW months - half way._

_Next chapter…I have no idea what's going to happen in the next chapter. :P I'll find out when I write it._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	22. CHAPTER 21: On Our Way

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21 – On Our Way<strong>

Maze passed Zey a datapad with what he hoped was his usual polite smile, and tried to stop his hands from shaking.

Zey didn't seem to notice, thankfully, or if he did he said nothing about his aide's anxious state of presence. He smiled back and took the 'pad, and made polite conversation that Maze was only half listening to. He hid his own 'pad away from Zey's eyes, not wanting his General to see the files loaded. In all honesty, he admitted to himself as he made his way into the back office, where the afternoon sun shone bright through the windows off the transparisteel skyscrapers, he himself didn't even need to look at the files any more. He had them committed to memory; he'd looked over them so many times.

It was nerves. He, an ARC trooper of the Grand Army of the Republic, was scared of his first 'mission'.

He was going to kill Lorenz Hunt.

And he was going to do it tonight.

He'd been watching, following Aerin whenever she went out, noting places that a sniper could easily conceal himself or an attacker could hide in the shadows. He felt a stab of guilt for not having told Aerin about this; but at least it proved he could follow anyone and they wouldn't see him. She seemed to have a radar for his movements. He'd read all possible files possessed on the former mercenary, finding enjoyment in finally being able to use his slicing skills, and had felt the thrill of the hunt when he thought about setting Aerin free from that bastard.

But now the moment was here, he was…apprehensive. To say the least.

He stared at the man's face on the screen in front of him: Falleen, green, scaly skin and sharp, reptilian cheekbones that framed a cold face. To anyone else, he would have looked like any other Falleen out there. But to Maze, a clone who had spent at least ten years of his life around people with the same face as him, the subtle differences in eye, jaw and hairline, the slight tilt of the eyes, the downward turn of the lips, the wideness of the cheekbones…to him, Lorenz was easily distinguishable. It helped that there were estimated less than 100 Falleen on Coruscant at any given time; odds said he'd be the only one in the area. The Falleens' isolationist attitude made Lorenz an easy find on Coruscant. Maze had also seen that face many a time in his own nightmares.

Maze had caught a glimpse of Hunt a few times, which he'd barely had time to register as odd – if the man wanted to walk out of his crime den, he would. It just made Maze's job easier. He'd risked everything for this – especially their safety. Aerin didn't sleep well; she tossed and turned and awoke in cold sweats, murmuring about nowhere being safe and eyes and ears in walls. Then she paced. All night.

He hadn't told her much about his plans for fear of her being tortured for information, should he get caught. That, and he needed her surprise to be real. He couldn't afford mistakes, he couldn't afford this to go wrong. All it would do was give her more nightmares. She didn't know he'd be following her tonight.

The doors to the office swished open and Zey strode in, looking down at a datapad and barely acknowledging Maze's presence. The General definitely seemed bothered about many things these days. It was the war, he always said, the blasted war. Maze, eager to take his mind off his stomach-churning night ahead, decided to listen to Zey's conversation this time.

"Kashyyyk's a bit of a mess at the moment. We seem to be pulling through, thanks to General Tur-Mukan's leadership and Delta's skill," Zey paused and studied the 'pad for a moment, then carried on. "Yes, we seem to be winning – if barely. General Vos will be arriving to aid them soon."

"I'm sure they'll appreciate that," Maze said.

"I don't know," Zey said, then gave a small chuckle. Maze couldn't help but notice how weary the big man looked, even under his pretences at cheerfulness and his big beard. "Quinlan Vos isn't overall…_liked_ by clones, it seems."

Maze had never really met the man, so couldn't pass a judgement. But he knew the talk. "It seems he doesn't like clones, sir. Doesn't 'trust' them, in his own words."

Zey made a conceding nod. "I believe he's been known to say that there's something a bit _wrong_ about you. I can't say I wholly disagree. Your timing was…impeccable. As though someone knew there was going to be a war before it was even mentioned. And to think it was a Jedi…" Zey trailed off, his eyes glazing over.

Maze couldn't help it. "Seems like a bit of a contradiction, doesn't it, sir?"

Zey looked up.

"I'm sorry?"

"You Jedi always fight about the morals of using us clones – is it slave labour? Why don't they get rights? Who are they? Are they independent enough to know this and that? If so, how do they feel? Why even ask – if they don't have rights they're not citizens. Is it right? Is it wrong?" Maze pursed his lips. "When really, a Jedi ordered us in the first place."

Zey seemed to mull over these words. He gave a sad smile. "You're not an item, Maze. You weren't 'ordered'."

"We were, sir. And we seem to have less of a problem accepting that than the Jedi do."

Zey went silent. The quiet whirring of computers and the passing of traffic seemed profoundly loud in the silence of the moment. Maze wondered if this was the last time he'd ever see the sun, feel its warmth on his face. If he could be dead by tomorrow morning.

"This war has exposed a lot of issues with the galaxy. And the Jedi." Zey sighed. "I don't think we'll ever be the same. Too many of us are being lost, too many of us are seeing the truth."

"The truth?"

"We're flawed. The whole system's flawed." Zey looked uncomfortable. "This war is flawed, the Republic is flawed, the Jedi are…even the Chancellor himself is flawed."

Maze shrugged. "No one's perfect."

"They're not little flaws. They're gaping holes that could tear everything apart. And sometimes," Zey leaned in a little closer to Maze as though afraid the walls could hear him. Maze knew the feeling; he'd been living like that for a month now. "Sometimes I don't think that would be a bad thing. Everything needs a big re-think."

"If I may say so, sir, I agree."

Zey nodded sadly. "We're all just too blind and scared to look at what's _really_ wrong here."

They sat in silence for a moment, and then Zey got up with a sigh. "Better get back to work. The Republic doesn't fight its own wars." He flinched at his words, and caught Maze's eye, who raised an eyebrow. "I meant to say the Republic doesn't fight its wars by itself." He ran a hand over his face. "I'm far too tired for this."

Maze gave the man a wry grin and stared out of the window. Zey moved to the other side of the room.

"You know, Maze," Zey said, "I've never seen you so talkative. I like hearing your views. They're refreshing. It's nice to see things from a different angle. And also for you to get things off your chest." Zey gave him a sideways look, one that Maze had learned to avoid as it often meant Zey was Force-scrutinising him. He walled up his nerves for tonight and any thoughts other than the current moment, and it seemed to work. Zey went on, "I often wonder what you're thinking inside that genius mind of yours. You don't say a lot. It would be nice if you talked like this more often."

Maze considered telling Zey about Lorenz Hunt and Aerin and the 'mission' tonight, but quickly decided against it when he realised that Zey would never let it go ahead. Zey was keeping him alive by keeping him at a desk; to throw that back in his face was simply disrespectful. And then everything else would have to come out too. He simply smiled politely again.

"Is that an order, sir?"

Zey laughed. "So you _do_ have a sense of humour under there…" he grinned, and went through to the other room as the caf maker pinged. He brought Maze a fresh cup a moment later, and went back to his duties, leaving Maze to think about tonight.

The night everything changed, be it for better or for worse. He realised right then that the only thing he wanted to do now was go and find Aerin and hold her in his arms, in case it was his last chance to do so. He wanted to remember every scent of her dark hair and skin, every curve of her body, every tone of her voice. He missed her.

He didn't want her to see him die. Perhaps that thought would be the difference between life and death tonight.

He looked into Lorenz Hunt's cold, calculating eyes on the screen before him, and felt a chill run through him despite the warmth of the afternoon sun.

* * *

><p>Fi dodged a flying cushion as he made his way through the door into the <em>karyai<em>. Someone female swore loudly, and then huffed.

"I can't find my glasses."

"Jilka, you were wearing them less than an hour ago."

"I know! But I put them down somewhere and now they've gone missing…"

Besany and Ordo were sat on one of the couches, watching as Jilka threw cushions in every direction as she searched under them. Parja came up behind Fi and linked her arm through his, smiling up at him. She always did that. He liked it.

Fi cleared his throat. "Guys, Kal's calling a meeting."

They all stopped what they were doing to look at him; the silence was tangible. Parja tilted her head. "What about?"

He swallowed. "Wait for him to get here. He's bringing Mij and Rav, and _Bard'ika_ too," he sat down, and Parja sat next to him, her arm still in his. _Kal'buir_'s voice had sounded the way it did when he had a plan over the comm, calm and focused with a determined edge that Fi had come to trust over the years as being a good thing. Normally everything worked out okay when _Kal'buir_ had one of his plans.

They all waited in tense silence, and when Kal arrived he didn't say much. Mij and Rav sat down on either side of him, and waited for Kal to start.

"It's time," he said.

Fi knew he put the pieces together a fair bit slower than the rest, and wasn't surprised when Parja squeezed his arm a second or so before he understood. He looked at her.

"It's not happening right now," Kal went on, "But very soon. Mij and I are travelling to Coruscant today with _Bard'ika_, and we'll be bringing Laseema and Kad back with us when the time is right. Etain, the Nulls and Omega will be given RV points at that time." Kal ran a hand through his hair. "All I'm asking is that you sit tight down here and expect an influx of people. It's all happening soon."

"What's with so many people going?" Ordo asked. "Surely half that will be needed for moving Kad and Laseema…"

"We've got some…other passengers on the way too." Kal and Mij shared a look, and Mij nodded. "Okay. _Ad'ike_, you remember how I promised you a full life span?"

Fi nodded. Kal went on. "Well, Fi will remember Dr. Uthan…"

Fi raised his eyebrows. "The geneticist-scientist lady with the colourful hair? From the Qiilura mission?" He silently left off the part about her making a virus that targeted the Fett gene and working under Ghez Hokan, a Mandalorian under hire by the Seppies, a man whose armour he, Fi, now wore. Too much detail was too much detail.

"Yes. Her. Well, she's going to be giving you your lives."

Fi froze for a moment. "Wait. Do I have this right? We spent a hellish nightmare on that planet trying to imprison her just so you could get her out again?"

"We've tried other people, Fi," Mij shrugged. "But she's the best."

"She's also in a mental institution."

"I'm sure she'll be quite friendly once we've given her some fresh air and home cooking."

"Okay," Fi mulled this over. "Do the rest of Omega know about this?"

Kal swallowed. "They will, Fi. I'll tell them myself when I see them." Fi met his eyes, and in a single moment he somehow felt as though that wasn't enough.

"I want to go with you."

Parja squeezed his arm. "Fi-"

He turned on her. "I can go, can't I? I need to see that this goes okay. I need to stop-"

Parja was rubbing his arm, and it was only then that he realised he was panicking, and he had no idea why. A sudden feeling of _this is not going to go okay_ had settled on his gut and suddenly he realised he didn't trust anyone to do this but himself. He needed the others to know they were going to be okay.

So many things could go wrong. What they were doing was desertion. If they were caught, they'd be shot. Or worse. And if he didn't see this through, he'd blame himself for not having tried harder. For not having _been _there.

Ordo leaned forward in his seat and cleared his throat. "_Kal'buir_, if Fi's going, I'm going too."

Fi met Ordo's eyes, and some sort of understanding passed between them. Family was at stake here. _Aliit_. And brothers were not easily let go of.

"_Ord'ika-_" Kal tried.

"No." Ordo stood up. "I could do with stretching my legs. What's a walk back into Corrie?"

Kal looked aggrieved. "Fi, you're supposed to be dead-"

"I'll stay out of sight, then."

"And Ordo-"

"I know," Ordo sighed. "I haven't figured it out myself yet either. But _Kal'buir_…"

Besany bit her lip and touched Ordo's hand. "Ordo, please. Sit down." Ordo looked at her, and then complied, albeit haltingly. Besany turned to Kal. "How long do you think you'll be on Coruscant for before you bring everyone home?"

"That depends," Kal sighed. "On schedules, comm traffic and signal…it's as much about getting the message out safely as getting the people out." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "But I'd say no more than a month. It's…close. It's all adding up now."

"It's all adding up?" Jilka looked baffled. Fi didn't blame her.

"The information Besany siphoned off the Republic Treasury, and that Jaing now does with her codes. The numerous payments towards ships and clones that we simply haven't seen yet. It's all adding up to something big, and that something big will be the perfect cover for our evacuation."

Jilka looked at Besany incredulously. "So…you've been spying on the Treasury for Ordo and the family? How did I not know this?"

Besany held her head in her hands. "It wasn't information I publicly announced, you know? Fear of being shot for traitorous actions and all that…"

"Okay, can we just…chill, for a moment?" Parja spread her hands. "Kal, Mij and _Bard'ika_ are going to Coruscant-"

"With me." Fi and Ordo said in unison.

"No," Parja and Besany said in unison.

Jilka laughed.

Kal sighed.

"Look, I understand what you're-" he began.

"No, you don't, _buir_." Fi shifted in his seat. He didn't like arguing with his father, but sometimes he got this feeling that told him he had to _do_ something and he was getting it painfully strongly now. "You don't – you don't - " Fi searched for the right words but couldn't find them, and for some reason his inability to form the words made him feel like he needed to go with Kal even more. Accidents happened when you least expected them, and Fi was living proof of that. He needed to make sure everyone was safe this time.

Of course, he couldn't say this, because his mouth wasn't working properly, so he simply sat back and frowned. Parja's hand found his again.

Ordo turned to Bardan, who up to this moment had been silent. "_Bard'ika_? What do you say? You want me and Fi to come along for company?" Behind Ordo, Besany was shaking her head frantically at Jusik.

Jusik's eyes darted to Kal before speaking. "Well, actually _buir_, I don't think it would be such a bad idea for them to come along. I mean, if push comes to shove when it comes to releasing Uthan, two uniformed GAR soldiers will come in handy. And then just in case we meet any other unwanted guests along the way…"

Fi grinned. "Come on _buir_. You know you want us."

Kal looked at Besany, who seemed to have the deciding vote on whether Ordo stayed or went. Ordo turned to look at her almost pleadingly. She sighed, closed her eyes, and then shook her head.

"Okay. Fine," she said quietly. Ordo put his arm around her, and Fi turned to Parja.

"I can go too, right?"

Parja cupped his face with her hand. "Whatever. Just don't get knocked about too much, okay _cyar'ika_?" Fi's mouth split into a grin and he hugged her happily. She laughed.

Kal looked at Mij, who looked at Bardan. They all shrugged. "Fine. We leave tomorrow at sunrise, okay?" Kal reached over to ruffle Fi's hair, a force of habit now it seemed, and then the meeting dispersed.

Parja took his hand. "You'll be okay, right?"

Fi thought for a moment. Then, "Yes. I think I will."

She smiled, and hugged him.

Jilka sighed. "Great. We're all happy, then. Now can someone _please _help me find my glasses?"

* * *

><p>The alley was dark.<p>

Far darker than those that had come before it; and no sound seemed to penetrate the thick, smog-like blackness. All sounds of bars and clubs had ceased once he'd slipped down it in the shadows, his blasters hidden under a long dark coat. He wore his bodysuit, but couldn't have risked the armour as well - far too stark and obvious at night, clean white as it was. Aerin had entered the door she usually did, but this time Maze's intention was to follow her in. He paused as the door shut, and steadied his thumping heart with a deep breath.

Then he pushed on the door controls, and, to his surprise, they opened.

There was no one there. Adrenaline fuelled his brain and brought back countless lectures and training exercises. If there was no one there, and this was the entrance to a crime lord's den, he was either expected or Lorenz Hunt was a very stupid man.

Maze was counting on it being the latter option here. Either way, his way forward was unhindered, and he proceeded down a musky corridor until he reached an opening onto what looked like a nightclub. The lights were low and music blared from loudspeakers, and a bar at one end was serving drinks. There was smoke - artificially created or otherwise, Maze had no idea - swirling in amidst the dancing couples that gave the whole place an odd feel of a holodrama set. Perhaps that was what alerted him, but the idea that this whole club setup could literally be that - a setup - caused him to look around for Aerin and her path through the hazy room.

He saw her disappearing through a well-concealed door just as it closed behind her. Maze assumed this would be where Hunt met with his clients and hired help. Logically he knew he couldn't just walk in; so he'd have to wait for Hunt to come _out_.

Which could be all night.

Maze looked around again, sweeping the area with his eyes. No men disguised as club-goers who were obviously more like Hunt's security guards. No cameras. No sign that this was anything other than a club. This puzzled Maze. Perhaps Hunt was stupider than he'd anticipated. As long as it made his job easier...

Up above, there were balconies running the walls of the 'club', where various species of the galaxy were drinking, lounging, watching the dancers. Maze knew he could blend in there. Someone could pull a trigger and no one would know who'd done it.

Then it was just the matter of getting out again.

He found his way up to the balcony facing the door Aerin had just gone through, and stood poised to whip out his blaster at any moment in as relaxed a way as he could.

What felt like hours ticked by, and the loud music had just cranked Maze's anxiety levels up a notch or two before the door finally opened again.

His heart leapt in his chest and he felt the cold, prickly sensation of adrenaline flooding his body a split second before Aerin came out of the door, her gaze downcast in a way that made her completely inconspicuous. She seemed in a hurry to leave. Behind her came Lorenz Hunt, his lizard-like face and sharp eyes exactly the way Maze remembered them. He had three obviously armoured guards with him, and they were also carrying guns from the look of the bulges under their jackets. Hunt stopped to say something to them, and they all turned to look at Aerin's retreating back.

Immediately Maze knew something was wrong.

Before his mind had pieced it all together, it was too late.

A shot rang out, and the club became instant silence. No one moved. Except Maze, of course, because if he'd stayed where he was the blaster bolt would have gone right through his forehead. Part of his mind was relieved that it hadn't been Aerin they'd been shooting at, but the rest of his mind was preoccupied by the dark shapes moving towards him seemingly out of nowhere. The muzzles of blasters were pressed to his torso - four of them, he counted - and he was restrained as someone stripped him of his weapons.

And then he saw Aerin, being held, kicking and spitting, by the three guards Hunt had been talking to seconds earlier.

Hunt's voice was low and slightly hissing, but it carried far better than Maze would have thought. It matched him perfectly.

"Ladies and gentlemen. I do believe the party's over."

The club emptied far faster than Maze had ever seen before. Hunt gestured at the guards holding Aerin and they dragged her over to his side. She struggled. Hunt put his hand under her chin and lifted her head, forcing her to look at him.

"I thought I'd made it clear, Niobe. Do the words 'no way out' ring any bells?" he hissed.

Aerin's eyes flashed to Maze, and he tried to plead with her. "Aerin-"

A swift punch to the kidney shut him up. The added stars in front of his eyes were a bonus, too.

Lorenz Hunt gave a mocking laugh. "Thought your boyfriend could save you, Niobe? Thought he wouldn't end up like the last one?" Aerin lashed out at her captors but they held her tight. That just seemed to make her even more frustrated. Maze shook his head to clear the stars in front of his eyes.

"She didn't know I was coming, Hunt. Now let her go."

"You think you're the only one who's tried to do this?" Hunt laughed. "You should see how the last one ended up."

Maze didn't have an answer for that, so simply tried to catch Aerin's eye. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and scared. Hunt flicked his fingers, and one of her captors aimed a sharp punch to her jaw. She shrieked, and blood spurted onto her chest from her split lip. She would have fallen over, but the other two men had her held tight. The next one kicked her in the torso, and she grunted and fell to her knees, doubled over. Maze felt something like panic rush through his chest. Hunt just carried on talking.

"You haven't been the only one doing a bit of spying, you know. My men noticed you the first night you followed her, and have been watching your movements ever since. I thought I'd give you a glimpse of me every now and then, so you weren't disappointed, of course," Hunt cocked his head. "I thought I'd made it obvious. But you went ahead anyway. You're stupider than I could ever have imagined." He gave a tight-lipped, cold smile, and signalled for the third man holding Aerin to start hitting her. Maze had to close his eyes. He couldn't get her yelps out of his mind. If he made it through this, he knew they'd haunt him for a very, very long time. Perhaps even forever.

Maze didn't want to talk with this man. Suddenly, everything he'd seen - and hadn't, come to that - over the past month flashed in front of his eyes and he felt like such a _di'kut_. _Such_ a _di'kut_. How could he not have pieced it all together? The missing security guards, the ease of access to information, the way everything had just seemed to be open for him to grab...

He'd messed up. Royally.

And now he was probably going to die.

He met Aerin's eyes. She looked up at him sadly, tears balancing on the brim of falling in her eyes, and she mouthed 'I told you so'. He shook his head slowly.

And knew he wasn't going down without a fight.

Without even pausing to think properly, Maze aimed a low kick at one of his captor's legs. The man, startled, fell, and Maze freed one of his arms, caught the man, and threw him into another captor. The two men stumbled backwards, guns dropped, and fell over the edge of the balcony. Maze, now with both arms free, turned and shoved the other two away before they could pull their triggers. Then he rolled, grabbed the nearest gun, and shot them both.

Blaster bolts rang out in the large room, their colours flashing in the dark, smoky room. As Maze rolled and dodged fire, he could only hope that none of them hit Aerin by accident. He took cover behind a column, checked the charge on his gun, and then turned and shot in the general direction of Lorenz Hunt. Someone cried out and thudded to the ground, but Maze couldn't possibly tell if it was Hunt or not in the heat of the battle. Instead he slid down the stairs, blindly dodging fire, able to think of nothing but getting to Aerin and making sure she was okay-

Something solid hit him square in the chest and he fell backwards, a heavy-set Twi'lek male descending upon him with a blade. Maze moved his neck just in time. He heard Aerin shriek, and could only assume that with one of her captors gone she had managed to free herself and fight back. Maze kneed the Twi'lek hard between the legs, and the man rolled off him. Before Maze could think, he shot the man. It was better that way, without thinking.

Someone grabbed his arm and wrenched, and Maze cried out in shock and pain. He couldn't even get his bearings straight before the man - a human male, dark skinned from what Maze could tell - flung him into the bar. The impact sent shockwaves through Maze's body, and he crumpled to the floor in front of the bar, winded. The dark man then smiled down at him, a very white-toothed smile, and the next thing Maze knew he was staring into the business end of a blaster gun.

He instantly knew why people were always so scared when faced with a gun.

He closed his eyes, prepared for the worst, if only wishing he'd said something more poignant to General Zey before departing that night - it had been 'goodnight, sir' as always - and if only wishing he could hold Aerin one more time and tell her he loved her.

He waited for the man to pull the trigger.

Someone swore, then all Maze could hear was someone hitting the ground with an _oof! _and a familiar wet-gurgling sound. He dared to open his eyes.

Aerin stood above him, vibroblade in hand, and blood trickling down her arms. She was breathing heavily. The dark-skinned man was lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood. Maze shot to his feet, ready to face the final henchman, but he was already out. Aerin seemed to have taken care of him.

Maze turned to Aerin. "Hunt?"

"He's dead. I think your shot killed him." Aerin looked over her shoulder as shouts and clanging thuds echoed throughout the building, a sign that more men were coming after them. Maze sighed deeply, then saw Hunt's body amongst the others. He had a blaster bolt char through his chest. For a moment, Maze felt an odd sense of completion. He turned back to Aerin; she was free now. Aerin met his eyes, then grabbed his arm.

"Come _on_. We won't be alone for much longer, and once they see what's happened here..."

"How will they know it's us?"

"Cameras. Hidden ones. They probably saw the whole thing." Aerin tugged at his arm, and he ran with her back through the corridor they had come in by. "But they won't need cameras if we don't get out of here fast enough-"

Four men emerged from side doors at the same time Maze and Aerin burst through the entrance they'd both used earlier. Not wanting to fight again, his chest throbbing with pain from what he suspected was a broken rib and his wrist undoubtedly sprained, he simply took Aerin's hand again and _ran_.

He wasn't sure how many men were following them. He didn't want to know. All he knew now was that he'd freed Aerin, and as long as they made it though this night alive, they'd be fine.

Alley after alley flashed through Maze's peripherals; he wasn't consciously aware of distance or time, only that his chest heaved more painfully by the alleyway and Aerin was gasping behind him, barely able to keep up. Pedestrians staggered out of their way, and from the sounds that followed them the men were still on their tails. Hope was running out. Perhaps they could outrun them, but they couldn't run forever. They'd track Aerin down. They'd torture her for information about him. Then they'd find him and-

_Smack._

Maze ran headlong into another person, crashing to the floor in a heap and pulling Aerin behind him as he fell. The three of them ended up panting, gasping and apologising on the ground, before they managed to entangle themselves and Maze had the opportunity to meet the unfortunate man face to face.

His face broke into blatant shock. He was staring at his own face, but a version of his face he knew relatively well.

"Mereel?"

Null-ARC N-7, to be exact - Mereel for short - simply dusted off his shoulders and gave Maze a friendly grin.

"Maze, old boy. Nice to see you around town. And with - who's this, then?" Mereel's eyes lingered on Aerin, and Maze bristled. He knew this one's reputation with women.

"Hey, back off," he growled. Mereel held up his hands in innocence, then offered a hand to Aerin for shaking.

"I'm sorry, hello there." He smiled. "I didn't know Maze had a-"

Aerin grabbed Mereel's hand, then took Maze's, and sprinted along the alleyway as blaster bolts skimmed their heads. Maze had almost forgotten they were being chased by the sheer shock of running into Mereel.

"Wow, Maze," Mereel managed as they ran, blaster bolts echoing down alleys after them. "You're not at all the quiet desk clerk we all thought you were, are you?"

Two large trash bins loomed up ahead, and Mereel and Maze both seemed to have the same idea. They stopped, threw Aerin behind one and Mereel took cover behind the other. Maze crouched by Aerin. Mereel drew a blaster from his jacket, and Maze checked the charge on his.

Running footsteps clattered down the alley, along with shouts and the whirring of charging blasters. Mereel looked at Maze, who nodded. _On the count of three._

Mereel held up three fingers.

_Three._

_Two._

_One._

Mereel and Maze leapt out from behind the bins, emptied their clips into the alleyway, and then advanced upon the nearest moving target. Mereel punched one man in the face, then threw him over his shoulder and pinned him to the ground before ejecting a vibroblade into his throat. Maze took the other and dislocated his shoulder in an arm lock, then Aerin came to help and stabbed him in the chest. The others were already dead.

Maze sat back on his heels and closed his eyes. Aerin's hand found his shoulder.

Mereel only sounded slightly out of breath. "Well, that was fun." He made his way over to Maze, who straightened up and faced him.

"What can I say? We boring Alpha-ARC planks can have fun, too."

Mereel raised an eyebrow. "Apparently you have a sense of humour, too."

Maze shook his head slowly, his mind miles away. "You know, you're the second person to tell me that today."

The three of them made their way slowly back up to higher levels, where the streets were cleaner and the people less rowdy. Their blood-stained, bruised and dishevelled appearance drew many an odd glance, but Maze couldn't care less any more. They reached the shuttle stop for the Arca Barracks, and Mereel turned to Maze.

"Listen, _vod_-"

"'Brother'? Since when have I been your brother?"

Mereel shrugged. "Ordo always speaks highly of you. Or as highly as you can for an Alpha plank."

"Ordo? How is he?" Maze couldn't help but ask. Mereel seemed to consider his answer carefully.

"He's fine. Take what you will from that..."

"I know, you know."

Mereel raised an eyebrow. "You know?"

"About Skirata's 'rehabilitation' for Ordo. And Fi, come to that. Everyone knows he's not dead. And it's obvious that Skirata wants to protect his boys." Maze shrugged. "Just count yourself lucky that when the war ends, you have somewhere to go."

"You'd be very welcome there too, Maze." Mereel's demeanour became more sincere; his eyes lost some of their playful sparkle. "We're all living half a life. And if one day you and your lady-friend here," he gestured Aerin, "want more than a life in the Grand Army can offer, Kal wouldn't think twice about taking you in."

Maze didn't say anything. He hadn't considered a future with Aerin before; not knowing his own had been bad enough. He didn't like to admit it, but the Skiratas' offer was more than tempting.

But if the opportunity to leave never presented itself...

That was desertion, then.

And he couldn't do that. He'd be shot. He'd be betraying the trust of General Zey.

Could he?

Mereel shrugged. "Just give us a call when you're out. You know how Kal likes to make sure every clone gets his rights." A shuttle pulled up at that moment, and the doors opened. "I guess this is my stop. _Ret'urcye mhi_, _vod_."

Mereel stepped onto the shuttle, and Maze nodded. "_Vor entye_. Thank you. For your help tonight."

Mereel smiled, the doors closed, and the shuttle sped off into the night.

Maze turned to Aerin. She was shivering, so he pulled her close. She buried her face in his shoulder.

"What do we do now? Where do we go?"

Maze shrugged. "Back to your place, I think." Aerin looked up at him.

"You know, I think maybe it's time I got a new place."

"Maybe." Maze sighed. "But not tonight."

They were silent for a moment, and then Aerin spoke. "Maze?"

"Hmm?"

"That thing you were just talking about..."

"You mean the relocation plan? For clones that want out?"

Aerin nodded. "It doesn't sound like such a bad idea."

Maze looked up and tried to imagine having the guts to just up and walk out of the army. Many had tried. Many had failed. Many were now dead. Maze didn't know if he could do that. Perhaps it was in his genes, but he couldn't find it in him to disobey what he'd been brought up to think. That scared him, somehow.

He sighed. "Let's go, okay? We'll think about that some other time."

Aerin nodded, took his hand, and together they walked away from one life and into another.

* * *

><p>"Okay, seriously guys - my glasses? Anyone seen them?"<p>

_Aay'han _was ready to leave now, and Fi couldn't shake the feeling that something was nagging Parja. She had seemed off that morning; somewhat distant and sad, and Fi put it down mainly to that fact that he was leaving. Jilka was still searching for her glasses, and Parja was packing a bag for him whilst Besany and Ordo said what looked like an...intense goodbye. He looked away quickly.

"You okay, _cyar'ika_?" he managed to grab Parja's hand. She looked up at him with her deep blue eyes.

"I'm fine. Just a little worried about it all..."

"It'll be fine."

"I know. I do." She sighed.

Fi raised an eyebrow. "There's something else." Parja actually blushed. It was amusing to see.

"No, really _F'ika_-"

Something clicked in his mind, and he narrowed his eyes. "Is this about what I said about getting married?"

Last night, she'd asked him when he planned to marry her. He couldn't describe to her properly how he felt, but he'd tried - he wanted to marry her, yes, but not _yet_. He wanted to marry her when he felt like himself again, when he felt like he could be the man she wanted. Right now he just felt like a clumsy, unintelligent buffoon who managed to muddle his way through life each day. A shadow of the man he used to be. And while she'd never actually known him before the accident, he couldn't help but feel like that was the man he needed to be to please her. And he was only eighty-nine point two percent of that man. It wasn't enough.

Of course, she'd just told him he was perfect the way he was. But he couldn't believe her yet.

"Of course not." Parja said. Then she met his eyes and half-shrugged. "Well. Maybe just a little."

"Parja, I'm sorry. I've tried to explain-"

"Explain what, Fi? To me you're perfect, and surely that's all that matters."

Fi lowered his voice and his eyes. "I don't want to marry you when I'm not me. And right now, after the accident..." he swept his hands out wide and shook his head. "I don't feel like me. I don't know if I ever will again." He bit his lip.

"_Cyar'ika_, I'm getting tired of telling you you're _fine."_ She stroked his face with her hand. "I can understand the way you feel - I just don't see what you see. No one does. We all see you as Fi. You're still Fi."

"Just a clumsier, stupider version," he mumbled.

She slapped him, then.

The shock hurt more than anything, and she seemed to be shocked at herself as well. She bit her lip and put her hand over her mouth, and Jilka looked up from her frantic glasses-searching in surprise. Parja shook her head.

"I'm so sorry, _F'ika_-"

"Don't be," he said. "I'm sorry, too."

She looked like she was about to cry, so he kissed her then, the way he'd kissed her last night after they'd made love, and she'd said she loved him and never wanted to let him go, even if it meant nursing him through another coma. They'd both cried a little then, and he'd held her in a way he'd never quite done before. He could always manage to lose himself with Parja, to forget about everything going on around him and in him. She healed him. And she thrilled him, too, when she wanted to. Like last night.

She broke away, and he wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs. She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. "I just really don't want to lose you."

Fi swallowed. "I know. I don't want to lose you, either."

Jilka made a frustrated noise and stormed to the other side of the room to resume her search. She didn't seem to be having much luck.

Life was like that, Fi thought. You looked forever for that one missing person from your life, and then when you found them you swore you'd never let them go again. And here he was, the perfect woman and a happy life and a loving family. What else did he need?

He took Parja's hand. "I think perhaps I've been a bit of a _di'kut_." He sighed. "You're right. You always are. What else do I need? I have everything I could ever want right here. And I can't even appreciate it."

He reached for his datapad so he could read the words off it if he needed. "Parja...marry me?"

She grinned and squeezed his hand. "I thought you'd never ask."

Kal came through the door, clapping his hands. "It's time to go, folks. _Ord'ika_, if you could just load the last bags, and Fi, Mij needs help with some med-bay equipment. I'm going to get _Bard'ika _and then we're off."

"Uh, _buir_? Could you wait about thirty seconds, please?"

Parja laughed. "Fi, you have the absolute worst sense of timing."

"Just do it. He'll wait."

Parja opened her mouth to take a breath, and then they both said, "_Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde._"

Parja gave him a deep kiss, and then shoved him gently. "Go. You need to do this. I'll still be here when you get back." She smiled, and Fi smiled back, and the next thing he was aware of was sitting in the _Aay'han_ whilst Kal answered his comm.

Mereel's hologram appeared in the centre of the small disk, and even from this distance Fi could see his grin. Kal smiled back and Ordo waved.

"How's it going over there, son?"

"Laseema and Kad are fine, and so are Omega - they ship out again today, though, so no chance to talk to them." Mereel looked at Ordo. "So you're coming back, are you _vod'ika_?"

"For now, yes." Ordo nodded, and Fi saw a flash of the old Ordo appear for the first time in months. He could believe it would all work out, now. Now everything was under way. His heart felt lighter, and for once he could lean back and smile.

"That reminds me - I saw your buddy Maze last night." Mereel grinned mischievously. "You wouldn't _believe _what happened..."

**...**

* * *

><p>Ret'urcye mhi<em> - Goodbye, literally 'maybe we'll meet again'<br>_Vor entye - _Thank you, literally 'I accept a debt'_

_Just thought you guys should know, there are about 3 chapters left of this story, and then 2 epilogues, perhaps 3._

_I really don't do action very well, so please let me know your thoughts about the whole Maze/Aerin/Hunt/Mereel scene...it flowed well when I was writing it but I can't shake the feeling that maybe something's a bit...off? It would be nice to know your thoughts. Also thoughts on the rest of the chapter, too...so please, please review!_

_That's all for now...quite a long one...the next few will be long, too. Coming up next chapter: Order 66 begins...hope you're ready for this. ;)  
><em>

_~TheLightIsMine_


	23. CHAPTER 22: Execute Order 66

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Order 66:<strong> In the event of Jedi officers acting against the interests of the Republic, and after receiving specific orders verified as coming directly from the Supreme Commander (Chancellor), GAR commanders will remove those officers by lethal force, and command of the GAR will revert to the Supreme Commander (Chancellor) until a new command structure is established._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22 – "Execute Order 66"<strong>

Kal scooped Kad up with one arm whilst trying not to drop his comlink from his ear with the other. He grimaced; Kad had grown. "I know it looked bad on the news, _Bes'ika_ – it was bad here, too. But as far as everyone else is concerned, it's basically over now. We won." Kal handed Kad to Laseema, who smiled knowingly and went to feed him.

"Right. Okay then." Besany sounded worried, which was understandable considering the fact that they'd flown right into Coruscant as a battle was raging all around the planet. It had been unnerving to say the least – they'd always said Coruscant was the safest place in the galaxy from the war, and yet it had been the site of a terrifying week-long battle. Four days after the official 'end', and people were still picking up the pieces.

"Ordo's fine, Fi's fine, we're all fine." Kal consoled her. "Etain's on Kashyyyk, but she'll be travelling back very soon. Omega are somewhere around. They're all fine."

Besany let out an audible sigh. "Okay, that's good. I can tell the others you're fine, then."

Comms had been patchy recently, thanks to the battle, and so the few minutes Kal could get talking to the others back home obviously meant a lot to them. It must be agony, sitting waiting for news. Kal felt for them. He hadn't been able to handle the Nulls and his commandos going off into battle for the first time, so he'd ended up in a bar somewhere drinking his way out of the sheer terror for them all.

"You do that, _Bes'ika_. We'll all be out of here in no time. Tell Rav to prepare for a lot of people dumped in her lap."

"Will do, Kal. And thanks."

Just as Kal ended the call, Mereel and Ordo came through the door to Laseema's apartment, Mereel in ARC trooper armour and Ordo in his red _beskar'gam_. Mereel was checking something on his comlink.

"Jaing and Kom'rk are ready to give up the information on Grievous." Mereel gave a wry grin. "I think they've had enough."

"I don't blame them," Kal sighed, and his heartbeat quickened. "Tell them to get out, then. From now on, they're both officially MIA. RV on Mandalore."

"I thought they were meeting us here?"

Kal shook his head. "Too chaotic. We're going to have to redirect those of us who aren't already on-planet." He looked out of the window and tried to calm the sick feeling of excitement and nerves in his gut. It was finally all happening. He'd spent so much time planning this, and now it was actually happening. He couldn't even begin to form words for how scary and yet so exhilarating this was.

Mereel put his comm to his ear and in the background Kal could hear him and Ordo talking to Jaing and Kom'rk. He was aware of Laseema patting his shoulder, but he couldn't quite hear what she was saying; his mind was far away. The city was still showing signs of disrepair, which was to be expected. Luckily, though, most of the lower and mid levels were untouched, as falling debris from the space battle had either burned up in the atmosphere or the upper levels had taken the brunt of it all. Still, the building opposite had many shattered windows and a large hole in the roof. The sun was in its final stages of setting, and night would be here very soon. This troubled Kal, somehow. It seemed everything went wrong at night.

"_K'oyacyi_, _vod'ike_." Mereel said, and then the room was very silent.

Hang in there, come back safely, stay alive. Kal doubted in this context it meant 'cheers'. They'd celebrate once all of this was over.

* * *

><p>"They're fine."<p>

"Oh good," Jilka rolled her eyes. "I can hardly sleep at night for fear of them coming back dead, but now I know they're 'fine' it's all good." She raised a sarcastic eyebrow, but Besany could see that her lip was raw from where she'd been biting it and her nails frayed. She took her friend's hand.

"You know I can't ask for details. Kal hates comlinks anyway, thinks they're all bugged." Besany stared into the flames of the _karyai_ fire, and watched as they danced a pattern of light across her eyes. The baby gave a small kick, and her hand fell to her belly in surprise. Jilka became tense.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Jilka. I'm not due for another two months yet." Besany gave her friend a light smile.

"There's that word 'fine' again…"

Besany laughed, and Jilka couldn't help but smile too, it seemed. The brunette shrugged.

"I'm just saying. If you go into labour right here and now I'm running a mile. I don't do blood or people in pain."

Besany smiled. "Neither do I, really." The fire crackled warmly in the friendly silence that followed, and Besany let her fingers trail over her stomach absently. Jilka gave her a curious look.

"So…have you thought about whether or not you want Ordo in there with you?"

"No more since the last time someone asked." Besany's hand stopped trailing and the other started to fiddle with a strand of her blonde hair. "It would be nice to know that he's actually going to be here at all."

Jilka nodded slowly. "That's true. But do you want him there?"

Besany thought about this. "It's up to him, I guess. I don't want to push him into something he's not ready for, but…"

"But?"

"It would be nice for him to be there," Besany sighed. "Even if it's just to hold my hand and hold our daughter when it's over."

"I'm sure the hand-holding will be my job," Parja laughed, as she came through the door in her workshop overalls, stained in hydraulic fluids and paint. Her hair was tied behind her in a single long braid, but loose strands held signs of mechanical grease. She never seemed to care about the way she looked; she was always smiling. "It was last time – Etain nearly broke my hand."

"I'll bear that in mind this time, then." Besany smiled.

Parja took off her gloves and set down her tool box, and then flopped down on the couch opposite Besany and Jilka. "Have you not found your glasses yet?" she asked, as Jilka picked up a datapad and squinted at the screen.

"Nope." She put the 'pad down with an exaggerated sigh, obviously giving up. "I've looked everywhere."

"They're not on your head, either, so you didn't make _that_ mistake."

Besany frowned. "Corr didn't take them with him when he left, did he? By accident, maybe?"

"That's not possible. I was wearing them the day after he left." Jilka shook her head.

Parja thought for a moment and then giggled. "You'll probably find that Rav's baked them into a pie by accident or something."

"Then _she'd_ be the one who needed glasses." Jilka laughed. Besany found her thoughts straying to Ordo and what he was doing right now, and wondered if he was thinking about her right now, like she was of him. She ran a hand over her belly again, and Ka'ra gave another small kick. This time Besany smiled.

They were all waiting. They could feel the tense, suspended atmosphere of the bastion wherever they went; waiting for people to arrive or news to come through, or _anything_, come to that. Everyone was jumpy and anxious, and waiting in silence was worse. The fact that there had been a battle going on at Coruscant, as well, made everyone feel on edge. Coruscant was supposed to be safe, and yet this had happened. It just made everything feel unsafe; the constants had been flipped inside out and now no one knew what to count on.

Family. They could count on that.

They sat quietly, waiting for more news.

* * *

><p>Dr. Ovolot Qail Uthan hadn't changed much since Fi had last seen her.<p>

At a certain angle you could see that years in the Valorum Center psychiatric unit had taken their toll on her – the dark circles under the eyes, the fine wrinkles that hadn't been so pronounced before, the overall roughness to her appearance that hadn't been present the last time he'd seen her. But she had always had a finesse to her way of speaking, a sophisticated quality to her movements and graces that hadn't left her. She'd taken one look at Jaing and Fi – dressed as clone guards – and then one look at Bardan – disguised as a Coruscant Health employee – and followed them with little resistance.

Fi wasn't really paying much attention to the talk Bardan was giving the Valorum Centre employees and such to convince them that their reasons for taking this prisoner were just. He just led Uthan to their ship and secured her onboard, then let Bardan do the talking to her, too, as Jaing flew them out.

At least it had worked. Fi's heart had nearly leapt out of his chest about five times – he knew he was out of practice, but he'd forgotten just how much adrenaline being on a mission induced – and he'd found it somewhat difficult to focus on what was going on around him. He didn't feel all too comfortable admitting it, but he was glad it was over.

Perhaps he wasn't meant to be a solider any more.

What surprised him the most was that he could live with that, now.

Knowing Jaing could take it from here, Fi turned his chair around to watch Uthan take in her surroundings. He didn't dare take off his helmet, but she knew he was a clone anyway from the armour. She'd created a nanovirus in the first year of the war that targeted the Fett genome, and therefore clones, and it had been Omega's job – with a little help from Etain – to stop her. Her hair was still the same, he noted – black, with blue and red streaks. Fi wondered how she'd managed the upkeep. She looked up at him.

"So who are you, really?"

She seemed very sane to Fi for someone who'd been incarcerated in a psychiatric ward. Jusik gave her a disarming smile.

"We're your ticket out of here. If you co-operate, you don't need to worry."

She raised a dark eyebrow. "And with what exactly will you have me 'co-operate'?"

"Not 'with what'," Jusik gave a small smile. "But 'with who'."

"With _whom_." Fi corrected, noting that adrenaline dump still made him say useless things. Some things really _did_ never change. But he was a perfectionist, and he remembered Parja's grammar lessons from when she'd been teaching him how to talk again. She'd been very strict with her grammar. The weirdest memories came back too, apparently. Jusik raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well who, or whom, am I supposed to be co-operating with?" Uthan gave him a glare.

"_With_ _whom_ are you supposed to be co-"

"Fi will shut up, now." Jusik raised his other eyebrow, and Fi decided that was probably a good signal to deal with this quietly. Jaing took off his helmet and stared in puzzled amusement at him. Fi just shrugged, and removed his helmet also.

"You'll see," Jusik told Uthan finally, and Uthan was left to stare at the similar faces of Fi and Jaing. Jaing grinned, but Fi could imagine it was the kind of grin that wasn't all that friendly on the receiving end.

"It's funny, isn't it, how people never assume _clones_ will look the same."

Fi didn't have an answer, so he just sat there and looked at Uthan, thinking about how this woman was going to be the key to his full life span. He didn't know what he'd do with all the time. Probably spend it with Parja.

He'd have enough of it soon to figure it out, anyway.

The comlink beeped, and expecting _Kal'buir_ calling in to check on them, Fi opened the call.

* * *

><p>The sun streamed one last blinding ray across the city, one so bright that Corr's helmet sensors kicked in to stop him from going blind, before disappearing completely over the horizon.<p>

The squad was onboard a larty travelling back to the Arca Barracks after their clean-up and security patrol. The city was a mess, that much was obvious, but Corr didn't see why it was the Army's job to clean up afterwards. He was seated next to Atin, and opposite Niner and Darman, the latter of whom seemed to be asleep. Darman really could fall asleep anywhere. A quiet click in his helmet indicated that Niner had opened a private comm.

"Sarge has just called in."

Darman gave a low chuckle. He wasn't asleep after all, then. "_Kal'buir_ likes to check up on us."

"He says to meet him at _Aay'han_ later tonight."

The comms went quiet. Then Atin spoke.

"So this is it, then."

Corr looked out over the glorious cityscape surrounding them – crystal towers, bright lights, sweeping depths – and wondered if this was the last time he'd see any of this again. He knew now that his memories of Coruscant would be ones of worry and a sense of not being safe – anyone could have been watching, Zey could have read their thoughts, new clones coming in were odd, and now the battle to top it all off. Secrets, deception, nightmares. But he could not forget the meetings with Jilka, the nights at her apartment, the way he'd felt when he'd arrived back on Coruscant after a long month away and felt like he was coming home. Now home was somewhere else. Now home was Mandalore.

It was time to get out.

"We'll get back to the barracks, clean out our bunks, then head over to Laseema's." Niner said, ever practical. "Make sure we don't leave anything incriminating behind."

Jilka. He missed her. He'd get to see her soon, and then he could forget all about this damned war and finally live his life. A weight lifted off his chest, but an uneasy tightness still remained. They were deserting. And if anything went wrong tonight, they'd all be dead. Or worse.

Something inside him – the part of him that was still trying to be the perfect soldier the Kaminoans had bred into him – was repelled at the thought of what they were about to do and held him back as best it could. But Corr couldn't keep fighting a war that wasn't his. And he couldn't live half a life any more.

The larty set them down at Arca Barracks, and they cleaned their bunks in silence. No one seemed to know what to say to each other.

Corr saw Darman scribble something out on his wrist comm, and gave him a questioning look. Dar went a little red.

"Just…while I can. My part of the marriage vows."

Corr clapped Atin on the back. "Your turn. Come on."

"I'll wait until I see her later tonight, thanks," Atin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling and Corr knew he meant what he said.

Their new lives were starting.

* * *

><p>"Ah, lieutenant." Zey gestured at Mereel. "Come in."<p>

Mereel did so, his boots making the oddly comforting clacking sound on the solid floor. He didn't bother to stand to attention. He wasn't going to be here very long, anyway.

Maze was stood in the corner of Zey's office, looking totally engrossed in his datapads. But Mereel couldn't help a smile at the thought that _he _knew what the ARC got up to in his spare time. It was quite obvious that Zey didn't.

All the same – if an Alpha plank could find a girl and he couldn't, there was definitely something wrong here.

She was pretty, too. The tattoos were a nice edge, and she had lovely muscle tone in all the right places. There was something about a woman with a weapon, fighting her way out of a mess that got Mereel's blood flowing, and her chest had looked quite lovely glistening with a fine sheen of sweat in the streetlights as it rose and fell under her tight-

Anyway.

Mereel tossed a datachip onto Zey's desk, where it landed neatly between the man's outstretched hands. Zey looked down at it, his face blank.

"Co-ordinates and intel on Grievous' whereabouts," Mereel explained helpfully. Zey still looked somewhat blank, but it was turning into something more like shock by the second. Mereel noticed Maze had stopped what he was doing, frozen in his place. So he was listening, then.

Zey finally managed to speak. Mereel was disappointed that his voice didn't show anything other than calm authority. He had expected a slight tremble of shock, perhaps. "Thank you, lieutenant."

Mereel nodded and turned to leave.

"But lieutenant?"

Mereel stopped.

"Tell your brothers that sooner rather than later would have been appreciated." Zey's voice was dry. Mereel hid a grin.

"Sir." He gave a half-nod, and closed the door behind him. At least for Zey's sake there wouldn't be a next time.

He made the short walk to the accommodation block to check that Omega hadn't left anything behind, and found them still there just finishing off. Mereel grinned a greeting.

"So, _ner vode_," he looped an arm around Corr and Niner's shoulders. "Hope you've remembered to pack warm clothes and some fresh underwear."

Niner rolled his eyes and unhooked himself from Mereel. "Everything's done. Now it's about time we got out of here. _Kal'buir _will be waiting."

Mereel tutted. "Someone couldn't find any fresh underwear…"

"Seems a shame to leave the armour." Corr pursed his lips. "I looked so good in it, too."

"Speaking of good-looking, I'd better drop mine somewhere too." Mereel said. He pondered keeping the _kama_ and helmet, and settled for just the _kama_ – after having stripped the helmet of information, of course. He'd put it all on his datapad back at Laseema's before they set off, then dump the empty helmet somewhere.

Darman kept checking his comm, Mereel noticed, and figured it had something to do with Etain and the current push on Kashyyyk. He knew it was messy over there.

"Master Vos and Master Yoda himself are arriving on Kashyyyk as we speak," Mereel put his hand on Darman's shoulder. "She won't be needed, and then she'll send Zey a nicely worded letter of resignation and head straight to Mandalore. She'll be fine."

"We'll _all_ be fine." Niner grunted as he pulled off his chest plate.

Atin sighed. "Everyone's fine."

Mereel couldn't help but entertain the thought _right now, at least_, before pushing pessimistic thoughts from his mind. He knew the dangers of being blind – of leading yourself to believe something so strongly that you can't see the danger until it's too late. He wasn't trying to dispel all bad outcomes, nor was he unaware of them. It was the awareness of how many different ways something could go wrong that meant a plan was more likely to succeed. And _Kal'buir _was worried enough for all of them.

Suddenly, five comlinks bleeped into action with a synchronised urgency that startled even Mereel. The five brothers shared a look.

Then they pressed _accept_.

* * *

><p>"<em>Ord'ika, <em>Besany was just_-_"

Ordo's comlink flashed. He and _Kal'buir_ both fell silent and stared at it.

"Mereel?" Kal asked.

Ordo checked the code, a confused, ominous feeling settling in his gut. "No," he said quietly. That was most definitely not Mereel's code.

Ordo shook his head again. Laseema stopped playing with Kal and looked up at the tone in Ordo's voice. A collective shiver went through the room, and Ordo's heart stopped dead in his chest, almost considering not answering.

But it was bred so deep into him to respond to this call that he couldn't seem to help himself.

His thumb hovered over the 'accept' button, and then pressed.

* * *

><p>Zey sighed. "The bloody war…"<p>

It was more of a comment to himself than to anyone else, but as Maze was the only one in the room he thought it polite to respond in some way.

"If it's not too forward of me to say so, sir, my sentiments exactly."

Zey gave a tired chuckle. "Hopefully this big push on Kashyyyk will turn the tide. And, of course, the intel on Grievous' whereabouts." He ran a large hand through his greying hair. "Those Nulls…I don't know what to do with them. They play along when they feel like it, and when they don't they're completely uncontrollable. They have no respect for anyone but Skirata."

"I don't think they lack respect for you, sir." Maze shifted in his seat and put down his datapad. "I think it's more like a lack of trust."

"Well, either way, they're enough hassle by themselves."

"Then why not-?"

"Get rid of them?" Zey chuckled. "Maze, they could win the whole damned war by themselves if they felt like it. We need them."

"But they don't need us," Maze pointed out. There had been a finality to Mereel's departing back that had had Maze somewhat troubled for a while now. He couldn't shake the feeling that the Null had been trying to tell them something, whether he was aware of it or not.

There had been no backchat, no avoidance of reprimands. Mereel had actually taken Zey's words and left in rather a hurry.

Some part of Maze wouldn't be surprised if he never saw the man again.

He turned, and his rib gave a twinge. So far he'd been able to self-treat and hide his injuries from Zey, but he wasn't sure how long he could keep blocking his occasional flashes of pain from the General's mind. Luckily, they'd seemed to heal relatively quickly. Maze turned his mind back to what Zey was saying.

"I'm hearing good reports from General Tur-Mukan about Delta." Zey sounded weary. "And now that General Vos and General Yoda have arrived, the battle's half won, I should say."

Maze hummed in agreement. Zey set down his datapad.

"Well, Maze, you're free to go. I'm going to the Temple for a brief meeting but I'll be back here in about half an hour if you need to find me." Maze nodded.

"Goodnight, sir."

And so Maze was dismissed.

He made his way down to the lower levels, not even bothering to take his armour off, his mind silently whirring.

Aerin couldn't stay at her apartment any more, that much was certain. Neither of them slept well now, knowing that any minute could be the minute that men banged down the door and shot them dead on the spot. She needed a new place, but neither of them had enough money to buy or rent one, especially now she didn't have a job. And it wasn't like Maze got paid anyway.

Which was why Mereel's offer of a new life away from the war was sounding quite tempting.

And Maze didn't like it.

He couldn't just up and walk out of the army. He _couldn't_. He didn't so much mean it figuratively, either – he felt as if there was a huge wall pressing down on him the moment he even thought about it. He didn't know if he could physically take that leap. He felt tied to this life, and even if he didn't always enjoy it he couldn't stand the thought of leaving the rest of the army to carry on without him whilst he lived his dream on some far away planet. It wasn't fair.

It was so deeply bred into him that he knew he couldn't manage it. He wasn't like those other Alphas – Spar, and Sull – who had deserted without looking back. He had loyalties to Zey and the GAR and his brothers that tied him here. Jango had instilled a strong sense of loyalty into him, and he was loyal to the Republic. The Republic was here. Yes, the Jedi were often blind to their own failings, and yes, he was stuck at a desk all day handing out assignments to cocky commando squads. But he couldn't.

But the idea still loomed, ever present, like a dream he knew he could never achieve.

The lower levels were much the same as they had always been; the Battle of Coruscant didn't seem to have fazed the residents. A few people still walked by as though they were expecting the sky to fall on them, but overall people were their same drunken, slimy, scheming selves. It was oddly comforting.

Maze passed a few armoured troops on his way, a sight now common thanks to the turmoil the battle had caused. Troops seemed to have appeared out of thin air all of a sudden, and the new intake meant the sight of clone troopers parading the streets was a familiar one, now. Everyone needed a good calming down after a battle like that. Clones were almost the police force, now.

Anyway, it meant Maze got fewer stares as he strode along the busy streets, and he was glad of that. It would be even harder for whomsoever wanted him dead to find him. All clones looked the same to outsiders, and they wouldn't know what his armour looked like.

Aerin let him in and drew him to her. Her hands found the underside of his helmet in the gloom – she never seemed to turn the lights on, but Maze found he never minded this – and pulled it off, setting it on the arm of her couch. She kissed him gently, and his hands rested on her waist, pulling her closer. He missed the way her lips tasted when he was away, like cinnamon and spices that rolled deliciously over him. Her hands seemed to find the gaps in his armour like a fully trained sniper seeking points to exploit, and the skin under his bodysuit became heated where her hands briefly touched. His lips moved more urgently against hers, but he broke the kiss so that he could remove his gloves, gauntlets and pauldron.

Now he could feel her under his hands. He felt every ripple of her muscles as she pressed up close, every shudder or wave of heat that passed over her skin as he bent his lips to her neck, kissing in the hollow of her collarbone. The bed suddenly seemed so far away – her kitchen counter was a few paces away, much better. He lifted her bodily and set her down on it, her legs straddling his waist as her fingers undid the latches on his chest plate. Then her hands were there, tearing at his bodysuit and teasing his skin with her hands, her lips back on his with an intensity that made him shiver and flush with heat all at once.

More of his armour dropped to the floor, until he was left with only his boots. She grinned slyly at him in-between kisses and reached down to touch him more intimately, until he couldn't think straight and kissing her became hard work. He grabbed her hand and stopped her movements, then lifted the hem of her shirt over her head and bent his lips to her chest. Her hips made contact with his, and he gasped at the stab of pleasure that spiked through him, rocking against her there on her kitchen counter.

Through his muddled haze of desire and the blood pounding through his veins, he was dimly aware of his comlink going off.

He broke away from her, panting, then shook himself and told himself to focus. He found his comlink, and stared at the code on the screen.

Aerin was still breathless. "Is everything okay?"

Maze's body flooded with a sensation like ice water, all the heat from moments before dissipating. Something in his gut was telling him that there was something wrong.

He turned to her. "I don't know."

"Well, answer and find out," Aerin said impatiently.

Maze opened the call.

* * *

><p>The blue hologram shimmered into life.<p>

It wasn't Zey, or Kal, or Etain.

It wasn't a clone.

The figure was cloaked and hooded, but the posture, the accent, the familiar tones coupled with the identification code all made sure that the figure was easily identifiable.

He didn't introduce himself.

He didn't need to.

"Execute Order sixty-six." He said, in a voice that was familiar the whole Republic-over. He didn't wait for an answer, but he got one anyway.

"Yes, sir."

Three million clones responded.

Chancellor Palpatine disappeared.

* * *

><p>"<em>Shab<em>."

"Well, there's something you don't see-"

"Did he say Order sixty-six? As in the one to annihilate all Jedi?"

"He said sixty-six?"

"_Kal'buir_, did you hear that?"

"Stay calm, okay, we'll figure this out-"

"Etain. What about Etain? Oh, _shab_-"

"Dar, it'll be okay-"

"That's my girl! That's my girl out there!"

"_Ad'ike_, let's just-"

"It was definitely sixty-six, right?"

"Have I remembered the right code?"

"_Shab_, we need to get her out of there-!"

"You all need to get down here as soon as possible. We're leaving, now."

"_Kal'buir_, don't panic-"

"I can't raise the comms – does anyone know what's happening on Kashyyyk? I can't raise the comms…"

"She could be dead now, if she's with Delta-"

"If they shot her, we'll never forgive their sorry _shebs-_"

"Oh, _shab-_"

"Dar? You okay?"

"_Mer'ika_? Can you get Enacca online?"

"We're on our way with Uthan, _Kal'buir_."

"Holy mother of-"

"Fi, is she okay back there?"

"Is everyone else okay, is the question…"

"We'll all be fine-"

"I swear, if I hear the word 'fine' _one_ _more_ _time_-"

"We'll all be fine if we can just get to _Aay'han _right now and _calm down_."

"_Kal'buir_, he said Order sixty-six."

"What are we going to do?"

"_Nothing_. None of us here are Jedi. We don't have to worry. Enacca will get Etain and take her to Mandalore. We'll meet them there. So get over here right now and make sure you haven't left anything behind."

Kal's link went dead. Then Fi and Jaing did. Mereel, Corr, Darman, Niner and Atin took one look at one another, and left Arca Barracks for what would be the last time in their short and unfair lives.

Darman spent the whole ride fiddling with his comm, ashen-faced, running his hand over his mouth and not saying anything. Mereel kept saying everything would be 'fine' under his breath, until Corr finally snapped and glared at him so hard he paled.

Atin stared at his lap. Niner stared out of the window. He nudged the others. "Look."

The Jedi Temple was in flames. Lashing, angry, roaring flames that consumed the night sky and smoke that poured upwards so high that traffic lanes were backed up. It was an eerie, unsettling sight. Corr tried not to think of what was going on in there.

He tried to imagine how he would feel if someone burned Tipoca City down. Then realised Tipoca City had never felt like a home to him like the Temple would be to the Jedi. He then realised he was trying to feel sympathy for the Jedi, when, according to the Supreme Chancellor's orders, had staged a coup and turned against the Republic.

"It just doesn't make sense," Corr eventually said. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off the burning Temple. It haunted him. "Why would the Jedi turn against the Republic?"

"It's not our problem," Mereel shrugged. "Why should we know?"

"It just doesn't make sense…" Corr muttered again.

But it wasn't their problem, any more. Mereel was right.

It was time to go.

* * *

><p>Maze didn't know what to do.<p>

"Uh – did that make any sense to you?" Aerin asked.

Of course it made sense to him. He'd memorised all 150 contingency orders in his 10 years on Kamino, drilled on them day in, day out. He knew them backwards, forwards, by word and by number. He could recite the whole list.

But something about Order 66 didn't add up.

The Jedi didn't seem to have done anything wrong.

Zey had seemed perfectly normal. Perhaps this had all been an act, and the Jedi had been acting against the Republic the whole time…

That might explain the odd strategies of fighting in many places at once and spreading forces thin-

What was he saying?

Why couldn't he obey this order?

Even before his head got there, he knew the answer.

Because it was wrong.

He threw on his armour faster than he had ever done so before, his mind reeling. He had to get to Zey, he had to warn him, to protect him-

Aerin threw on her shirt. "Where are you going? Can't this order thingy wait?"

"No," Maze holstered his sidearms. "It can't."

She raised her eyebrow at him, but he was too far gone to care about her reproach. His stomach churned, and the voices in his head were telling him a thousand things at once.

_The Jedi were acting. The Order must be legit._

_It's wrong._

_Zey will be killed._

_I have to kill him._

_I don't want to._

_But what if this gets me killed?_

_How will I even get away from this?_

_Is she coming with me?_

He opened the door, and Aerin grabbed her blaster. "Come on. Let's go."

He didn't know how she understood, but he was so, so glad she did.

The streets were chaos. People were outside their establishments, gazing in confusion and awe at the burning Jedi Temple. A few people tried to stop Maze and ask him what was happening, but Maze couldn't stop. The lack of clones was disturbing. They'd all gone to kill Jedi.

He and Aerin ran through the crowds, jostling people, slipping around corners, panting and out of breath. Eventually, Maze stopped to get his bearings. The crowd had disoriented him, and he wasn't sure if the way he was going was in fact a shortcut or not. A clone transport hovered into view with three troops on board. Maze strode up to them, intending to ask for a lift.

But they weren't paying attention to him.

Aerin was running up behind him, trying to catch up, a gun in her hand.

One of the clones yelled - it was an ARC, one Maze thought he vaguely recognised - slotted a clip into his sidearm from his belt, and charged it.

Too late, Maze realised.

He tried to stop the trooper.

It all happened in slow motion and in silence.

The shot hit her in the torso, and she fell, screaming and twisting, on the pavement, blood slicking the dirty streets and glistening under the streetlights.

Hollow-point round, then. The ones that did the most damage.

Her gun flew out of her hand.

He thought she might have cried his name as she fell.

The transport moved out, having saved a clone from an attack by a vicious low-life.

Aerin lay there, in a pool of her own blood, her chest rising and falling as her cries of agony ripped the air in two.

These were the lower levels. No one came when you screamed.

She'd told him that.

He ran to her, and held her in his lap, cradling her. He was shaking all over. She managed to find his hand and squeeze it. She was saying something, but he couldn't hear it. Perhaps his helmet was broken.

Helmets didn't cope well with tears, either. So Maze threw his off and buried his face in her shoulder, and sobbed her name.

She smiled up at him and the smoke-filled night, shivering, then closed her eyes.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>Okay. I didn't expect to cry at that, but for some reason that just really hit me.<em>

_Counter-top in there for you gals at TCWWU. ;)_

_What are they going to do about Order 66? What's going to happen to Maze and Zey and Aerin? :O Stay tuned and find out next chapter._

_Please review. That's all I'm going to say. It's 4:15am again. I obviously love you guys. :P And 200 reviews? My first 200! Thank you guys so much! Here, have a virtual cookie in celebration._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	24. CHAPTER 23: Reasons to Live For

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><em>Stars fade away, they just<em>

_Crash into space_

_Disappear from the night_

_Like you and I._

…

_Love leaves a black hole when it dies._

_**- 'Undone', Haley Reinhart**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23 – Reasons to Live For<strong>

_She had tried to say it._

_I love you._

_But the pain…she didn't know if it had come out right._

_She doubted he heard her, anyway._

_There was smoke in the sky. He fell to her side, and his arms were around her. He was warm, but she couldn't seem to get warm herself. She started to shiver._

_He was kneeling in her blood. Didn't he know that? He'd ruin his armour._

_Her blood was the same colour as the red on his armour. And the red of her tattoos._

_Her hands were sticky. She found on of his, and gave it a squeeze with what little energy she had left._

_He was crying._

_A tear fell on her face, but then he was crying her name into her shoulder, and she wanted to cry too._

_But she couldn't._

_Perhaps, she thought, the galaxy would be a better place without her._

_Perhaps death was easier than life._

_It hurt. There was a hole in her body. Every breath was agony that tore her in two down her breastbone._

_But if she died screaming in pain, Maze would never forgive himself._

_So she tried to let it go._

_She only had to be strong for a few more moments, and then she could be free._

_Without him._

_Perhaps that hurt more than her wound. She couldn't know. It all hurt so much._

_He sobbed her name. It broke her. She tried to choke his name out, but her throat wouldn't work properly._

_He knew. He must know how much she loved him._

_Reality was fading in and out. She couldn't hold on._

_She put on a brave face, and smiled at the smoke-filled, hazy night sky. She was left with his sobs echoing in her mind as all sound faded away._

"_Aerin…"_

_Maze…_

_Then she was gone._

* * *

><p><em>Aay'han<em> was packed, and ready to move out. Uthan had been confined in her own room, with Jusik closely watching – or _feeling –_ how she was. Jaing and Enacca were piloting, and Kal was with Laseema and Kad. Darman was busy worrying about Etain and the rest of Omega plus Fi were trying to calm him down.

And the Jedi Temple still burned like a funeral pyre, somehow always in the centre of the view.

Kal knew that the others jumped every time he got a call, but couldn't help it. Mereel, Ordo and Mij had gone in a separate ship with Kal's old _Cuy'val Dar _friends Wad'e Tay'haai and Walon Vau, in case any stragglers needed picking up. They'd left a little late due to Vau – he'd received some bad news about one of his squads, apparently, and had wanted to go to Kashyyyk and do something about it. Kal had been on the comm non-stop since then, but none of the calls were the one he was waiting for.

Then it was.

"Enacca, where are you?" Kal's words shook the silent ship and all of a sudden everyone was alert. Comms off-planet were back, it seemed.

They waited. "_Shab_," Kal swore then bit his lip, eyes distant but focused. "Okay then. Meet at the original RV point. But get her there alive and whatever you do don't run in to any clones."

Enacca's Wookiee growl could be heard on the other end of the call. Then Kal seemed to relax slightly. "Okay. Okay. But clones aren't going to know that unless she disguises herself. Soronna has some spare clothes for her back at the Kragget. You know the landing spot. We'll be waiting at the RV point."

Enacca yowled again, and then Kal closed the call.

They didn't even have to ask.

"Etain's fine. She and Enacca just jumped out of hyperspace and are heading for the Kragget now, so she can change clothes." Kal put his hand on Darman's shoulder. "She left, son. She left the Jedi."

Darman sighed, though whether it was from relief or not Kal couldn't tell. "That doesn't mean that-"

"I know, son."

"Why didn't she just go straight to Mandalore?"

"By the time she got my message, they were already on their way here. Comms round Kashyyyk were damaged during the battle." Kal said, and sat down for what felt like the first time in days.

Niner frowned. "Let's just hope she gets to the RV point okay."

"I may call Jaller and ask one last favour, if that's what it comes to…" Kal's eyes drifted out of the window again and latched onto the sight of the burning Temple once more. It disturbed him more than he'd like to admit. It had always been such a constant, whether he'd liked to admit it or not – it had always been there, an impressive building visible from the busy traffic lanes no matter where you were. And now it was burning to the ground.

Kal hoped that that wasn't an omen for the future.

* * *

><p><em>Oh, Gods.<em>

He'd…he wouldn't…he couldn't…she'd been…and they'd been…and now…

He didn't know what to say.

He didn't know how to feel.

He didn't know what would happen next.

But Maze knew what he had to do.

He choked down his sobs and tried not to look at her still face. He needed to focus. He needed to save her.

He pressed two fingers to the underside of her jaw, and to his immense, shattering relief he found a pulse beating there. She was still alive. But it looked like she'd lost so much blood…he knew it was sometimes worse than it looked. Perhaps she'd passed out from shock, and pain…

The med-pack. He had a med-pack.

His thoughts were scrambled, and his hands shook, and the whole time he simply felt like collapsing on the ground next to her and screaming her name again, but he couldn't. He needed to save her. He reached into the med-pack on his belt that was standard for all troopers, and pulled out two single-use sharps. He stabbed them into her neck, one-two, one for the pain should she wake up and one to control blood loss. Then he had a look at the wound.

The shot had hit her in the torso, and from what little medical information Maze could remember at this moment, it looked like it may have hit her liver, or perhaps – hopefully – missed it and hit her large intestine, not that that was much better. There was no exit wound, as was common with hollow-point rounds, but that meant that the blaster round was still inside her. He really didn't want to go 'fishing'…the thought made him shudder. And especially not when he knew so little about what damage the round had done. He'd have to leave it in there until he got her to a proper medic…

It shocked him somewhat that he was fixing the damage done by a blaster gun he used – he was so familiar with firing the hollow-point projectiles, but he'd never had to stop and fix someone up afterwards before. He swore he'd never fire one again. He used the irrigation bulb in his 'pack to clean the wound and then dressed it with bacta and bandages.

Then he sat back and stared at her blood on his hands, and tried very hard not to vomit.

Where had he been going before his life had turned upside down?

Zey.

_Zey-_

The acrid smell of the smoke from the burning Temple brought him back with what felt like a sharp stab to his gut. He couldn't lose two people tonight. He _couldn't_.

He wouldn't.

But he couldn't leave Aerin here.

So that was it, then. He'd have to take her with him.

A finality settled in his gut, and he mentally calculated the amount of time Aerin had to live as he scooped her body up, cradling her. He didn't know how he planned to help her if he had to help Zey too, but he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. Oblivious to the stares and murmurs of passers-by, Maze ran.

Maze ran for Aerin's life, and for Zey's.

For his own.

* * *

><p>Etain tried not to break into a run.<p>

She clutched her small bag closer to her, its contents; her comlink, datapad, a blaster, and one of Kad's toys.

And she had her two lightsabers concealed under her jacket, just in case she lost her bag.

Try as she might, despite knowing what could happen to her if they were found, she couldn't leave the lightsabers. One was hers, one she'd built at a young age and trained with, fought with, killed with. A lightsaber was your life. It hadn't failed her yet. And then she had her Master's lightsaber. Kast Fulier had been a remarkable man in her eyes. He had taught her to stand up for what she believed in and would probably have left the Jedi a long time ago, had he lived to see what the Grand Army had turned out to be. A remarkable Jedi, no, but definitely a remarkable man.

Besides, she wasn't a Jedi anymore. Her Master would have been proud of her.

Soronna had supplied her with some civilian clothes, and now she was making her way to the RV point where she'd meet her husband and family, and then she'd be free.

Finally.

The skies were heavy with a thick smoke that she'd seen pouring from the Jedi Temple, roaring with bright orange flames. She couldn't bring herself to feel anything but a sort of disconnected sadness about it – as though she could see what a tragedy this all was, but it was happening to someone else. She felt cut off from that world already.

CSF transports and larties patrolled every sky; the hunt for escaping Jedi must be an extensive one if they needed Coruscant Security Force on the job as well. Perhaps some Jedi had seen what was coming and had escaped in time, or maybe hadn't even been with clones-

No. That wasn't her problem anymore. If she started getting feelings or regrets now, she'd be too tied down here. And she wanted to be free now.

She'd waited long enough, hovering on the brink. But seeing what had happened on Kashyyyk and knowing that it was now or never, she'd willingly taken the leap. For family.

Delta had lost a man.

And it hadn't been the usual man-down. They'd actually lost him. Somehow, knowing Sev could still be alive and leaving anyway was worse than him being dead. She hadn't wanted to leave. But Enacca had received a call from Kal and had been given express orders to get her out of there as fast as possible. From what she'd heard and seen of Delta, they'd left, too.

She wished they hadn't. She'd hoped they'd screw the orders to pull out and had gone after Sev. But they'd been trained by harsh, cold Walon Vau, and not the sentimental, father-figure of Skirata. Vau hadn't instilled a sense of family. He'd instilled a sense of loyalty to the Republic and a fear of a good reprimanding if they didn't follow orders. A fear of not being good enough.

She'd told Vau about Sev herself. Three years ago, he would probably have simply raised an eyebrow and stated that that was what happened to those that were second best. But he'd been upset. Angry. He'd wanted, like her, to go back and look for Sev. But, as Kal had pointed out, they couldn't. They were gone now, or never.

She flinched as a larty flew overhead, its whining drone so familiar to her that now it seemed odd to fear it. She reached the Shinarcan Bridge Extension, and almost stopped in her tracks. There was a huge crowd gathered at the gates, where some sort of security checkpoint had been set up and manned by GAR and CSF alike. Etain got out her comm.

"Kal?"

"_Et'ika_! Where are you?"

"I'm almost at the RV point, just at Shinarcan Bridge," Etain couldn't help but look around for any telltale sign of her way out. "What's happening? There's a huge crowd-"

"I just finished talking to Jaller. Apparently because of the bridge's location, it's a major spot for possible escaping Jedi. It's a common route leading away from-"

"The Temple." Etain sighed and ran her fingers across her forehead. "So are we still-?"

"Yes. All you have to do is walk through it and not do anything stupid. Jaing and Fi will meet you, seeing as they're the only two still with clone armour."

"Okay, Kal."

"Ah, _osik_. I'll be there, too. All this waiting makes me want to stretch my legs." Etain could hear how tense Skirata was, but she couldn't help but smile. It was nice that he cared; she'd never had a father before.

"Okay, Kal. See you there." The link went dead, and Etain made her way through the crowd, eyeing the armed guards with wariness, should they somehow detect that she could use the Force. The queue moved slowly, and she couldn't help but keep glancing to the other side of the bridge to see if she could see Kal's distinctive sand-gold armour yet. She had a son, and a husband. She had something to live for. She'd make it. She had to.

The security guards were doing bag checks. Knowing that her lightsabers weren't actually in her bag didn't help alleviate the ripping fear in her chest. She tried to calm herself, knowing that if she seemed nervous it would alert the guards to the fact that something was wrong.

She looked up, and saw over the shoulder of the man in front of her a familiar flash of sand-gold over on the other side of the bridge. She didn't know if Kal could see her yet, but she smiled anyway as her chest flooded with relief.

The figure waved. As she handed her bag over to a CSF officer, she gave in to a feeling of hope, and finally felt like she could breathe. It didn't take the man long to look, and he handed her bag back with a polite smile.

She took one step towards Kal, her future, and her life, when all hell broke loose.

* * *

><p>Arca Barracks was a longer walk away than Maze had remembered.<p>

It was also ghostly empty.

The running footsteps of his boots echoed eerily down the deserted corridors, but all Maze could hear was the pounding of his frantic heart in his chest and his heavy panting. He was so close to Zey's office, now, so close…

What if he wasn't there? What if he was already dead?

He didn't have time to find an answer to those questions. He reached the doors to the office, slammed the controls, and watched as they opened on a dark and empty room. A neat pile of stacked datapads sat on the corner of Zey's lapis-inlaid desk, and a cup of caf – full, but cold – was placed next to them. The computers were all on standby, lights flashing absently.

And Zey was not there.

Maze's mind went completely blank. Zey had been to the Temple, but surely he'd gotten out of there before the Order had gone down. He must have done. He could have been attacked on the way back over. He could be lying, dead, somewhere in the streets of Coruscant. He could be anywhere. But he wasn't _here_, where Maze needed him to be, and Maze didn't have time to try and find him.

He set Aerin down gently on Zey's desk – it wasn't like he'd be needing it anymore, anyway – and stroked her hair softly. She was still breathing, thankfully. Maze absently toyed with his comlink, and suddenly realised that if Aerin died, he had nobody.

No one.

He now understood so much better about Skirata and the way people were drawn to him. He offered them something that couldn't be bought or sold or broken. He offered them a life, and a family, and a chance to feel like more than just a copy of a man put in the galaxy to be blindly faithful and follow orders to win a war they didn't have anything to do with.

And right now, that was all Maze wanted. He'd realised that the moment he knew he wasn't going to shoot Zey.

The whole war – his whole life – had been a lie.

He keyed in Zey's code, not really expecting him to answer. The comm rang three times, and then the doors to the office slid open and in the darkness Maze would have almost missed the shadow that stumbled in.

Maze dropped his comm, and it shattered on the floor.

Zey looked up, his eyes catching the orange streetlight that filtered in through the blinds. He looked shocked to see Maze, and then his weary eyes fell upon Aerin's unconscious form and grew wider still. Zey stepped forward into the light, and Maze could see his dishevelled, bruised, bleeding and battered form. His robes were charred and torn, he was bleeding from his mouth and forehead into his beard, and he looked about ready to fall to the floor.

He did. Zey fell to his knees on the spot and stared just past Maze's shoulder, his eyes holding unshed tears. Maze just stared at the man.

"Are you going to shoot me now, Captain?" Zey rasped.

Maze shook his head absently and kneeled in front of Zey. "No."

Zey's chest rose and fell with heavy emotion, but his eyes dried slowly before he spoke. He still wouldn't look directly at Maze, just past him, and with an expression and sadness that made it look as though he was watching a horror unfold but couldn't look away. His voice wavered with shock and disbelief. "He was a Sith. Palpatine was a Sith. We've been played."

Maze didn't know what a Sith was. It didn't matter to him right then, not when Aerin was dying. He shook Zey's shoulders gently to refocus the man. "General…I need your help."

Zey's eyes slid to meet Maze's. He gave a soft, almost disbelieving laugh. "My dear boy…I'm not your General anymore." He put his hand over Maze's and his voice dropped to almost a whisper. "And I don't know how I could possibly help you. Not now."

"She's dying." Maze swallowed; the words were hard enough in his head, but in the dark emptiness of the room they sounded heavy and far too real. Panic tried to worm its way back into Maze's gut.

Zey's eyes moved from Maze to Aerin, lying on his desk. "Yes. She is," he said softly. "I can feel it."

Maze felt his strength tremble. "Please help," he choked.

Zey met Maze's eyes again, filled with an intent, searching power. Maze couldn't help but doubt the extent of Zey's healing capabilities in this state, but the man was his only hope. He couldn't take Aerin to a doctor without leaving Zey, and taking Zey along would be far too dangerous. Aerin didn't have that kind of time. His heart contracted painfully in his chest, and he swallowed back tears.

Zey looked back at Aerin, and must have felt something in Maze that made him give in. "Okay."

Maze helped Zey up, and then they stood on either side of the desk, looking down at her. Zey swallowed and his hands lingered, shaking slightly above her bandages. He looked up at Maze.

"What happened?"

"An ARC shot her. Hollow-point round."

"Why?" Zey's hands gently undid the bandages, and he stared at the wound not without some emotion of shock. Maze closed his eyes.

"I saw a gunship and wanted to get on board – we were coming back here to find you – and they saw Aerin coming up behind me with her gun in her hand. To them it must have looked like she was trying to attack me." Maze rubbed his eyebrows and frowned. "They couldn't have known she was with me. So the ARC reacted."

Zey sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"But we found you. Alive, too. So that's okay."

"My dear boy," Zey shook his head slowly. "I don't understand why I was worth so much bother."

"She was with me when the Order went down."

"I know that, Maze. What I'm asking is…why are you here to save me and not shoot me?"

Maze hid his head in his hands and fell into Zey's chair. "I had to. Once I knew…the moment it…I couldn't understand why. It didn't make sense. And it felt…" he lifted his head and sighed deeply. "It was _wrong_."

Zey stared at Maze for a moment, and then nodded. "Yes. It was. We've all been played."

"I can keep her alive," Zey sighed. "But anything more she'll need a doctor for, I'm afraid."

Zey's eyes fell closed and Maze assumed he was doing some kind of Force thing on Aerin. He waited in silence for a moment, then gave in to his curiosity.

"What happened to you?"

Zey didn't open his eyes. His voice was quiet. "I was on my way back from the Temple when it happened. I felt it in the Force – so much death, betrayal, anger…" the burly man drew in a shuddering breath. "So when the gunship pulled up along side me, I knew I had to run."

"You got away okay?"

"They shot at me, but I managed to avoid blaster rounds. I went down a narrow alleyway busy with people so they couldn't follow me or shoot me without harming civilians. But, as you can see, I tripped a few times in my panic." Zey gestured to his cut lip and forehead.

Maze frowned. "They'll know to come after you here. You're the Director of Special Forces."

"Was, Maze." Zey smiled sadly. "I _was_ the Director of Special Forces. Now I'm just dead."

Maze thought for a moment, then said, "You said Palpatine was a Sith. What's a Sith? Why has all this happened?"

"The Sith…are like Jedi, but gone bad. They use the Force for anger and for their own personal gain, and give in to emotions such as hatred and blood lust to make themselves stronger." Zey opened his eyes. "And Palpatine was the head of them all. The equivalent to Master Yoda, if you will. The most powerful. The one we'd been searching for for years…right under our noses." Zey gave a sardonic laugh. "We truly were blind. He was manipulating the war on both sides. No one could win except him."

Maze let this sink in. He'd been used. Twice over. And so had everyone in the war. Pieces in Palpatine's sick game, thrown away afterwards, forgotten and alone. He couldn't help but admit that Palpatine's game had been extremely successful. He'd gotten rid of the Jedi, which was what he'd wanted. But it made Maze feel even sicker.

"Are many Jedi dead?"

Zey looked close to tears. "Yes," he said softly. "Very many indeed."

Maze didn't know how long they waited in Zey's dark office, Zey's hands over Aerin's wounds, his eyes closed and his eyebrows drawn together in weary concentration. But suddenly, gloriously, with a certainty that made Maze's heart leap in his chest, Aerin opened her eyes.

She stared at Maze with heavy-lidded eyes, then coughed. She tried to reach out a hand, but couldn't seem to lift it, so Maze took it in his own and shook his head at her in shock.

"Thank the Force," he whispered.

Zey opened his eyes. "She's going to be in a lot of pain soon. A doctor would be a good idea."

"I can't," Maze looked at Zey. "I'd have to leave you. And you're in no condition to fight, should anyone come hunting for you."

Aerin frowned, and gave a deep groan. "Aren't you going…introduce us?"

"Of course," Maze said wearily, "Aerin Niobe, meet my Jedi General, Arligan Zey. General, meet Aerin Niobe, my…"

Maze didn't really know what to call Aerin, but figured Zey would get the message anyway. Zey smiled, looking exhausted.

"Much obliged, Captain. Miss Niobe, it's nice to meet you, though under different circumstances would have been nice…"

Aerin closed her eyes and frowned. Maze stroked her hair again. He wondered if the pain was very bad even now, and how long she could hold on.

Then began the waiting.

Waiting for someone to come and find Zey.

Waiting for Aerin to live or die.

Waiting to find out what would happen next.

After what seemed like an age, the sounds of a ship landing on the parade ground pierced the silence and made Maze's body flood with adrenaline. Zey looked up, fear plain in his eyes. They shared a look, and then Maze nodded, his face a grim mask.

He drew his sidearms and made his way to the door. "I'll take care of it, General," Maze whispered. "You look after her."

Zey nodded. "Captain?"

Maze turned.

"I don't want to have to tell you again – I'm not your General anymore." Zey smiled faintly. Maze nodded.

"Okay then." He charged his sidearms, the familiar whirring loud in the quiet room. "In that case, I'm not 'Captain' anymore, either."

* * *

><p>Darman didn't know how exactly it happened. He didn't even remember moving.<p>

All he knew was, one moment he was by Jaing's side, a few paces behind _Kal'buir_ on the other side of the bridge, and the next he was uncomfortably close to the blade of a lightsaber that had been about to cleave his girl in half.

He'd swapped armour with Fi; he'd wanted to be there to see his girl in personally. She didn't know he'd done that, so he'd hoped it would be a nice surprise for her. He'd walked with Jaing to Shinarcan Bridge, and just as he'd seen her, just as she'd been about to step into her new life with him, everything had almost gone horribly wrong.

Three teenagers had taken a longer time than usual in opening their bags, and as they did someone had brushed past impatiently, and amidst datapads and clothing three lightsabers had fallen to the ground.

The Padawans had been quick. They'd drawn the blades to their sides and huddled, panicking, in a crowd, making mad slashes at anyone who tried to move to attack them. Some civilians fell. Many ran.

It was chaos. People were screaming and yelling, pushing and falling, and the Padawans were too scared to care who they hit with their blades. In amongst it all, Etain had ended up shoved into the arc of a down-swinging blade.

It all seemed to have happened in slow motion around him.

Kal had screamed, Jaing had sworn, and Darman had run, his senses overtaken by a blind, ferocious fear, and anger swelling in his chest. Before he knew it, he was there.

His fists closed around the hilt, and he found himself staring up at the wild, panicked eyes of a male human Padawan as he attempted to force the lightsaber's arc away from himself and the people he loved. The Padawan, knowing he'd been found out, seemed to lose focus, and Darman pressed home his advantage and twisted his wrists. The lightsaber flew out of the boy's hands, and Darman shoulder-tackled him to the ground and pinned him there.

He was about to slam his vibroblade into the boy's neck, when a hand on his shoulder drew him back from the angry beating of his blood in his ears and his animal fear for Etain. He turned around, and there she was, staring at him in shock and joy all at once. Darman let the boy go, and as CSF rounded on the Padawan he turned to look back at her, her pale face making her freckles stand out. He reached out as if to touch her, but she moved back and shook her head discreetly at him. He wondered how she knew it was him and not Fi. Then remembered that she knew his Force signature better than her own.

Oh, right. Time to go.

The next thing he knew, they were onboard _Aay'han_ and Kad was giggling happily in his mother's arms as Darman looked on fondly, adrenaline leaving him shaky and so, so relieved. She looked up at him.

"That was close."

He nodded. "Did you get my message?"

Etain smiled and moved closer. "Yes. I did."

"And?" Darman raised an eyebrow.

Etain kissed him. "Yes," she murmured.

Darman smiled. "Then take my hand, _cyar'ika_."

She clasped his hand with her free one, and then they said it, together.

"_Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde_."

Kal walked into the crew bay, gave everyone a hearty smile, and said, "_Oya_, _aliit._ Let's go home."

* * *

><p>"Drop in at Arca Barracks, <em>Mij'ika<em>," Mereel tapped Gilamar on the shoulder. "I've got some data stripping to do before we leave."

Ordo frowned at his brother. "Is that safe?"

"Of course. There won't be any clones around, they're all out in the city executing Order sixty-six. And Zey…" Mereel frowned. "Well, if Maze is the Alpha plank I think he is, then Zey's already dead."

"Maze isn't that bad," Ordo shrugged. "You'd be grouchy, too, if they kept you on a desk job."

Vau was still silent; whether from grief or anger Mereel couldn't tell. The news about Sev had been…unsettling. Clones always said that no man got left behind, but when it came down to choosing between following orders and following your heart, orders often won. For Mereel, that was disturbing. He knew he would always choose _aliit_ over orders. He looked at Ordo, miraculously back from the dead, and thought about all they had risked for him. Ordo clapped Mereel on the shoulder.

"Let's go, then."

In the dark, Arca Barracks looked eerily deserted without any lights on. Mij landed the ship in the parade ground, and he, Mereel and Ordo disembarked in the dark, three figures in Mandalorian armour. All was silent.

All three men drew their sidearms at once in silent agreement. _Just in case_.

All was well, until they started along the connecting corridors to Zey's office.

Mereel heard it first and stopped the other two. It had been a footstep, quiet and cautious as though someone was attempting to conceal the sound but hadn't quite managed. Then there was another one.

It was coming from around the corner into Zey's office.

In silent unison, Mij and Ordo took up defensive positions half way down the corridor, and Mereel walked slowly forwards with his sidearm raised at chest height.

He stopped at the corner and froze; the unmistakable tense silence of someone hiding filled his helmet. Whoever it was was around the corner, waiting. Mereel counted to three in his head, then swung himself around the corner to face whatever or whoever was there.

He found himself staring down the business end of a blaster he knew very, very well. He carried one, in fact. It was pointing at his chest, and as Mereel's eyes followed the arm that held the blaster in the gloom up to the face, he felt a ripple of surprise run through him.

He didn't lower his weapon, though, just in case. "Maze?"

Maze's eyes glared back at him fiercely. "Who are you? Drop your weapon, now."

Mereel popped the seal on his helmet with a blink of his eyes, so that Maze could hear it, then reached up slowly to remove it. Maze's expression was one of blank shock.

"You? Again?"

Mereel shrugged. "I'm good like that."

Ordo and Mij came up behind Mereel, and Maze's eyes flickered from one to the other. Mereel took in the ARC's state – his armour was blood stained and his eyes were tired, his complexion pale. Mereel wondered what had happened to him.

Ordo and Mij removed their helmets, and Maze finally lowered his weapon. Mereel cocked his head.

"You're not going to shoot us?"

Maze frowned. "No. Why would I do that?"

"I think you know what we're doing here, dressed like this." Mereel shrugged. "I've already told you, in not so many words. Aren't deserters supposed to be shot on sight?"

Ordo put his hand on Mereel's arm, but Mereel somehow knew that Maze wouldn't attack them. There was something different about the man, something in his eyes and his posture, and Mereel couldn't shake the feeling that perhaps he'd misjudged him.

Maze seemed to regard Mereel for a moment, then sighed resignedly. "If deserters are supposed to be shot – why haven't you shot me yet?"

Mereel smiled to himself. He knew Maze wasn't all that bad, underneath it all. He was a man, and a man who knew how much he'd been used, and had had enough. That was all any of them were. Maze's eyes moved to Mij, and something flashed in them.

"You're Mij Gilamar, the doctor?"

Mij nodded. "I am."

Maze seemed to seize some sort of hope. "Please…I need your help."

Mereel, Ordo and Mij nodded to one another, and followed Maze into Zey's office. There, lying on Zey's desk, was Maze's girl, and Zey was standing beside her looking tired and defeated. Zey turned when they entered and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Gilamar? And Ordo and Mereel? What are they-?"

"We're just here to pick up some things," Mereel headed over to the computer mainframe, plugged in his datapad, and started downloading. He took some satisfaction in knowing that Zey couldn't stop him, now. "We'll be gone soon, don't worry."

Maze seemed distraught. "Please, Aerin, she's…she's dying."

Mij walked over to the girl's still form, and inspected under some bandages over her middle. Maze seemed to regard Ordo for the first time.

"So you're not dead, then."

Ordo almost smiled. Mereel wondered if Maze knew that he'd just addressed Ordo with the literal translation of the Mandalorian 'hello'. "No, it appears I'm not."

Maze raised an eyebrow. "How was the coma?"

"Pretty boring, all things considered." Ordo shoulder-rammed the door to the emergency generator with a grunt, and it gave. He got to work restoring the lights. "Glad to be back in the field, really."

Mij hummed and frowned. "I've got my medical kit in the ship. If you can hold on, I'll-"

Something banged, and shouts could be heard down the corridor. Mereel knew the voices; they were almost identical to his own. He willed the downloads to hurry up. Zey paled visibly, and Maze grew tense, one hand moving to his sidearm almost subconsciously. Ordo abandoned the emergency generator and rammed his helmet back on.

"They're here for me…" Zey gasped.

"Not if we can help it," Mij said. "Maze, carry her."

Maze scooped up Aerin, Mereel unplugged his datapad at the first green light, and they sprinted the back way out of Zey's office just as troopers burst in, spot-lamps just missing Mereel's disappearing form as he dived out behind Ordo.

They made it to the ship just as Wad'e Tay'haai started the drives; all Mereel could hear was the pumping adrenaline in his ears as he ran on board and the hatch closed behind him barely a second later. He looked down at his 'pad to check he'd got what he wanted, then he and Ordo shared a look of triumph. They'd made it.

Mereel called Kal just as Mij started work on Aerin. Kal picked up on the first ring.

"Are you all okay?"

"We're fine, _buir_. Just left Arca Barracks. What's happening over there?"

"Just picked up Etain, and we'll be off-planet very soon. No one's injured, dead or left behind." Kal sounded elated.

"Same here, _buir_. But we've picked up a few new passengers…"

Mereel hoped his father's good mood at a successful extraction would mean he'd take the news quite well. He was right.

"We'll sort them out when we get home, don't worry. Stay safe, _ad'ika_."

"_K'oyacyi, buir_."

He closed the link, smiling. Ordo looked at him curiously. "_Buir _okay?"

"They're all fine." He gave in to a grin. "We did it, _vod_."

Mereel embraced Ordo, and thought back over the past months and how close he'd come to losing everything. Now they were free. He slapped Ordo on the back.

"Next up – a baby girl."

Ordo grinned too. "That'll be a piece of cheffa cake after all this."

Mereel could hardly believe they'd done it. But they had. And now they had lives to live.

Ordo caught Mereel's eye, and they smiled.

* * *

><p>When Aerin finally opened her eyes, she was looking right at Maze. He was looking down at her, and he was smiling. She thought perhaps those were tears in his eyes.<p>

She'd nearly died. And he was still there.

"What happened?" she tried to ask, but her throat was raw and dry. Her body ached dully all over. His hand found hers, and he stroked her hair softly, soothing her.

"We're going to Mandalore," he whispered.

She tried to sit up, but a sharp stab of pain from her midriff made her cry out, and Maze held her back down gently but firmly.

"Don't try to move. You're still injured."

He handed her a canister of water, and helped her down it without choking. Then he changed position so that she was resting her head on his lap, looking up at him.

They weren't alone in the shuttle, but she couldn't remember much of what had happened after she'd been shot, just the occasional face or hand or voice, and lots of pain. Kriff, that had hurt.

"Remind me never to get shot again," she said, her voice still raspy and low. He smiled sadly.

"Remind me never to let you get shot again."

She looked around again. "What…I mean…where…how…?" She didn't know how to word her confusion, and she had so many questions that they had all overtaken each other to get out of her mouth. Maze seemed to understand, though. He always did.

"I took you to the barracks after patching you up," he began. "You were unconscious at that point. There you met Arligan Zey, though I doubt you remember that."

She looked over at the burly, tired-looking, bearded man. His face flashed in front of her eyes, leaning over her, his hands on her wound… "Yes. I remember him."

"Okay, well then the others turned up, and Mij Gilamar – the one in the gold – saved your life."

Oh, she remembered that all right. He'd been working on her as she'd slipped in and out of consciousness, and he'd been nice. But it had hurt. She nodded.

"And that's basically it."

"Basically?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

He gave her a wry grin. "I'll tell you the rest later."

"Okay," she nodded, and he leaned down to kiss her, filling her with warmth. The last time they'd kissed, she'd had no idea she was about to almost die. That was a scary thought. She pulled away.

"Mandalore?" she asked.

"Shhh," he put a finger to her lips. "More questions later. You need rest."

She conceded, and let him play with her hair gently as she settled herself in his lap. She had one last thought before closing her eyes.

"Did you carry out your order thingy?"

Maze almost laughed. "No, I didn't."

She grinned. "Bad boy."

He laughed, then, and somehow she knew that from now on, things would be different. They'd never go back to Coruscant again, and she'd never feel hunted again. She could actually live her life with the man she loved – an actual life, with no fear or hunger or killing. Perhaps, one day, they could have a family, or start a business, or…anything. It was all open to them now.

He kissed her forehead, and she fell asleep in his warmth to the drone of ship drives, ready to start her life again.

* * *

><p>When Ordo finally stepped out of <em>Aay'han<em>, Besany was waiting for him.

She threw herself into his arms, pregnant and all, and sobbed his name into his shoulder as he inhaled her familiar and much-missed scent. When she lifted her head, he brushed her tears away and kissed her, and finally felt like he could do that without having to hide himself from her. He had a future now. He could love her properly.

"I missed you," she smiled.

He just kissed her again, knowing she would know, and his hands found their way to her pregnant belly. He pulled back in surprise as something nudged his hand-

"She knows it's you." Besany guided his hand, and for the first time he felt his daughter alive inside his beautiful wife. He looked at her in wonder and pure and utter joy.

He didn't know what to say. So he held her tight, and started to cry.

* * *

><p>Pillows were flying around the room as Corr crept into their bedroom; Jilka apparently hadn't heard them all arrive back from Coruscant. She seemed very occupied with her search, but she didn't seem to be getting anywhere. He stood where she couldn't see him, and watched as she huffed and lifted the mattress up for the second time. She seemed to give up after that.<p>

Jilka sat down on the bed with a sigh, and looked at her hands. Corr came up behind her silently, reached into his back pocket, pulled out a pair of dark, sleek-framed glasses, and dangled them in front of her face. She jumped on them with a gasp.

"Corr! Where did you find them?"

He laughed. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you…"

Jilka threw a pillow at him, and then laughed along with him. Corr sat down next to her and put his arm around her, and drew her into a deep kiss, which she returned enthusiastically. Gods, he'd missed her.

"You're back," she smiled. Then she hit him with a pillow again. "But you seriously need to stop sneaking up on me!"

"All part of my mystique," Corr grinned. Her fingers found the hem of his shirt, and she pulled it up and over his head, going in for another kiss.

"You've got about as much mystique as a bantha, Corr," she giggled.

Corr's lips found her neck, and he kissed the place where her pulse beat, heat rising in him in response to her being so close once again. He'd _really_ missed her. "But you love me for it."

"Yes," she agreed. "I do."

He couldn't believe how badly the last twenty-four hours could have gone, and how narrowly they'd escaped complete disaster. He knew it would sink in later, when he could wake up in a morning and not have to worry about when he'd next be shipped out or when he'd next be able to hold Jilka. He could live a proper life now.

And he was going to enjoy it.

* * *

><p>Kal left Dr. Uthan in the capable hands of Mij, and wandered out over the fields to clear his head. Zey and Maze were standing on top of the hill that overlooked the plains, and Kal decided it was now or never. He walked up to meet them.<p>

"Zey."

The bearded man turned, and couldn't quite meet Kal's eye. "Skirata," he nodded. "Seems like quite an establishment you have going on here."

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, Zey," Kal was truly sorry. He'd seen the occasional spark of something _useful_ in Zey, and believed that the man could have turned out to be something more if he'd had the courage. "But you understand."

Zey nodded, and looked back out over the Mandalore countryside. His eyes were distant. "I know what you're thinking, Kal, and I don't plan to stay long. I know I don't belong here, really."

Maze shifted and turned to face the two men. "Where will you go?"

Zey shrugged and seemed to measure his words carefully. "I hear Jedi Master Djinn Altis is always welcoming those who wish to try to become a different sort of Jedi," he pursed his lips. "I also happen to know where he is right now, thanks to my former job."

Kal spread his arms wide. "And this, here? You think we're just going to let you walk away?"

"I'd like to think you could. I'd like to think you could trust me, just this once." Zey paused, and Kal fell silent. "I won't say a thing, Kal. You have my word."

Kal sighed. He could accept that, now.

"Besides," Zey went on, "I'd be a liability here. You'd be in danger for housing a Jedi. And I don't wish to put any of you in that kind of danger."

Kal nodded, and then offered the man his hand. Zey regarded it for a moment, then shook it.

"I admire you, Kal," Zey said softly. "I always did."

He then turned to Maze and put his hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, my friend, for saving my life. I am forever indebted to you."

Maze looked embarrassed. "You saved Aerin. I think we're even." Zey smiled.

Kal spotted Vau down by the bastion, and took his departure from the two men. He hailed Vau as he approached, and the man looked up.

"Still no news on Sev?" Kal noted the comlink in Vau's hand. Vau shook his head.

"I think I'm going to head over there myself when things have died down a bit. Take Enacca and search for myself."

Kal clasped arms with the black-armoured figure. "Good luck." He didn't get any farther, as his words were stopped in his mouth by the arrival of an unknown ship heading in the direction of the bastion. To Kal's surprise, it landed nearby and the hatch opened to reveal Yayax Squad, a squad of commandos trained by Rav Bralor. The woman herself came jogging from the bastion to meet them, clasping arms and embracing them. Kal just stared in shock. Rav noticed him, and laughed.

"You save your favourites, I save mine," she grinned. "But you're cooking for them."

Kal was somewhat touched that his proposition of a new life had reached so many. Perhaps there was hope, after all. He turned to Vau.

"And…Delta?"

Vau nodded tersely. "Mark my words, Kal, I will get them out." He looked off into the distance. "One day."

Kal spotted Besany and Ordo walking with Fi and Parja along the rear of the house, and Mereel, Prudii and Jaing were busy tinkering with _Aay'han_ and their motley collection of ships. He could hear their laughter. Kom'rk and Jusik were studying flimsi sheets of some sort and deep in conversation about it, and A'den was singing along to Wad'e on the _bes'bev_, Vau's pet hunting Strill, Mird, leaping about at their feet to the music. Yayax greeted Omega with cheers of celebration, and Kad giggled in his father's arms as Darman tapped his son's nose, Etain looking on, grinning. Laseema brought out trays of food, and instantly everyone abandoned what they were doing to eat. Aerin appeared in the doorway, looking weak but alive, at least, and Mij and Uthan helped her out into the afternoon sun as they came up behind her. She gave them a grateful smile and went to find Maze, who was now talking with Rav.

Kal closed his eyes, and listened to the sounds of his family _living_, and as Ordo called him over with the familiar '_Kal'buir_', he smiled.

These were reasons, people, worth living for.

**The End**

* * *

><p><em>Wow!<em>

_Just wow. I have never done a fic like this before. I always figured I would stick with one-shots. And here I am…_

_It says 'the end', but there are 2 epilogues coming up. So there will be more. Unfortunately. :P Sorry 'bout that._

HUGE thank-yous to **Epona's Chosen **for some plot ideas - you can thank her for leaving Etain alive - and **JainDo **for the medical details concerning Aerin's injury. You both saved me!

_Please…just please…I'm aware I probably have half the readers I started out with, but a review would be amazing right now. Even if it's just a general comment on the whole fic. How did I do?_

_Epilogue I – Ka'ra arrives. :D_

_Thanks for reading…I'm still in a daze right now…_

_Wow._

_~TheLightIsMine_


	25. EPILOGUE I: Birth

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue I - Birth<strong>

_3 standard months after Order 66_

She had been in the kitchen with Parja when it had happened.

Parja had been stirring the _gihaal_ soup for dinner - to serve fewer people tonight, as Ordo, Kal and Gilamar were out in Keldabe for a few days sourcing equipment for Uthan's lab - and Besany had been peeling potatoes to add to the leftover stock for Fi's meal, as he couldn't stomach the pungent fish soup. Parja said it had something to do with the Kaminoans, and Besany didn't press. She'd been feeling waves of dull pain in her middle all day, which she attributed to having eaten too much of the spicy dishes they'd served the night before, and wasn't really in the mood for conversation. She was content to listen.

Parja had made an off comment about how she could never get the smell of raw fish off her hands whenever she made it, and then Ka'ra gave a huge kick and Besany's water broke.

She gasped at the sensation of what felt like water running down her legs – but not, thicker than water, some distant part of her brain concluded – and she dropped the peeler in shock. Parja said something to her, but Besany couldn't seem to hear properly. Her blood was pounding in her ears; her hands fell to her belly and all she could think was _not now, I'm not ready, Ordo's not even here._

Oh, Gods.

She was having the baby.

Parja turned around. "Bez, are you even listening to-?"

Parja stared at Besany's legs for a slit second, her loose pants dark with wetness, and then had snapped into action faster than Besany had ever seen her before. She'd taken Besany's arm and led her to her room, calling out for Rav as she went. Besany gasped as another stab of pain hit her midsection, and she realised now that she hadn't been having stomach cramps all morning, she'd been having contractions. And now they were getting worse, because she was going to give birth.

She lay down on the bed, taking deep breaths, her heart still in her mouth. She wanted Ordo, wanted him to hold her and squeeze her hand, making her believe everything was fine, because he could always do that. Yes, she wanted him here. She'd made her decision. She was too scared to do it without him.

Rav came in, and gave her a look-over.

"How are we doing, then?" she murmured, oddly quiet. Besany was used to the no-nonsense, strapping, hearty attitude Rav usually displayed, and could see now Rav's more motherly side. She took more deep breaths.

"All things considered, I'm okay," Besany grit her teeth and braced against another contraction. Rav cocked her head.

"_Mandokarla_. But we've got a long way to go, yet." She stood up. "I'll have to call _Mij'ika_ and _Ord'ika_. They'll have to drive fast to get here, but I reckon they'll make it in time. Can't miss this, now, can they?"

Besany didn't really have an answer, but Rav didn't seem to need one and left her with Parja, who was sitting on the end of the bed. She gave Besany a smile.

"Don't worry. We've done this before."

_Holy Force, I'm having a baby. _"So I hear."

Parja helped her change into more suitable clothes, and then she slipped under the covers and braced against contractions that grew more painful by the hour. She stared out of the window, and wondered where Ordo was right now, and if he knew how much he was going to have to deal with from now on.

* * *

><p>Mij came back into the shop clutching his comm in one hand, just as <em>Kal'buir<em> finished haggling for a box of lab medical supplies. Ordo looked round at him as he entered.

"Everything okay?"

Mij clasped Ordo's arm, and rested his hand on his shoulder as the three of them left the shop. "Besany's going into labour. We're going home."

Ordo stopped walking, his mind suddenly wiped blank like a whiteboard. Cold, prickly adrenaline trickled down his spine, and his chest swelled as his blood rushed to his head. He couldn't form words for how he felt; everything jumbled into one and then vanished as he tried to seize it.

"What?" He managed to choke out.

_Kal'buir_ was patting him on the back. "Let's get going. She can't wait forever."

They piled into the speeder just as Ordo's mind managed to grasp whole sentences again. Many of them started with 'what if' and 'oh, _shab_'. He didn't know what to do with himself, or where to turn his thoughts, and sat tapping his foot in agitation while his mind worked at twice the usual speed trying to figure out what to do when he got there and what to say and how he was supposed to be feeling.

How _was_ he supposed to be feeling?

He'd ask _Kal'buir_. He'd done this before, three times. He turned in his seat.

"_Kal'buir_, what do I do?"

Kal patted Ordo's shoulder. "You'll be fine, son."

"I know, but what do I _do_?"

"When you get there, you'll know," Kal said, squeezing his son's shoulder. "Trust me, when you get there, you just know. It'll all fall into place."

For once, Ordo found his father's words did nothing to soothe his nerves. He recognised a level of panic in his gut, panic for Besany and panic for himself and panic for the baby. So many things could go wrong. He might not be there if they did.

But if he was there when something went wrong, he wouldn't be able to stop it anyway.

That was what scared him – helplessness.

He couldn't do anything for her but hold her hand and talk to her, and the realisation sank like a rock in his chest. He wasn't ready, he wasn't, he couldn't just-

"Son?" _Kal'buir_ was looking at him in concern, and as Ordo turned to look at his father he caught his reflection in the mirrors of the speeder. He hadn't realised he'd gone that pale.

"Is she going to be in a lot of pain?" He found this thought was uppermost in his mind right now, and he wished it wasn't. The thought that Besany was, right now, screaming in agony made the rock in his belly sink lower and an odd kind of anger at nothing in particular race through his veins. He knew from experience that this was probably due to his fierce protectiveness of the ones he loved, and the image of Besany going through hell to deliver his child almost made him regret ever having made her pregnant. He almost felt sick.

Kal said nothing for a while, taking in the look in Ordo's eyes that was probably, Ordo thought, one of sheer terror. Then he said, "Yes. A whole lot of pain, and she's not going to be nice about it, either. Pregnant women forget their manners once the pain kicks in."

"_Kal'buir-_"

"Hold her hand. Hold her hand, son, and try to think of nothing else but the beautiful baby girl and the future. No, you won't be able to do anything to help her, and yes, you'll probably feel like screaming yourself. But the end goal is so, so worth it." Kal took Ordo's shoulders and gave him a little shake. "Be strong."

_Oh, _shab…

* * *

><p>Six hours later, Rav finally managed to get Besany to eat something.<p>

In between contractions, Besany conceded to some nerf steak and vegetables, pausing only to get her breathing under control in time to groan as each wave of pain hit her. Parja was periodically sponging her forehead with an ice-cool damp cloth, which Besany found she appreciated more and more as time wore on. She had a few visitors, mainly Etain and Jilka, though Jilka seemed as though she was waiting for something to go wrong, poised to jump up and leave should Besany shriek. She lost track of time; it was just one contraction after the other, and one person after the other coming to see her.

Etain took over from Parja at one point so that Parja could stretch her legs and get something to eat. She smiled ruefully as Besany closed her eyes against another contraction.

"This brings back a few memories," she said. "If you like, I could use a little Force magic to help with the pain."

Besany looked at her. "Is that what you did with Kad?"

"No," Etain shook her head. "I didn't want to feel it any less. If that makes any sense. I wanted it to be as real and visceral as it could be, so I could understand what I was doing, for Darman, for all of us. So I'd never forget it." She gave a quiet laugh. "Not that I could, anyway. Maybe next time…"

Besany leaned back into the pillows and took more steadying breaths. She hoped Ordo wasn't too far away now. She missed him. "Then no, I don't want you to do that, because if I can't take it, I'll feel like I don't deserve being called _Mandokarla_ and I don't deserve Ordo. Women have been doing this for millennia." She took another deep breath, and hoped she'd made the right decision. "Just because it's easy, I don't want you to. But thank you, anyway."

Etain smiled. "I know. But if you change your mind, just call."

"Can it really hurt any more than this?"

"Oh yes. A lot more."

"Great."

Rav came in, and proceeded to check Besany. Besany looked over at her.

"Is there any chance we could-?"

She stopped as a powerful contraction hit her, so painful she couldn't even talk through it. It felt like someone had taken both sides of her insides and pulled them away from one another, tearing, ripping, raw. She threw her head back into the pillow and tried to breathe, suppressing a groan with every ounce of will power. It didn't quite work.

It subsided, after what felt like an age, and Besany found she was shaking and sweating, her arms weak. Etain sponged her forehead.

"We may still have many hours to go yet, _ad'ika_," Rav patted her knees. "Just hold tight. The others are on their way."

* * *

><p>Kyrimorut was now about four klicks away. They were nearly home, and Ordo didn't feel any more prepared.<p>

They'd stopped at the nearest town for Mij to see if he could find any painkillers. Ordo wondered if what they had would be enough; he had no idea what a woman in labour was feeling, and never would. He found himself worrying about the oddest of things; like if he would have time to change out of his _beskar'gam_, or if she would be hungry, or who else would be there. _Kal'buir_ just kept patting his shoulder and telling him he would be okay.

When they pulled up, Mij jumped out and ran inside to get his medical bag. Kal clambered out and went to hug Laseema, who had come out to greet them.

"Hello, _ad'ika_. Where is she?"

Laseema smiled. "She's in her room. She sounds like she's in a fair bit of pain, but that's to be expected. Etain says she refused her help."

Kal shook his head. "She's crazy."

"She's trying to prove herself, _Kal'buir_."

Ordo watched as Kal shook his head again, but he was smiling. Laseema led him inside, but Ordo stayed sat in the speeder by himself for a while.

It was the middle of the night, and the lights from the bastion looked peaceful and welcoming in the crisp night air. It was hard to tell that there was anything out of the ordinary going on inside, that the whole family was waiting for the arrival of a baby that had survived through its father being in a coma to its whole family nearly getting shot down on the night of Order 66. Ordo didn't know if he was ready to be a father, but he'd find out anyway soon enough.

Just a little bit longer, then he'd go in.

* * *

><p>Besany didn't actually know it was her screaming until Rav placed a cool cloth on her head with a gentle "Shhh, <em>ad'ika<em>." Mij was checking her dilation, something she wondered distantly if she should be embarrassed about, but was in too much pain to care.

She focused on breathing to a rhythm – one-two-three in, one-two-three out – and stemming her scream so she didn't wake anyone. Why she was worried about that, she had no idea.

Mij looked up. "You're about eight centimetres. A while to go yet, _Bes'ika. _Hold on."

Parja raised an eyebrow and lifted her hand, which Besany was gripping with white knuckles. "She's got that down already, _Mij'ika_."

Besany actually managed to laugh.

* * *

><p>The stars were out.<p>

The stars were out for the birth of his star. _Ka'ra_.

Ordo took a deep, steadying breath, and considered getting out of the vehicle now. Besany, his _Bes'ika_, was in serious pain, and he was sitting here panicking about what he was going to do. He needed to be with her. That much was certain. He always needed to be with her.

Someone tapped on the window, and he jumped. Mereel's face peered back at him through the transparisteel. Ordo unlocked the door.

All four doors opened, and all five of his Null brothers piled in to the speeder.

Mereel clapped Ordo on the back. "Better get in there, _Ord'ika_. You're about to become a _buir_."

"I know," Ordo sighed somewhat nervously and stared at his hands. "I just…" He shrugged, unable to find the words for the fear and emotion swirling inside, and puffed up his cheeks and exhaled loudly.

A'den nodded. "Can't blame you for being scared, _Ord'ika_. I, for one, would be terrified."

"I'd be shocked, because it would mean you slept with Besany…" Jaing nudged A'den, grinning.

Mereel laughed, but he looked sideways at Ordo. Then he squeezed his brother's shoulder. "Hey, _vod'ika_. You don't have to be there. She said she didn't mind what you wanted to do, as long as you were happy."

Prudii, in the back, leaned forward to clasp Ordo's other shoulder. "Do you want to be there?"

Ordo paused, and then nodded. "Yes," his voice was hoarse. "Yes, I do. It feels wrong thinking about her doing this without me."

"There you go, then," Kom'rk said softly. "You can do this, _vod'ika_."

Mereel smiled at his brother. "It can't be any worse than N'dian." Jaing groaned.

"_Nothing_ could be worse than N'dian."

"But what happens when-" Ordo inhaled, then rubbed his eyes with his hands. "What happens when she's in so much pain I'd do anything to stop it? What if I harm my own child because it's causing her pain?"

"You wouldn't do that, _Ord'ika_." Mereel shook his head. "You love them both too much for that. You're not crazy."

"I can't stop her pain," Ordo whispered. "Can I?"

"No," Kom'rk shrugged. "But you can help her through it."

A'den ruffled Ordo's hair. "Now go on, _ner vod_. Just think of how she's feeling right now, waiting for you."

"We've got your back," Prudii said. "We always have done. You can come crying to us later when it's all over."

Mereel got out of the speeder, and went round to open Ordo's door. He offered his brother his hand. "Come on, _Ord'ika_. Time to give _Kal'buir _another grandchild."

As the other Nulls got out of the speeder to stand by Mereel, Jaing grinned. "And make us all uncles."

Ordo stared at Mereel's hand for a moment, then made his decision. He clasped his hand with Mereel's, and together all six Nulls made their way from the star-studded night sky into the warm, familial bastion where their future awaited.

His brothers stayed with him right up until he reached the door to his room. And then he went in.

* * *

><p>She thought it was Rav 'Shhh'-ing her again, but this voice was deeper and much-missed–<p>

"Ordo!" she managed to gasp. Then the wave of pain peaked, and she couldn't say much except shriek. She clutched Parja's hand hard and felt her nails bite into the woman's skin. She'd apologise later.

When she was able to open her eyes, Ordo was removing his armour plates hurriedly and stacking them on a chair in the corner. Rav dabbed at her forehead again, and Parja extricated her hand from Besany's to inspect the nail marks. Mij said something to Rav, but Besany didn't care what it was now. Her whole body ached.

Ordo settled down next to her on the bed and took her other hand. Parja looked grateful. He kissed her sweaty forehead.

"I'm here, _cyar'ika_."

The room was spinning. Besany felt nauseous. "This…is horrible."

Ordo buried his face in her shoulder. His proximity made her feel better; she always missed his closeness and she found right now that she needed him there.

Hours passed. According to the chrono, anyway – it felt more like days to Besany. The contractions came in stronger waves, more frequently, and each time Besany thought she was going to black out, the pain seemed to stop just before she could. Gilamar administered painkillers somewhere along the line, but she didn't notice much if they did any good. She was regretting not accepting Etain's help. It felt like she was being sawn in half; it was all she could do to keep breathing and hold on to Ordo with all her might.

She could tell that her screams were affecting Ordo, and at first she'd tried to stop, but by now she just couldn't. Each wave felt like she was being split in two.

Eventually, Mij said she could push. He and Rav switched places, and Rav's experienced hands helped her into a better position, with Ordo behind her so she could still feel him, still squeeze his hand. Parja took her other hand.

"Ready?" She turned to Ordo, breathless and shaky.

Ordo nodded into her shoulder, then kissed her there. "Ready," he whispered.

* * *

><p>Besany was screaming, her face contorted with absolute agony. Ordo could feel her shaking violently and her breathing as her ribcage expanded against his; her hand was a beskar grip. He wanted to scream himself, but couldn't, so buried his panic in her shoulder and tried to tell her it would all be fine.<p>

He didn't know what the rest of the bastion were doing, but it probably wasn't sleeping.

Rav was telling Besany, "Push, come on, almost there!" and Besany was almost sobbing against him. She let out a yell that almost deafened him, and he thought maybe he was going to be sick. Or pass out. He didn't think he was going to make it, hearing her like this. He didn't dare look up.

It went on forever. Pushing, screaming, Besany's sweat-slick shoulder pressed to his face. Rav, Parja and Mij said things to one another, but Ordo wasn't listening. Just as he thought he would never make it, that he would never do this again, ever, he would never make her feel like this again for the rest of their lives, Rav told Besany to push one more time, and Besany screamed, and then as it all fell silent the crying of a baby could be heard over Besany's quiet sobs as she collapsed, shuddering, against him.

Ordo didn't dare look up for a moment, instead kissing Besany and fighting waves of relief and sheer curiosity, but when he heard movement from Besany's other side he couldn't help himself.

Parja, Rav and Mij were standing, admiring a small, blanketed bundle with appreciative smiles. Rav nodded.

"That's a very healthy baby girl, all things considered."

Rav walked over to Ordo, and he stood up off the bed, letting Parja settle Besany back down with pillows, and then Rav helped him take the bundle and showed him how to hold it.

And he looked down on his daughter's face, and was filled with so much wonder and love, he burst into tears.

"Ka'ra," he whispered, stroking the side of her face with his thumb gently. He looked up, and through his tears he saw Besany watching him. She was crying, too. He sat down on the bed next to her, and as Rav and Mij tended to Besany he took in the tiny being in his arms. He couldn't ever remember being that small.

He let Besany hold her, and after an age of crying and laughing at the same time and sheer emotional outpouring, they were left alone as Rav, Mij and Parja left with towels, buckets, sheets and various bags.

Besany rested her head on his shoulder. "She's perfect," she whispered, wiping tears that didn't seem to want to stop. Ordo kissed her hand.

"I thought I was going to die," Besany said, shaking her head slowly.

"I thought _I _was going to die." Ordo buried his face in her hair, breathing in the smell of his wife for the first time in what felt like millennia. He could barely comprehend half of the emotions swirling inside him right now, but he didn't think he wanted to just yet. Looking down at her, at his Ka'ra, he couldn't have felt prouder or happier.

Besany kissed him, on the lips, and he lost himself to the pull of their shared joy, and they both started crying all over again.

Eventually, Besany could barely keep her eyes open, and he'd taken Ka'ra from her so that she could lie down and sleep. He knew he'd be passed out soon, too, but wanted to stay awake with his baby girl just a little bit longer.

He didn't know what to do, but he started by talking to her. He didn't know what he was saying, it was just anything he felt like telling her, because one day she'd be old enough to know what a difference she'd made to his life.

As he looked down at her fondly, Ka'ra opened one eye and stared up at him with big, dark orbs that broke his heart. He started crying again.

Besany stirred. He'd thought she was asleep, but perhaps his talking had kept her up. He smiled at her. "She has your eyes, _Bes'ika_."

Besany smiled sleepily. "Your hair, though."

Ordo shook his head firmly. "No, it'll go blonde. She'll look just like you. I can feel it."

"Okay," Besany mumbled.

She fell asleep, and Ordo found he was hopelessly lost holding his daughter. She'd captured his heart, just like her mother, and he was head over heels all over again.

When it got lighter outside, _Kal'buir _was the first one in. He took in the sight of Ordo and the baby, and he dissolved into tears. He ruffled Ordo's hair, and cooed over the bundle of blankets, careful not to wake Besany.

"Can I hold her, son?" Kal's voice was hoarse with emotion. Ordo nodded and handed her to him.

"Oh my…" _Kal'buir_ whispered. "She's beautiful."

"_Kal'buir_…you were right."

Kal looked up. "Oh, I know. I've been a father three times. I know what I'm talking about, son." He patted Ordo's cheek. "You look exhausted. I'll take her for a walk around the place – sunrise is just in a few minutes – and you get some sleep, okay? I mean it."

Ordo felt washed-out and shattered. He didn't really have any objections. "Okay, _buir_. Just…bring her back."

Kal laughed. "Always."

As the door closed, Ordo fell back into the pillows and snuggled up to Besany, throwing his arm around her and resting his face in the crook of her neck. She shifted slightly in sleep, and then wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.

Then he fell asleep.

**…**

* * *

><p><em>That made me cry. The single most emotionally exhausting thing I have written in my life.<em>

_Let me know your thoughts. Please._

_A huge, huge thank you to _**SerendipityAEY **_for her amazing, generous and very, very helpful insight into giving birth and all that surrounds it. I couldn't have written this without her!_

_Epilogue II (final one! :O) – Five Years Later._

_We're almost at the end. What a journey…_

_~TheLightIsMine_


	26. EPILOGUE II: Five Years Later

**~* Reasons to Live For *~**

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue II – Five Years Later<strong>

Ka'ra's hair, despite Ordo's astute predictions, did not turn blonde.

Instead, it shimmered a raven black under the winter sun as she ran through snow and veshok woods, calling out to Kad as she went. Her laugh rang out between the trees, and Ordo found himself laughing with her as Kad's snowball hit the trunk of a tree she was sheltering behind, showering snow into her long braid. She shook her head and snow went flying like confetti; then she gathered a handful of snow and took off after Kad.

Corr and Jilka had been looking after her for the morning, giving Ordo and Besany some much-needed time together. But he'd been away too long; he'd missed his little girl. She and Kad were quite the pair now. Not even the harsh winter weather could stop their games.

As her dark head bobbed in and out of view between the long tree trunks, Ordo's laugh faded into a quiet smile of contentment. He heard footsteps approaching him, boots crunching in the snow, and moments later Besany's arm snaked through his. She watched Ka'ra for a moment, then gave a soft laugh, her breath swirling in the frozen air.

"You were wrong, you know."

Ordo glanced at her. "About what?"

"Her hair," Besany smiled, turning to wrap both her arms around his waist. "You were so convinced it would go blonde…"

Ordo laughed. "You remind me of this every day."

"It's the only time you've ever been wrong." Besany said. "The occasion deserves some kind of mark." She turned to look after Ka'ra again, and Ordo watched her eyes light up with her smile. One day, he would have enough courage to tell her that he was the luckiest man alive. He found himself grinning uncontrollably, and Besany looked at him inquisitively.

"What's so funny?"

"Not funny," Ordo said, and tried to wipe the majority of the smile off his face. She raised an eyebrow at his attempts, and he lowered his voice so he could murmur in her ear. "Just happy."

She blushed, which he found quite attractive in amongst the white surroundings. He hadn't quite managed to get her to wear _beskar'gam_, but she had certainly become more comfortable with Mandalorian lifestyle as the years had gone on. She hadn't objected to having Ka'ra raised as a Mandalorian, anyway. She'd seemed rather pale about the blaster training, but she hadn't said anything, and Ordo himself had been a little ill at ease that day. But they were surrounded by family here, and that was a comforting feeling. They all looked out for each other. Ordo kissed the junction of her jaw and neck, where her pulse beat, her skin hot and soft in the cold, harsh afternoon, and her blush deepened.

"Ordo-"

He smiled. Then she kissed him, and his arms wrapped around her as her lips spread warmth through his body, the kind of warmth that pooled low in his gut and tingled at his fingertips. He traced a line down her jaw with his finger softly, then sought the warmth at the base of her skull with his hand, his thumb lightly skimming her earlobe. She kissed him harder then, and he pulled her flush against him as her hands slid down his chest plate, and then came to rest on his belt. He pulled back for air, and she turned her head to kiss his hand, smiling.

"You know," she said, wrapping her arms around his middle again. "If we had more time…"

Ordo caught a flash of black and red in his peripherals; Ka'ra approaching, and kissed Besany once more. "We have all the time in the galaxy now, _cyar'ika_," he said, as Ka'ra bounded into his arms, laughing. "We don't need to worry about that any more." He held his daughter up on his shoulders as they turned back to the bastion, Kad by Besany's side.

Yes, Uthan had been good for one thing, it seemed. That, and curing Mij of his broken heart. The two doctors had found more than common ground and enhanced gene sequences in her lab. Etain met them at the doors, and Kad ran up to meet her.

"I hope you're all hungry, because Laseema's been _very_ busy in the kitchen, and it smells fantastic." She kissed Kad on the forehead, and he wrinkled his nose at her. Ka'ra giggled.

Unexpectedly, stirring the still winter's air, the drives of ship whined overhead and then a small ship Ordo hadn't seen before came into view over the trees, before making for the landing-space they'd cleared for the _aliit_'s assorted collection of ships. Ordo, immediately on guard, took Ka'ra off his shoulders. Besany took her, and they shared a look. Ka'ra frowned.

"_Buir_?"

"Stay here," he kissed her on the cheek. "I'll be right inside."

It was a message to Besany to take her inside, but Besany either didn't understand or purposefully ignored it. She stood in the doorway, Ka'ra's hand in hers, both of them staring after him with the same dark eyes as he approached the ship cautiously. Mereel appeared from around the other side of the bastion, followed closely by Kal. Ordo stopped a safe distance from the ship – safe for him, anyway – and drew his sidearm. Maze came to stop next to him, and they shared a look, before aiming at the hatch. Kal waved his arms at Ordo, shouting.

"Stand down, _ad'ike_. It's Vau."

Ordo holstered his blaster, and turned to give a thumbs-up to Besany and Ka'ra. Then he looked back at the ship as the hatch opened and Vau came out, his black _beskar'gam_ falling like a shadow on the white blanket of snow. He took his helmet off and clasped Kal's arm, _Mando -_style.

"I hope you don't mind, Kal, but I've brought a few friends…"

Ordo stopped in his tracks. Peering out of the hatch and looking out-of-place in civilian clothes, and cold, were three faces he recognised as well as his own. Because they _were_ his own, or as close to his own as they could get.

The squad sergeant always made the first move to lead his men, and in typical army fashion, Boss stepped out into the snow first.

He was followed by Fixer, Scorch and Sev.

_Oh, I can't wait to hear this story…_

Maze raised an eyebrow, bringing back memories from the war where he'd stood behind Zey's desk, memories of meetings and arguments and military euphemisms, memories Ordo felt were almost from another life. He watched as Delta – or what used to be Delta, because if they were here they weren't Delta anymore – formed a line, feet shoulder-width apart, hands clasped behind their backs. It was so military. Ordo almost felt sorry for them; they looked as close to terrified as he'd ever seen them. Kal gave each one of them a hug, slapping them on the back. When he reached Sev, he patted his cheek. Sev flinched.

"How have you been, son?"

It was reflex, Ordo knew Kal didn't see Delta as his sons – yet – but it still made Ordo move protectively to Kal's side.

Sev's eyes flickered from Ordo to Kal. "It's a long story, sarge."

"Well, don't call me 'sarge' any more, but we've got time." Ordo noticed Besany and Ka'ra coming to join the party. Besany must have overheard the last few sentences of speech.

"Don't you think they'd rather get warm first, Kal?" she asked. Ka'ra stared at Delta with wide eyes for a moment, and then turned to Ordo.

"More uncles, _buir_?"

Ordo could practically feel the realisation sinking in; Delta weren't stupid. One day, he'd explain everything to his daughter, about the war and the clones and why they were here. But until she could understand, he was happy to let her believe what she wanted to. He picked her up.

"Not exactly, _cyar'ika_." He looked at Besany, and she gave a half-shrug. "Not exactly."

The troupe trudged through the snow into the bastion, and Delta's arrival caused quite a stir over a late lunch; Omega curious and glad to see their friends alive and throwing question after question in their direction, about Sev and the Imperial Army and how they'd left. Despite the new intake, Laseema had managed to make enough food for everyone – just. Delta, despite their unfamiliar surroundings and unsure future, were still as hungry. Ordo wondered when Kal would get Uthan to reverse the ageing process on them, too.

They kept stealing glances at Kad and Ka'ra, it seemed. Perhaps the idea of a clone fathering a child had never occurred to them before. If it had, this would no doubt be the first time they would have seen one up close.

Later, Vau, Kal, Ordo and Mereel convened outside, just as the sun had set and the sky was darkening.

"Enacca did some scouting on Kashyyyk and managed to locate Sev's last known location eventually," Vau said, turning away from the wind. "The war changed the landscape drastically. Anyway, I went down when she said she'd found something, and we scoped the area. Getting around the Imperial occupation was harder than we thought."

"But you found him." Kal said.

Vau nodded. "Yes. He was barely alive, but my boys, they know how to survive." It was the closest thing to pride Ordo had ever seen Vau express. "We bundled him into a shuttle and fed him up again on Coruscant, down in an apartment a young lady here let us use. _Shab_end of nowhere, but the presence of a Mando and a Wookiee was easily ignored. When we told Delta we'd found him, they wanted out."

"I think," Mereel said, looking over his shoulder, back into the building. "I think they're still trying to figure out if they belong here."

"Well, they're here," Kal shrugged. "And that means four more men saved. Time to get their ageing fixed. Otherwise they'll eat us out of the place in no time…"

As Vau and Kal headed back indoors, Besany came up behind Ordo and put her arms around him. He kissed her gently. Mereel gave them a look.

"Okay, I'm out of here before you two make me vomit…"

Besany moved in for another kiss, but as she did, Ka'ra came bounding out of the door, calling, and ambushed them. Mereel laughed and knelt down to pat her on the shoulder.

"Keep that up, kid, and I'll let you hold my Verp next time you go shooting."

Ka'ra looked thrilled, but Ordo raised his eyebrow. Mereel shrugged, grinning.

"Candy, then. Maybe I'll save the Verp for the day she walks in on you two-"

"Okay, _Mer'ika_. We get it."

Mereel laughed all the way back into the building. "She'll grow up one day…"

"And Force forbid any young man who takes to her," Besany couldn't quite suppress a smile. "You're going to be their worst nightmare, aren't you?"

"_Buir_," Ka'ra tugged at Ordo's hand, pointing upwards with the other. "Look."

They looked. The winter nights on Mandalore were clear and icy, and tonight the stars shone brightly from their places in the heavens, twinkling like lights that told the stories of the past. The stuff of legends. They took his breath away for a moment. Ordo hoisted Ka'ra onto his shoulders, and Besany took his arm, and the three of them stared into the night sky.

Ordo could hear Laseema and Rav setting the dinner table, and his brothers laughing in the _karyai_ as the smells of warm food drifted out of the door. They were warm, homely sounds that six years ago, Ordo could never have comprehended. But then, the little girl on his shoulders he could never have comprehended, nor the beautiful woman on his arm. Nothing was a given. But having almost lost everything, it made him twice as thankful to whatever force existed out there that he was still alive to experience this. That they were all still alive.

Ka'ra knew what her name meant. He'd told her every day since her birth. The stars – new and old, history and future, beacons of light that travellers used to guide their way.

"You know you're named after the stars, don't you _cyar'ika_?" Ordo whispered. Besany squeezed his arm. ""You remember the story about the stars? About why they're so special?"

Ka'ra reached out as if to catch a star, then sat, content with watching them, her dark eyes darting across the sky as if she was trying to take it all in at once. One day, he hoped she might understand what her name _really_ meant to everyone, what _she _meant. Until then, he was happy to keep telling her. Ka'ra's eyes sparkled with the night.

"Tell me again, _buir_," she said.

**The End**

* * *

><p><em>The end.<em>

_People I need to thank: **Epona's Chosen**, for being the best friend ever and helping with many plot ideas – love you and all our crazy conversations xx – **laloga**, for inspiring me endlessly and never failing to leave a review – ever - and helping me create Aerin Niobe, **SerendipityAEY **for her friendship and knowledge, **all the girls over at TCWWU **for being amazing and never letting me give up, and all the crazy, funny inspiration – countertops, anyone? – and **all you readers**! Yes, you. Because you make it worth it!_

_What a ride, huh? Please, if you've read even one chapter of this without finding yourself bored to tears, leave me a review. I'd love to know your thoughts on the whole journey. It's my first massive multi-chapter, and I will probably find myself going back and editing parts, but I would love to know what you thought of my first effort._

_**There is a sequel!** Not written by me, but by my close friend **Epona's** **Chosen**. I beta it, so I do have a fair say in what goes, but the ideas there are all hers and it will follow the story of Jaing as he goes to find Rhiannon. So those Jaing/Rhiannon fans out there…the sequel is definitely for you! Mereel gets a romantic interest, too._

_Link to the first chapter of sequel, __**'**_**Reasons to Die For'**_ (minus spaces): (...) /s/8479195/1/Reasons-To-Die-For  
><em>

_That's all I need to say. The end. Check out my profile for more RepCom and maybe even subscribe to me if you want my next story sent straight to your inbox. It will definitely include clones, that much is certain!_

_The end._

_Can I go to sleep now?_

_~TheLightIsMine_


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